I Told Ya So, B
by Chris a.k.a. Soran
Rating: NC-17

Disclaimer: There is this man named Joss Whedon who, as it turns out, is God, or at least one of the overpower dieties. Those who, unlike myself, try to claim that any of his characters or plots are theirs will no doubt be struck down with a Smite from above. This is your beach, Joss, I just couldn't resist building a sandcastle. I ... own... nothing.
Spoilers: Buffy Season 6 - if you haven't seen it and don't want information on it, you better delete this mail.
Author's Notes: This takes place before Buffy severes her ties to Spike a few eps back in Season Six.
Warning: I am very, very into the show, and I know the characters like the back of my hand, so there will be strife as well as blissful happiness, so don't think this is going to be easy on anyone - nothing worth having ever is.
The Challenge: Buffy and Faith know each other and reveal their darkest secrets over the internet and agree to meet.
Feedback: Only way to improve in life is to have one's mistakes pointed out (with tact). Give me everything you got, please.

+1=2=3=4=5=6=7=8=9+

CHAPTER 1

The Doublemeat Palace created the kind of funk that could only be cleansed by several hours in a nice, hot bath, and Buffy would damnwell have that bath, come hell or high water.

She smiled halfheartedly as Dawn waved at her when she opened the front door.

"Buffy... I need to talk to you." Dawn thrust her hands in her pockets the way she always did when she wanted something.

Buffy had to stop herself from rolling her eyes. Dawn was her responsibility now and that had to come before the bliss of bathwater. "Yeah?" she said as she hung up her coat.

"Um... the ... teacher... well all the kids at school... I..."

"Dawn, just say it."

Dawn looked to the side. "I know we're poor, but Willow's been having so much trouble since she gave up magic, I kinda... don't wanna horn in on her laptop time anymore. You said we should support her..."

Buffy's eyes widened. "You want a laptop?"

"A computer, anyway... Buffy, we need it, the teacher says that to survive in today's world you have to have one, have to learn all that stuff."

Buffy was about to comment that she'd gotten along just fine without them when she remembered where she'd just spent the last 8 hours.

"I'll see what I can do, ok?"

Dawn beamed. "Thanks." She hugged Buffy then sniffled a little. "Uh... maybe you should take a shower."

Buffy gave Dawn a glare.

* * * * * * * * 2 weeks later * * * * * * * * *

Xander tugged the large box inside, the weight was no problem but the box was very poorly balanced and awkward to carry. He plopped it down on the coffee table. "One computer-type box, computer not included."

Dawn was almost hysterical with joy. Buffy just shook her head. Even when Jenny Calendar was alive, Buffy had never quite gotten the whole computer frenzy thing. But if Dawn's teacher was right, Dawn deserved a better future, even if Buffy couldn't afford it. Spike had, of course, suggested that Buffy steal one, but Buffy didn't particularly feel like executing that rather dangerous idea. Besides, the last time she'd stolen things... two cops had received concussions.

She inwardly blinked. She hadn't really thought about Faith once since her resurrection. Some of the things she'd said...

Some of the things Spike said...

Buffy was suddenly shaken into the present by Dawn. "Buffy! Earth to Big Sis?"

"Yeah? Sorry... What?"

"Can I open it?"

"I don't know, what's the note say?" Buffy had to restrain a grin.

Dawn grabbed the note from the shipping list and opened it.

"It's from Giles!" Dawn nearly bounced out of the couch.

It was all Buffy could do to get up the nerve to call her ex-watcher when Dawn had brought up the idea, but she'd had nowhere else to turn.

"He says it's mine! For school!" Buffy nodded as Dawn exclaimed her joy.

Dawn fairly ripped into it. "Hey, be careful, it might be fragile!" The last thing Buffy wanted was Dawn to break the several grand toy Giles had just bought her. It was one of those extra-durable titanium laptops, the really expensive ones. Giles had bought that one specifically because Dawn was such a clutz.

Xander piped in. "Nah, that one's gonna hold up."

Anya arched a brow. "And you would know because your extra extensive analysis and experience with computers, right hon?"

Xander looked at Anya, then Buffy, then Dawn. "Anyone want some coffee? Yeah, Coffee."

"Coffee next to the really expensive electronic equipment, not the best of ideas Xander." Buffy grinned playfully.

Xander held up his hand. "Good point. Gonna stand right here and look like an idiot."

"Oh, but you're so good at it, honey." Anya hugged his arm.

Xander glared. Buffy and Dawn had to restrain a giggle.

Dawn plugged the sturdy laptop in and it powered up with a loud beep. Buffy shrugged. "I sure hope you can figure out how to work that thing, cuz I sure don't." She went to the kitchen.

* * * * * * * * One Week Later * * * * * * * *

Dawn heard the latch of the door close as Buffy came home from work - seemed like it was later every night, tonight it was midnight.

"Dawn! What're you doing up, it's a school night!"

"Sorry, I kinda got ... caught up."

"In what?"

"Uh... schoolwork?" Dawn tried, rather sadly.

Buffy gave the dubious look Dawn knew so well, and Dawn sighed. "OK, fine, I found a chat room for 16 year olds and we got to talking about the latest album from TooFine..."

Buffy rolled her eyes. Boy Bands, she thought. "Bed. NOW."

Dawn sighed and closed the laptop, making a big show of how truly unfair her life was before finally shutting the door to her room. Buffy rolled her eyes, wondering if she was this difficult at that age - she didn't remember it that way, but then again Spike was telling her all sorts of things she didn't know about herself before... She only believed about 1/4 of them, but that fourth made Buffy wonder just how she really had been all those years before she died. Funny how a little thing like dying puts things in perspective.

Buffy took a very long, very bubbly bath, enjoying the feel of the sponge over her body, then came down in her yummy sushi pajamas for some water.

Dawn had left the laptop on, humming there. It must've been in that "standby" mode she and Xander had had some trouble getting the computer to "wake up" from earlier. (Willow had been a shut-in for the past week or two as she tried to figure out how to live without her powers... and besides, Buffy got a secret kick out of watching Xander try to prove how smart he was infront of Dawn - or, rather, *wasn't*, at least about computers.) Buffy got her water then sat it down a good distance from the machine, opening the top, determined to figure out a way to turn the thing off.

The chat program was still running. Something called mIRC. The channel was "#16". There was mindless drivel scrolling across the screen about all manner of things, including some things Buffy ROYALLY hoped Dawn didn't know what they meant.

