In Another Life
by Sarah Meyers
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: One day they will be mine... But until then they belong to Joss.
Author's Notes: This is my sequel to 'In Another Life'. Still from Faith's POV.
Dedication: To Sammy… Thanks for being my ‘panda poo’ and being here for me
when I need you. And to Michele for being the best big sis a girl could ever
ask for.
The next morning I woke up just as I expected to, with a heart full of pain upon finding myself in an empty bed. I pulled the covers tightly around myself and buried my face in Buffy's pillow, taking in her sweet scent. Finally I lay on my back and stare up at the ceiling and notice that there's something stuck to it. Squinting my eyes I focus on it and realize that it's a note that Buffy obviously taped up there. How the hell did she manage to do that without waking me up?
I stand up on her mattress and pull the note off the ceiling and sit back down before reading it. When I look at it my eyes are immediately drawn to two things. The little heart she drew just above her name, and the little flower she drew beside it. Just like B with all that cutesy girlie crap. Finally I take the time to actually read the note and smile half-heartedly at the words.
"Faith, I went to school. Under much protest mind you, since someone woke me up in the middle of the night again. There's plenty of food downstairs and mom is out of town so stay as long as you want... And I'm sorry I'm such a bad best friend who can't make up her mind. But I love you. B."
I almost crumple the note up in one of my fits of anger but instead I fold it neatly and grab my pants to stuff it inside the pocket for safekeeping. As I'm holding my leather pants in my hand I notice for the first time that I'm wearing a t-shirt with a print of Garfield the cat on it and immediately pull it off, putting my own clothes back on as fast as I can.
Glad that I don't have to sneak out of B's window this time I head downstairs and grab a piece of cold pizza out of the fridge, not even bothering to heat it up before I eat it. While I'm eating my mind drifts back to last night, and B's words when she said that she'll make her love enough for me. I wish she could, but I know that with dead boy in the picture there isn't much she can do.
I briefly toy with the idea of just poofing the guy so I can have B to myself finally. I mean it's not like you can fingerprint a pile of dust or gather evidence. It'd just be one of those many unsolved mysteries of the world. But how could I ever be responsible for breaking B's heart like that? As much as I wish she didn't, I know she loves him and I'll never be able to live with the guilt of being the direct cause of something that hurts B.
Letting out a long sigh I decide to get out of this house before I have a chance to get even more depressed and head over to the school, hoping to catch B at her lunch break. When I finally do get there I realize that I did make it in time for lunch, but B's nowhere to be found. I walk over to where Red and X are and sit down. They give me small smiles and I can tell they're nervous. I guess they're still a little intimidated by me, but they're trying to chill out now that they see how close B and I are.
"Where's B at?" I ask as I steal one of Xander's fries.
"I...I... Uhh... Emergency!" Red finally manages to stutter out and I turn to Xander in hopes that he'll be able to give me a little bit more details. He just looks at me like a deer caught in the headlights and I'm starting to think they're under the impression that I'm a serial killer or something. Finally Queen C comes to sit down beside her boyfriend and I know I'll be able to get something out of her. She's got bigger balls than any of the men I've ever laid.
"You know where B ran to?" I ask her, making sure to sneak some more of Xander's fries while he's not paying attention.
"She was here but she left. That's about all I know. Think she went to Angel's. Said she had something important to do," Cordelia told me, and I could tell that she could really care less about where B is, or why I even care.
"So she's at dead boy's place?" I question, wondering why B would leave school to go see him even though I know it's none of my business.
Cordelia rolled her eyes and sighed loudly before speaking. "Duh, are you deaf? I just said that didn't I?" X-man looked over at C like she was nuts for speaking to me like that, and if my heart weren't so broken at knowing that B was with him, I probably would have laughed. I know it's not their fault, they don't know how I feel about B so they can't possibly know how much what Cordelia just said to me hurts. I suppose B has to rectify her night with me by being with him.
