Heaven and Hell
by Schismatic Faith
Rating: R
Disclaimer: Josh owns.. blah blah, upn blah blah..
flying squirrels.. blah blah.. peanut butter and jelly
minus the jelly sandwich.
Spoilers: Up to the musical episode, Season 6 and Beginning of Angel season 3.
Dedication: Wolf, thanks for all your help =o)
Feedback: My first fic, so pleeeeeease..
The young slayer looked out the window of her old apartment gazing lazily at the mixture of dim lights and eerie noises of the town below. She inhaled a deep breath, taking in the crisp air of darkness as she started back towards the door.
She was free. Faith had never been this free before. Not even when she came to Sunnydale with a clean slate. This was a different sort of freedom she felt now. Maybe three hundred years in Hell made you think of things differently. So what if it had taken her a little long to get here, it was worth it.
Her soul was free. Well almost. There was one last thing she needed to do. Closing the door behind her, she turned back around and looked out the glass windows. The mayor’s apartment had changed little since.. She turned away, avoiding the flood of memories that always crept up when she thought of that night. Heading to her bed Faith released an exhausted sigh. She had purposely postponed this so it would be her last task. Avoiding this place at all costs, she found excuses to go elsewhere. Had even convinced herself that there was someone left in Boston for her to go back to. Needless to say, that was a waste of time. So here she was, with nothing more to do. This was it.
For someone with slayer powers, she sure was chicken shit, she thought to herself with a chuckle. This was going to hurt like hell. Well maybe not that bad. Nothing was worse than Hell. But she figured in her life’s eternal race for most agonizing experiences, this came in a strong second.
Faith sighed again, she needed to get her mind off that place, she was here now and that’s all that mattered. Faith plopped down on her bed, staring at the ceiling, yeah; this is all that matters now. She closed her eyes, she needed rest. Tomorrow was going to be a big day.
Buffy leaned on her windowsill, looking towards the sky. She wondered if Heaven was actually up there, behind those clouds. Glancing down to the street, she searched for something that would invoke her emotions. Something to get her to feel. Pulling herself from the window, Buffy slowly shut the glass doors. She turned, staring longingly at her bed. How she so needed sleep, but she knew it would never come peacefully. Walking over, Buffy eased down on her bed, looking aimlessly at the ceiling. Every night since she was brought back, she had lain here, staring at the ceiling feeling empty inside. It wasn’t as bad as it sounded though; the little protrusions on the ceiling started to dance around and make shapes after a while. She wondered if she was going crazy as a little deformed bunny appeared from the small indentations. Buffy sighed aloud. This was what she was reduced to, staring at deformed little bunnies.
Suddenly, Buffy heard a light crash. She sat up, listening intently trying to locate the source. Walking slowly over to her window she pushed it open, staring into darkness.
She looked out seeing nothing but emptiness. She was used to seeing emptiness, everything she saw seemed empty now. Buffy’s dismal thoughts were interrupted by a soft sigh. She turned slowly not expecting much. Her eyes went wide.
Faith.
Faith was chicken shit. Fuck. She stood outside the Summers' residence, staring at the door. Fuck, fuck, fuck. For someone who'd been to Hell and back she was scared shitless of the prospect of seeing Buffy again. It had taken her all day just to convince herself to come, and now that she was here, the first thing she wanted to do was run. Faith walked around the side of the house towards Buffy's window, trying to see if anyone was moving. The lights are off, she thought, oh well, better luck tomorrow. She turned to leave then stopped herself, hell no, you didn’t crawl your god damn way out of Hell for this shit. She turned back with a determined mindset and started up the tree next to Buffy's window. She hesitated for a minute, wondering what she was going to say, when her thoughts were interrupted by a light sigh from inside.
Buffy.
Oh crap. Faith panicked and slid down the tree, almost landing on her ass on the way down. Before her instincts took over and she bolted, Faith stopped herself.
Come on, what are you so afraid of?
Buffy.
Damn it, everything came back to Buffy.
All the more reason to resolve this.
But she’ll kill you.
You don’t know that.
She said so.
Oh yeah.
Damn it!
She couldn’t even convince herself that this was a good thing. This was not going well, not going well at all. Faith looked back up towards Buffy’s window, she thought she could almost hear the other slayer breathing. Damn it, Faith, when did you start thinking so much, she chastised herself as she started back up the tree.
