Sanity
by Slayer125
Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: All characters belong to Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy.
Feedback: Thanks to Abykitten, piper, faithful chickie, Eliza lover,
and Jamie. I appreciate the feedback. I hope you like this one.
Buffy walked into the Bronze looking for Willow and Tara. She had left Dawn with Spike and just wanted some time to think. She knew she did not love Spike but it was a way to release everything inside of her. She loved her family very much but she felt empty. Ever since she was brought back she felt so alone and Dawn was so mad at the world. Buffy tried to be there for her but she had her own problems, mainly dealing with life after death. Buffy thought she should be used to this, she had died before.
As she spotted Tara sitting on a barstool her cell phone rang. She turned around and went back outside so she could hear.
"Hello" she said.
"Buffy, it's Cordelia. Are you doing okay?"
"I am fine Cordelia, what's up? Is Angel okay?"
"Angel is fine. He told me to call you and tell you that Faith is here. One of my visions helped us find her."
"She was in prison Cordelia. How hard would it have been to find her?"
"No Buffy she wasn't. The Council took her for their own warped version of justice."
"Look Cordelia, I am sorry for what the council did because no one deserves that. But why are you calling me?"
"Buffy, Angel wants you to come help him with her. There is a lot I should say but I am not going to. Suffice it to say she is in very bad shape. If you can come, call and let us know. We will meet you at the airport, and Buffy, the sooner you get here the better."
Buffy hung up the phone and walked back in the Bronze. She would talk to Willow and see what she thought. Buffy knew she used to have so many confusing emotions where Faith was concerned. She knew if she saw Faith again, it would be the same thing.
Buffy was not paying attention to where she was going and ran into Spike.
"Oh hello luv. No one I'd rather run into." He bent down to kiss her neck and she shoved him back.
"Spike, How many times do I have to tell you this is wrong? I know I keep giving in but it has to stop. I can't keep doing this to you, I am using you and you seem to enjoy it."
"Well with someone as hot as you are kitten, you can use me any day." He pulled her up close to his body and pressed his lips to her neck as he rubbed against her. For some reason she thought of Faith, she wondered what Faith's lips would feel like on her body.
"Enough Spike." Buffy pushed him away and walked towards where she saw Tara earlier.
Tara had saw the whole thing between her and Spike but decided to leave it alone. It was after all Buffy's business.
Buffy wondered why her thoughts went to Faith kissing her. She did not feel that way about girls. It was bad enough she thought that way about Spike.
"Hey Buffy." Tara said.
"Hey Tara how's it going?"
"Okay. Willow had to go pick up Xander but she should be right back."
"That's fine." Buffy started watching the band and then decided she would see what Tara thought about the situation.
"Tara if there was someone from your past that had hurt you very bad needed help what would you do?"
"That depends if they ever helped me and if I liked them."
Buffy thought back to all the things Faith had done for her. She had stayed with her mother that Christmas Angel was in trouble. She had helped Buffy fight Kakistos and numerous other vamps. She had made Buffy laugh and made her feel good. They had a bond that was hard to describe, she figured it was because they were both slayers. Then she turned to the dark side. Buffy had tried to help her, but did she try hard enough. That was the question that had haunted her for so long.
She used to have nightmares of the night she stabbed Faith. She would wake up crying and her mom would hold her until she fell back asleep. She had often wondered what she could have done different. Buffy knew she just pushed Faith away ever since she went bad. Faith had turned herself in for Buffy and Buffy had not felt anything.
Buffy looked up and noticed Willow was there and watching her. "Hey Wills."
"Hey Buffy, why the long face."
"I got a call from Cordelia."
"I know, so did I. Buffy you know I am definitely not the president of Faith's fan club but I think you should go. It sounds like Faith is in serious trouble and I have watched you every time her name is mentioned. You have lots of unresolved issues. You should go to help you and her."
"You know I don't deserve you." Buffy said.
"No. But you got me anyway." Willow laughed. "I told Xander what is going on and he understands. So do you want me to drive you to the airport."
Buffy laughed at Willow and said sure.
They drove her home to get Dawn and some clothes. Dawn asked where they were going and Buffy said "I will explain to you later but we will be going to see Faith."
Dawn squealed and threw her arms around Buffy. Buffy knew Dawn's memories of Faith were not real but at least they were good ones.
They left the airport at 11:30 and Willow was supposed to call Cordelia and let her know they would be there in an hour. Buffy tried to suppress her emotions, there was excitement, happiness, fear, and love all wrapped into one.
The airplane touched down at 12:45 A.M and Buffy was ready to find out what was going on. She tenderly pushed Dawn's hair back and said "Dawnie, we're here. Wake up honey." Dawn woke up and yawned as they got out of their seats. They had to fight to get their luggage and then headed towards where they were supposed to meet Cordelia. Buffy was surprised to see Wesley walking towards them, looking very somber.
