Love You So Bad
by Samantha
Rating: G
Disclaimer: I don't own them Joss owns them, or the title, it is from a
Lindsey Pagano song "So Bad" so are the lyrics.
Spoliers: None.
Author's Notes: Lets see one o'clock in the morning...i am writing ramblings
that are things both Faith and i would like to tell people. There are probably lots
of mistakes...sorry. also sorry i am sure this will probably end up being
posted twice...for some reason when i email something from this one computer
i have it never goes till weeks later.
Feedback: Sure lol.
::well it feels so good sometimes it feels so bad this is worse than anything i've ever had::
Today we talked about love at first sight.
You really frustrated me cause you said it could never happen....I couldn't tell you why I knew it could.
The first time I saw you I knew I would love you. I tried not to let it happen cause I knew we would never be together.
But slowly I found myself falling in love...I fell in love with your voice...in love with your eyes....in love with all the little habits that made you, you. Everytime I see you it's harder to say goodbye.
But worse is to see you with someone else...someone who you say 'I love you' to. I watch him touch you, I watch him kiss you. I know he doesn't know how lucky he is to have this time with you. I know he doesn't know you aren't in love with him. I almost feel worse for him than me.
I just want to spend my life with you, if I could wake up every morning and watch you still sleeping I would be happy. You're beautiful in the morning.
Thats another thing I love, how you never want to get up in the morning, I always have to rub your back and coax you into coming back into this world...it must be beautiful where you spend your nights.
There were the few times where things went over. A drunken kiss here, and another one there. Cherished moments I can recall in detail. But even better are the nights where we shared a bed, when it was late from patroling and you invited me in for the night. Your bed's small, so we had to sleep close, I never knew what to do with my hand, and you would take it and pull it around your stomach spooning to me. I was so tired but could never sleep, just feel your body next to mine, I would trade every one night stand for another night like that with you.
Oh another thing, the way that you can be having the worst day, but will gently rub my arm and ask 'how you doing?' No matter how bad I was feeling it makes me smile to see you care so much about me when you are the one who is having the bad time.
I never felt special before you....you made me feel real...you were the light at the end of my tunnel...and all this time you never knew. How do you thank someone for something they never knew they gave you? I just try my best to show how much you mean to me...all the time knowing I can never really tell you what you mean, you're not ready to hear it....I don't think you ever will be.
So for now I'll just watch you sleep, play with your hair, kiss you gently, and quietly say "I love you so bad".