Faith sat staring at the window, running the scenarios in her head. Fuck it, I’m doing this, and reached out to knock on the window, but before she could reach the glass, the window pulled back to reveal a profile view of Buffy. Faith clung to the tree frozen. Buffy looked so sad, so defeated, she had seen that look once before. The look of disappointment. It wasn’t too long ago when she was face to face with that look. Faith sighed unconsciously, drawing Buffy's attention.
Shit.
"Erm.. Hi" Damn it! 'erm, hi?!' Smooth Faith, smooth. You’ve had all the time in the world to think of what to say, and all you can think is Erm, hi? Damn it!
Buffy didn’t seem to notice Faith’s deliberation, but just jumped back instinctively into a fighting stance. Faith sighed, so that’s how it was going to go down. Not that she expected much else. Faith hopped through the window with a single motion landing a few feet away from the other slayer.
Buffy just stood there, frozen. Faith didn’t know what to do; shifting around uncomfortably, she waited for Buffy to react. To her surprise, Buffy finally dropped her hands to her side and went over to sit quietly on the bed.
She heard Buffy whisper, "What do you want Faith?" Faith looked at Buffy more closely, she had never seen B like this. She looks like she's given up. Faith slowly inched closer.
"I.. umm.. I came to visit?" Faith shrugged.
"I didn’t know they let prisoners out for nightly visitation." Buffy halfheartedly jabbed.
"They didn’t really care."
"Huh.."
"Once you’re dead they don’t really keep that close of a tab on you." Faith continued matter-of-factly.
"You--"
"Yeah."
"Me too." Buffy whispered softly.
"Must've been nice."
"Huh?"
"Heaven." Buffy pulled her gaze from the floor and stared into the other slayer's eyes. Everyone else had assumed she'd been in Hell, but Faith knew better.
"How'd you-"
"Well you can only go up or down."
"But.."
“Come on B, like it’s so hard to guess. You fight the good fight, save the world and whatnot, where else would you be going.” Faith’s eyes went cold as she whispered out the last part, “Anyway, I didn’t see you there.” Buffy’s eyes went wide.
"You were in Hell?" Buffy gasped.
"Yeah.. I couldn’t figure it out either, I mean I was the perfect little angel." Faith said with a grin. She sat down next to Buffy on her bed, while the blonde contemplated what Faith had just said.
"How long?" Buffy finally asked.
"Few hundred years.” She paused, “Yeah it sucks, times all screwy there." Faith replied trying not to think about her stay. Buffy placed a hand on her shoulder trying to comfort her. Faith didn’t know why Buffy even bothered. Oh shut up Faith, like you’re complaining? She could feel the other girl’s eyes on her, shit, what I am supposed to do now. After a few moments of silence, Faith finally looked up from her fidgeting hands and stared straight at Buffy. She averted the beautiful hazel eyes, shifting her gaze around the room. Those damn eyes! “So umm, nice room.” God, climb out of Hell to tell her how nice her room is, that’s keen. When her statement was met with silence, Faith decided that maybe small talk was not really going to work here. Like she even knew what small talk was, nice room, pathetic. “Look, Buffy-“
"It's okay Faith. You don’t have to." Faith’s slow scan of the room quickened with the pace of her thinking, trying to figure what to do next. She had run every reaction Buffy would have when they met again, and this, this was not one of them. As long as B was being all accepting, might as well go all the way.
"I want to, B. I need to." Faith slipped off the bed and onto her knees in front of Buffy, pulling the blonde girl’s hand between her own.
"I.. Hell was.. well Hell, B. Three hundred years of it. You have no idea what they do to you in Hell, B. It’s a game to them, those bastards. They mess with you, torture you till you break, and everyone gives up, B. Everyone. Cause there’s nothing to do but give up.” Faith paused trying to hold back her tears.
“But they’re not unbeatable B, they're not. They didn’t get me. No matter what they did, they couldn’t break me, I wouldn’t let them. The one thought that held me together for three hundred years, Buffy, was you. I kept you in my heart, even when they ripped it out of my chest and let me watched as they set it afire. But I beat them; I came back. For you. To tell you-"
"Faith, it's okay.” She paused not knowing if she could even say it, “I forgive you." That wasn’t so hard she thought, Buffy wondered why it had been so hard before.