"Hello Buffy. Good to see you again. Hello Dawn I have heard a lot about you." Wesley offered to take their bags and they headed towards the suburban. As they headed towards the freeway Wesley looked at Buffy and said that Angel needed Cordelia's help with Faith so he volunteered to come get her.
"What is the matter with her Wesley? She can't be that bad, I mean this is Faith. You know slayer powers and all."
Wesley shook his head and said "I have never seen anything like it Buffy. To think I used to work for those monsters."
"Can you hurry up?" Dawn said excitedly from the backseat. "I can't wait to see Faith." Wesley looked over at Buffy and shook his head.
"Dawnie, it's late. Maybe you can see her tomorrow." Dawn started to protest but hearing Buffy's tone she changed her mind.
They pulled up to the old hotel and Cordelia met them at the door looking exhausted. "Hey Buffy. Angel" she shouted "Buffy's here."
Angel come out of a room looking exhausted himself. "Hey Buffy." He pulled her into a hug and she saw a haunted look in his eyes.
"Angel, can you show Dawnie her room. Dawn, I will be up in a little bit. Where is she?"
She saw Angel about to protest and said "I want to see her Angel." He nodded and pointed to the room he just came from. Buffy opened the door slowly not sure what she would find but knowing from everyone's reaction it would not be good. Nothing could have prepared her for what she saw.
She saw what looked like Faith huddled in a corner. Her clothes were torn and bloody. She was so skinny she looked like a skeleton. There was a deep slash on each side of her face. She was rocking back and forth with her arms wrapped around her knees. Buffy could hear her repeating something over and over, as she got closer she realized it was "B". She repeated it over and over never stopping. Any anger Buffy had towards her disappeared in a heartbeat. Her face was sunken with black circles under her eyes. Buffy stepped forward and reached to touch her and she shrank back away from her. She started repeating "B" faster and faster. Her rocking became more agitated and Buffy saw deep carvings in her back also. Blood was starting to flow from them, running onto the hardwood floor.
Buffy covered her mouth with her hand as the tears fell down her face. The torture Faith must have endured broke her heart. Buffy looked up as she saw the door open and she saw Angel walk in. Buffy looked up at him and mouthed no. He nodded and walked out of the room.
"Faith" Buffy moved closer again and Faith jerked towards the wall, slamming her back against it. Buffy winced at the pain it must have caused but Faith's face did not show anything. "Faith, it's me Buffy. I am so sorry for the things I said to you the last time we saw each other." Buffy's voice broke "You had hurt me time after time and I did not want you to have the power to do that anymore. I never meant for this to happen."
Faith had not stopped her rocking and Buffy gently touched her forehead. Two things happened at that moment. Buffy realized Faith was running an extremely high fever and Faith screamed at the contact.
Angel and Cordelia rushed in and saw Buffy had her hand near Faith and both of them realized what she had done. "You can't touch her Buffy. She is not ready for contact yet."
"Angel did you know she had a fever." Buffy asked.
"Yes we believe it is some kind of poison running through her blood. We have not been able to get near her to draw blood so we can test it." At that moment Wesley walked in with a small tranquilizer gun in his hand.
"What are you doing?" Buffy asked. Knowing they were not going to use that on Faith. "We are going to have to get her cleaned up Buffy. Faith may die if we don't do something."
"Give me the needle." Wesley started to protest but saw the look in Buffy's eyes and knew it would be pointless. Buffy took the needle and sat down in front of Faith who was still rocking back and forth. Buffy reached out to touch Faith's face. She started crying and whimpering.
"Faith this is for your own good and believe me I don't want to do this but I can't lose you." With that Buffy reached back and threw a punch at Faith's face knocking her out cold. She then reached over and injected the needle in Faith's arm. Once she withdrew the needle from Faith's arm she turned to Angel and started to cry.
Buffy watched as they drew some blood from Faith's arm. "How long will she be out?"
"Probably for an hour or so." Wesley said.
"Okay then could you run some bath water. I want to get her washed up and get these wounds taken care of."
Angel said he would take care of it and he had some clothes that might work for her. Buffy looked down at Faith. There was not going to be anyway to avoid touching her wounds. She picked Faith up and her skin actually scalded her it was so hot. Buffy was surprised that the other slayer was so light. Buffy figured she might weigh 70 pounds if that.
When Buffy got her into the bathroom she laid her on the floor. When she tried to pull Faith's shirt off of her it stuck to her wounds. Buffy knew the best way was to yank it off, nothing could have prepared her for what she saw. On Faith's stomach there was a set of claw marks that went to Faith's ribs. You could see the bones underneath the skin. Her back had deep slahes covering every inch of flesh. There were spots that were so badly infected they smelled like they were rotting.
