Hereafter
by Slayer125
Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: All characters belong to Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy.
Feedback: Please… Thanks to my feedback crew. I appreciate all the
help I can get.
Faith stepped out of the gate and breathed in the fresh air. Six months ago this would have been a great moment but now it seemed like a pointless victory. She had done what Buffy asked and served her time but six months ago Angel had stepped through the visitor door and verified something Faith had already known. Buffy was dead. Faith had fallen to her knees crying cursing god for taking Buffy from this world. If someone should be dead Faith had thought it should be her.
Later she had been put into the infirmary as she had decided to take on the largest gang in the prison. She wanted to be dead. The emptiness was killing her. She had felt alone before she met Buffy but now it was worse. There was no chance of knowing if Buffy would ever forgive her. She had wanted them to be friends again. Truthfully she had wanted more but she would have settled for anything if Buffy would have allowed her in her life.
Giles had come to see her while she was in the infirmary. There was talk of a group of Vampires trying to open the hellmouth. Him and Angel were going to try to get her released early. Two weeks later and here she was. She did not want to go to Sunnydale. There were too many memories for her there. She would not be able to go to the Bronze because of the memories of one of the few times Buffy had truly freed herself. They had danced and Faith had seen the desire in Buffy's eyes but did not pursue it because Angel had arrived. She actually admired Angel because he had got to wake up next to her. He had held her while she cried. He had been able to watch her and protect her while she slept. Angel had got to make love to her. He had lost his soul to her. In truth so had Faith. Because of the rejection from Buffy she had gone to work for the mayor. She wanted to show Buffy that she was good. Faith would work for the Mayor and let Buffy know what he had planned. But the Mayor had said all the right things, he had cared and that was the first time anyone had since her first watcher.
He had told her that if Angel was out of the picture then Buffy would love me. So she did the whole arrow with poison thing. Buffy did come to her just like the Mayor had said but it wasn't out of love. Or maybe it was because for the first time ever when Buffy had stuck the knife in her gut she had saw what she had always wanted to. She had seen love in her eyes. There was love and pain. Faith knew she regretted it the instant she had done it. Faith was content with dying knowing Buffy loved her. Then she woke up from a coma later and saw Buffy was no longer with Angel. She had understood the situation with Angel. Yea sure it was the love of a lifetime and Faith would gladly sacrifice herself for Buffy's happiness but she was no longer with him. That means Buffy tried to kill her for no reason and that pissed her off. So she went all psycho again. But eventually she got over it and went to Angel hoping that he would end it. Buffy showed up and told her to go to prison so she did because that is what her Buffy wanted.
She was brought out of the memories when Giles showed up. He looked very tired and worn. He got out of the car and walked over to her. Faith was shocked as he took her in his arms in a comforting fatherly hug. Faith was guessing he needed the comfort as much as she did. Although she was not the touchy feely type it felt good. She never had said but she liked him. He protected Buffy with all his sensibility. Faith had put her in danger more than once. Giles did not have a problem with Faith unless she hurt Buffy.
"How are you Faith?" Giles asked.
"Five by five, G-man." Was her reply not realizing she had been crying. She wiped at her face to remove the tears. Giles gave her a minute to compose herself.
"Are you ready to go Faith?"
"Yeah G. Whenever you are."
They headed towards Sunnydale. They stopped at Mcdonalds and got a burger.
"G, I am not really hungry."
"Faith, you look like you weigh 80 pounds. Please eat something. There is a lot going on in Sunnydale and I need you in good shape.
"Okay." Faith nodded and she nibbled at the hamburger.
Giles watched her and knew the girl was suffering.
"Faith, I know you miss Buffy, we all do. Do you remember anything about Dawn?"
Faith nodded yes. Giles then explained how Buffy sacrificed herself for Dawn.
"She cared about you a lot. When you were in a coma she put herself through hell. She knew you had feelings for her but she was scared to care. When she started to really understand her feelings you turned to the Mayor. That hurt her a lot, she thought if she had just reacted sooner you would have never turned towards him. She never considered you evil. You hurt her very bad and eventually it was easy for her to retaliate. She only said those things to you to try and hurt you like you did her. When you turned yourself in she felt very bad. She knew she was just as guilty as you. When her mother died she considered coming to see you but there was too much going on with Dawn for her to do that."
Faith was crying when she looked at Giles. "Are you trying to say.."
"She loved you too Faith." Faith put her face in her hands trying to hide the tears she could not stop. She knew then what she had to do.