"It's not just that. I came back to apologize, to make it up to you, but that’s not it. I came back for you B." Faith looked up from Buffy's hand enclosed in hers, on the verge of tears. Faith had three hundred years to think things through, cause well there wasn’t much else to do but think in Hell. It keeps your mind off some of the pain.
Buffy looked at the tears streaming down Faith’s eyes confused. What was Faith talking about? Buffy had forgiven her, wasn’t that what she wanted? She had nothing left to give.
Faith noticed the confused look in Buffy’s eyes. B had no idea what she was talking about. She shook her head, God, B, “you can be so thickheaded sometimes.” Oops. Was that last part out loud? Shit. Their eyes finally locked and Buffy gave her a patented, you are so in trouble look, causing Faith to instinctively smile. Damn, she was cute. She looked dreamily at Buffy, “I love you, B.” Buffy stared at her, mouth agape. Faith couldn’t do anything but look away and shrugged. Oh yeah, nothing says I love you like a nice shrug.
The two slayers sat frozen in silence. After what seemed longer than her stay in Hell, Faith stood up and started walking towards the window. Well, she thought, that went well.. Her thoughts were interrupted by the sound of Buffy's voice behind her.
"Wait.." Faith turned around looking at Buffy, "I want to but.."
"But you can’t, I know. You don’t have to. Never really expected you to, I just had to tell you."
"NO, I mean I can't at all." Buffy lowered her voice to a whisper, "I try to so hard, but I won’t let myself. I’m completely empty inside. Since I’ve been back, nothing seems to matter. I go out and I do what’s expected of me, what I’m supposed to do, nothing more.” She paused, finally looking up at Faith. “I was in Heaven Faith, I was finally happy, all my life I’ve tried to reach a place like that, and finally.. when the world was safe and I reached my goal, they pulled me back. My gift was Death, why couldn’t they let me keep it. My friends, my best friend.." Buffy trailed off gazing distantly out the window. Faith walked over and sat on the bed placing an arm around Buffy. She pulled the smaller girl in slowly, comforting her the best she could.
Faith knew how Buffy felt. Everyday in Hell she had felt the same way, betrayed by everyone she knew, tortured by her knowledge, but at least she had Buffy. Buffy had no one. Faith had survived Hell. Everyday she thought it would be her last but she survived, striving to return, but Buffy was living through Hell on earth. It wasn’t like with Faith. The ones tormenting her were heartless demon bastards that she could hate. For Buffy, her tormentors were her friends. Her friends had done this to her. She couldn’t even hate them for it.
Buffy pulled away suddenly, muttering "Thanks." Faith no longer knew what to do, she didn’t know how to make it better, but she knew she had to say something. No matter what people said, silence was not always golden.
"It's not so great you know." She began.
"What?"
"Heaven."
"How do you know?"
"Just kinda figured."
"How’s that?"
"Well, what do you do in Heaven?"
Buffy thought for a while, then dreamily replied, "Nothing, you don’t have to do anything."
"Exactly."
"Huh?"
"Seems kinda boring to me. Sit around for all eternity doing nothing. I doubt they have any clubs there. What would you do for fun? I'd be bored out of my mind. Think about it, everything you do down here is a sin. I mean, sitting around doing nothing is a sin too isn’t it? Gluttonly. So you have to do something in Heaven, but there’s nothing to do. What can you do but sit around and watch other people do stuff. So if you think about it, Heaven's kinda boring."
Buffy smiled at Faith’s Logic, "Thanks."
"Huh?"
"For trying to make me feel better."
"Did it work any?"
"Yeah."
"Should I keep going?"
"If you want."
"Okay, what about sports? You gotta have sports to be happy. Do they have like football or something up there? I wouldn’t think so, I mean, violent much? Or does that only apply to humans? Do angels get to do violent stuff? They have to right? I mean, Lucifer had to fight to try to defy God before he got cast down from heaven. What kinda Cosmic battle would that be if they just had a staring contest?” Buffy’s smile widened as Faith continued on her pointless rant.
“So do they have like annual football games or something? Devils versus Angels?" Buffy grinned at Faith's rendition of Heaven.
"What?” Faith saw Buffy’s smile and took it as encouragement to continue, “I bet the Devils would win. They'd cheat for sure."
"But then God would know." Buffy interjected.