Buffy wasn't quite tired enough to give up for bed yet so she closed the channel window and clicked the button marked "Channels". There, she saw a "List channels" button.

Buffy watched the scrolling list, and nearly eight minutes later the list was finally done. She wondered if this was why everyone was always talking about that "digital" connection to the internet instead of through phone lines.

She blinked as she saw a channel marked "#Bored-On-The-Dark-Side" (apparently the # was required for every channel... weird.)

All the stuff Spike had been filling her head with lately... That channel just seemed to fit her mood. And hey, nobody on here knew who she was.

She arrived in the channel and saw that her name was <lil`bit> - Spike's name for Dawn. She quickly started sifting through various options, trying to figure out how to change that. She saw an option for NickName, but when she changed it and hit "OK", nothing happened.

She saw a Disconnect button and realized she probably had to reconnect to change her nick. She saved the current channel to her "channels folder" and disconnected. There didn't seem to be many people in that channel but she'd worry about that when she wasn't Dawn anymore.

She frowned, staring at the empty "nickname" box. She thought of all of Xander's cute nicknames for her over the years but she decided they would all be far too obvious. She ended up going with "Tyrani", a character from a book she'd read in high school who was very confused about who she was, and had enormous supernatural powers - half the time using them for good, the other half evil. She doubted anyone else would get the reference. (Buffy had always assumed the pun for "Tyranny" was intentional.)

She logged in without a problem and went to the channels folder, double-clicking on Bored on the Dark Side.

Now there was only one person in it, someone named J_ofArc. Buffy blinked and couldn't help but think she and this person would get along rather well.

She smiled and typed:
<Tyrani> Hi!

CHAPTER 2: Free as a Bird

* * * * * * SEVERAL WEEKS PREVIOUS * * * * * *

Faith sighed. She looked around the yard on another day of really tedious working. 'Is THIS what reparation means? Is this why I turned myself in? Do I deserve years of tortured pain for one mistake?'

Every day, the answer was a little closer to "no". She knew that guy's family would have an entire lifetime of pain, and on some levels felt she might deserve that in exchange, but... damnit she was a slayer. She was in a combat zone and something happened. She felt really, really sorry about it, but wasn't the fact that she still saw his terrified face when she couldn't sleep more than enough punishment?

She doubted Angel would think so. Then again, he hadn't been around lately. Something about old girlfriends coming back to haunt him, he'd been 'too busy'.

It just goes to show you, when it all comes down, you've only got yourself.

Faith frowned inwardly, feeling like those words had some kindof special meaning, but shrugged it off. She was about to resume the tedium when suddenly the alarms went off. She froze in place, expecting to be beaten or shot at - just her luck - but suddenly three HumVees RAMMED THROUGH the fences of the prison, driving straight through the yard. Faith leapt backwards, but one of the humvees was headed straight for her, unmanned.

At the last possible second, she rolled to the side, the jeep impacting the wall and detonating in a massive fireball which threw her up against the wall of the prison house.

A massive set of gun-toting thugs started firing gas grenades filled with tear-gas over the courtyard as the prison guards began firing.

Faith didn't know much about the military, not really, but these guys had to be special forces. Then she saw the goal. One of the new transfers, girl didn't talk much but was built like a mac truck. Faith looked around. The tear gas and smoke had blocked most guards' sight. The special forces were gunning down prisoner and guard alike - apparently they didn't care. Faith made a run for the fence, pouring on all her speed.

The mist had cleared near the fence, and one of the guards shouted stop as a bullet impacted near Faith's foot. Then another one whizzed past her shoulder and she shot a look back. The Men in Black, as it were, were shooting at HER. Faith turned, booking for one of the humvees near the back.

She poured on speed and rolled behind a couple of corpses to avoid the gunfire. She made it to the bumper of the humvee as bullets impacted against it. The driver was climbing out, taking a bead on her through the driver's window. She let out her most forceful kick, the driver's door slamming into his ribcage. She heard two loud cracks from his chest just before the gun sprayed wide, missing Faith completely. His body collapsed to the ground and Faith grabbed the weapon. She had no idea how to use a fully automatic but now seemed like a peachy time to learn.

She held it firmly and gave the MIB's a nice, even spray to dodge, then she climbed into the HumVee and started it up. She glanced around, seeing that there were backpacks and equipment all over the place. She might actually survive this after all!

She gave the humvee all the gas it could handle and squealed into a full 180, heading towards the now-broken prison wall. She gunned it when she heard three impacts against the back window - the first cracked it, the second completely shattered it, the third landed in her back seat.

The hissing and foul stench were enough to let her know she'd just been tear gassed. Smoke was pouring everywhere and in just a moment she couldn't see anything. She grabbed the nearest backpack, and another gun, hoping she was still headed out. At nearly 70 miles per hour, she was going to be very dead if she was missing the mark of the prison fence...

FLASH - Through the smoke she saw stone just as she stuffed the gun in her waistline...

FLASH - She opened the door... pushed out hard with her legs...

FLASH - an explosion.

FLASH - she saw dirt and sky spinning out of control above and below her as her burning body threw her hundreds of feet.

She impacted with the dirt hard, her clothes and hair on fire. She rolled in the sand, trying very hard to remain conscious despite this hard, white-hot pressure in her skull. The sand smothered the fire and she slowly stood up.

The world was spinning, everything had a slightly reddish haze, but she could see that the guards in the front towers were all dead - killed by the special forces guys. Fortunately, all the MIB's were still inside the prison perimeter, and she'd been thrown clear by the explosion. With the entire courtyard smoky and gassy, she rather doubted anyone would have seen her get out of the humvee in time, which meant she was home free.

She made a run for it, her feet carrying her nearly nine miles before she finally collapsed into some underbrush near an old, dusty road.

*****

She awoke in the black of night, in the middle of nowhere, with massive winds howling all around her. "Good, they won't track me," she thought.

She stowed the gun from her waistline into her backpack and examined the contents briefly. A thermos of water which she drank half of, two very expensive laptops, some rations, and a wad of cash the size of which she'd never seen before.

She peeled two of the hundreds off and grinned to herself. "Good to be me..."

*****

After a long, strange bout with hitchiking and buying some new clothes at a really ugly old store in the middle of nowhere (the clothes said "shotguns make it all better" - the hell was wrong with these people?), she was in San Franscisco. She'd gotten a very nice, very lush room at the Hyatt. She knew she couldn't continue spending this wad of cash so quickly, but just once she felt the need to see how the other half lived - and they lived NICE. Though the front attendant had made her pay for her stay up front considering the rather - what'd he said - gosh? - attire she was in. She didn't care, she'd even smiled when he'd seen the cash she had and a leer spread over his face.