Faith walked into Buffy's house and tensed up. Willow came out of the kitchen and saw Faith. Faith noticed she stiffened and said "hey Faith we appreciate you coming to help us."
"No problem." Faith looked around the room. This hurt too much she really had to get out of there. "Uh Giles I need to go get a room at the motel and then I will patrol."
"Faith, Dawn would really like to see you. Do you think you could come back for dinner? I really think it would do her some good. She really likes you and she has been taking this pretty hard."
"Yeah, but I probably won't stay that long. Listen I gotta go." Faith had caught sight of Buffy's jacket and scarf on the coat rack and took off.
Willow looked at Giles and said "Is she going to be okay?"
"I hope so. We need to make this as easy on her as possible. We all know what Buffy's feelings for Faith were and they had a lot of unresolved issues. Her life is full of what ifs."
Faith ran down the street trying to escape the memories. She ended up at the docks and fell to her knees. She had a flashback of the first time they had met at the Bronze. Her watcher had told her all kinds of stories about Buffy. She was a legend to the council. She had looked so beautiful to Faith with her golden blond hair and hazel eyes. The wind softly blowing her hair across her forehead. Faith had wanted nothing more than to take her in her arms and kiss her. Then she had a flashback at the Bronze dancing close to her.
Buffy had rubbed up against her and their breast had rubbed against each other as Buffy pressed herself against her. Faith had seen the desire in Buffy's eyes. Faith had about screamed when Angel walked in and then Buffy jumped up in his arms. Faith had felt her heart drop. She tried to make Buffy jealous by dancing up close to all the men. She noticed Buffy glance her way once. Then she had a flashback to the roof. Every blow that she threw at Buffy broke her heart. She deserved every punch Buffy gave her. Then the knife was in her stomach and there was only one thing she could say "You did it B you killed me." The pain she saw in Buffy's eyes nearly made her cry but at least it was over. She would not have to think of Buffy laying in Angel's arms anymore. Then she remembered the feel of Buffy's lips on her forehead. Faith would have to be dead not to feel that.
Faith could not keep the tears from falling. She got up and wiped the tears away. She knew of one thing to do so she went to the magic shop. She had discussed something with one of the girls in prison. Faith would have Nathaniel put her under and she would go speak to the PTB. They had to understand Buffy belonged here. She had so many people that loved her. Nathaniel knew who she was as soon as she arrived. They put her under and she woke in a bright white room.
A voice came from somewhere and Faith looked around. "Why do you come here Slayer?"
"I have come to ask for a slayer's life to be returned. She sacrificed herself to save the world and she should be returned. I offer you myself in exchange for her life. You may do with me as you please just return her back to her loved ones."
"Slayer, your loved one is not in a good place. It is an alternate dimension that is full of heartache and pain. Are you sure this is what you want?"
"I am."
"Are you willing to sacrifice your self for your beloved."
"I am."
"Your wish is granted Slayer. But be prepared for the consequences."
"I am. May I tell her goodbye before I go."
"You may. Go to where she is buried and wait."
Faith went to Buffy's grave. She was excited. Yes she had made a sacrifice but Buffy would be brought back. She belonged here with her loved ones. She dug up the grave so that Buffy could get out. She waited for a few hours and then she heard a noise in the coffin. Buffy came out and saw Faith. She threw herself into Faith's arms sobbing. "Oh god Faith thank you. I am so sorry for everything. I should have known you would defy the odds. Is Dawn okay and Willow and Xander?"
Faith told her to calm down. She held her as she cried and tenderly stroked her hair. "Everyone is fine B. Thanks to you. You are a true hero and I was proud to have got to know you. I know you will save the world a lot more."
Buffy looked up into Faith's eyes. "What is going on Faith?"
"Faith looked at her and said I have to go B." Faith felt herself growing weak. "I have so much to tell you B. But there is not time I just need you to know I love you so much it hurts. I never meant to hurt you and I am so sorry."
Buffy felt the tears spring to her eyes. "Faith what is going on? Please baby tell me." Faith noticed the way Buffy's voice cracked on Baby.
"I had to bring you back. I could not live like that." Faith had pressed her forehead against Buffy's. "I can not stay, I have to go I promised the powers that Be, my soul." Faith fell to her knees as she grew weaker. She gave Buffy a weak smile. "B, that rhymed."
Her words were starting to slur.
"No Faith. Please, God no. I can't lose you I am sorry Faith please don't leave. I love you baby. I have all my life, I can't do this alone."
Faith reached up and gently touched her cheek. Buffy pulled Faith up to her and kissed her gently. "Please Faith, don't go. I'm sorry I will make it up to you please."