"Hmmm... they’d be disqualified every year. Angels would win by default. Well that kinda sucks. That’s not really winning then. And what would God and Satan be doing this entire time? Coaching?"
"I don’t think He'd be off on the sidelines yelling if that’s what you’re getting at."
"Wouldn’t He? He doesn’t like to lose..." Buffy looked at Faith while she rambled on about who would have the upper hand in a Cosmic football Game, Good or Evil. It didn’t matter that Faith had Heaven all wrong, at least she was trying.
A slight breeze lifted the coming scent of dawn over the fiery sky, etching a smile on Buffy’s face. She stood by her window, staring out over the town below her for the second time that night. Just a few hours ago she didn’t think it was even possible for her to ever smile again, but now here she was, beaming with the backdrop of a pale shaded sky.
Buffy turned back towards her bed, easing herself down slowly and stared at the person that had changed that. She propped her head up against her hand, raising herself over Faith’s sleeping figure, and stared at the brunette. As she looked at Faith, painful memories pulled themselves from the deepest crevices of her mind, taunting her.
They had been through so much. Good and bad, well mostly bad, but that didn’t matter anymore. Those memories were a lifetime ago, for both of them. Right now Faith was here for her, that’s all that really said anything.
Buffy wasn’t kidding herself though, no self-delusional notions of utopia roamed her mind of their reconcile, they had a long way to go, but at least now they were on the same track.
She sometimes thought about Faith, how things would be between them, how she would react if she ever got out of jail. Every time she thought about it, it seemed impossible, the things that had gone on between them always seemed too severe to erase.
And they were. With Faith’s arrival she knew there was no way she could forget all that happened, but that realization only made things better. Now they had something to build on, something to get over, something to work towards. After last night things seemed far brighter for Buffy than they had the past months.
They had talked most of the night, just randomly, nothing severe or important. Buffy hadn’t had a person to talk to like that in a while. They touched lightly on what had gone on between them, the mayor, post graduation events, but just enough to catch up on, nothing more. In time it would come, but now they weren’t ready for anymore.
It didn’t matter that for the rest of the night, they rambled on about football in heaven or Buffy’s colorful wardrobe. It wasn’t the content of the conversations that brought her a sense of joy; it was having someone there with her, someone that loved her.
That still sounded funny to Buffy. Faith loved her. Faith was in love with her. Before this, she wasn’t even sure if Faith was capable of such a thing. But the moment she said those words, Buffy saw it in her eyes, felt it on her skin, heard it in her voice. Longing, nervousness and fear.
She loves me.
How can she love me?
“Morning.” Buffy’s reverie was broken by the sound of a hoarse voice. She looked at the radiant face before her and all her dark thoughts dissipated, replaced by a soft smile.
“Morning.”
Faith looked at her puzzled. “What’re you so giddy about?”
“Nothing much. And you? You’re absolutely glowing.”
“You shouldn’t waste your best line on me, B” Faith said with a grin.
“I don’t need a line to hook you. Anyway, you’re practically radioactive.”
“Oh.” Faith said raising her hand to her forehead as if to test Buffy’s statement, “Well I have a right to be.”
“Oh?”
“It's not often I wake up in bed with a beautiful girl hovering over me.” Buffy pulled back from her position next to Faith. She had been studying the other girl's face while she was asleep, forgetting how close she was.
“I bet you say that to all the girls.”
“Only one girl for me, B.” Faith then sat up abruptly and placed her hand over her mouth, staring around uneasily.
“What? What’s wrong?”
“Do I have morning breath? Is that why you’re hovering?”
Buffy smiled. A minute ago she was deep in serious thought, her mind reeling from everything that was going on, but now, here she was, talking to Faith about Morning breath. She didn’t know how, but Faith was doing this to her, making her feel somewhat content. ‘Live in the Moment. Be in it.’ Faith had told her last night. She needed to be in the moment, to take her mind away from grim thoughts.
“No, no, just glad that you’re here. And I wasn’t hovering.”
“Please, you’re so crushing on me.”
“Is that so?”
“Yep. Huge.” She spread her hands apart to accentuate her point. “Begging me to stay over, snuggling close. Oh, don’t think I didn’t notice.”
“Snuggling?!”
“But who can blamed you.”
“You? Snuggle?”
“I’ll have you know that, this body.” She moved her hands sensually indicated her body, “Was meant for snuggling.”
