Running Away
by Sarah Meyers
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: Do I reallllly need this damn thing again? I've never claimed to
own them in my other fics, so why would I try to steal them now? Huh huh?
Author's Notes: Hoobastank kicks ass :D The lyrics at the top are from their
song called.. budum! Running Away… LOL... From Faith's POV. Duh, would I ever do anything
else? lol
Dedication: To Veronica for coming into my life and turning it upside down. I
remember how to feel again. Thank you.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I did enough to show you That I was willing to give and sacrifice And I was the one who was lifting you up When you thought your life had had enough And when I get close, you turn away There's nothing I that I can do or say So now I need you to tell me the truth You know I'd do that for you. Is it me? Is it you? Nothing that I can do To make you change your mind Is it a waste of time? So why are you running away? What is it I have to say To make you admit you’re afraid? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I watch her as she stands across the room from me, lost in her own world, completely unaware of my presence. She's the most beautiful girl I've ever seen, and no matter how I try, I find that I'm helplessly drawn to her. In a way I feel as if it's a lose/lose situation, yet at the same time I know that's completely absurd. I could win, though it's just a matter of time, patience and a certain amount of luck.
After all, I'd be the luckiest girl in this world if she were to ever want to be with me. Yet at the same time, my mind tells me to stay in the shadows, to continue to admire her from afar. Wouldn't that be the safest path to take, for both of us? What good would it do to let myself fall for her when there's so much of a chance that we'd never work?
But see, I'm getting ahead of myself again. How can I even think of us being an us when she's still technically unavailable? When she still hardly knows me? But doesn't that stuff kind of go to second place when it comes to matters of the heart? Or am I just the sucker who falls too fast and believes too much? Ha, I doubt that one!
Finally she notices me, her face lighting up when her eyes lock with my own and I feel my heart trying to beat its way out of my chest. She starts walking over to me and I'm at a loss for words to even describe what I feel. Amazing, incredible, on top of the world. They hardly begin to cover it. It's more like heaven. She's just like heaven to me; and by far the sweetest gift God could ever given to me.
Her eyes dart around the room, making sure that no one is watching us before she quickly kisses my lips, leaving my whole body ablaze. Every little touch from her seems to take its toll on me, leaving me so overwhelmed and speechless. "Hey," she says softly, her arms wrapping around me to hug me tight, the touch lingering a little longer than it probably should since we're in public. Not that I'd care, but things seem to be different for her.
"Hey me," I laugh softly as she swats at my arm. "I was just getting ready to go outside for a minute."
"Want me to come with?" she asks, and for some reason I find I'm having a lot of difficulty with such a simple question. On one hand, if I got her alone I could finally get her in my arms and probably forget about all this crap I'm thinking. But then on the other, if I say no, I could go out there on my own and for once actually deal with my issues instead of running away from them or finding some temporary distraction.
"Nah, that's okay. I'll be back in a few minutes, you stay and be all social and stuff." I reach down and take her hand in mine, squeezing it softly before heading outside, the cold air coming as a shock to me after my body being so heated by her simple touch. I close my eyes as the wind presses against my body, sending goose bumps all over my skin as it encompasses me.
For a second it reminds me of her. Her touch. It's so complete, filling me everywhere. It makes me want to run, to grab something to hide behind to protect me from the feeling it gives me. I'm not sure if it's the cold, or maybe my thoughts that cause me to shiver. That running away and hiding thing seems to be a frequent thought in my mind.
I run away from everything, especially relationships. Not that we have one or anything, but we're so close. That's the problem. Being close to someone, not relationships. I can fuck the same guy a few times, call him my boyfriend and let him blow all his cash on me and have no problems with that type of relationship. But actually caring about someone? That's tough. That means I risk being hurt.
Running always seems to be the easy thing to do. I end up miserable, then live my life in the ‘what ifs’ forever before I can even find some bit of normalcy in my feelings. It's just instinct. Maybe to hurt them before they hurt you. Or maybe I just don't believe that I deserve it. Why would anyone even want to waste time on someone who's so fucked up? I'm the dark, she's the light. She brings out all the good in me, but at the same time I fear I can only pull her down. How could I do that to her?
Though if I'm worried about hurting her, what if it hurt her for me to just take off? What if it made her think she didn't mean anything to me? Sure, she'd get over it I'm sure, but how could I betray her trust like that? As for me, how could I deny myself what I find I want more than anything? How can I just run from the greatest happiness I've known in so long, because I'm too afraid to have it?
I think I'm just too afraid to feel. I know I'll fuck it all up in the end, because I do with everything else. And I'm afraid to need her. I'm afraid of the fact that I'm pretty damn sure I'm falling in love with her. And even though everything is telling me to run the hell away, my feet seem to be stuck in the very spot they're standing.
"You're cold," her voice breaks me out of my thoughts as I notice her hand on my arm.
"What are you doing out here? I thought you were being social?" I question as I instinctively wrap my arms around her body.
"Well you were gone so long I was starting to think you might've run away," she responds, giving me a puzzled look as I start laughing at her words.
"Not a chance of that happening B," I whisper before giving her a tender kiss.
"Mmm... That's good," she mumbles out as she rests her head on my shoulder. "Because I was really getting afraid there." She's still joking around, I can tell by the tone of her voice. I guess it's a good thing she can't see inside my head.
I give running away one last thought before looking at her, her warm eyes locking with my own as the biggest smile spreads over my lips. "Well you never have to be afraid. I'm not leaving until you tell me to," I add lightly, in some sense trying to not let her catch onto how serious I am about that. But it is true. In the end, she's more than worth risking my heart for. And she's reason enough for me to make myself into a better person, so I can be good for her.
She smiles up at me, not saying anything as she tugs on my hand and pulls me back inside the Bronze. I've still got a long night of thinking on the way, but with her here beside me, I know I'll get through it. What else could I ever ask for?