Now she was sittin' pretty in a room what was, itself, sittin' pretty. She pulled a large bottle of wine out of the bar and grinned to herself as she cracked the top of the laptops open.

Mission plans. Drawn up in a very simple form in something called "photoshop", a plan of attack, a schematic, and a large death toll.

"Project:
Extraction"

The large red dot - presumably the transfer she'd seen them go after - was marked "The Egg".

Faith blinked. She fired up the other laptop - same exact thing. What on earth was going on? She clicked on the TV and hit the local news.

"In the news today, the FBI has become involved in what is now the largest mobilization of California State police and U.S. Marshals ever. The manhunt continues for Marita Corichitova, who was broken out of the state penetentiary a few miles from Los Angeles three days ago. Nearly every prisoner and guard in the penetentiary was shot or killed by the explosions and gunfire which rocked the penetentiary just this Tuesday. As you no doubt already know, Corichitova was transferred there in order to ensure her safety while she was prepared for trial later this week on the charges of terrorism. The "Daughters of Hate" league of terrorists, of which Corichitova was a ranking member, has long been suspected of the recent rash of computer crimes where large industries suddenly found large amounts of their funds were transferred via their computers to unnumbered accounts off the shores of the United States. It is believed these fund transfers were only a way of funding an upcoming terrorist act.

"FBI Investigator David Walsh gave a statement today admidst allegations from the public that the FBI, CIA, and NSA were not doing their jobs if a terrorist cell so large could exist and perform a prison break with such efficiency and precision."

Faith cut off the man's speech with the mute button.

She was one of the only survivors of that prison break, and she rather doubted anyone knew she was alive...

That data...

* * * * * * * THREE DAYS LATER * * * * * *

Faith strapped her backpack on. She'd gone shopping, so she finally felt good in her black leather pants, boots, and black, tight tank top. Sure, it showed off her breasts, but that could only be an advantage whenever she was trying to get something from a man.

She readied the box. She'd spent an hour at the post office just getting it weighed and whatnot. She'd worn gloves for the whole thing, cleaned the thing with a vacuum and cloth, typed the letter, sealed the box with tape - everything to make sure they wouldn't find any trace of her DNA. She'd seen the movies enough to know, spic-n-span. The letter she had enclosed had said simply:

"I found this outside of San Franscisco. I saw the news, thought it might help. Good luck.
--A Good Citizen"

She'd dropped the box off with the right amount of postage and it was being sent to the address for the F.B.I. she'd found on the web.

After leaving the post office she was on the bus out of there, never to return to San Francisco - that was where the F.B.I. would first start to look for their little stool pigeon, and Faith rather liked being considered dead.

*****

Faith grinned and munched on her sandwich. She was almost out of cash but she'd just gotten this shit job working as a bouncer - something she knew she could do, just ouside of L.A. proper. The guy had looked at her rather skeptically until she'd thrown him twenty feet when he tried to grope her. Men.

She'd rented a very NICE little apartment in outer L.A. two weeks ago and had been very content to stay here ever since. She had her own washer, dryer, phone line, something called ethernet, and full, premium cable. She hadn't lived this high, ever. She loved it.

She cracked open the recently-reformatted laptop, careful not to drop sandwich bits in it. When she'd started work, she'd gotten the bartender to explain how all this crap worked - he'd even shown her how to buy an entirely new OS and install it - she was really starting to get the hang of things now. He'd showed her the WWW, IRC chatting, ICQ, FTP, all these weird three-letter abbreviations - computer geeks. But she could find some really wicked shit over the WWW she couldn't find in L.A. without hours of searching for the right store. She loved it.

She didn't have to work tonight and after working at a club all week she didn't feel like doing her out-on-the-town thing, really. So she was determined to figure out all this weird IRC shit.

She started her own channel, deciding on J_OfArc since someone was always after her even if she believed she was in the right. Someone came in and left, then someone else showed up. Tyrani. That name sounded vaguely familiar, but Faith couldn't put her finger on it.

She shrugged inwardly and typed
<J_ofArc> Hey. What's up?

CHAPTER 3

<<FYI: These girls are both new to IRC so there would be massive typos and mistakes made, but you won't see them here. It lacks realism but keeps the plot moving forward and readability to the maximum - so accept that they're making mistakes and you're not seeing them ;)>>

<Tyrani> Hi!
<J_ofArc> Hey, what's up?
<Tyrani> Nothing. Bored on the dark side?
<J_ofArc> Hey, I made the channel, you joined it. Why here?
<Tyrani> I dunno. It's kind of how I feel, I guess.
<J_ofArc> Bored and dark, huh?
<Tyrani> Life's... alot darker than it used to be.
<J_ofArc> Oh? Death in the family or something?
<Tyrani> You could say that.
<J_ofArc> Sorry.
<Tyrani> I'm dealing with it, slowly. It's been hard.
<J_ofArc> Heh. Ya know, alot of people on here are alot more free about what's bothering them than they are in real life. Would you have just admitted that to a perfect stranger if I'd met you on the street?
<Tyrani> ... probably not.
<J_ofArc> I'm not tellin ya to shut up or anything, I'm just sayin, people on here tend to be alot more up front because nobody can see their face. Little pasty-faced teens especially, always talkin about 'netsex', whatever that is.
<Tyrani> I wouldn't really know...
<J_ofArc> Virgin, huh?
<Tyrani> What? No!
<Tyrani> Oh, you mean on here?
<J_ofArc> Heh, yeah, IRC virgin. Calm down, not insulting your sexual prowess or anything.
<Tyrani> So this place is just a bunch of teens trying to fulfill their demented fantasies?
<J_ofArc> Not all. Heck, I'm 20. Just a vast majority. S'why I made this room, I wanted to see if anyone wanted to talk about something a bit deeper than sex and the latest boy band.

Buffy snickered next to the computer, thinking that Dawn had just been doing that in another room.

