Undertow
by Schismatic Faith
Rating: R

Disclaimer: You know the drill, fox, josh... blah blah blah, "Undertow" is a song by Tool, they rock, but alas I don't own them or the song. The first part is a No Doubt song called, "Platinum Blonde Life" off their new album, not mine either.
Spoilers: Starts off at the beginning of season 6. All you need to know from S6 is Buffy's been brought back.
Author's Notes: Massive case of writers block for those Heaven and Hell readers, Im sorry. Writers Block + School = Nothing done. I've actually had the next part of H & H written for a while, but it looks like I'm gonna scratch what i have and start over. Sigh. This is something in the mean time so everyone knows I'm still alive. Enjoy.
Feedback: I don't know if I should continue this, I'll let you decide.

	I'm closing all the curtains
	So don't you even bother
	And they're calling out murder
	But I'm underneath the covers

	And who's fooling who
	With this mood like a train?
	Watch me roll over
	Get out of my way

	And there's a knock on my door
	But I'm not gonna open it
	I'm gonna close my eyes
	And maybe it'll go away

	I want a platinum blonde life
	So I keep bleaching out the color
	I try to do what I oughta
	But never drink enough water

	And where did my lamb go?
	I wish she could stay
	I feel as empty as a widow
	I'm gonna sleep it all away

	And there's a knock on my door
	But I'm not gonna open it
	I'm gonna close my eyes
	and maybe it'll go away

	I'm going to sleep all through the day
	I'm going to sleep my life away
	I'm going to sleep all through the day
	I'm going to sleep myself away

	I'm going to close my eyes and maybe it'll go away..

*****

Faith stood motionless, staring vacantly at a small white bunny taped to the door. She couldn’t figure out what to do. Finally letting out an exhausted sigh, Faith leaned against the outside of the bedroom door, no longer having the strength to continue. For some reason, she felt so weak. A hollow feeling enveloped her as slid slowly down the door, landing softly on the carpet. She stared at the floor for a while, an empty look in her eyes, lost. Alone.

When she had first shown up at Buffy's doorstep not too long ago she was greeted with a smile she hadn't seen for nearly three years. A Buffy smile. And for that split second, her heart stopped, everything froze in a moment of wonderment, a moment which by far was the greatest moment of her miserable existence. Oh hell, it was a goddamn Kodak moment.

That moment, that was what she came back for, all for that. But, like everything else good in her life, it didn't last. The split second gone, Buffy realized who was at the door, the smile faded from her face giving way as a look of utter shock and confusion slowly etched itself across her face. Buffy stumbled back into the house, almost falling over before regaining her balance. Faith had tried to explain, why she was back, how she was back, but before a word left her mouth Buffy uncharacteristically bolted up the stairs and disappeared into her room.

Faith looked up at the clock situated in the middle of the hallway. Half an hour, aside from the sound of some slamming drawers, Faith had heard nothing for the past half an hour. She had tried to get Buffy to come out, banging on her door, trying to explain, but all for naught.

Faith felt the carpet with her fingers, outlining a small stain on the floor. Though the carpet was old, most of it was clean, spotless besides this small stain. It didn’t belong here. Just like she didn't belong here.

Faith had come back to explain, perhaps not explain, she didn't think any amount of explaining could justify or even invoke any understanding for what she did, but she had to, just to know that she at least tried. She thought she had been prepared for anything, apparently she was wrong. She expected anger, hatred, even the confusion, but this, this caught her completely off guard. Buffy ran to her room? Buffy Summers, slayer extraordinaire, savior of the world, defender of all things pastel, running away from Faith? That was completely un-Buffy-like.