Buffy rushed to the toilet and vomited. There were tears running down her face as she heaved again and again. She sat back against the wall and knew Faith would wake up soon so she had to get her washed up. Buffy got Faith's pants off by ripping them. Faith's legs were covered with the same cuts. There were deep gashes on her feet that also showed the bone. Buffy picked her up and sat her in the tub.
Buffy leaned her forehead against Faith's and whispered "I am so sorry Faith. I should have never asked you to turn yourself in. I should have known the council would try something."
She picked up a washcloth and ran it over Faith's back. Buffy knew that tranquilizer must have really knocked her out. If she were awake the pain would be unbearable. The wounds started to bleed as Buffy ran the washcloth over them. They would need to have stitches if that could even close these wounds.
She heard a knock on the door and said "Come in." Angel pushed the door open and gasped at what he saw. At one time Faith's body would have turned him on but now all he wanted to do was cry. In all of his 240 years alive he had never seen a body so mutilated.
"Can you help get her wounds covered?" Buffy asked crying. Angel nodded. They had her treated and Angel said "she is too hot. There is no way she can survive a fever like this. The cuts are infected."
They had just gotten the t-shirt and sweats on Faith as she woke. She started to scream as she saw Buffy and Angel near her. She scrambled back into the corner. Dawn came running into the bathroom and stopped when she saw Faith. Faith had resumed her chant of "B" and started rocking again. Buffy looked at Dawn and saw tears in the young girl's eyes. This was too much for Buffy and she had seen lots of things. She had protected Dawn from so much and the younger girl was close to Faith in her mind.
Buffy got up and took Dawn in her arms. The young girl fell to her knees as she cried. Buffy picked her up and carried her to her bed and held her for a while.
"I know it looks bad baby, But we will get her better. But I need to go be with her now if that is okay. If you need me just come and get me." Dawn looked up at Buffy with a look that would break her heart, if it wasn't already broken by seeing Faith. "I hope so honey, I hope so."
Angel looked up as Buffy walked back in the room. Faith had retreated to her corner, he had watched as she slowly inched her way out of the bathrrom. She was shaking but he was not sure if it was the fever or fear. If he had ever doubted the raven haired slayer's love for his Buffy this had proved it. Ever since they had brought her in she just kept saying her nickname for Buffy over and over.
"She has not eaten or slept since we brought her in." Angel held his hand out for her.
Buffy walked over to him and leaned into his embrace. Angel had saw the tear streaks on her cheeks. "How could they do it Angel? How could someone who supposedly wanted to save the world do this to someone?"
Faith started coughing and Buffy covered her mouth to cover a scream as she saw blood splattering on the floor from her coughing. Faith was having trouble staying up as she coughed so she laid on the floor. Buffy watched Faith lay down and the coughing subsided after a few minutes. There was a puddle of blood under her head and Buffy turned in Angel's arms. Trying to block out the sight of the once vibrant Faith laying there. "God Angel" Buffy whispered as a sob came out "There is no way she can survive this. She should not be alive now. There is so much pain for her, there are wounds that expose bones even. But those are just the physical ones we have no idea what they have done to her mind."
Buffy turned from Angel in rage no longer able to control the sobs that had burst in her dam of emotions. She slammed her fist into the wall and then turned so her back was against the wall. Angel watched as she fell to the floor sobs racking her body. Angel stepped back and looked at two of the women he loved. One slayer in each corner both shaking with sobs tears running down their face.
"Buffy look. This is the first sign that she even exist in her mind. She is crying, so go try to talk to her. See if you can bring our slayer back." Buffy walked over towards Faith and as she got closer she heard the whimpers coming from Faith. As she reached for Faith she started slamming her head back against the wall. "B." She cried as she continued to slam her head in the wall. Buffy reached for her again and Faith became more agitated. She looked at Angel with anguish apparent on every line of her face. "Can you leave us alone for a while?" Buffy's voice was hoarse with the tears she had cried. Angel nodded and turned to leave the room. "Buffy I think you should try to make your peace with her while you can." Buffy nodded and pressed her forehead to her knees. Angel could see the sobs racking the small girl's frame. She had lived through so much she did not deserve this. Angel believed she had finally realized her true feelings for Faith only for it to be too late.
When Angel walked into the bedroom he saw Buffy sitting in one corner of the room. She had dried tearstains on her cheeks. Her eyes were bloodshot from lack of sleep and crying. Buffy looked up at him and Angel saw the pain in her eyes. She said "I called Willow, Her and Tara are coming." Her voice cracked "I think I'll need some help with Dawnie. I can't reach her Angel. Why won't she come back? I never wanted this for her, I wanted her to be happy only I wanted her to be happy with me. I loved her and I hoped for the best but she turned from me. When we killed Finch. That was another problem I accused her of it. I made it seem like I was not even there." Buffy looked back over at Faith who had fallen asleep for the first time since they brought her here according to Angel. She was laying there with sweat dripping from her body. One hand was stretched towards Buffy as if seeking help from her. But any time Buffy got close to her, the girl whimpered, even in sleep.
