The Only Night
by Samantha
Rating: R
Disclaimer: Not mine, belong to Joss and everyone, wish they were mine
though, if they were mine I would...
Spoilers: You better know what happens up till the latest episode.
Feedback: Please!
Buffy stumbled into the house, glad that Dawn had gone to visit Giles and Willow in England. No need for her to see Buffy stumbling in drunk at 2am with a black eye. She shut the door behind her, and after catching her balance somewhat, stumbled to the kitchen, knocking over a lamp in the process. She giggled a little.
In the Kitchen she poured herself another shot, and after swallowing it down she fell into a chair at the table. She put her head in her hands in a vain attempt to stop the dizziness. It didn't work. She smoothed back her hair, clasping her hands behind her neck. God she was a fuck up. She laughed again at the honesty of the statement. A royal fuck up. She had a special way of ruining everything when it came to people she loved.
Her parents, that was a disaster, her dad for sure. He liked to pretend she never existed. She was only a monthly bill to him, not even that anymore. All she had ever been was a burden his big mistake. As much as she tried to convince herself she didn't care, she knew she did. She knew how much it hurt her. How much it hurt Dawn when he said he couldn't come to her graduation. Just a card with a check and a wish you well. Empty, empty, empty. Then how about Angel? Oh, yeah that had been great. God had they been in love, the worst kind of love. The kind that takes over everything else makes the only other possible emotion hate. That was all they had ever had. It had been intense and she had clung to him, and he had left.
But even while Angel was a part of her life she had found someone who was more for her than any of them. Her sister slayer. The one who had taught her feelings she had never knew existed. From the first moment she met Faith it had sparked. She had tried to fight it, refusing to believe that she could be "that way". But the more time she spent with Faith the more she felt it, the more she knew that there were things that only she would ever understand. Their first night together had been more than amazing. Faith had been her first real lover. And Buffy was the first person Faith had ever made love with, Buffy knew the other people were nothing to Faith. Being with Faith was the only time she really felt alive. Every touch and kiss had been a new shock. No one else had ever made her feel the same. Then when Faith needed her most she has turned away afraid. She had let this fear drive away Faith. Well there had still been a couple crazy nights of sex. But they had meant nothing, and were not out of love.
When Buffy had stabbed Faith she thought she was going to die. Luckily Faith made it through and was only in a coma. Buffy had held out hope that when she woke up things would be good again. That had gone totally wrong. And again Buffy fucked up. She had been so angry with herself and Faith that she had again pushed her away.
After that things had run downhill fast. She and Riley had combusted, but she knew they would. Then her mom died, and she died, and instead of being allowed to rest in peace she had been brought back by the people who loved her. And her iciness had driven them all away. Giles had left first, then after the wedding Xander had been offered a construction job in San Francisco so Anya and him moved there. Tara and Willow had broken up, no one knew where Tara was, but Willow had decided to move to England with Giles.
So now three years later it was her and Dawn. And God help her, Spike. They had been together on and off for three years. She had been with him tonight. Drinking, there had been a fight and after hitting her, besides the pain it had caused him, he had told her it was over, he had gotten in the car and driven away. She knew it was true this time.
So here she was, alone as usual. And she was done. She gave up. Sure she was the slayer and needed, and, blah, blah, blah. Let Faith be the slayer, if she was even still alive, and if she wasn't then there was a new slayer by now. Buffy had lived this lie long enough. Ha she thought, life - lie only one letter difference. She stood up and walked to the refrigerator, on it was a pad for grocery lists. She wrote a simple note telling Dawn she loved her, saying goodbye for the second time. She bended down and pulled off the board at the base of one of the cupboards. From the hole she pulled out the gun she had for the past year, always loaded ever ready. She had held it many nights. This was the night though. The last one, the only one that mattered. Slowly with a disconnected look in her eyes she slid the barrel of the gun into her mouth.
A dark car pulled up to the curb out front. Faith put the car in park and climbed out. She started up the walk. Halfway to the door she paused, about to turn back.
"No, I have to," she said to herself continuing up to the door. She pulled herself together breathing a couple deep breaths. As she raised her arm to knock she heard the gun blast.