The Urge
by Sileas
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: They're not mine, they're Joss' and ME's, I'm just having fun with em.
Feedback: Do I need to beg.
Have you ever had one of those urges? Just nagging every part of you to just lean over and kiss someone?
Ok, so maybe it's just me, maybe I'm just crazy. But you'd have to be crazy not to feel that pull when around her. With her perfect lips, so full and so inviting, especially when she pouts.
God I love it when she pouts, it just makes me wanna take that bottom lip and suck on it.
So, back to what makes her so perfect. What doesn't? She is perfect, like a painting. Ok, so maybe not one of those paintings where everyone looks like a porcelain doll, but a painting nonetheless. And it's a pity there isn't one, by the way.
And those eyes! No way any painting could ever recreate her eyes. So much life and energy; lust, hunger, wanting, playfulness, and I swear I saw love once, but that was probably just my imagination. There's also sadness, pain, fear, loneliness, and long nights of sleeplessness. I'm probably one of the only one's to see the fear in her eyes. That night a few weeks ago when she knew she'd have to face Kakistos. All the walls and barriers went down then, if only for a few moments. I wish I could make it so she never has to have fear in her eyes again, but that's impossible, it's just part of who we are. It's our calling.
Now I've been side-tracked again. Oh yes, the urge.
It seems to have the worst sense of timing ever. Like now, for example. Here in the school gym, with at least most of the school present.
She was talking to Will about something when me and Cordy showed up, and she turned and smiled as son as I walked through the doors, like she could sense me. That's when the urge started, and it hasn't gone away.
Now we're still standing around the crowded gym, and we're talking about something. Don't ask me what, I've been staring at her lips the entire time and haven't heard a thing. Ok, so you caught me; I might have taken a peek or two at her cleavage. Hey, it's not my fault! I mean, look at what she's wearing; my God!
It's funny how this works; even with my keen Slayer senses, nothing seems to work but my eyes while they're on her. Maybe that's her true power: it's not her super-strength, or her senses, or her healing abilities; it's her ability to completely immobolize a person by merely being in the same room. Well, that's what she does to me at least.
I see her lips slowly curl up into one of her sultry half smiles, and I look up and she's looking at me. Damn it! I think I've been caught! She only smiles a bit more when she knows that I know that she knows I'm staring. If that made any sense.
Now I'm blushing. At least I can blame it on the heat of the room if anyone else asks. She'd know it was a lie of course.
She can tell I'm getting extremely uncomfortable, and probably senses a babble coming on, so she laughs at me and goes to get a drink. Or at least that's what I think she said.
I vaguely hear someone call my name, and I realize that I've turned to watch her walk away; my eyes on her ass, watching her hips sway back and forth as she walks. Smooth B, smooth. I hear someone say my name again, so how do I cover? I say I'm gonna get a drink too. Why? 'Cause my brain is still mostly numb from the staring.
I head over to the punch table before I realize that she's the only one standing there. I think she's waiting for me. Could be wrong.
"Have fun ogling my goodies all night, B?" Yup, definitely caught in the act. "I should make you pay, I'd make a killing."
"Eh, I've seen better." Yeah, that was a great come back. She just raises an eyebrow. "Ok, so maybe not."
"You shouldn't lie B, doesn't suit you," she states, hands on hips. Then she eyes me up and down, sending shivers through my body.
Suddenly the gym gets quiet and everyone moves up to the front as they announce the Homecoming stuff. Everyone except us of course; we just stay here at the punch table. It's amazing; all this week, all I could think about was Homecoming Queen, and now I don't even care. Probably has something to do with her standing in front of me with that oh-so-cute lopsided grin of hers, with those perfect lips and adorable dimples. She must think I'm such a loser for being so obsessed with beating Cordy.
Everyone starts clapping as they announce the winners, and suddenly she grabs me and kisses me hard. Full out: lips, tongue, the whole bit; for about twenty seconds. Then she pulls away and smiles at me, placing her finger on the tip of my nose and slowly moving it down to my lips.