Her fever was yet to break but Buffy hoped when Willow got there she would be willing to help heal the wounds. Buffy looked up as Angel sat down beside her. He put one arm around her shoulder and pulled her head onto his shoulder.
"Do you know, Angel, the first time Faith had come into Sunnydale I fell a little in love with her. Every smile and look made me fall a little more in love with her. I wanted her to be with me, but I did not want to hurt you. Plus every careless move she made had me thinking Faith would be the first to die and if I gave her my whole heart, I would not be able to live with the pain. But now she is dying and all I can think about is what I should have done. All the time I could have had with her." Buffy looked up at Angel, she covered her mouth with her hands to stifle a sob. "It's too late now. I will never get the chance to hold her in the mornings, watch the sunsets and the sunrises."
Faith started to thrash about in her sleep. Buffy looked at her longingly and Angel knew Buffy wanted to comfort her. He went and got Buffy a blanket and made sure the blinds were closed. He also brought back a syringe full of tranquilizer so he could inject Faith with it. The more solid sleep she got the better chance she had of surviving this. Buffy started to protest and then thought better of it. Faith did not wake this time she just cried out in her sleep. This had Buffy worried that she was just that much closer to losing Faith.
Angel left the room and Buffy laid down beside Faith. She did not touch her but she wanted the closeness. Buffy tenderly laid a hand on Faith's forehead and for the first time Faith actually leaned into the touch instead of cringing away from it. Judging from the feel of it Faith's fever was at least 104. "Faith, I don't know if you can hear me or not but there are some things I have to say to you. I never hated you or wanted you dead, even after all the things you did I still wanted one thing. I just wanted you to say you needed me, you cared, anything but the coldness. You were like a robot when it came to feelings. You were carefree when slaying but when it came to open emotions you just closed up. I want you to know now that I love you. I want to make love to you and be the one you lean on when the worlds too much for you to handle." Buffy curled herself up in a ball as she cried. "I want to feel alive again Faith only you can do that. Please baby dont leave me." Buffy felt Faith move against her body and Buffy turned to look at her but her eyes were still closed and Buffy could tell she was in the throes of a bad dream but it looked like Faith's body had involuntarily wanted to offer comfort to Buffy. Though Faith's skin burned her she wanted that comfort so she fell asleep with Faith pressed up against her and Buffy had her face nuzzled in Faith's neck. For the first time in a long time they both fell into a deep sleep comforted by the strength of the other. Buffy's last coherent thought was "I know you're in there Faith I just hope it is not too late to bring you home to me."
Buffy woke up to the feeling of an arm wrapped around her waist. When she inhaled she smelled a scent that was purely Faith. She could not believe that she got the honor of waking up in Faith's arms. She was afraid to move for fear of waking from a dream. Buffy feared that it would be yanked away from her. Faith's fever had decreased some. Buffy wondered how long she had been asleep; miraculously Faith seemed to be sleeping well. The tremors had stopped and her wounds were starting to heal. She was still running a pretty high fever but at least it was down. Buffy's stomach growled at her and she decided to go get a bite to eat and check on Dawnie.
When she got upstairs she saw Angel and Cordelia talking and on the other side of the room Willow, Tara, and Dawn were talking. Buffy knew instantly why Faith was doing so much better, they had done their healing spells. Buffy was feeling better as she ran and hugged the three girls. "How long have you guys been here? Why didn't you wake me up?"
Willow smiled at Dawn and said "Two days Buffy and we did try to wake you up." Buffy looked questioningly at Angel and he grinned and nodded. Buffy had never seen Angel grin before so she said "Okay Guys. What's the up and up here?"
Dawn looked at Buffy and started jumping up and down. "They found the cure Buffy...They injected it into Faith last night. Wesley and Willow researched and found the demon blood that was in her system. Angel and Gunn and me went out last night to kill it." Buffy was excited until she heard that Dawn went out to fight a demon. She looked at Angel suddenly furious "I have not spent all this time trying to save her life Angel for you to."
"Buffy," Dawn cut her off "they did not let me fight but I got to go after Willow and Tara did three different protection spells. One of them smelled very EWWWWW by the way." Buffy relaxed and looked around apologetically. "We injected it into her at eleven thirty last night."
Angel looked at Buffy and said "she seems to be healing better but the demon poison should not have effected her mind. We do not know what all the Council did to her so we don't know what is causing that." Buffy just smiled and said "we will get her through it Angel. I have Faith." Buffy grinned at her little joke. The atmosphere was so much lighter now that there was finally some good news.