“Please,” Buffy reached for the stuffed pig by her cabinet, “Mr. Gordo was meant for snuggling. Aren’t you Mr. Gordo?”
“Great, she’s talking to a stuffed pig, God, I really know how to pick ‘em.” Buffy beamed at her, but before she could say anything she heard the sound of running water in the bathroom outside. Willow. Goddamn her, she was always waking up so early. She looked over and Faith, who sat frozen, with a look of surprise on her face.
“Don’t worry, it's just Willow.” Buffy whispered to calm her. She didn’t look like she calmed any, but Buffy supposed that was expected. Then it suddenly hit her; Faith was here, in her room, on her bed. And Willow was just outside that door. Willow, the Anti-Faith.
Shit. Buffy hadn’t thought this through enough. She didn’t know what to do. What was she going to tell Willow, or the rest of the Scoobies? Her head started to ache again, but before she could do anything, Faith silently pulled herself from bed and headed for the window. Buffy followed her over to the window saw she climbed out noticing the sadness in Faith’s eyes. Buffy tapped Faith on the arm as she climbed onto the tree. The brunette turned uneasily facing her.
“Come back tonight?” Faith looked at Buffy a bit confused, but her face brightened a little. “We’re not done yet.” Buffy’s tone turned serious, “We’ve been through too much to just forget.”
“I know. We’ve a long way to go, but if you’re up to it, I’m ready. I’ve been ready for three hundred years.”
“Miles to go.”
Faith smiled at the recognition of her own words, it seemed so long ago, “You think we’ll make it?”
“Between the two of us, we’ve died three times and survived half a dozen would-be apocalypses, I think we can handle it.”
Faith grinned, “Between the two of us, we’ve been through heaven and hell.”
“A few more miles couldn’t hurt.” Buffy replied watching Faith slide down the tree. Buffy stared after the girl running merrily across the street. For the first time in a while she felt that maybe it wasn’t so bad coming back. Maybe
Faith burst out laughing, falling of the bed with a loud thud before Buffy smacked her on the arm. “Shhhhh” Buffy whispered. Faith finally regained her composure and dragged herself off the floor. She grinned, the thought of Buffy singing was just too strange. She was about to request a song, when the sound of footsteps interrupted her.
Buffy scrambled hectically to push Faith out the window. They had decided to keep Faith’s presence hidden until the time was right. Well, actually, Buffy had decided, Faith argued that it would just postpone the inevitable, not to mention the last time Buffy kept something from Hell hidden the results weren’t all that great. But Buffy was set on this, and when Buffy had her mind set on something, she followed through with it. That and she flashed Faith one of those cute puppy dog pouts, God, she was such a sucker. Faith climbed out her window and onto the roof, she had gotten wiser since last time and picked the window with the roof she could stand on. Clinging to a tree was great and all, but she liked the roof a lot better.
Buffy slowly dragged herself to the door, making sure her footsteps could be heard and put on her best, ‘I was sleeping’ face before she swung open the door.
“Are you okay?” Willow asked, a concerned look on her face, “I heard someone laughing then there was a crash, and I ran here right away cause I thought you were hurt. Are you hurt- why were you laughing- is there-”
“I’m okay Wills, I was having a dream.”
“Sounds like a nice dream.”
“It was.” Buffy smiled. Willow hadn’t seen her best friend smile for a long time. Buffy seemed to be getting better, this was good. She was still all distance-y at times, but at least she’s smiling.
“Well I’ll let you back to your dream then.” Willow said with a bounce. She had a right to be happy, everything was getting better, she had made things well with Tara, and Buffy was smiling again. Buffy, smile, good, was all she registered as she bid her "sweet dreams."
“Okay, night, night.” Buffy closed the door behind her and walked over to the window, helping Faith in. The brunette was shivering. She had gone outside in the middle of the night with nothing on but her underwear. She still wondered if Faith actually did sleep in her underwear as she claimed she did. It had crossed her mind that Faith just wanted to tease her. Which it didn’t. Tease me. No, not at all.
Buffy pulled Faith under the blanket, “My God, you’re freezing” she commented as she tried to warm Faith up.
“Y-y-yeah.”
“Well if you didn’t wear these skimpy clothes to sleep-“
“I wasn’t actually planning on going outside in these.” Faith said between clattering teeth. Then a grin crossed her face as she pulled closer to Buffy, “But if I knew freezing could get me such benefits, I would’ve done this sooner.”