Faith slid herself back up the bedroom door, turning around, once again facing the bunny picture plastered on the otherwise white door. She felt like shit. Worse. Seeing Buffy again was… was a hope which held her together every day in prison. Convinced herself that if only to see B again, she would get through this damn redemption thing. But now, it was useless. Fuck. She left the anger rise up in her, not at Buffy, but at herself, for being so foolish as to think that she had a chance in hell left. Coming here was stupid. The only thing left for her here, the only left for her anywhere, was Buffy, and now she found out that even that was taken from her. Fuck! She slammed her fist on the floor, shaking the weak ground beneath her. Slowing her breathing, Faith calmed herself, she shouldn’t think of things like that anymore. She had come here to do something, and for once in her life, she was going to follow through. Faith wasn't going to give up this easily, not after what she had been through. She had come this far, after all she had been through, she surely wasn't going to turn back now, not when she was this close. Dragging herself from the floor, Faith silently apologized to the smiling Bunny and kicked down the door.

Through the haze of flying wood splinters, Faith caught sight of Buffy on her bed, motionless. Asleep. Asleep? How the FUCK can she be asleep?! I fucking yell at top of my lungs after- Faith stopped mid thought noticing the small bottle of pills on the dresser. She inched slowly forward, afraid of what she might find. Empty. She didn't even bother to check what kind of pills they were before she dropped down along side Buffy feeling for a pulse. No pulse. No. No. No. Yes! She felt it, faintly pulsating beneath her index finger. Weak, it was so weak. Pulling Buffy into her arms, she tried to shake her awake yelling, "Buffy! Buffy, wake up! Buffy!" No, no, no. This can't be happening, not when- no! Hospital! Have to - now!

Faith barely scooped Buffy into her arms before she started running down the stairs, in the direction of the Sunnydale hospital. Faith ran, she ran as hard as she could, but her legs seemed to move in slow motion, she had to go faster, faster, damn it. They just wouldn’t go any faster. As she ran the sound of sobbing echoed in her mind, a continuous cry of pain. Looking down to see a still unconscious Buffy, Faith inhaled a deep breath, at last realizing that she was the one crying. She suddenly became aware of the warm tears on her face, the redness under her skin and the sounds that echoed through her as she scrambled through the crowded streets of Sunnydale's business district. As she sprinted across lanes of traffic towards the hospital she heard the screaming and honking of cars breaking to avoid her, people throwing curses her way. She heard them, all the sounds, the noises, but somehow none of it registered in her head. All she could think about was how damn slow she was moving. Too damn slow.

*****

The Emergency Room was relatively silent aside from the intravenous PA system calling for doctors to report to certain places. A few patients were scattered about the waiting area, a small family huddled around a nurse, a petite women asking a doctor when she could see their daughter. Otherwise the Sunnydale hospital was without incident, calm, especially for an Emergency Room.

The shattering of glass broke the eerie calm, seemingly reviving the almost dead room. Everyone's attention turned to the entrance where a brunette had kicked through the glass door, forgoing the hassle of waiting for it to open, and jumped through the broken glass. The girl used her body to shield a small blonde in her arms as she rammed through the entrance never slowing down. She stopped right in front of a shocked nurse, covered in shards of glass, blood flowing freely from fresh wounds. The brunette raised the limp body of the small blonde up effortlessly, uttering, chanting over and over again, "Help her, help her, help her."

As a team of nurses and doctors rushed to her side with a gurney, the girl broke her chant long enough to tell the doctors what had happened, speaking in short sporadic fragments, "Pills, whole bottle, empty, oh god, empty, pills." They lifted the blond onto the gurney while the brunette held the other girl's hand, repeating to herself, "Pills, empty, whole bottle, empty, pills, empty.." As the nurses began to roll the blonde away, the brunette clung to her hand, speaking incoherently. A nurse tried to pry her fingers off to no avail, finally trying to coax her into letting go, "Miss, you have let go, we're going to help her, but you have to let go, let go miss." As if the realization finally dawned on her that she still held the smaller girl's hand in her own she released her grip, slowly sinking to the hospital floor as the team of nurses rolled the gurney away.

On the ground, the sound of sobs escaped her getting louder and louder until they racked through her entire body, shaking her effortlessly. She finally looked up in the direction where her blond friend was wheeled off to, making visible the mix of wet tears and blood covering her face.