"Okay guys I am starved. What are we having for breakfast?" Buffy ended up eating almost a whole box of lucky charms. Then she went and took a shower as she walked down the stairs Dawn came out of her room. "Can I go sit with her for a while Buffy?"
Buffy started to protest but then she thought it might help Faith out so she said she could. "I will be in there in a little bit. If you need anything just call me. That'll be cool. Thanks Buff you are so cool I love you." Buffy said "Yea,yea yea. Give me a kiss and get out of here."
Dawn gave her a kiss on the cheek and ran down to the bedroom Faith was in. Faith had woke up and was sitting in the corner again. She was staring in front of her rocking back and forth. Dawn had to say she was looking better but there were going to be a lot of scars that even slayer healing would not prevent. There was going to be one on each cheek and Dawn thought one looked like a T. When Dawn sat down in front of her, she never even blinked.
"Faith, it's me, Little bit. A lot has happened and I really am confused. You see I found out I am not me. I am just a mystical energy with a lot of fake memories. But see Faith I have such good memories of my mom and Buffy and of you."
Buffy stood outside the door and started to walk in there. She changed her mind thinking it might be good for Dawn to get all of her feelings out.
"You see Faith I don't know if you have these memories but I do. I remember what you did to Buffy. Sure I remember the bad things and I know Buffy still does to. But see you brought out so much in Buffy. When you first showed up she was a pain but eventually she got to know you and you made her happy. I never really saw her that happy and I am not saying that she did not love Angel but you brought out so many emotions in her. Angel always made her sad, Riley made her mad, and just between you and me I have no idea what Spike does to her. She doesn't know I know that so you better not tell her. You made her laugh and cry and mad."
Buffy had to cover the gasp from coming out of her mouth when Dawn had said that about Spike. She had tried to cover that.
"When she put you in a coma she stayed by the phone, and cried all night long. She would wake up screaming your name. I could tell there was a light gone from her eyes and it never came back until you did. Sure you got evil and all but you were alive. And then she died I don't know if you know that but it was not long after Mom did. I felt like I had lost everything but she's back now. The thing is Faith" Buffy heard Dawn's voice break "as much as I love her and want her here, it is not enough. She doesn't want to be here, I mean she'd rather die than be here for me. I don't understand it Faith so you have to help me." Dawn and Buffy were both crying and Buffy wanted to comfort her but she was frozen to the spot.
"I remember the talks we had or might have had. You talked to me when you didn't the others. You made me feel strong and happy. I was not just a kid, I was Dawn. I wasn't Buffy's little sister, I was me. You told me about being abused as a child and doing drugs. I know your stepdad sold your body to buy drugs. I know he would hold cigarettes to your flesh until you would cry. Only you were stubborn and held it in making it ten times worse on you."
Buffy had fallen to her knees as she listened. She thanked god for the Monks that had brought this special gift to her and cursed herself for making Dawn feel the way she did.
"See Faith that is what you're doing now. I know what the council did has to have been bad but you are strong. You are holding it in and you have to let it out. That is what's keeping you trapped. We will get the council for what they did, but I need you to be with me. I need you and Buffy needs you. She loves you Faith. Make her want to stay with me so we can all be together. I know you aren't going to be bad again we won't let you. Please Faith I want you here with me. Come back to us please." Dawn was crying hysterically now. Buffy got up and walked into the room and saw Dawn sitting with her head in Faith's lap while Faith continued to rock back and forth. Buffy noticed the tears falling down her face and started to help Dawn up and then they were both shocked when they heard a weak raspy "Don't go."
Dawn shrieked in excitement when Faith spoke which made Faith flinch away from them. Angel, Willow, and Tara came running into the bedroom which scared Faith cowering into the corner. Buffy looked back quickly begging them with her eyes to leave them alone for a while. They nodded to her and quickly walked back out. Dawn noticed the look also so she said "Buffy, maybe I should leave you alone for a while." Buffy looked back at her and remembered everything she had heard Dawn say.
"No Dawnie I don't want you to leave. This is a very important moment for me and I want to share it with you. I am sorry I have not been there for you. Please stay here with me." Buffy looked at Faith "stay with us."
Faith still was in the corner rocking with tears streaming down her face. Buffy walked over to her and laid her hand on Faith's head. Faith whimpered and Buffy knelt down in front of her. "Come on Faith. Stay here with me please. There is so much I have to tell you I mean we have missed so much. I need a slaying partner, you don't know how boring it is without you out there." Faith started to cough and Buffy looked at her worriedly. "Faith are you okay?" Faith finally locked eyes with Buffy as she reached her hand out and took Buffy's hand. She pressed their hands together and held up the other one in her all famous five by five gesture.