“Don’t get used to it.”
“Damn, I’ll have to if Red keeps barging in like that,” Faith added with mock disappointment. “One of these days, she’s going to get a clue.”
“Faith, we’ll tell them. I just don’t think that they’re really ready to receive you with open arms yet.”
“Stop kidding yourself B, it's not going to matter how long it is, they’re always going to hate me.”
“No they don’t. They just, well okay, there’s slight animosity-“
“Forget about them, is this want you want? To hide me away forever?”
“I’m not hiding you Faith. I just, I want to have you around for a while. And if they find out now, it’s going to get complicated. I don’t want it complicated. I want it like it is now. Just you and me.” Buffy put on her patented pouting face. Damn it, she always gets her way when she does that. Faith waved it off.
“Alright, but if she comes in one day and finds me and you in our undies, you’ve got some explaining to do.”
“You in your underwear, not me. See, I have what we call pants.”
“Come summertime, it's not gonna matter. I ain’t gonna have much on.”
“Faith, you don’t-”
“In the Buff, Buff.”
“Not in my bed you’re not.”
“What? Afraid you might see something you like?”
“Afraid you might get a little hungry.”
“Oh, B, I’m always hungry.” Faith said licking her lips.
“Faith!”
“Wha? We’re not talking about a non-fat yogurt?” Buffy watched as Faith grinned. It had been so easy going back to their old routine. But she knew that this wasn’t just a routine for Faith, the girl was in love with her. In retrospect, it was so obvious. God, Buffy, you’re an idiot. All that time, and you didn’t notice? Buffy felt- well she didn’t know what to feel. This was all new, and so, so confusing.
“Well?” Faith asked interrupting Buffy’s train of thought.
“Well what?”
“Oh come on, you’re not gonna sing for me?”
“Wha- NO!” Buffy exclaimed softly hitting Faith.
“Hey, will you quit squatting me on that arm, I’m gonna bruise.”
“What, big bad slayer’s afraid of some bruising?”
“Don’t try to change the subject, Sing.”
“No!”
“But you sang for everyone else.”
“I told you, it was a demon, we didn’t have a choice. Anyway you don’t want to hear me sing.”
“I do! Please B?” She said trying to look as innocent as possible.
“For someone who’s suppose to be such a badass you bat your eyes pretty well.”
“It’s the company I’m keeping.”
“And you suck up pretty well too.”
“Oh, come on, B.” Faith felt a grin instinctively cross her face, “Or else.”
“Or else what?” Buffy stared defiantly at the brunette. Faith wiggled her eyebrows causing Buffy’s eyes to grew wide as she pulled her closer, placing a soft hand on Buffy’s shoulder. The two slayers were so close, she could feel the brunette’s warm breath on her face.
“What do you think? I’ve been in hell for three hundred years. I’m wound..” Faith’s voiced dropped to a whisper, “a little tight.”
"You mean you haven’t-"
“No.”
“Since you’ve been back?”
“No.”
“Well what makes you think I’d let you.”
Faith grinned, “Cause you have your hand on my ass.” Buffy looked down in surprise, she had been unconsciously pulling Faith closer. Of all the places to anchor her hand, damn it! Faith sure had a nice- Buffy! Get your head on straight girl. Buffy then realized that her hand was still attached and quickly pulled it away.
"Faith.." She looked away from the younger girl’s eyes, "I just, I’m-"
“It's cool, B” Faith said pulling away.
“Faith, don’t be like that, I know you want-“
“You think that’s all I care about? That I dragged myself out of Hell for some nookie?” Faith was angry. She thought she had a damn right to be. How could B think that’s all she wanted? Anyway, it wasn’t my hand on her ass.
“That’s not what I meant.”
“Uh-huh” Faith turned her face towards the ceiling.
“Faith.. come on, you know that’s not what I meant.” She pulled Faith’s head back so she could see her eyes, “Faith.. I like things they way they are now. But that doesn’t mean I don’t care. Just the opposite.”
“Really?” Faith looked at Buffy grinning.
“Yeah, Forgive me?”
Faith’s grin grew wider, “On one condition.”
“Hey now, don’t get any ideas!”
“I wasn’t, honest.. not anything like that.”
“What is it then?”
“You promise?”
“Umm.. yeah, I guess.”