*****

Faith watched her distorted reflection on the shiny tiled floor. She saw herself shaking uncontrollably, trickles of bloody tears covering her face. She felt her heart shatter within her chest, destroying the resolve she had come here with. She knew that seeing Buffy again would have some sort of effect on her, but she was ready for it. And perhaps if it were under other circumstances she would've been ready, but to see the blond like this was something she hadn't prepared herself for.

Faith diverted her eyes from her reflection, trying to recompose herself. She watched as the evening sun began to set, the tint of yellow and orange dominating the Sunnydale landscape. Even with the backdrop of busy traffic and sounds of approaching sirens, she thought she hadn't seen anything that beautiful in a long time. And now it was disappearing, the sun was setting behind broken down buildings leaving the town in darkness.

Faith slowly turned her gaze back to the floor. She still sat unmoving on the Emergency Room floor. In front of her, she heard the slow rhythmic beating of shoes on the tile, coming closer. She gazed up a little to see old weather beaten tennis shoes. The shoes, which had once been a bright white was covered in mud and what looked to Faith like black tar. As they got closer, Faith felt herself shudder involuntarily. Her mind raced quickly, but before she could decide anything, or even look to see who it was, her mouth opened and she had already uttered Buffy's name.

A look of confusion crossed Faith's face as she stared at the girl in front of her. She had thought- no, it had just been hopeful thinking, barely a few minutes had passed since she left Buffy to the doctors, they couldn't have helped her so quickly. And even if they had, Buffy surely wouldn't be walking around so soon. Instead, Faith found herself staring at a redhead in an oversized overcoat, hair in a crumbled mess, blocking most of her face. She could see the outline of a deep scar across the right side of the girl’s face through the mesh of hair. As Faith studied her, the girl slowly offered her hand out in silence. Faith's eyes drifted from the girl's face towards the rough hand, covered in calluses. She could see dirt beneath the fingernails, and what looked like dried blood on her knuckles. She hesitantly took the offered hand and tried to drag herself off the floor. As she lifted herself up, a shot of pain went through her body; almost causing her to fall back down; if it weren't for the help of the stranger she no doubt would've fallen. For the first time since she rammed through the glass door, she noticed her blood soaked clothes as fresh droplets of blood dripped on the other girl. Faith nodded her head, indicating the blood on the girl's coat, apologizing softly "Sorry." The girl just nodded and hoarsely replied, "Not a problem." Faith stood there in silence, knowing that the shorter girl was staring at her, but saying nothing. She didn't know who this girl was, and for the moment she didn't really care. Buffy was still in there, probably having her stomach pumped. Faith couldn't understand why Buffy of all people would do something like this. B had always been the strong one, the savior of humanity, why would she try to take her own life? The only conclusion Faith could come up with didn't settle her nerves. But she knew it was true. Buffy had been happy when she answered the door, but then- but then she saw me. Faith couldn't shake the thought from her head; Buffy did this because of her.

As Faith pondered, her slayer senses went wild, making her look up automatically at the redhead in front of her. The girl had one hand inside her coat pocket, ready to pull something out. Faith jumped back instinctively, prepared for whatever the girl had planned. She was shocked even more when the stranger pulled out a tissue and handed it to her. "You're a mess. You should get cleaned up." She indicated something behind Faith. Faith turned, seeing a nurse heading towards her with some band-aid and gauze, probably to clean her up. When she turned back around, she saw that the redhead was already half way out the shattered door. Faith watched as the white Adidas' rhythmically pounded on the floor until the girl was out of sight.

*****

The stranger walked around the hospital and headed across to one of the small alleyways that seemed to be so numerous in Sunnydale. She stopped by a large steel trashcan lifting the lid with a gloved hand. Digging into her overcoat with the other, the redhead pulled out a silver handgun from her side pocket and dropped it into the trashcan. As she started to walk away, she stopped slowly, turning back to face the hospital, letting a sad sigh escape from her slightly parted lips. She mumbled softly to herself, “One more day, Faith. I’ll give you one more day,” before disappearing into the alley.

...to be continued...