In Another Life
by Sarah Meyers
Rating: PG-13

Disclaimer: If I'm the vamp counterpart to Faith does that mean I can make her mine?
Author's Notes: I'm not in the best of moods. *grins* Sorry, don't kill me! More fluff soon, I promise!! *hides* From Faith's point of view...

You know my parents always taught me to share. Okay, so they didn't teach me to share good things, but it was sharing none the less right? I know I'm no fucking saint, I've never pretended to be anything but me. But out of everything my parents 'taught' to me, sharing was something I've always done. Given, it wasn't the kind of sharing you might think of, but it's made a hell of a lot of guys happy at least. Isn't that a good thing?

I don't get this though. I've never had a problem sharing what is so obviously mine, so why do I suddenly have such a problem sharing her with him? The fact that she's not mine might be a small factor in all of it, but with the way she acts, you'd hardly know the difference. She's really his, but she acts like she's mine. Half the people we know even think we're the real couple, but I know I'm always second best. When we're together, it's easy to overlook that small fact, but it's times like this when she's gone and I'm alone again that it eats at my soul. How can I even share what isn't mine, and never will be?

She once told me that we're soul mates, that we're connected in a way that no two other people to ever walk this earth ever have been before. Of course she then said it wasn't in 'that' way though. Not in the way I want, in the way I spend every day of my miserable life pining away for. But back then she was just hiding behind a front. She did mean it like 'that' and now we both know that.

I still haven't figured out why I haven't hopped town yet, ran away from all of this and gone back to my old way of living. The way that's comfortable, pain free and easy.

I look over at a picture of us that she gave me one day. Red took it while she was all gung ho about joining the yearbook staff at school. As hard as I try I can't fight the tears that start pouring from my eyes, and my heart breaks into even more pieces. Who'd have ever thought that I could fall so in love? Figures it had to be with someone I'll never have. But that's life, totally unfair and downright shitty.

Fighting the urge to rip the picture up in anger I take my eyes off of it and end up throwing my fist into the wall. Damn slayer strength. My fist goes clear through the wall but I hardly notice. The pain isn’t enough. I need more. I need to feel it, just like I need to feel her. I bite down on my bottom lip so hard to control my anger that I quickly taste my own blood as my teeth pierce through the tender flesh there.

I pull my boots on roughly and grab my jacket knowing full well that if I stay in that dinky motel room I'll get a lot worse before I get better. I pull my stake out of my pocket and twirl it around my fingers, briefly wondering what it would feel like to just ram it through my own heart, and finally be done with this life. I'm so focused on my stake and thoughts of suicide that by the time I finally look up to take in my surroundings I realize that I'm standing right underneath her window. Figures, even unconsciously I can't stay away from her.

As fast as it came before, my rage consumes me and I slam my fists into the tree beside me, hitting it as if it were going to somehow heal all my pain. Tears start falling again, but I hardly notice. I can't see or feel anything other than how good it feels every time one of my fists connect with the hard rough surface of the tree. I think my knuckles are bleeding now but I'm not sure. I don't really feel like stopping long enough to check.

Just as luck would have it, I happened to forget that B has the same slayer senses as me and I soon feel her arms wrapped around my waist, holding me tightly and my arms fall limply to my sides. This isn't the first time it's happened, and she knows exactly why I'm standing in her yard at two in the morning, bloody and crying like a goddamn baby. I think we go through this at least once a week.

She's sobbing softly as she presses her face into my back, and I just stand there silently, cursing myself for being this stupid again. Every time I swear I'll stay away, that I won't let her see me breaking like this. I'm Faith. I'm tough and I don't need to show her how much she hurts me just so she can feel guilty about it. She's the only one I've ever been able to let in though. Who the hell do I turn to if I can't turn to her? I'll never be able to give myself to anyone else like this again.

After a few moments pass she lets go of her hold on me, satisfied that I've calmed down enough to stop taking my frustrations out on her tree and gently pulls on one of my hands to lead me into the house. I follow her up the stairs and instinctively go sit on her bed as she goes into the bathroom to retrieve the first aid kit, still too afraid to even attempt to speak.

When she comes back in I just offer her a weak smile and she kneels down in front of me to begin wrapping up my battered hands. As I watch how tender and gentle she is when taking care of me a fresh set of tears begins to fall and this time I don't even try to stop them. There's no point, she knows why I'm crying just as well as I do. After she finishes her task she places the softest of kisses on top of each of my hands and I bite down on my bottom lip once more as I feel the jolt of electricity that shoots through my entire body.

Finally she lifts her head and smiles at me, still no words being exchanged between us as she pulls my boots off much more gently than I put them on earlier and I know exactly what this means. Shit. Another night of the most heavenly torture imaginable. I let out a long sigh as she stands up and tosses me one of her shirts. As I put it on she crawls back into her bed, already in her night clothes and I feel bad for waking her up once again. I look at her as she lays in bed and her eyes lock with mine and still, I find myself wanting to hit something at the situation I'm in.

"B..." I start, finally breaking the long silence between us but that's all I can get out before I hear a gentle 'shhh' as she opens her arms, and like always I eagerly climb in her bed and lay down in her arms. She shuts off the lamp beside her bed and wraps her arms tightly around me and I let my arm drape loosely over her stomach. I try my best but I can't stop myself from crying and I soon feel her fingers running through my hair.

"Shhh... It's okay Faith, I'm here," she whispers to me softly and I tighten my hold on her in response. "I love you, you know that right?" she asks me and my heart once again breaks.

"I know B, but it's not enough," I answer honestly, and I can almost swear that I hear her heart breaking along with my own.

"Well then I'll make it enough," she offers to me, but I know she's only doing it out of guilt.

I lift my head off of her shoulder so I can look at her through the dark and I can faintly make out the tears that are falling from her eyes. I lift my hand to wipe them away, feeling guilty at putting her through this. She loves him too much to be with me. I know I could have her, but I can't share can I? And she can't just up and leave him after all they've been through together. It's a lose/lose situation either way we go about this. She's bound to him by a promise of love and devotion, yet bound to me by her soul. Unfortunately for me he came first, so he wins.

Laying my head back down on her shoulder I can feel her tears falling on my skin and I let mine join hers in their descent. We hold on to each other tightly, neither sure of what to do about our situation but both knowing that we'll never find comfort anywhere else like we do in one another’s arms.

"In another life B," I whisper as I let the sound of her gentle breathing lull me to sleep. Another night spent in the arms of my savior, another night of bliss, only to end up with a heart full of pain in the morning. But at least in some other life, just maybe there'll be her and I together. After all, we are the chosen two and we were meant for one another.

...continued in Dreaming...