“Sing.”
“No!”
“You promised.”
“You tricked me.”
“Whiner, you promised.”
“Oh come on, ask for something else, anything, I swear I’ll do it.”
“Really?”
“As long as it’s not singing, please, no singing, I am sung out.”
“Well I am kinda Hungry and..”
“Faith..”
“What? You’re not gonna feed a girl?”
“Oh. Right.”
“You’re gonna have to learn how to get your mind out of the gutter girl.” Faith said mockingly as she pulled her leathers on.
“What do you want to eat?”
“I’ve got the midnight munches for some Pizza.” Faith pushed the window open and bowed slight, “After you.”
“Why Faith, so gentlemanly of you.”
“Damn, I’m hungry” Buffy heard Faith utter as she climbed out the window. She knew that Faith was probably checking her out from behind, but she didn’t care. She had actually had gotten used to it, hell, she enjoyed it.
As they walked through the quiet streets, Buffy’s mind wandered to that first night Faith came to her. She had thought of that night sporadically the past few days, Faith’s return, finding out where she’d been, what she came back for. What struck Buffy the most still was Faith’s declaration of Love. That’s what it was, a declaration, uninhibited and free.
More and more she found herself wandering if she could love Faith. The question bugged her, not because Faith was a girl, or even the fact that they had been enemies for so long. No, what bugged her was the flash of emotions she would feel when Faith was around. She couldn’t decipher them. She was so utterly confused about the whole thing. But she knew she liked having Faith around. Faith made her feel special, loved, maybe a little weak in the knees. How lame was that? Weak in the knees, sheesh Buffy, too many gushy romance novels.
“You okay B?” Faith’s voice interrupted her thoughts.
“Yeah, just thinking.” A pause.
“Care to share?” Buffy pondered it for a while; she had to figure this out. Stopping in her tracks she turned her gaze from the ground and stared into Faith’s eyes. Those eyes looked at Buffy, a questioning spark in them. She looked so different now, so calm, happy. Buffy opened her mouth to tell her that, but was stopped short when Faith pushed her to the side, slamming her shocked body into the nearby tree.
Before she could react to anything, someone had pinned her face into the tree, following that up with blow to the side of her ribcage. Shit.
Buffy lay momentarily stunned, the shock of Faith’s actions followed by the sharp pain now emanating from her side. As she shook herself out of her temporary paralysis, she turned quickly around only to be showered with vampire dust. Faith’s smile hovered above her, “Lost your touch, B?” Before she could respond to Faith, a large brute of a vampire tackled her sister slayer from the side, sending both of them tumbling down the small slope towards one of Sunnydale’s larger cemeteries. Buffy pulled herself up to follow, but was once again rammed into the now all too familiar tree. Twisting her body to the side, she grabbed the vamp by his collar, lifting him off the ground completely and rammed him into the side of the tree. Regaining her composer, Buffy lifted him off the ground while reaching for a small branch above. She broke the small stick off, making sure one end was relatively sharp before driving the makeshift stake into the vamps back.
God, I hate vamps.
Buffy brushed off the residual dust left from her one time attacker and began scouring the cemetery for any signs of Faith. As she wandered, she felt the pangs of guilt overtake her. Her first thought as she was pushed aside and attacked was that Faith had gone psychotic. Again.
She sighed, beating herself up mentally, promising to apologize to the brunette. Damn it, how could she have thought that after the past few weeks? She should have known better. She should have known it was vampires. Faith did. But Buffy was too lost in the moment to notice anything.
I so, so hate vamps. Every time anything went Buffy’s way, the undead seemed to know it, and of course orchestrate an untimely intervention. Goddamn them. She cursed under her breath as she walked around the cemetery calling out, “Faith!”
“You’ll never catch any vamps that way, love.” Buffy turned around to face a grinning Spike. God! I don’t need this now! She tried to ignore him, but he kept moving closer. She couldn’t handle dealing with Spike now, she had to find Faith. Giving him her best cold stare, Buffy tried to walk pass the blonde vampire.
He stepped in front of her, with a determined look plastered on his face. Buffy sighed, “What do you want Spike?”
“We have to talk.”
“I have nothing to say to you.”
“Then you can listen.” He said confidently then paused, seeming to think things through carefully. Buffy pushed him aside impatiently, she didn’t have time for Spike right now.