<Tyrani> My sister does that. Is it just me or are these guys all sex appeal and no actual music talent?
<J_ofArc> I don't listen to that crap either way. I'm more into Industrial, Alternative. Godsmack.
<Tyrani> Never really heard of them. Then again, I haven't been real big into the music scene of late.
<J_ofArc> You can't let death bring you down, T.
<J_ofArc> (Oh, don't take the shortening of your name personally, it just gets really annoying typing out the whole thing.)
<Tyrani> I kinda figured. And ... sometimes its hard. This world...
<J_ofArc> This world is unkind to having actual, you know, feelings. It's brutal, and hard, and ...
<Tyrani> Bright, and dark at the same time.
<J_ofArc> Contrasts. It's always about the contrasts. Met this girl once, coulda been me if my mom hadn't been a drunk.
<Tyrani> Now who's confessing their darkest secrets.
<J_ofArc> Gotta give a little back, ya know? ;)
<Tyrani> Right... ;)
<J_ofArc> Might lose my chattin' buddy if she feels like everything's one sided.
<Tyrani> Oh, of course.
<J_ofArc> So, what, once this family died, you suddenly saw the darkness in the world? Not to pry, but I'm gonna pry.

Buffy shrugged inwardly. This girl seemed familiar somehow, if not safe, then someone who would understand. And Buffy so needed someone who understood - Xander and Willow could never comprehend what she was going through, and didn't want to because they brought her back...

<Tyrani> Sortof. It's kinda complicated, but... I think I saw a side of myself I didn't know was there...
<J_ofArc> Yeah. Lemme guess, you had it pretty good growing up?
<Tyrani> I didn't think so then, but now that I really see the world... yeah.
<J_ofArc> Hey, the grass is always greener. I don't think we're very good at appreciating what we have until it's too late.
<Tyrani> That's so the truth.
*** Big_MAN4000(blah@8...) has entered #Bored-on-the-DarkSide
<J_ofArc> Oh, god.
<Big_MAN4000> Any f1n3 g1rlzz wanna netsexxx me up?
*** J_ofArc has kicked Big_MAN4000 from #Bored-on-the-DarkSide
*** J_ofArc sets mode +b *!blah@*.ritzpring.com
<Tyrani> NETSEX??
<J_ofArc> Netsex. I don't ask.
<Tyrani> What was that thing you did? The kicking and the B mode?
<J_ofArc> A kick-ban. Remove the guy, never let him come back. It's fun. If you stick around I'll teach you all the ins and outs of being in this place, the guy where I work knows all this crap and really spent a week helping me out.
<Tyrani> Cool. Is it just me, or is it scary that teenage boys (or girls?) can get ahold of this stuff and ...

Buffy thought about Dawn for a moment. She dearly hoped Dawn wasn't that stupid or ... horny... ew.

<J_ofArc> Hey, I think most people who don't want it have the sense to slap the jerks on ignore. That's what I do. If I wanna get laid I've got no problems in the real world, you know?
<Tyrani> Ha. I've got problems.
<Tyrani> I mean.. not with sex... but...
<Tyrani> problems. With my ... guy. I really can't believe I just said that - let's change the subject.
<J_ofArc> Oh, studmuffin can't keep it up, huh?
<Tyrani> NO! Not those kind of problems. Just... problems, I really think we should change the subject.
<J_ofArc> Why? A little more virgin than ya previously thought?
<Tyrani> What?
<J_ofArc> Don't be so literal, I'm just sayin, we're all anonymous and stuff here, so give it to me straight. Sex isn't this back-alley dark-room thing, it's sex. If you really wanna talk about it, why not talk about it?
<Tyrani> But I don't. Wanna talk about it, I mean.
*J_ofArc shrugs.
<Tyrani> What was that?
<J_ofArc> Action. Type /me then your statement here.
*Tyrani wonders.
<Tyrani> Cool.
<J_ofArc> Yeah, it's chock-full-o-nerdy fun.
*Tyrani smirks.
<J_ofArc> So, lemme guess, you're dealing with this whole death thing and you find out, what, you like pain?
<Tyrani> NO! What are you talking about?
<J_ofArc> No closet masochist... Oh, I bet I know. Handcuffs? Trust games?

Buffy froze.

<J_ofArc> Bingo, we've got a winner.

<J_ofArc> OK, look, I don't even know you, OK? We're never likely to meet. I didn't think it would scare you off. I've tried just about every game there is, so I'm not judging you, not at all. If you don't wanna talk to me, that's your business, but I was just kickin around some ideas.
<Tyrani> No... no it's ok. I'm the one being weird. I just... I never knew, and I don't understand what makes me do ... things.
<J_ofArc> Everybody's got a dark side. I've known about mine for quite some time, mom made real sure of that. It might be shocking to you, but you gotta understand, it's in everyone. It's what you do, not what you think about that counts.
<Tyrani> But what I'm doing, it's wrong...
<J_ofArc> You think playing sex games is evil? It might be dark, but it's not evil.
<Tyrani> I'm just so confused. Everything is so hard and strange, and there's this whole ... new...
<J_ofArc> Your dark side. Say it. It's part of you, and it always has been. Denying it only gives it more power. Believe me, I know.
<Tyrani> This dark side... It makes me feel ... dirty.
<J_ofArc> Yeah, but a good kind of dirty, right? I mean, can you honestly say after a session, you're not just burning for more? That doesn't make you *evil*, it just means you enjoy dirty, kinky sex. I realize that may be alot to hit you with all at once, but baby, I promise ya, it's not bad.
<Tyrani> That's not love...
<J_ofArc> So *what*, girlfriend? You want it, you're getting it. Or, what, is the guy bein' all puppy-dog, "I love you" wah wah wah?
<Tyrani> I... yeah... I think he kinda ... does...
<J_ofArc> Look. You just went through hell. I assume he knows it?
<Tyrani> Yes.
<J_ofArc> Then he's gotta know what he's in for. He has to know that your emotions are all fucked up right now. It's gotta be somewhat about sex for him, it can't just be "the true love", if it was, he'd see you were just using him for sex.
<Tyrani> What... I'm...
<J_ofArc> Yeah, you're using him. But my guess is, he's enjoying it.
***Tyrani quit (Leaving)

Buffy slammed the laptop shut. How ... could she do these things? Was it her? Was it all her fault? Was she using a man, a man who seriously believed - no matter how deluded he might or might not be - for sex?

She regretted leaving J, but she had to think, and it was so much to handle all at once. Buffy had to think. She went up to her room slowly and laid down, a tear falling from her eye as she thought it over...

CHAPTER 4

Buffy sat atop the small mountain that overlooked Sunnydale, watching the sun rise. She'd gone to bed after talking to "J_ofArc" but couldn't quite sleep. The words haunted her.

'You're using him.'

And the girl had said that was OK if the guy knew ... but how could it be?