"I know you love me B that was why I did it. I give you the greatest gift I could." Buffy felt her relax in her arms as her eyes closed.
"NOOOOO!!!!" Buffy screamed. "You can't do this." Buffy noticed as she pulled her close. There was a heartbeat. "Faith, FAITH!!!" Her pulse was strong but she would not wake up. She cried as she picked Faith up in her arms tenderly. She could not believe the sacrifice Faith made and she would try to get her Faith back.
Willow and Dawn looked up as the front door was pushed open. Willow dropped her glass as she looked and saw Buffy holding Faith in her arms.
Buffy looked at everyone and said "hey, I love you all and I will explain later." She looked down at Faith who was unconscious in her arms. She looked back up at everyone who was still staring at her in shock. "Please guys. I need your help, she, I don't know what's wrong." Xander walked over and tried to take Faith from Buffy. "No, I need to get her to a bed where she will be comfortable." Xander started to speak and changed his mind. "Giles, please help me figure this out. I am going to go lay her down. I can't lay her on the couch cause when she wakes up she'll" they noticed that Buffy was crying. "She'll be all stiff and sore." Buffy sniffed and walked up the stairs with Faith in her arms.
Buffy laid Faith down on the bed. She wanted nothing more than to lay down and hold Faith in her arms. But there were things that needed research, she had no idea what was wrong. She knew Faith had contacted the Powers that Be, but she needed to know what had happened. She looked down at Faith, she looked so peaceful laying there. She did not have any makeup on and her hair was laying flat underneath her. She had on her leather pants and a white tank top. Buffy looked around her room and noticed nothing had changed. She saw Mr. Gordo laying on the bed next to Faith. She picked the worn stuffed pig up from the bed. She hugged him to her chest as the tears fell. "Faith, what did you do? I need you awake. I need to see you smile and hear you call me B. I can not stand nicknames but I love to hear you say that. I have so much to tell you but I need you to be awake." Buffy did not hear Giles come in and rest his hand on her shoulder.
"Angel will be here later. He has to wait until dark to leave. Do you want to talk." Buffy cut him off. She held up a trembling hand and said "I can't."
"OK." He pulled her into a hug and Buffy felt a small sense of comfort. He was the one she turned to since her mother had died. At that time she had to be strong for Dawn. Giles had comforted her. Buffy turned her head so she was facing Faith. She felt the tears well up in her eyes again at the sight of Faith so deathly still. It reminded her of when she was in a coma. The coma I put her in and now I did it again. Why didn't she just leave me be, Buffy thought, as she cried on Giles' chest.
"Because she loves you too much." Giles said. "When I got her out of the prison she was not the Faith we had once known. She was not the proud, vibrant girl you fell in love with Buffy. I did tell her you loved her and I believe I made it worse for her." Giles looked down at Buffy with tears in his eyes as well. "She wanted to go to the motel but we brought her here instead. She spoke to Dawn briefly and then saw your coat and scarf. It was too much for her I guess. She took off and now here we are." Buffy had looked up and saw Giles also crying. She knew he had felt guilty for not reaching Faith before the Mayor. They had many discussions about it. They both felt they had let the girl down. Then Faith had gone to prison for Buffy and know this. Buffy started to sob while Giles held her. They sat down on the bed and Buffy cried until she fell asleep. Giles laid her down on the bed and covered her up gently.
When he got back downstairs Willow, Dawn, Xander, and Tara all looked at him. "She is sleeping finally but I can't get her to open up about where she was. She is very upset about Faith right now which is understandable."
"What did Faith do? What is wrong with her? Can I do a spell?"
Giles rubbed his eyes wearily. "I do not know what she did. I don't know what is wrong with her and I suppose we can research to determine if a spell would help. Meanwhile we can research until Angel gets here. I will need you all to patrol tonight. Dawn, you can stay here with Buffy and I."
Buffy woke up to a hand caressing her cheek. The skin was so soft, the touch so gentle. Buffy looked up and saw Faith looking into her eyes. The sorrow she saw in them could break the coldest of hearts. Buffy wondered how she could ever willingly hurt her. She pushed herself up and wrapped her arms around Faith's neck. She clung to her like a frightened child would a mother. "Shhh B it will be okay."
Buffy shook her head "no it won't. I need you here." Buffy was sobbing while Faith rocked her. "Why did you do it? I have only hurt you. Why Faith?"
