Perspective
by Samantha
Rating: G
Disclaimer: Nope still not mine.
Notes: Just some late night writing...nothing substantial.
Feedback: I love it, does anyone not love it.
Mirror Mirror on the wall who's the saddest of them all What little girl lost has paid the cost but lives there still today
Brown hair, a little past the shoulders, brown eyes, big, tend to suck you in I guess. Skins not dark really, but also not pale, a hint of chest before the mirror ends and I can't see anymore, I mean I could look down, but it's not the same. It's a whole different perspective, I think mirrors are more honest, a straight up look at yourself, at least from the chest up. How about behind me though? Well grey wall, a couple postcards, and a picture of a small mulato girl, the sweetest most innocent expression on her face, hair and eyes to die for.
Just over my right shoulder I can see the end of the top bunk, and blonde curls flowing over a pillow. My cell mate, Lexi, sleeping, the little girl in the picture is hers, she's been here for about four months, got at least another four to go, even with good behaviour. The little girl, Alizea will be starting kindergarten without her mom. Mom got caught trying to cell a little crack for a rich white guy who lived a few blocks away from them, first day on the job, trying to make ends meet, cops bust her, Alizea living with her real dad who smokes away all the support the state gives him for her.
Sometimes it's good to see that people have it worse than me, have it worse than I ever had it. I think that was my problem before I never had perspective, my problem was always the biggest most unsolvable one there was. Lexi crys herself to sleep most nights missing her little girl, and wondering what her father is doing to her. Makes my problems seem less. I fucked up, I know that, everyone knows that. Angel, Buffy, everyone. And here I am paying for it. Not really missing anything by being in here, no kids growing without me, no parents missing me. Just basically me waiting for my chance to make everything right. Me and this mirror, we talk alot. It's told me secrets I never expected to know. Like how none of it was Buffy's fault, it was all my fault. I could of had her, if I had really wanted to, but that was too scary, I was too much of a coward, so I took the easy way.
I always do that, the easy way, the way where I wouldn't have to think then I wondered why no one ever loved me, why everyone else was happy and I wasn't. The mirror told me all about how I needed to love myself before anyone would love me, and more importantly that I needed to love myself before I could love anyone else. I know that now. Sometimes I have to smile knowing that I can love, before I never thought I could. Not even her really, I didn't think I could ever truly love her, something would always be wrong.
I turn quickly from the mirror as I hear the cell door being pulled open, the guard leans in.
"Lexi," he bellows, Lexi shoots up in bed barely missing the ceiling. "Mom and kid are here," guard explains softly, cause really he isn't such a bad guy. Like any other time they come Lexi smiles, in fact when they come is the only time I see Lexi smile. She hops off the bed, sliding on her shoes and obediantly following the guard. I turn back to the mirror.
Brown hair, a little past the shoulders, brown eyes, big, tend to suck you in I guess. Skins not dark really, but also not pale, a hint of chest before the mirror ends and I can't see anymore, I mean I could look down, but it's not the same. It's a whole different perspective. Looking down can never take you forward, you can't see anything that way, the only way to move on is to look straight at everything, learn what you can, and never look back, except to say your sorry.
I smile slowly at myself, then turn back to the small desk we share sitting back down I try to finish my letter to Buffy.