"If there's one thing I've learned over the years, it's to always leave 'em wanting more." Then she removes her finger from my lips and turns to leave. "See ya 'round,B."
I stand there, dumbfounded, completely paralysed for a while; then after a couple of minutes I realize that my mouth's hanging wide open. At least I'm not drooling. So I manage to get that closed with a bit of effort. And after I get feeling back in my limbs, I walk back to my friends.
"She leave?" Will asks as I come back.
"Yeah." I'm so out of it right now, I have no idea what to think. What just happened back there? Does this mean she likes me too? Or is she just playing with my mind for shits and giggles?
"Rough night Buff?" Xander asks. Guess I sound out of it too.
"You have no idea."
Dedication: Vida, who, after much begging, convinced me to go with this a little more.
I still can't believe I actually did that. It's been over a day since the dance and I'm still amazed that I got up the nerve to kiss her. I could tell you the exact time since I left her standing there, 'cause I've been counting the seconds til I get to see her again, but I don't wanna seem overly obsessive. Any minute she'll come walzing through that door and I have no idea what to do. Will she be thrilled to see me, or will she forever despise me for what I did? No way she'll despise me, she wanted that as much as I did. If she had actually taken her eyes off of my lips and tits occasionally, she might have noticed that I'd been watching her non-stop from the second she walked in that door too.
Maybe I should've gone over to her house yesterday to see if she was ok. I did kinda just leave her hangin' there. Ok, so yeah, I know I really should've gone over to talk to her. I wouldn't blame her for hating me now. But that's my motto right? 'Get some, get gone.' God I hate myself! Why do I always have to be emotionally withdrawn from the world. I should just come out and tell her that I fell in love with her the moment I saw her, and that she's the most gorgeous woman I've ever seen in my life. But I think the Scoobies will get suspicious if I suddenly dropped my tough as nails exterior and became all wishy-washy romantic type. Not that I wouldn't do that for her, I'd do anything for her; I just don't know how well her friends would react to this. I'm insane, I don't even know how she feels about me, and I'm willing to change myself completely for her. Just one kiss and I'm ready to give her the world to get another one.
But that kiss! Wow! I mean, it wasn't even a long, dramatic kiss, or a hot, lusty kiss. No, it was exactly what I imagined kissing her would be like, it was all Buffy. It was just enough to make it so I'd beg for more if I need to. And she tasted so sweet too. Not sure what it was...strawberries dipped in chocolate? No, now I'm getting ahead of myself.
"Faith? Faith, are you well?" I hear Giles ask from what sounds like miles away. I finally get that he's talking to me, and I lift up my head. Hmm, I'm actually lying on the table, when did that happen?
"Huh?" And how long has he been saying my name?
"Are you feeling well? I've been trying to talk to you for several minutes now, but you've been completely oblivious." I've been gone for that long huh? Damn! I hope my eyes aren't too glazed over. I really gotta keep my cool if I'm gonna pull off this whole indifferent shit. "Faith?"
Ah fuck, that's right, he asked a question. What was it again? Oh, yeah. "Yeah, five by five G-man," I finally respond. Well, there's one person I won't be able to fool anymore.
"So, how was your weekend?" Great, a conversation, just what I needed; especially since he's probably asking about the dance. I really don't need this right now.
"Thrilling." That's right, keep it simple.
"Faith, the Vampire Slayer of few words," he mumbles.
"And ain't that a lovely change from what you're used to?"
"Indeed."
"Hi Giles!" Wow, speak of the devil. "Faith. Whatcha guys talking about?"
She comes over and sits by me at the table, so I stand up and move to a chair, causing her to frown. She almost says something, then doesn't. God, why am I being such a bitch?
"I was just asking Faith how her weekend went." Oh, that's right, there was another question. Great, today's gonna go so well.
"And?" she asks, looking at me. When I don't answer, Giles does.
"Thrilling... apparently."
"Really?" she asks me hopefully.
"You know the life of a slayer B, thrill a minute," I try to explain away what she knows I was talking about, then I look at my feet. I really can't look at her right now. She probably has those sad eyes right now, and I can't stand that.