Buffy could not surpress the sob as she pulled Faith into her arms. "Oh god Faith." Buffy continued to cry as Faith shakily reached one hand up to stroke Buffy's hair. Faith looked at Dawn pleadingly. Dawn came up and sat down against the wall she wrapped her arms around Buffy and Faith and held them as they all cried.
Buffy looked up at Faith after awhile. "Are you hungry?" Faith shook her head no. "Are you okay?" Faith shook her head yes. "Are you tired?" Faith shook her head yes. "Can you talk?" Faith just shrugged her shoulders. Buffy looked at Dawn and said "Will you go get us a couple of sandwiches and sodas?" Faith shook her head no and Buffy said "Yes."
Dawn walked out of the room and Buffy looked at Faith. Her cheeks were wtill flushed with fever. "Faith, there is so much I have to say to you. I am sorry I said the things I said to you the last time we saw each other. I did not understand why you kept trying to hurt me. All I ever really wanted was for you to be my friend. I still have nightmares about the night I stabbed you."
Faith pulled out of Buffy's arms and stood up slowly. She walked over to the window and stared out into the night. Faith had never been one to fear the dark even as a kid. Now she was terrified of it. The council had shown her what really goes bump in the night. All this time she had thought the demons should be what people feared. Now she knew that mankind should be feared more than demons. Demons would let you die with dignity. Demons fight for survival, not for the thrill of it. Demons would not do to her what the council did. The thing that really bothered Faith was that at one point she was that evil.
When Faith turned around and leaned against the window Buffy looked into her eyes. Buffy saw the anger and pain in them. She walked over and stood in front of her. "If you will stay with me we can work through this. I don't want to lose you again. I want you to be my friend. If you have a problem I want you to talk to me. We will work through the past. If you can forgive me for sticking that knife in you, I can forgive you. I want you to come back to Sunnydale with me." Faith shook her head no at that.
"Faith, please. I know you have so much to deal with. I am scared that you won't be able to. I want you with us and so does Dawn."
"I can't." Faith whispered. "I did so much to hurt all of you. You may be able to forgive me but Red and Xandman won't. Plus I do not forgive myself." Faith's voice was a little louder but it still sounded rough from lack of use.
Buffy started to say something else but was stopped by Dawn walking into the room. "Foood!!!" Buffy handed one of the sandwiches to Faith. Buffy took a few bites of her sandwich while she watched Faith. Faith did not eat any of it so Buffy put her hand on Faith's. She then led the shaking hand up to her mouth. Without thinking Faith took a bite. She could not believe the heat that spread through her body at that brief contact. Faith thought she was beyond feeling any emotions but she was wrong. She wanted Buffy just as bad now as she did then. Faith's thoughts were stopped by the rumbling in her stomach. Faith did not remember the last time she had eaten. The council fed her twice a week and that was in the beginning. Later she lost count of time.
Faith looked over at Buffy and tried to get up but she was too dizzy. She felt the food and acid come up and turned her head. Buffy watched as Faith heaved the contents in her stomach. She noticed the blood that came up also and just got more worried. Dawn also noticed and started to back up. "Maybe I should go get soup Faith." Dawn said.
"Okay squirt. Thanks."
Buffy had not known how much she had missed that voice. She got up and got a washrag and wiped Faith's mouth with it. She noticed Faith's fever was coming back up. She had Angel get her a toothbrush and helped her into the bathroom.
"Do you want to get a bath Faith?"
Faith nodded as Buffy went to run some bathwater. Faith started to take off her shirt but stopped as she realized the pain it caused. She was starting to feel bad which in turn made her exhausted. Buffy noticed Faith wincing and went to help her undress. She pulled her shirt up over her head and Faith shivered as Buffy's fingers grazed her breast. Buffy then helped her take her sweats off.
Buffy tried to ignore the fact that Faith was standing there naked in front of her. Buffy cringed at all the scars that covered Faith's body still. Buffy knew that they would remain for a very long time. She helped Faith into the tub and tried to get her washed up.
As Buffy's hands roamed over Faith's body Faith could not control the passion that overcome her. She reached one hand up and pulled Buffy's face down to hers. Buffy could not stop herself from kissing Faith back once she pressed their lips together. Buffy knew how Faith had felt for her for a long time. She never knew she felt the same until that moment. But this is wrong Buffy thought to herself. "Why is it wrong?" she asked herself. Forget it Buffy thought as she continued the kiss.
Buffy felt Faith's tongue plunge into her mouth and felt the warmth seep into her body. Buffy leaned further over the tub trying to deepen the kiss. Buffy's hand moved to where it was covering Faith's breast. Faith groaned as Buffy's fingers grasped her nipple. Just as Faith pushed up toward Buffy they heard the bedroom door open. Faith started shaking and Buffy could see the fear in her eyes. They heard Dawn tell "Soup...."
"We'll be right out Dawnie. I gave Faith a bath so as soon as I finish up we will be out."