Buffy had never felt like this. The girl had been right and it had driven her from the computer, fleeing the truth. But she couldn't. She was using Spike to feel - anything. She *had* to. She needed it. Coming back from the grave had left her cold, hollow. Nothing felt like it mattered. And in the process of trying to feel again, she'd aggregiously violated and used a man to make herself feel. Someone who had proven himself time and again as being more than just some evil creature - never someone she would love, but someone she could respect.

Nothing had been more confusing in her life than right now. Nothing. Every emotion she felt she felt slightly less than she used to. And the emotions she did feel confused her. She'd had strange dreams, some nightmarish, some of "heaven" - or wherever she was. She'd never been more distanced from the world, but at the same time never more in touch with who she was. Things she'd never known were in her psyche - things like the handcuffs she still couldn't believe she'd let Spike put on her. And other images - images she wasn't prepared to admit to herself yet, much less anyone else. She could barely look at herself in the mirror now, and certainly wouldn't be able to look at her friends if she confessed this.

They'd never accept what lay within her. And, damnit, some of it they didn't NEED to. Her dark passions, her strange desires, were none of their business.

But she had to talk about it. It was eating her up inside, and she had to.

She glanced down at her watch. Her shift at the DoubleMeat would begin in only 6 hours. Buffy slowly stood up from watching the sunrise, and went inside to get at least a little sleep.

*****

"Play it again," said the commanding, yet somehow smoothly seductive voice.

The tape rewound and played back a very large fireball one more time. In her native tongue, the man working the panel spoke to her, "There is no way anyone could survive that. She is dead."

Marita Corichitova allowed the left half of her mouth to curl up into a smirk. "Never assume anything about a truly potent foe. Play back the section where she avoided four of our best men's gunfire."

They both watched the dark haired girl twist and dodge at almost preternatural speeds, arming herself and trying to steal one of their cars.

The news played in the background. "Due to key evidence submitted in the Marita Corichitova terrorism case, it is believed that her organization, the 'Daughters of Hate', may be even more extensive than the Federal government had previously thought. The --"

Marita hit the mute button. "She gave them our things."

"She could not have lived--"

"SHE DID IT. She is the only one who could have submitted key evidence, because she is the only weak link we have left behind."

"Boss, they are all over SoCal like cockroaches. We would never get through and find her."

"If she was dumb enough to stay there. She was in there for murder, as I recall. If she's as smart as she is graceful, she'll be evading the police as rapidly as she can."

Marita turned around, facing the commanders in the room. "Find her. Get her records, kill, torture, but find out who she is. When you do, track her. From what I vaguely knew about her, her name or nickname was Faith, and she was not even remotely subtle."

The three women nodded, then the gathering broke apart, beginning the hunt.

CHAPTER 5

Note: Apologies for blatantly lifting a scene from Season 6 for this, but the writers did it much better than I ever could, and I had to keep the scene almost exactly, with a few cosmetic changes. This is the last time I'll be blatantly stealing scenes from the show, I think.

Another shift. Another eight and a half hours she'd never get back. Buffy sighed, opening and closing the door, the monotony of it all slowly eating at her. Dawn was still awake. It was, like, midnight!

"Dawn! Go to bed!"

Dawn's weak protests were met with a glare of fiery bedtime death. Xander, cuddled on the couch with Anya, almost burst out laughing. Willow looked sheepish. Dawn tromped up the stairs in pouty protest.

Willow looked at Buffy. "I tried, I really did, she's just so..."

Buffy waved a hand, dismissing Willow's apologies. "Don't worry about it. She listens to me, that's all that matters for now. I know you did your best. And I'm sure you helped alot, Chuckles," she said as she looked at Xander.

"Oh dear, look at the time! Gotta scoot & skeedaddle! C'mon hon." Xander rose and Anya smiled somewhat at Buffy.

"You should be proud of Dawn, she's very persuasive!"

Buffy just glared, and Xander pulled harder on Anya's arm. "C'mon honey, let's not introduce Buffy's fist to Xander's face..."

They left, shutting the door behind them, as Willow half-smiled. "Forgive me?"

Buffy couldn't help but smile. "Go to bed, Will. I'm gonna grab some food and a shower."

"Yes, Mom," she said, half-grinning as she went up the stairs. Buffy rolled her eyes. When they were gone, she quietly went to the couch and popped up the top of the laptop. She started up the IRC program and logged on.

Thankfully, tonight, Dawn hadn't been on IRC, as Buffy noticed that her nickname and username were both still Tyrani when she fired up IRC. Buffy would have to remember to change them back tonight when she was done.

/join #Bored-on-the-darkside
*** You have joined #Bored-on-the-DarkSide
*** Topic: "Still bored. Anyone have anything BESIDES sex to talk about?"
*** Names List: Tyrani, @J_OfArc, Torven
<Torven> Yeah, well, shit happens.
<J_OfArc> Uh, Hey, Ty.
<Tyrani> Hi.
<Torven> Actually, I've gotta be going, I've got work tomorrow.
<J_OfArc> You sure?
<Torven> Yeah. Best of luck. Later.
<J_OfArc> Peace.
*** Torven has left #Bored-on-the-Darkside
<Tyrani> Did I interrupt? I didn't mean to...
<J_ofArc> No, but I'm betting he thought you did. It's no big.
<J_ofArc> So... you're back. I really wasn't expecting to see you again.
<Tyrani> Yeah...
<Tyrani> I'm REALLY sorry about the other night. Some of the things you said...
<J_ofArc> Too much truth all at once, huh? Yeah, I know alot of people who have that problem.
<Tyrani> Yeah, I guess.
<J_ofArc> So, I'm guessing you dealt with that, since you're here.
<Tyrani> I... don't know? I guess so.
<J_ofArc> So what're you gonna do about it?
<Tyrani> I'll tell him it's over. I'm just using him.
<J_ofArc> And what if he likes it?
<Tyrani> You're joking.
<J_ofArc> Nope. Some men do.
<Tyrani> How... why?
*J_ofArc shrugs.
<Tyrani> You sure? I mean, when people use me...
<J_ofArc> Yes. Hell, for some guys, what you're talking about is the ultimate relationship. All that sex, no commitment? Some men would kill for that.
<Tyrani> What would be the point? I mean without the love?
<J_ofArc> You're kidding right? You're feeling it now. You're screwing a guy because he gets your juices flowing. Really makes you just GO. That's the point. It feels GOOD. It's what those parts are built for - they need it, they want it.
<Tyrani> But those are just parts. We should be more than the sum of our parts!
<J_ofArc> Believe what you wanna believe, you're still screwing a guy you don't love and getting off on it.
***PING Tyrani
***PING REPLY FROM Tyrani 1 Sec
<J_ofArc> You still there, or are you running away from the truth again?
<Tyrani> You're not the nicest person I've ever met.
<J_ofArc> Nope, but I'm honest. I may not sound like it, but I am tryin to help, I just go about it a bit differently than maybe your friends would.
<Tyrani> My friends would never understand this. If I told them this they'd freak out, say he was just going to hurt me.
<J_ofArc> So he's dangerous to boot, huh?
<Tyrani> Not really. It's hard to explain, but he's sortof been shown that violence isn't the answer.
<Tyrani> But dangerous or not, I'm still going to end it. Even if he likes being used, I think... I think he deserves more than that.
<Tyrani> His feelings for me are too much.
<J_ofArc> See? I helped. You were having trouble dealing with the fact you used a guy who loved you for sex. Then, ya talk to me, and ya see things how they really are, and you take action.
<Tyrani> I guess, though you could've used a bit more tact.
<J_ofArc> Nah. Tact only softens the blow, and you clearly needed a strong right cross. ;)
<Tyrani> Thanks so much. :P
<J_ofArc> Oooh, a rasperry, you've been studying.
<Tyrani> One of the guys at work is sortof geeky, I asked him some questions.
<J_ofArc> Just for me? You shouldn't have.
<Tyrani> Very funny.