"So, what's the what Giles." The sidekicks have arrived. It'll be less awkward now. "Any more world threatening demon gatherings?"
"Actually, no, things seem to be rather quiet for now," Giles answers.
Buffy hasn't looked at her friends since they arrived. I look up at her and her eyes look so sad, just like I thought they would. So I spoke too soon about the not being awkward bit.
Then the bell rings, calling them all to class. I guess I've been saved by the bell. Dude, that was so cliche.
Buffy gets up slowly, she looks like she might cry. I know she won't, 'cause she's tough like that, one of the things I love about her. Shit Faith, what are you doing? You can't just leave her like this all day. It's so evil.
"Buffy!" I call out as they get to the exit. They all turn around and stare at me. What? Did I grow an extra eye or something? "Can we talk?"
"Sure," she says after a while and I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding. "I'll see you guys in class."
"But Buffy, you'll be-"
"Don't worry Wills, I won't be long," she says, cutting her friend off.
Willow hesitates, but Oz gets her to leave. He gives me a sympathetic glance before following her. He's the only person who knows about my feelings for Buffy. He told me to go for it during Homecoming, what I did probably wasn't what he meant. I think he already knew about what we felt for each other though, he always just knows, ya know?
After they leave, Buffy walks over to me and sits on the table again. "So?" she asks hopefully, but I hesitate. Giles is still standing there, watching. Why does he have to be so fuckin' good at his job? Can he ever NOT be watching us? She catches on and rolls her eyes. Finally she grabs my arm and leads me past all the book cases to the back of the library. "Talk to me Faith. What's wrong? Am I being too clinging? God, I hope I'm not being clinging again. I mean, what you did, it just-"
I grab her and kiss her again. Deeper this time, and more passionate. What can I say? I never was very good with words, more of a right to the action girl, and I just want to let her know that what I did the other night meant something, that it wasn't just me messing with her mind. We go on for a bit, it doesn't take long for her to react and start kissing back. One of her hands comes up between us and she starts messaging my breast. Oh God that's hot! I moan into her mouth then pull away a bit.
"Buffy, I'm sorry, I just, I..." I stumble as she looks at me encouragingly. "I was scared."
"Really?" She raises an eye brow and twirls my hair with her finger. Then she pouts playfully, God I love it when she pouts. "Faith, the big, bad-ass Vampire Slayer, scared of widdle ol' me?"
"Yeah, very scared. I've never felt these feelings before, and it scared me," I explain. "So I just did what I've always done."
"Feelings?"
"I-I... I love you Buffy, always have," I whisper, though I know that she heard me just fine. Then I smile awkwardly. "At least I think I do. I don't know, this is all new to me, ya know?"
"Yeah, I know," she gives me that same awkward smile.
"So?"
"So what?"
"Do you, ya know, feel the same way?" Now I'm the anxious one.
"I don't know," she smiles seductively and continues to play with my hair. "I've never really liked girls before, but I think you're hot, everything you do really turns me on, I've always felt this connection with you, and besides, after a vampire, you can't really settle for normal guys. Maybe if you just kiss me, one more time, I'll be able to decide if it's love."
Well, who am I to leave a girl wanting? Wait, don't answer that.
So, of course, I kiss her again. I mean, girl of my dreams, right? It's just as intense as the last one, but this time I'm doing the groping and we're both moaning. After I think I've done enough, I pull away. Gotta let the girl answer, after all, even if she did just whimper at the loss of contact. Self control, Faith, self control. "So?"
"Yeah, I think it might be," she smiles. "But let's have one last go, you know, a kiss to remember you by til I see you later."
Wow, I could really get used to this. The only problem is, if we're always going at it like this, in places like this, it won't be long before we get caught. Ah well, let her do whatever she wants.
Willow's POV
After our last class, I head over to the library again. It's amazing, I usually go there at least three times a day, if not more, and today it'll only be twice; and no meetings. Well, I guess this would technically classify as a meeting. For some reason, the teachers decided not to give us homework tonight- which I really don't get; how can we have a night absolutely void of homework?- so we're trying to decide what to do tonight.