"Okay. I am going to go with Willow and Tara to this cool magic shop in LA. We'll be back later. Angel and the gang went out on a demon hunt."
"Ok Dawnie but be good and be careful and..."
"Yea, yea, yea."
"Love You D."
Both girls stopped as they heard Faith.
Buffy noticed Dawn had not said anything but then she heard "love you too Faith."
They heard the door open and close and Buffy looked down at Faith with tears in her eyes.
"Love you too B."
"Oh god Faith." Buffy leaned over and helped Faith as she tried to get out of the tub.
Buffy wrapped the towel around her and helped her to the bed. As Buffy started to turn away Faith grabbed her hand and said "B, I don't want to be alone. I can't." Buffy was pulled down to the bed and she laid beside Faith. Faith reached over and tenderly pushed some of her golden hair off of her face. "Do you know what they did? The council took everything away from me. I can never be whole again. The things they did kill me more every time I think about it. The only thing they did not take away from me was you. I had you here." Faith laid Buffy's hand on her heart. "I closed my eyes when I saw them coming. For every bad thing they did I focused on you. Even though you hated me I could not forget you. I locked myself in a world where we walked together hand in hand. You held me every night when we went to bed. I could talk to you and you just listened. It did not matter what I said you never turned away." Faith reached up with a shaking hand "Buffy I know you probably don't feel the same but I want you to know that I love you. I want you in my life any way I can have you. I feel myself dying inside but I feel alive with you."
Buffy reached down and pressed her lips to Faith's forehead. Her lips burned from the contact. She laid her hand on Faith's forehead and realized her temperature had spiked again. She pulled Faith against her and whispered "Baby, you are burning up. What is going on? You have the antidote and your wounds have healed."
Faith pulled Buffy into a passionate kiss. "No Baby you are sick."
"I have to show you B. I need you to know what you mean to me." Faith pushed her hand under Buffy's shirt. She ran her tongue along Buffy's pulse point on her neck. Faith pushed Buffy's shirt over her head. Buffy started to protest knowing Faith could not be feeling good. Just having her this close made her body burn more ways than one. "Faith." Buffy maoned.
"Please Buffy take your clothes off I need to feel you beside me." Buffy stood up and walked to get a cold wet washcloth. When she came back she stripped down. Nothing had prepared her for the sight that stood before her. Buffy's body was perfect there was nothing that would compare to that. Faith thought back to the first sunset she had seen on the ocean. There were perfect colors and hues. Perfect lines that picked up one right after the other. Faith had thought if she ever wondered why she were alive she would remember that sunset. But now she knew God had created something more perfect. Buffy was God's gift to her. Faith felt herself give Buffy all she had. There was one thing worth living for and it was the golden warrior in front of her.
Faith kissed Buffy with every ounce of passion she had. Buffy felt herself become wet with the kiss. She wrapped her legs around Faith pressing herself against her hipbone. Faith groaned as she felt how wet Buffy was. She pulled Buffy to her in a kiss. Their tongues dueled as Buffy rubbed herself against Faith. She moved her hand and grabbed Faith's clit, as their tongues dueled Buffy felt Faith whimper. Knowing Faith would not be able to hold up too much she gently plunged two fingers into Faith. Faith cried out as Buffy plunged her fingers in her over and over. Buffy pushed herself down and gently positioned herself over Faith's clit. She blew on it once and watched it harden. Faith bucked wildly under her. With her two fingers still in her Buffy gently took Faith's clit in her mouth. Buffy caressed it with her tongue and sucked on it until she knew Faith was just about to climax. Looking up at Faith she saw the woman she loved lost in the throes of passion. She plunged her fingers in as deep as she could get them while sucking on her clit. Faith came filling Buffy's mouth with her juices. There was nothing more beautiful to Buffy. She pulled herself up next to Faith. She pulled her in her arms and felt the fever raging through her lover's body. Buffy realized Faith had fallen asleep and pressed her lips to Faith's hair. "God Baby I hope we figure out what is going on with you?" Buffy fell asleep holding Faith in her arms. When she woke she realized to her horror that every wound that had previously been on Faith's body had reopened.
Buffy looked at Faith's body. It looked like it had never healed. Buffy's eyes filled with tears as she got out of bed. She tenderly reached down and covered Faith up with the sheet. Her body was raging with fever. She looked like she had when they had first brought her in.
Buffy got dressed and went into the kitchen to get some coffee. Willow was sitting at the kitchen table and she noticed Buffy was crying. She took her hand and led her outside to sit on the patio. "Wills, she is bleeding again. What is going on?" Willow took Buffy in her arms and laid her head on her chest as she cried. "What if I lose her Willow? I can't I love her. She has forgiven me and… and.. I forgive her. I have never felt this way for someone before. Angel is important to me but Faith is my heart and soul. I have never been complete until I fell asleep with her in my arms. She is so gentle and tender."
