Words
by Slayer Tash
Rating: R
Notes: This was inspired after I read some really negative comments about Eliza Dushku. It got me thinking about how Faith was treated and how the Scoobies at times were so judgemental despite them doing some not okay things at times. Told from Buffy's POV.
When it comes to her so many words come to mind, most of them harsh and unkind and in some cases they are warranted especially if you base it on her past or the crass remark that has just come from her mouth.
I used to think a lot of the harsh and unkind words myself, now not so much. I had a right to think the bad things though…she fucked with my life on more than one occasion. Truth be told she was fucking with my head well before she thought she was.
The night we met my life had changed forever and as much as I pretended I didn't know that, I totally did and if my friends knew me as well as they thought they did they would have seen it as well…who knows maybe they did, maybe they were just as good as I was at hiding it.
They say shit about her mostly because they don't know her. Sure they know of her but they do not know her and the thing that pisses me off is that they would rather cling to what they hear rather than take the chance to learn otherwise.
Who am I to talk about that though right? It took me years to just stop denying and start accepting. If I had known that accepting was going to be so much easier than the denial I would have gotten off my high horse years ago.
"Fine don't listen to me then." She mutters under her breath and slumps back in her seat with quite some force. I swear I heard the wood moan in pain!
I decide to tune back in to the meeting that is currently taking place and help her out.
"There is no need to take that attitude Faith I am merely making a point" Giles answers her.
"When aren't you merely trying to make a point" I say in her defense.
"I beg your pardon Buffy?" He says in his super pompous tone.
"I am just saying you are always merely trying to make a point when Faith wants to suggest something."
"Have you heard her suggestions Buff?" Willow says from the other side of the table.
"Actually no, I was sitting here in my own little world thinking about how harsh you guys are when it comes to Faith."
"Uh could somebody pass me the cutips…I think I need ta clear my ears out, Blondie here just came to my defense."
I shoot her a look and she puts her hands up in mock surrender.
"Faith did you do something to Buffy before our meeting?" Xander asks her.
I shoot her another look and she just grins.
As much as I have come to accept her, when she grins like that I just want to slap it off her face at times.
"Look all I am saying is this constant battle against Faith is stupid and pointless. Bad things happened years and years ago and it always gets brought up. She is here, she is fighting along side us, she is backing us up, she is doing her job and she puts up with this condescending bullshit you have all been dishing out because she thinks she deserves it…it needs to stop. If we want her to move on… fuck if we all want to move on then we have to get over it."
"Yeah bad things did happen years and years ago, you want me to remind you of them because you seem to forget she held your Mom hostage and swapped bodies with you oh and that's right became the right hand of evil?" Willow spits out standing up and leaning over the table.
"You don't need to remind me at all Willow. How about I remind you about a guy hanging from a tree totally skinless" I stand up and face her off.
"He killed Tara!"
"So killing him makes it right? In all this haze of remembering and forgetting, I think the main point has been forgotten. She went to jail for what she did…now please remind me again when did you go to jail for what you did to Warren?"
"What Willow went through was different" Giles says and I have a really hard time stopping myself from laughing out loud.
"Please, it was no different. You just conveniently say that it was because you are closer to her than you were to Faith."
"Uh B I appreciate you going in to battle for me but I don't think it is worth losing your best buds over."
I look at Faith "If they can't see this then I don't think I want them as my best buds."
"Oh so things don't go your way so you lay down the law saying my way or the highway again" Xander joins in.
"I was so hoping you would get on your high horse" I say to him.
"B seriously come on" Faith stands up and puts her hand on my stomach in an attempt to pull me out of this battle with my friends.
"It's not right" I say softly to her.
She shrugs her shoulder "So what?"
"You don't care that they judge you this way?"
"Nope…I know they do it cause as soon as they stop judging me they will have to face up to their own fuck ups…when or if they ever do then their reason for hating me goes away…they ain't ready for that...fuck I don't think they ever will be."
"And that seriously doesn't upset you?" I face her.
"B the most important person that needs to forgive me is me and I have…that is all I need. I didn't need their approval back then and I sure as fuck don't need it now."
"That is all you need?" I say a little disappointed.
"Uh excuse me but when did my sister start making gooey eyes at Faith?" Dawn says chipping in to the conversation.
"Please ever since I have seen Buffy around Faith they have been with the moon eyes" Kennedy says.
"Shut up Spoon" Faith says to her "Look this meeting is supposed to be about slayer related things not what we have been talking about so could we please get back to the important stuff?"
"This is important" I say taking her hand in mine "If we are going to continue to meet like this then every one has to be treated equally. Faith is part of this whether some of you like it or not…Faith is part of me whether you like it or not."
"Uh which part?" Xander says "Cause I can easily let bygones be bygones with a little slayer loving imagery."
"I say we sacrifice Xander in order to appease the demon" I say.
"I second the motion…I do not need images like that of my sister" Dawn says making a gagging face.
"Enough!" Giles snaps…hmm took a god two minutes longer than I thought it would "Do I need to remind you that-"
"No you don't" I say cutting him off "I just can't go any further with it until this is sorted out. I have held my tongue for so long and I am fed up with it. I love Faith and I am sick and tired of having to hide that cause I am scared of what you will all think. It isn't fair, especially to Faith."