This weekend was amazing though, even after- oh, damn it! I promised myself not to think about that, to leave it behind me. I can't believe I kissed him! I can't believe he kissed me! It's ridiculous, we're basically brother and sister. It'd be like Luke and Leia- wait, no, bad example. Ewww, incest much! Ok, back on track Willow. That's not the reason all of this is so ridiculous, it's ridiculous because I love Oz, and all my feelings for Xander are way in the past. Aren't they? If they aren't, then well, this could become problematic. It was just the moment, there was just this pull, and it'll never happen again. Right? Maybe I should talk to Buffy. It was so odd, I knew I shouldn't have kissed him, but I couldn't help it. It was like, I don't know... like some higher power urging us to kiss. It's wierd, but Buffy should understand, she knows all about the forbidden love thing. Not that what I feel for Xander is love, at least not that kind of love.
Well, that was clever of me, I just walked right past the library. So I back track, and I'm about to go in when I see that Faith and Oz are talking. I can almost hear them, but not quite.
"Apparecchio acustico," I mutter under my breath to hear their conversation.
"So, you two talked then?" he asks her.
"Well, I wouldn't call what we were doing 'talking' exactly," Faith says with a laugh.
"But you decided that the feelings-"
"Are mutual or whatever? Yeah, pretty much." Who are they talking about? At first I thought it was Buffy because of this morning, but it sounds like Faith has a crush on someone. Someone in Oz's band maybe? Xander? Yeah right, like he'd ever be her type. "At least it seems that way."
"What were you doing?"
"You really wanna know?" Faith asks, astonished, shaking her head. "What a typical male!"
"What, you mean you two?" he asks, surprised. "I thought you wanted to take things slow with her."
Wait, with HER? Faith's... well I guess it explains her feelings towards guys.
"Woah, slow it Wolfy. We were just kissing." Why is she telling all of this to Oz, why not Buffy? "I wouldn't try to take it that fast with her. You know how she is, I mean it's-"
"Hi Wills!" Ow, that was painful.
"Fin," I mutter under my breath again to make my hearing normal again. "Hey Buffy."
"What are you doing out here? Couldn't figure out that the door was push not pull?" she laughs.
"No, it's just Faith and Oz were talking, so I didn't want to-"
"You were eavesdropping?" she cuts me off.
"No!" I say firmly, but she gives me that 'yeah, sure' look. "Ok, so I was."
"Wills," she says disapprovingly. "What were they talking about?"
"I'm not sure, something about someone she likes," I comment. Does Buffy know that Faith likes girls? "I didn't catch any names though."
"Oh," Buffy says, she seems relieved. Why? "We should probably go in though."
"Hey B!" Faith beams as we come in. "Hey Red."
"Hey Faith," Buffy smiles back and sits in front of her. "How you doing?"
"Ah, you know," she shrugs. "But as much as I love talking to all of you, I'd kinda rather be doing other stuff."
"Such as?" Buffy asks, twirling her hair in her fingers.
"Oh, I'm sure you know," she smiles back. Well this is interesting. Apparently Buffy knows, am I the only one who doesn't? Probably, I'm always the last to know these things.
"So, what are we doing tonight?" Oz asks. "Patrolling? Bronzing? There's supposed to be a good band there tonight."
"How about bowling?" Xander suggests as he walks in with Cordy. "We've never been bowling."
"Do we actually have a bowling alley here?" I ask.
"Um, never been bowling," Faith states. "Don't think I ever want to."
"I can teach you, it's not too hard," Buffy suggests. "I'm sure you'll love it."
"That's sweet B, but how 'bouts we stick with the Bronze," Faith responds. "Patrolling would work too. I know how to do either."
"No need to patrol tonight," Giles says as he walks out of his office.
"You mean no prophecies about my death, no apacolypse, no demon party involving me and Faith as party favors?" Buffy asks sarcastically.
"No, not tonight," he assures us. "So go out, have fun. I'll go sit at home and do nothing."