"Shhh. Buffy, we know what is going on." Buffy looked up at her anxiously. "The council has put a curse on her. She should be dead, she may be perfectly healthy at one point but within twenty four hours she will be in the same condition she is now. I talked to Giles and he said they have done this to one rogue slayer before."
"But Giles said she was the first one to do that." Buffy said wiping at her eyes.
"Wesley knew of one other. It seems that the only way she will die is if she were to kill herself. You see the way that Giles says this works is every slayer has a ticket to heaven. You know since they save the world and all. The only way a slayer will go to hell is if they are to kill themselves. So what the council does is keep them in constant agony until they can not handle it anymore and they end it."
"Can the curse be lifted?"
"Giles is working on it. He wants us to come back as soon as possible."
"Will you and Tara go heal her and we will head back in a couple of hours?"
"Sure Buffy and don't worry. We will find the cure."
"I know Wills and the council is going to regret making me the chosen one. They will pay for everything they have done to me and my family."
Buffy went and explained everything to Angel. They left piled in the car. Tara and Willow up front. Dawn, Faith, and Buffy in back.
"Red I am sorry about everything that happened between us. I know you won't forgive me but I just wanted you to know I regret everything that happened."
"I know you do Faith and redemption is something that you have definitely earned. You have suffered more than anyone ever should. As long as you and Buffy are happy so am I." Dawn and Tara chimed in "Me too."
Buffy looked over at Faith and saw the tears in the younger girl's eyes.
"I love you Faith. Do not be scared, we will go to Sunnydale and find the cure for this. And the council will pay because nobody screws with my family."
"Mine either." All three of the other girls chimed in.
Buffy looked at Faith and said "It looks like you are stuck with us."
"There is no other place I would rather be. I love you B."
"Okay Giles. I want to know what we have to do to nail them. First they tried hurting my mother and know they have hurt Faith. I am not playing these games anymore."
They had just got back and Faith was exhausted. Buffy had taken her upstairs and gently tucked her in. They knew in a few hours her wounds would be reopened and Buffy hated to see her suffer. Buffy checked her fever and walked back downstairs. Worry edged her voice as she talked to Giles.
"Giles I don't want to see her suffer. She is hurting so much and we can't make her better. This temporary fix does not work. I want to see her well. If this is a curse then there has to be a way to undo it. I want you to call the council and tell them to get their asses here now."
"That won't be necessary Miss Summers." Buffy knew immediately that it was someone from the council.
She ran across the room and flung the young Englishman into the wall. "I want you to tell your little friggin council to get off their lazy English asses and do something. Faith has not done one damn thing to you."
"My name is Logan I am with the watchers council. The curse was necessary to bring your fellow slayer back to us. Your friend knows the way to lift the cure is to forgive herself for all of the wrongs she has done. You see Miss Summers we believe that you and Faith are a valuable team and we would like to have you back with us."
"I don't even believe this. You torture her beyond all human endurance and expect her to come work for you. Do you have any decent bone in your body? I can not believe the shit you pull."
"I will be leaving now but like I said your friend's salvation will be in forgiving herself."
Buffy looked at the others with hope in her eyes. "That is all she needs to do."
"That is it." Faith said from the stairway. "Yes Buffy I know, but I can't forgive myself for the things I did to you guys. I realize Finch was an accident and if he had not been on the mayor's side he would not have died. But I hurt Willow because she was so much closer to you than I ever thought I would be. And Xander was because I wanted him to be you. He was the only one who would allow me to be that close to him. I never wanted to hurt him B. I never wanted to hurt any of you."
"He knows that" said Xander from the doorway. "Faith I understand and I thank you."
"Yeah thanks" said Anya.
Faith had sat down on the step and was crying.
"Buffy, I hurt you the most because I fell in love with you the first time saw you at the Bronze. The world stopped when I saw you. I did every thing I could to get you to notice me. At first it was good and later it was bad. I am so damn sorry B." Faith sobbed.
"Faith we all forgive you. I don't want to see you hurt anymore come on Baby. We all want you here. I need you so does Dawnie. She needs someone who understands her and so do I. You know me good and bad. You will love me no matter what. Please Baby. I forgive you."
Faith looked up and whispered "I forgive me."
All of the scars on Faith's body disappeared. Faith looked at Buffy and said "I want to be apart of this, of you. Thank you for allowing me into your world and if you will let me I would like to tell you all about mine." They all walked into Buffy's living room and Faith told them all about her past. Her memories of the torture the council had subjected her to were gone.
Later that night they laid in bed together. Faith looked at Buffy and said "I will never forget the joy you have brought me and I will spend the rest of my life making up for the wrongs I have done. I love you B."
"I love you too Faith." They both fell asleep holding each other tight in their arms.