Johnathan laughed slightly. When Buffy and Dawn had gotten a laptop, it was their dream come true, finally a chance for the three of them to spy on everything she said and did without the cameras. It gave them an open scope into who she was. Everybody was so much more real on IRC - no inhibitions, no fears. Warren was leaning over Johnathan's shoulder, while their third slept on a bean bag in the corner. For all his preaching about no bedtimes, he always fell asleep first.

"I wonder if 'J' is gonna teach her what netsex really is."

"We can only hope, Sparky," replied Johnathan. "Personally, I'm betting we're leaning toward the Big Friendship sign, but you never know."

"I'll take that bet. My limited edition Witchblade figurine versus your first-edition StarWars comic!"

Warren thwacked Johnathan across the head. "Don't be a moron, shortstuff."

"Guess you're not so sure about it after all?"

"Shuttup before I plant your face in the flatscreen. Keep monitoring, I've gotta go out for some supplies."

"Ooh! Jelly donuts?"

Warren just glared at Johnathan before rising up the stairs.

"No need to get pissy, Lord of the Robots. Shees." Johnathan turned his attention back to the screen, still personally hoping for some seriously hot girl-on-girl action.

<Tyrani> You've gotta be kidding.
<J_ofArc> No way. He actually said "candy bar". I think he was disappointed when I busted through the creamy center.
*Tyrani laughs, wincing.
<Tyrani> And I laugh DESPITE the fact that's a truly ancient joke...
<J_ofArc> Gotta love the classics.
*J_ofArc looks at her watch.
<J_ofArc> Damn, you know it's three A.M.? At least on the West Coast.
<Tyrani> Whoah... actually, I should be going. I've got work tomorrow.
<J_ofArc> What do you do?
<Tyrani> Oh, god. I ... sling meat.
<J_ofArc> Hey, it's work. I'm a bouncer, believe it or not.
<Tyrani> BOUNCER? You must be alot taller than I figured.
<J_ofArc> Not that big, but I've had good training, and that's all that matters. It's all about skill and placement, not brute strength. I brought down a 400 pound guy with a single blow once. Nerves.
<Tyrani> Cool. Anyway, I gotta go, seriously.
<J_ofArc> Tomorrow? Same bat-time, same bat-channel?
<Tyrani> Oh, god, I can't believe you just said that.
<J_ofArc> You were supposed to laugh again, at the classics.
<Tyrani> Oh. Haha. ;)
<J_ofArc> Wench.
<Tyrani> Seeya!

Buffy quietly closed the laptop, grinning to herself. Johnathan zoomed the camera in. He sighed inwardly. She really was beautiful, and staring at her constantly was proving to be a bit affecting. Meanwhile, Warren was laughing right in Johnathan's ear. "SEE? I told you. I'm more sure than ever now. I'll take that bet. You'll lose your first edition figure and I'm at no risk."

"I don't think so."

"Oh, come on, you were 'so suuuure' earlier, Sparky. Too chicken?"

"I'm not Marty McFly, that's not going to work on me."

Warren rolled his eyes. "You are such a geek. Come onnnnn."

Johnathan stared at the three hours of logs. The ending didn't bode well, but there was definitely a chemistry there between the two girls he coudln't deny.

And he *wanted* that first edition Star Wars book.

"Deal."

"Never got a figure so easily in my life. What's the time limit? Three weeks?"

"Sounds good."

"Great! No netsex, no promises to meet, no declarations of love for two weeks, I've got your figure."

"And if they DO, I've got your first edition StarWars #1." Johnathan said firmly.

"Yeah yeah, Sparky, not gonna happen." Warren walked off.

Johnathan wondered briefly if he could trust Warren to uphold his end of the deal. To hell with it, he was going to find out once and for all. Johnathan went to his side of the room and began sifting through the spellbooks...

Buffy walked the graveyard, watching for vampires along the way. Finally she arrived at the crypt. She took a very, very deep breath. The door creaked open and she smiled tentatively at Spike. Spike grinned, turning toward her.

"So what's it to be tonight, love? A little handcuffs? Little leather?"

"None, Spike. None of that."

"Straight up vanilla? Kinda boring, but with you, nothing's ever boring..."

Buffy winced. He really was gone for her, and that made this all the harder.

"None, Spike. It's over."

"Oh, please. I've already heard this tune, love. I know it by heart."

"This isn't like the other times. It's really, really over. I'm using you, Spike."

"Yeah, well, you don't see me complaining, do you?"

Score one for 'J.'

"Spike... I'm really sorry. But this is going to end."

The mute look of pain on his face made her almost want to cry.

"I don't feel like you do. I can't do this. You..."

She hesitated as she said what she'd been afraid to admit all this time.

"You deserve better. I'm sorry, William."

She turned away from the pain, the hurt, and the realization in his eyes, and walked out of the crypt.

CHAPTER 6

Faith sighed, plopping down on the bed. She popped in one of Sarah McLachlan's few *NON*-depressing CD tracks and pressed "play" on the remote. She ran her fingers through her somewhat greasy hair and sighed. It had been a very long, very hot friday night in the city. There were nights being a bouncer wasn't worth the pay. Her hair had completely flattened under the massive heat and humidity and she probably stunk like a skunk. She snorted inwardly at the bad poetry. And to beat it all, the A/C was broke.