I clench my fists as my mind starts to get invaded with pictures of the two of them together and excuse myself from the table before the inevitable tears come. I head out of the school as fast as possible, definitely not in a very good people mood. I finally decide to head back to the motel and just get wasted. At least alcohol numbs the pain a little. And like always, I swear to myself that I can't do this anymore, that this time I'll really stay away from B when I know I'm just lying to myself.
By the time I get back to the motel I realize that I must've left the door unlocked last night when I left and when I get into the room I notice B sitting on my bed, crying her eyes out. I stand frozen in the doorway and she just looks up at me sadly. "It's over," she whispers, and I assume she's talking about our friendship. Why else would she be here crying?
I bite back the tears that are trying to spill from my eyes and close the door. I go to sit down on my bed and I want nothing more than to take B into my arms and comfort her until she stops crying, but clearly I'm not the one she wants to do that. "Over?" I question simply and my voice cracks.
I think she finally noticed my pain and she pulled me into her arms and I tried to find the strength to pull away from her but I couldn't. "Not us Faith. I mean Angel. I went there today and..." she stops and sniffles, wiping away her own tears. "Did you ever know that you talk in your sleep?"
The question confuses me and it seems horribly out of place but I shake my head no and finally pull myself free from her embrace to look at her. "I didn't sleep at all last night after you came over. I was just listening to you sleep, trying to figure out what to do about our situation. You seemed so peaceful, so happy to just be there in my arms. And then I heard you talking in your sleep. You were begging with me to stay with you, to be yours. You said that you'd love me forever and that you'd only love me. And I realized something."
I look down as I feel her hand covering my own and my heart leaps a little. Could she really be about to say what I've been wishing for ever since my arrival in Sunnydale? "What did you realize?" I ask gently as I let my thumb rub the back of her hand.
"I realized that it's wrong of me to stay with him out of guilt. It's not fair to him, or to you. It's wrong of me to break your heart because I'm too afraid to let myself have you. I won't hurt you any more Faith, I love you. I want us to be together now, so I finally ended it with him."
I swallow hard, finally hearing the words I dream about every night but I'm not sure what to do now. Lifting my head I look into her eyes and I see them filled with tears. But I also see more than that. I see the bravest person I've ever met staring back at me, someone who's heart is breaking over hurting someone, someone who finally did something for me and I'm hit with so much emotions that I can't help but sob. "This is usually where I wake up," I say softly, my voice thick with emotion.
"Well not this time," she replies, squeezing my hand in reassurance. "I'm going to make sure that I spend every day making all of your dreams come true."
This time I can't help my actions and I throw my arms around her so fiercely that she falls back onto the bed, and I just cling to her with every bit of strength I have as I cry. But this time they're happy tears. I never in my life knew that there was such a thing as happy tears, but here they are. I finally raise my head so I can look at her once more and she wipes away my tears and smiles softly at me. "I love you B," I whisper, amazed that this is even happening.
"I love you too, always will," is her quiet response.
I smile at her and let my fingertips trace along her jaw line, and I'm sure she can notice that I'm shaking like a leaf right now. "I wanna kiss you B." She doesn't respond verbally but just nods, giving me permission. I never thought I'd actually get to kiss her before.
I rest my palm on her cheek and bend down slowly so my lips are just barely brushing against hers. "I'm so in love with you Buffy," I breathe out against her soft lips before pressing mine more firmly against hers. For a split second I become afraid that this is just a joke, or that I had been taking everything B said to me wrong and that she didn't really want this. But then I feel her fingers in my hair, her lips pressing back against mine, and her tongue softly sliding against my bottom lip. Heaven help me, because this one kiss is better than any sex I've ever had.
When we finally break apart I lay down in her arms and both of us are breathing heavily from that intense kiss. She's holding me tightly in her arms once more, but this time it isn't for comfort. This time it's a promise telling me that she'll never let go. I place a soft kiss on her neck and close my eyes knowing that never again could any dream be better than this reality.