"You…you love her?" Willow says her eyes filled with tears.
"I love her and I refuse to make excuses for it and I refuse to let her be treated this way" I feel Faith's hand running gently over my lower back and I thank fuck for it cause I need to feel that right now.
"Why her?" Willow asks.
"It just is. Ever since the moment I met her she has had a hold on me and I wish I didn't deny it for so long because I wasted so many years."
"Do you love her back?" Willow asks Faith.
"Yep." She shrugs her shoulders as if to say she isn't offering anymore explanation than that.
"How long?" Willow asks.
"How long what?"
"Have you been fucking her behind her backs?"
"Doesn't matter, all you need to know is that we are an us and we don't need to or have to for that matter justify it to anyone."
"No of course not cause holier than thou Buffy can do whatever the fuck she wants" Willow yells angrily.
"You need to back off right now Red" Faith says jumping to my rescue.
"Or what? You will stick a knife in my gut?"
Kennedy comes over to Willow "Babe I think you need to cool down."
Willow pushes Kennedy off her "I hope she is worth it Buffy…I hope she is worth losing your best friend over." She storms out of the meeting room with Kennedy following suit.
I sigh and lean in to Faith putting an arm around her.
"I think maybe we should reconvene a little later…when there isn't so much tension in the room" Giles says.
"I'm not forcing an ultimatum on anyone. I am not saying accept Faith and I or else…I am just saying look at yourselves before you look at her. None of us in this room have a right to judge her anymore…I just wish I had the courage to say something before today."
"Very well Buffy" Giles responds cleaning his glasses.
Slowly people trickle out of the boardroom till it is just Faith and I left.
"You didn't hafta do that B." She says sitting on the table.
"Yeah I did…I have been feeling it for ages" I move between her legs.
"You just made life with them really difficult."
"So what? For years I have put up with shit like that from them. I understand that they are here when they don't want to be, that they have all put their lives on the line for me…for the world but they have no idea…they…they…they make me so mad sometimes."
"I hear ya." She grins a little.
"What they say about you…it hurts me."
"Are we at that when you hurt I hurt phase already?"
"I know you are all macho and not caring about what they say but it isn't right."
"Why? Cause you say so?"
"Well yeah" I say with a smile "But no…I mean if I can see it…me the queen of living with her head up her butt then why can't they?"
"Like I said before…if they stop seeing me that way then they may actually have to deal with some of the not so decent shit some of them have done. I actually get Red's reasoning's…being so in love with someone and having it ripped away or not having it at all…you get so upset that it is all you can see and all you want to do is make everyone else see and it doesn't work."
"Murder rehab?"
She nods.
"Are you mad at me for saying something?"
"Why would I be mad?"
"We didn't really talk about outing us to the group."
"It would have happened eventually."
"I didn't really want to be in such an angry way."
"You could have had Willow floating on a cloud, playing with puppy dogs and eating cotton candy and it would still have turned out that angry. That chick is so in love with you it isn't funny."
"Willow?"
"Yep."
"That is kinda gross."
"Why?"
"She is like my sister and as weird as our world is, incest nooo thank you."
"It wouldn't really be incest."
"To me it would be."
She shrugs her shoulders.
"So how long do you think it will be before we can even be in the same room as each other?"
"You and me or us and the Scoobs?"
"Considering we are in a room together right now it would have to be us and the Scoobs" I answer sliding my arms over her shoulders.
"I don't really give a shit B. I am a slayer, I have a job to do, if they don't like me then it isn't really any skin off my nose. I like me and you like me and that is enough for me."
"Dawnie likes you."
"Well who can blame her? I am a super cool party person."
"I didn't mean to get so mad."
"I know ya didn't, you don't have to apologise to me. I know how they make you feel at times. I know you try and work it out in that pretty little head of yours but you can't keep letting them get to you like this. You are right they don't have to be here risking their lives and if they don't wanna do that anymore then they should just fuck off and stop bitching and moaning about it."
"Is it that easy?"
"It is what you make it. What they do for you is fucking amazing, I ain't gonna doubt that but their attitude at times fucking stinks. They think cause of what they do they are owed some great favor from everyone they come in to contact with."
"And we don't?"
"I don't. I am the slayer, this is what I was chosen to do. Some days I fucking hate it but most days I love it and that is why I do it. I don't do it cause I want recognition, to be in the slayer hall of fame to use what I do to get shit offa people and hate me for sayin this but I think sometimes they do that. Especially to you."
"I guess you see a lot sitting on the sidelines."
"I guess…most days I was trying to guess if you had a thong or panties on."
I laugh softly "Did you play that today?"
"Well I watched you get dressed this morning so I know that you actually aren't wearing any panties today."
"Well I think your house has a panty black hole located some where… every time I sleep over I tend to come home pantyless."
"Well if you just got the message already I wouldn't have to keep hiding them."
"Message?"
"You don't really need panties."
"I don't?" I ask as she undoes the buttons on my jeans.
"Nope, makes it much easier to do this." She says sliding two fingers inside me.
"Mmmm message received" I groan out as she starts up a rhythm.
Now when it comes to words to describe her, the only ones I can manage to think of is Oh. My. Goooooooooooood.