So she just lay there, on her bed, wishing she could either melt or find a vat of icewater to stand in. Though she had to admit, Sarah's voice in her ears was almost as good as the icewater. She shivered as MacLachlan's voice hit a perfect high note. She carefully pulled her tank top off, then her boots, socks, and pants. No, it still didn't help, and she doubted the thong she was wearing on her otherwise naked form was keeping enough heat in to really make it worth the effort of taking off.

"show... er... neeeeed... show... er..." Faith fairly crawled into the bathroom as she moaned to herself.

Ten minutes and a cold shower later, she was back out feeling quite refreshed, in a pair of silk boxers and nothing else. It was about 2 A.M. - Friday shifts always ran late. She cracked open the laptop and popped on to IRC. She didn't expect Tyrani to be there this late, but it was worth a shot.

***J_ofArc has joined #Bored-On-The-DarkSide
***Names: J_ofArc, Tyrani

Faith wiggled her eyebrows. Tonight might not be a complete waste of her life after all. After their last conversation, she was hoping this Tyrani chick would turn out to be a really good friend... or more. Heck, after being in prison for so long and avoiding the scum she had a tendency to meet at work, Faith could have used a good, hard screw. And this girl had a brain, which meant they could talk afterwards and actually have a good time.

<J_ofArc> Hey, baby. Didja miss me?
<Tyrani> Hey! And, YES. Where've you been? Cheating on me with some other geek, I bet.
<J_ofArc> No way! You know you're my number one nerd, babycakes.
*Tyrani adjusts her glasses. "Better be."
<J_ofArc> Hey, it's not anyone who can keep me entertained until way past my bedtime just by talking to me. Usually it takes alot more than that ;)
*Tyrani covers her mouth in awe, her eyes wide.
<Tyrani> You wouldn't be talking about that evil "netsex", would you?
<J_ofArc> Hell no, the real thing's much better. Actually, you're the first person I've really had a chance to talk to besides that guy who was in here yesterday, and I haven't seen him since. So... gosh, I'm a virgin.
<Tyrani> HAH. After some of the stories you told me?
<J_ofArc> Well, on here anyway. But it doesn't really matter, cuz you managed to keep me entertained without the gratuitous use of cleaveage or hips.
<Tyrani> Sounds like a major accomplishment.
<J_ofArc> Yeah, maybe I'm just a slut.
<Tyrani> Maybe. ;)
*J_ofArc noogies the hell out of you.
<Tyrani> HEY. Don't do that.
<J_ofArc> You deserve it. So anyway, I was at work today, and the temperature got to something like 85.
<Tyrani> Ouch. You work outside, too, don't you?
<J_ofArc> On Fridays, yeah. God there are days I hate this job. Wanna know what's worse? I come home, and the A/C unit is busted. I gotta call the landlord and get him to fix it.
<Tyrani> Again with the ouch. Fortunately, the A/C here is working with a mighty fury.
<J_ofArc> Maybe I should be spending the night at your place.
<Tyrani> I don't think I'm ready for that kind of commitment. I mean we just met two days ago ;)
<J_ofArc> There you go again, mistaking a simple sleepover as a profession of true love. Typical, T.
<Tyrani> True love? I just don't want you using my toothbrush. Maybe your subconscious WANTS me to say that. I wonder who is reading things into who?
*Tyrani grins.
<J_ofArc> Nah. Wouldn't believe it. Been burned too much.
<Tyrani> And one more time with the ouch. I thought I had love issues. Wanna talk about it?
<J_ofArc> What is there to tell? Guys'll be guys. Heck, girls'll be girls. Either way, sometimes you get the beast, sometimes the beast gets you.
<Tyrani> What's that supposed to mean?
<J_ofArc> Like I was sayin the other night. We all got needs. Sometimes I think we mistake those needs for love. God knows I have.
<Tyrani> Oh. I've been there. Guy works on you, makes you lower your defenses, really GETS to you, you finally let him in...
<J_ofArc> And he screws you and leaves. "Gosh, that was fun. Was it more than fun?"
<Tyrani> God, I think I've been there literally. Name wasn't Parker, was it?
<J_ofArc> I dunno, maybe. It's happened too many times to remember all the names anymore. Hell, it's been going on since before I can remember.
<Tyrani> Short memory?
<J_ofArc> No... just... never mind.
*Tyrani arches a brow.
<J_ofArc> Old stuff. Left it behind.
<Tyrani> I guess, if that's how you feel, though I would remind the honorable Miss Arc that, in her own words, people are more free with their lives here, since this place really is anonymous.
<J_ofArc> Your Honor, I object, I don't want to be on trial.
<Tyrani> Overruled. The prosecutor has shared her life with you in a very intimate way and you're obliged to return the favor.
<J_ofArc> No fair! You can't be the prosecution AND the judge!
<Tyrani> Watch me. *wink*
*J_ofArc sighs.
*J_ofArc sighs again.
<Tyrani> We await your testimony with anticipation.
<J_ofArc> I dunno...
<Tyrani> I'm just playing around. If you honestly have too many issues about whatever it is, that's fine.
<Tyrani> Then again, I would remind you that you "too much truth"-ed me already ;)
<J_ofArc> So it's payback time, huh?
<Tyrani> Exactamon.
<J_ofArc> You are actually a form of evil, you know that?
*Tyrani bats her eyes innocently.
<Tyrani> Who, me?
<J_ofArc> This is serious.
<Tyrani> Hence the not laughing. I won't laugh at you.
<Tyrani> You really helped me through some very strange, dark stuff in my personality. You helped me deal with someone I should have dealt with a long while ago. Maybe I can help you. If I can't, maybe I can just listen, and that'll help.
<Tyrani> I'm only offering because I owe you so much.
<J_ofArc> You know, in the history of my life, opening up to people has gotten me burned, time and time again.
<Tyrani> No matter what, I will not laugh at you, and I will not betray you, and I will not judge you. This death... in my family has opened my eyes to alot of things, and I will not do to you what several people have done to me.
*J_ofArc nods, hesitantly.
<J_ofArc> OK, look. I had a rotten childhood. That's no excuse for some of the things I've done, but my teenage-hood was no better, so I never really saw anything but darkness in the world.
<J_ofArc> My dad, from what I was told, was an alcoholic loser who pretty much screwed my mom and dumped her in a couple months. Then again, my mom was NO saint, so maybe he had a reason.
<J_ofArc> My mom picked up the drinking habit from my dad. It's a miracle I survived birth, considering mom died of massive liver failure a few years ago. But I'm getting ahead of myself.
<J_ofArc> My mom was a ripe bitch. I can't even begin to describe the things she said to me. From as early as I can remember... words like "You're nothing without me", "you're just as worthless as your father", "I'll make you suffer if you get in my way." She used to beat me, even cut me with broken bottles. She kept me from fighting back by convincing me I was too worthless to do anything, and that I'd always rely on her.
<Tyrani> Oh my god...
<J_ofArc> Then, she started cycling through "boyfriends". Most of them didn't last a day. Even before puberty hit, some of them started asking her to pass me around. Disgusting fucking pigs. I don't remember a whole lot of it, but between mom's beatings and her boyfriends' rapings, hate started building up in me. And there was nowhere I could go.
<J_ofArc>' Then, around my 16th or 17th birthday, part of me awakened. It's hard to describe, but I suddenly realized I *could* take her if I had to. I joined up a gym, really worked out, even learned some martial arts and some dirty fighting from some friends. And one night, she thought she could beat me. Her boyfriend thought it too. I proved them wrong.
<Tyrani> You didn't...
<J_ofArc> Fuck no. I'm not going to jail for her worthless ass. I broke her arm. And her leg. The police came, saw the broken glass in my arm, got some depositions from the neighbors about beatings that went on there every night, and from then on, I was emancipated. Free to live my own life. Got the writ somewhere around here.
<J_ofArc> Anyway, I had a couple boyfriends, even a girlfriend once (yeah, I'm bi, surprise!) but they all ended up leaving me. The sex was great, of course, they all said that, but not a single one of them put any trust in me. Or maybe I couldn't put any trust in them and they reacted. But most of them didn't even make the effort. I was flesh. Boobs and hole.
<Tyrani> My ... I'm... I ... can't think of what to say.
<J_ofArc> Look, believe it or not, I'm alot better now. I faced down some of my issues - and they faced me down, and I paid the price for some of my mistakes. I just don't necessarily think love is real. But I might trust someone someday.
<Tyrani> Listen, I know this sounds hollow coming from a computer, but I want to be your friend. I WANT you to trust me... because I need someone I can trust.
<J_ofArc> We've only known each other three days.
<Tyrani> But we're... linked. Don't you sense it?
<J_ofArc> Not sure what I sense. This place isn't exactly instinctual.
<Tyrani> Maybe not... but you're gonna have to take a chance someday.

