To Dance a Dangerous Line
by Shalane
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: Only thing I own is the plot here. Characters, everything else to fox
and joss.
Spoilers: None. Set right after Buffy finds out Faith has gone to the Mayor,
and in my world, ending their relationship.
Dedication: To my girl, I badly wish I could help you.
The large black tears fall from my swollen eyes. Goddamn this runny mascara. I can't stand this anymore. I can't save me, so why did I ever think I could save you? The saviour-complex, wishful thinking, probably. Maybe he can save you. I think that maybe that's what you deserve. I tried, and I failed, so of course you should suck another person into your darkness. Only I think he will suck you into his.
This calm acceptance of your fate pulls at me. I know you could help yourself, but I'm not even sure if you want to. You always say I'm the strong one, but I told you you were strong too. Now I'm not so sure. You'd rather take the easier path. The path of least resistance, giving up. I'm hurt. I put so much love and faith (ha!) into you, and this is what happens. You spit all my care back into my smiling face. I'm not saying I'm perfect, ha. I know everyone thinks I am. You know I'm not. I let you into my defenses, and you sneer at my help. I've screwed up more times than either of us can count. But still I'm seen as the strong one.
Well, you know what? I feel like giving up too. But I won't because I know that it really won't help. You say the darkness is a welcome oblivion; I know what it really is: darkness, pure and simple. It has no absolving qualities. If you'd just come back into my arms, I know everything could be better. You say we're just the same, the Chosen Ones, but we have one essential difference. I have the power to face what is killing me inside. I chose to make it better, while you chose to suffer. If you'd try, I know we can fix anything. But you'd rather spiral deeper downward. And though I told you I'd follow you anywhere, I will not go to hell with you. I'm truly story for that.