“I’m busy.” Buffy said, walking past him. She could hear his footsteps behind her, catching up with her.
He shouted from behind her, “Buffy, we kissed. You can’t just ignore that!”
Buffy turned back around facing him, getting into his face and poking a finger into his chest she said in a whisper, “Sure I can, watch me. Look, I’m ignoring.” Buffy turned and started to walk off, but stopped in her tracks as she saw the other slayer standing in the distance in front her. From the look on Faith’s face Buffy knew she had over heard Spike. A brief look of confusion was screwed on her face followed by a burning sense of betrayal in her eyes as she glared at Buffy.
Damn Spike.
Before she could say anything, Faith turned and sprinted for the cemetery gates, never looking back. Buffy didn’t know what was going on between her and Faith right now, but she knew she couldn’t let her run off thinking that she and Spike were together. Buffy started after her, only to be stopped by Spike’s hand on her arm.
“I love you Buffy.”
She wanted to stake him right then and there, the bastard. Everything was going so well with Faith. And he had to go and screw it up; he always screwed everything up for her. Her eyes were ablaze as she turned to him. “Leave me alone! I swear to God, if you touch me again, I’m going to make you wish you were mortal. Nothing happened between us, Spike. And you don’t love me, stop saying that. You don’t know what love is. You’re a vampire Spike, you don’t know how to love. That chip in your freaking head is not a soul. So stop acting like you have one! Your- ooof!” before she could finish her screaming tirade, someone rushed her from the side, knocking her to the ground for the second time that night. She quickly swung the crude stake that was still in her hands from her previous bout, plunging it into the tall figure behind her.
She looked as it withered away with a shimmer. Hmm, that’s new. No dust. New demon. Turning back around, she saw Spike engaged in a fight with a man. No, not a man, a demon. She studied the dark figure in front of her, he looked like a man, fought like a demon, but, hell, she didn’t get that low down tingly demon sensation. As she moved closer she saw that it was the same demon that she had just staked, not the same kind, the SAME. He looked exactly the same, human face and all. Buffy snapped out of her thoughts as Spike barely managed to whimper her name out as the demon held him up by his throat.
Buffy sighed. Faith would have to wait a few more minutes, she didn’t know why she bothered, but right now she had to save Spike’s dumb ass.
The door barely closed before Faith dropped to her knees. She could feel tears swelling in her eyes, the moist feel of them like dew settling over her eyelids. She was just so tired, so defeated. Fuck this shit!
Before streams of saline flooded her vision, Faith pushed herself off the floor, staggering into the bathroom. Turning the water on, she captured a handful of the cool liquid, splashing it in her face. She needed to wash it away, wash it all away. The tears that were coming, the quiver of her lips, the defeat in her eyes. Everything. She needed to wash her whole face off.
That’s what’s wrong with me.
My face.
She can never love this face.
Faith rubbed the water into her features, until her face reddened with pain. It wouldn’t come off. Every line, mark, scar, everything that made her Faith, she wanted it gone, but they wouldn’t come off. Why won’t you come off! She stopped momentarily to catch her breath, looking at herself in the mirror with disgust.
You idiot, did you think she could love you?
Look at you. She’ll never love you.
Faith hated vampires, not only because she was a slayer, because they took everything she had from her. Her friends, her watcher, her Buffy. No offense to Angel, the guy was a saint, damn him. She owed everything to his undead ass. But right now it didn’t matter, because- well Buffy had been making out with a vamp. After I told her I loved her. Buffy. Her Buffy. That’s what it all came down to, her Buffy. She wanted her Buffy. She shook her head slightly and pulled herself together.
This time around, she wasn’t going to be selfish. Buffy wasn’t hers, would never be hers. Angel was right. There are always consequences. How could she expect to escape from Hell and not face consequences? She almost smirked at the thought, whoever was controlling everything must be having a laugh right now. They let her escape, let her be with Buffy, had planned it all so well. They tortured her the worst way possible, they let her have hope. How could she have been so stupid? She had escaped Hell only to have Hell reclaim her on Earth.
Faith’s grim thoughts were disturbed by a knock on her door. Buffy. She pulled herself together whipping away any stray tears, and any signs of emotion left on her face. Walking slowly over to the door, Faith inhaled a deep breath, summoning all the strength she could before turning the knob, letting Buffy in.
...to be continued...