"Ok then," Buffy says, then turns back to Faith. "So you wanna go to the Bronze then?"
"Yeah, more dancing is always good," Faith smiles. "You wanna hang before we go?"
"We can go shopping," Buffy suggests. "I was gonna look for something to wear tonight."
"Oh really, what did you have in mind?" Faith asks in a, um, kinda seductive tone.
"You'll just have to find out, won't you," Buffy response in the same tone.
"Mmm, can't wait," Faith comments and licks her lips. "Let's go shopping then."
Buffy and Faith both jump up and throw their arms over each others shoulders. That's normal for them, but the conversation they just had, that was just a little odd.
"Well that was interesting," Cordy voices my thoughts. At least I'm not the only one thinking what I'm thinking, unless Cordy's thinking about something else.
"Huh?" Well isn't Xander being Mr Observant today. I swear, that boy can be so slow at times.
"Faith's shoes so didn't go with the rest of her outfit, and Buffy's the one going shopping?" So I was wrong, how can me and Cordy ever be thinking the same thing?
"I really doubt that shoes are Faith's highest priority right now," I comment. Cordy and Xand both look completely clueless, but Oz gets a slight smile.
If I'm right then, Buffy... wow! I had no idea, I mean with Angel and all, I guess I just kinda assumed. She was even interested in Scott until Faith showed up. Maybe it's just Faith, who wouldn't be attracted to Faith. Everything she does is so, I dunno, hot, sensual I guess. I'm even- oh God! Great Willow, go and make things even more complicated for yourself. Just what I need to top it all off, now I'm attracted to women, no, woman. Ok, so if I was totally honest with myself, I'd say women. I guess I have thought of Buffy in a more than friend way before once... or twice.. ok, maybe more. But Buffy's a lot like Faith. Maybe it's just a Slayer thing. That's it, I'm just attracted to Slayers. Oh no, what are you doing Wills?
"Willow? You ok sweetie?" Oz asks and I jump.
"What?" I squeak. Oh God, I hope I didn't say anything out loud. I have a tendency to talk out loud when I'm rambling in my head, and that could lead to so many levels of not good that I'm not looking for right now. "Could we talk?"
"Yeah, what's up?" he asks. I glance around at the others, who had gone about other things while I was zoning.
"Somewhere a little more private, maybe?" I suggest and he just shrugs.
"Wanna walk, very few people around the school now, much more with the privacy." I nod, let these poor fools live in their little worlds of denial, I'm gonna figure out what's going on between those two. We get outside the library and he turns to talk to me. "So?"
"What's up with Buffy and Faith?" I ask. I figure, for once in my life I'll get right to the point. No beating around the bush today. "There's obviously something going on, and you definately know what it is."
"Sorry Willow, can't tell you," he stops to face me. "I'm kinda Faith's confidant, and lets just say that she said something along the lines of 'I'd never kill a man, but three nights a month, you're not a man'. And I'm pretty sure that Faith will act on her threats. Don't really wanna mess with that."
"I just want to know what's going on with Buffy," I shrug. "She was acting really odd all day."
"I'm sure if something is going on," he pauses, "and I'm not saying there is, Buffy would probably want to tell you herself."
"If you tell me what's going on, Faith never has to know it came from you," I try to assure him.
"Oh no, she'd know I was the source."
"Fine," I huff. It's fine, he just basically told me what I wanted to hear. "I'll just talk to Buffy after the Bronze tonight."
"That's good," Oz says quietly. "Was there something else you wanted to talk about, 'cause you seemed to have a lot on your mind."
"Nope, that was it," I say quickly. He doesn't need to know everything else, it's unimportant anyway.
"Ok then, I'll see you tonight, the band wanted to rehearse today, so I gotta go," he explains.
"Ok, bye," I say and I'm about to go away, but he gives me a kiss before I can leave. For some reason kissing him right now makes me feel like I'm such a horrible person. Probably because of what I did this weekend and what's on my mind right now. What am I going to do with myself? I'm so confused.
...to be continued...