Faith pulled Buffy's face to hers and said "Because I love you B and my life was empty without you. You have touched so many people's lives and I have only hurt people. My first watcher died because of me. She loved me, she took me in off the streets and taught me how to love. I really did love her B. See my dad beat me and my mom sold me out for a couple of hours. They could do whatever to me as long as she got her drugs. So I ran off and lived on the streets in Boston. Wasn't so bad, made me tough. But then my watcher got me and I felt like I had a mom. It was really cool. When she died I toughened up and figured I would meet you. I figured to live as long as you had you had to be tough. But it was not only being tough that saved you B. When I watched you I realized it was the love of those around you that got you through. I mean gee B how many slayers were in love with a vamp. Anybody who meets you has to love you. Except maybe that Spike dude. But see B it's like this I have only hurt you and the gang. They needed you a hell of alot more than they need me."
Buffy cried out as Faith held her "But I need you Faith."
"B, I did what I had to do. I gave you something to make up for all the bad things. It was my gift to you. Accept it and let me go."
"But, I ca...can't Faith." She was hiccuping as the sobs racked her body. "I need you Faith."
Faith leaned forward and kissed Buffy on the lips. "I will always be here." Faith pressed her lips to Buffy's chest right above her heart.
Buffy woke up and looked at Faith with tears rolling down her face. Her lips still warm from where she dreamed of Faith's kiss. She bent down to kiss Faith on the forehead and then noticed a tear on Faith's cheek. She kissed it away gently not sure if it was Faith's or her own. "I will get you back baby. Don't give up on me." With that she got out of bed and tucked Faith in. She walked out of the room determined and nothing was going to stand in her way.
"Buffy we all understand where you are coming from, but you are tired. I mean being dead really takes a lot of you."
Buffy grabbed Angel by his shirt and shoved him against the wall. "Angel, I love you but if you are not going to help then get the hell out." Buffy looked around at the others as if challenging them to defy her on this. "None of you understand what is going on. I can not pretend like I am normal, like this is normal. I have been through a hell of a lot in the last year. Luckily I missed most of it. You know with the dying and all." Buffy saw Dawns eye's tear up and said "sorry Dawnie."
"Faith brought me back and I am not going to let the person I love die for me." Everyone stared at her with their jaw hanging open. "That is right I love her. I have since the first night but instead of admitting it I just went along with you guys. Oh Faith is so bad, she just wants to hurt you Buffy, Faith can't change Buffy. Well look at this Faith is the one who sacrificed herself for me. While you just sat here and moved on with life Faith didn't. She couldn't because she loved me to so.. Arggh." Buffy slammed her fist through the wall and walked outside. Spike was standing by a tree and stepped out of the shadows.
"Hello Love." Spike said as he threw down the cigarette and stepped on it. "Long time no see." He saw the tears on her face and quit playing his game. "Buffy, are you okay. I heard you were back but are you okay."
"I am fine Spike." Buffy said as she wiped her eyes with the sleeve of her shirt. "Thank you for taking care of them for me."
"Not a problem Luv." Spike sat down beside her and she tensed at first but then she leaned towards him. She knew she shouldn't but she couldn't help herself. They had been researching for three days but still had not come up with anything. Buffy laid down beside Faith every night. She held Faith in her arms, sometimes she would lay her head on Faith's chest just to hear her heartbeat. It was just to reassure herself that she was really there. Faith had grown pale and you could tell where she was starting to lose weight. Giles had stole some IV equipment so she would not starve.
"So what's the matter slayer?"
"Could you just call me Buffy, Spike."
"Sure Buffy, whatever. So what is going on with you. You look so sad."
Buffy sniffed as she said "I have never felt as alone as I do since I came back. Not even when my mother died."
"I heard the other slayer brought you back."
Buffy started crying when he mentioned Faith.
"She did but I don't know why. If she dies I don't have anything to live for." Neither knew Dawn had walked out the front door.
"Thanks a lot Buffy. I knew you never thought of me as your sister. You hate me you would have given me to Glory if it had not meant the end of the world." Dawn was crying as she turned around and ran up the stairs bumping into Willow on the way. Buffy was horrified by what Dawn had said. She sighed as she laid her head on her knees. Tara and Willow and Angel all glanced out the door and saw Spike's arm around Buffy. They all looked around questioningly then shrugged and shut the door. They all knew not to mess with Buffy when she was in these moods.
"God.." Buffy screamed "Why can't it all just stop." Spike was taken back. He had never seen Buffy like this, she was so angry. Spike sensed she was more angry at herself than anything. "Slayer, none of this is your fault."
That was the wrong thing to say. Buffy started punching Spike in the chest. "It is my fault. Faith could die and it is my fault." Buffy sat down on the porch as she cried "it's my fault." Spike pulled Buffy into a hug. Neither knowing what was happening Spike pulled Buffy into a kiss. Buffy leaned into the kiss for a moment then she pushed back and ran up the stairs crying. She walked into the bedroom and laid down beside Faith. "Baby I need you. I am so confused, please come back."
Dedication: To me feedback crew and to my Angel you know who you are. Just remember I will catch you if you fall.
Buffy got up and tucked the sheet around Faith. This woman she had wronged in so many ways and yet she was willing to make the ultimate sacrifice. She went and took a shower letting the hot water roll over her body. She still could not believe she kissed Spike. It seemed like the ultimate betrayal to Faith. When she got dressed she went and knocked on Dawn's door.
"GO Away!!" Dawn yelled not caring who it was.
"Dawn, let me in. We have to talk. I love you and don't want you to be mad at me. Come on Dawnie please."
Buffy heard the door unlock. She pushed it open and saw Dawn had a packed bag laying on the bed.
"Where ya going?" Buffy asked with a look of interest.
"I am running away but I need a ride." Buffy laughed out loud on that one. It felt good she had not laughed in a few days. "Don't run away Dawnie. I know I haven't been around much. Let me see if I can explain this for you. You know how you felt when mom was sick. How you felt helpless and snapped at everyone. That is how I feel now. I guess you should know I love Faith. With all my heart and soul. You and her are my world. I can't handle seeing her laying there knowing it was my fault." Buffy pulled Dawn into a hug trying to hide her tears from her sister.
"Buffy I saw her before she did this to save you. If this did not work she would have died anyway. There was so much pain in her eyes. To her it seemed like all of her life came to this point. One selfless act of kindness to save the one she loves. Buffy, you are back and it is because of her. Don't throw away that gift or you will dishonor Faith. Even if she dies you have to live for her because she would have died for you." Both of the girls were crying now.
"God Dawnie, when did you get so smart?"
"I learned a thing or two from my awesome big sis."
They held each other for a few minutes and then went downstairs. Just as they were about to get something to eat Spike burst through the door.
"Slayer shut the blinds." Spike shouted.
Buffy did as he asked and said "Spike Vampires and sun don't mix."
"Duh slayer. I think I know that. I need to talk to you. I pulled some strings and got to talk to the powers that be. I saw your girl there she is okay but she is worried about you."
"What else did they say Spike." Buffy shouted "How do we get her back?"
"If this works Slayer you are more than welcome to slay me. We will know within 24 hours if TPTB accepted this offer. If she wakes up they did, if she don't I am home free."
Buffy looked at Spike. "What does that mean?"
"If she comes back to you I have to spend eternity righting my wrongs. I have to be good Buffy."
Buffy laughed and Spike said "Glad you think it's funny. Go check on your girl." The gang had watched the whole thing as Buffy ran up the stairs. Buffy laid down beside Faith and caressed her cheek. "I never knew there was so much love here. Even Spike." Buffy shook her head and laid there. Eventually she dozed off holding Faith in her arms. When she woke she felt a gentle kiss on her forehead. When she looked up she was staring into Faith's dark brown eyes.
"Great I am dreaming again." Buffy said.
Faith pulled away and said "You dream about me B I am touched."
Realization sunk in as she cried "Faith."
"In the flesh B. Ya miss me."
Buffy pulled Faith down gently to her. She pressed her lips to Faith's never wanting to let her go. "You know Spike is not going to like this."
Faith said "Yea I know but we have each other. But see this is kinda like the second time. Let's not tempt fate anymore. No more dying. Ok."
"Done deal" she said as she pulled Faith down for a long passionate kiss.
Never had the world felt so right. Buffy heard Faith's stomach growl and then Faith did the same thing. She looked down at her stomach and said "hey, I have needs I am with my girl. Come on. You know I'm hungry and" her stomach growled again. Buffy giggled as she pulled Faith down to her. "Hungry." Buffy said.
"Don't worry we have a whole lifetime to make love. And we will use it wisely trust me."
"I love you B."
"Love you too F. Let's go get you something to eat. Then we can take care of the other part of your philosophy." Buffy smiled as Faith pulled her in for another long kiss. Buffy felt herself melt at her touch. As much as she wanted to she knew Faith had to eat. She got up and held her hand out to Faith with tears in her eyes. "For Eternity." Buffy said.
"For eternity and beyond." Faith said as she felt a tear fall down her face also. They left the room hand in hand. Knowing to cherish each moment and to cherish each other.