Faith glanced to her right as the CD began playing "Angel", the next track on her Maclachlan CD. She glanced at the screen, the risk hanging there infront of her. She glanced back at the stereo. She wasn't one to believe in signs, but it seemed... right. Like that song was meant to play then.

<J_ofArc> Risk taken.
<Tyrani> Friends?
<J_ofArc> Friends.

Faith released a breath she'd been holding for almost 21 years.

CHAPTER 7

Buffy slipped in the front door, secretly anxious for tonight's rendesvous. It was now Tuesday - typically a bad night in Sunnydale, but Buffy had largely stopped patrolling. The vampires just didn't seem to be nearly as prolific lately, it didn't seem worth it. She always came directly home to talk to "J_ofArc" since their Friday pledge to one another. She might do a round before bed, at four A.M., if she felt up to it.

She supposed she should care more about the vampires, but nothing seemed to matter anymore, with the exception of "J". Compared to the life she lived in heaven, this place was filled with so much pain and suffering, she didn't know if she'd be able to adapt to it. Her friends really didn't want to hear what she was going through, nor could they really grasp it if she talked about it. They were too happy to have her back, and too blissfully unaware of what heaven was like. So, she'd been telling J certain things - not the most intimate, but close - that she'd been thinking since she'd been back. How cruelly she felt towards her friends for doing this to her, and what a secret it was. (Needless to say she didn't explain her "resurrection" to J, she explained she was mad at her friends for wanting her back in their lives so very shortly after her family members death. J seemed a bit suspicious, but Buffy had done the best she could to cover it up.)

And of course, Buffy felt guilty for not telling her the whole truth. But some digital word on a pixellated screen saying that it had died and been resurrected really didn't seem like the wisest course of action. Buffy trusted their bond - she could feel how alike they were - but knew not to push the "insanity" button.

As she closed the door behind her, she saw Dawn once again on the laptop.

"Dawn! It's midnight! Go to bed!"

Dawn sighed lightly. "This is getting kinda old..."

"If you were in bed when I got off-shift, it wouldn't get so old, would it?"

Dawn rolled her eyes and logged out, shutting the laptop.

"Don't roll your eyes at me, Dawn, you have school at 8AM, means you have to be awake and out of here by 7:30! You need eight hours of sleep!"

"No I don't!"

Buffy just stared.

"Fine, whatever. You know everything about me."

"Dawn... "

Dawn got ready to stampede up the stairs when she stopped. "Hey, Buffy, have you been using my laptop?"

Buffy froze. She'd been taught by J how to erase the logs, but she wasn't entirely certain she'd done it right. "Uh... yeah. Xander and Willow showed me how to use the web, and sometimes at night I can't sleep..."

"No, no, I meant IRC. I logged on last night and found my name had changed to 'Tyrani' or something."

Buffy lied. "Willow showed me how it works, I checked it out. I'm certainly not going by Spike's nickname for you when I'm on..."

"Uh. Okay... Want me to load on a separate chat program for you so we don't have to change nicknames stuff constantly?"

Buffy's eyebrows shot up. "You can do that?"

"Anything to not go to bed." Dawn grinned and popped open the laptop, copying the install file over and installing it in a different directory as well. She put a shortcut on the desktop marked "IRC Buffy". "There!"

"Thanks. Now, bed!" Buffy allowed herself a slight smile, kissing Dawn's forehead. "I love you."

Dawn blinked at the rare display of emotion from her once-dead sister. "I love you too... something happen at work?"

Buffy rolled her eyes. "You complain I don't pay attention to you, then you complain when I do. Make up your mind."

Dawn held up her hands and gestured wildly. "No! Not complaining! I.. uh... Thanks!" Dawn kissed Buffy's cheek and hugged her. "Love you too."

Buffy hugged back and watched Dawn ascend the stairs. Buffy went into her own IRC shortcut and when the program loaded, she de-selected "Logging" in the options. Then she logged on.

***Tyrani has joined #Bored-on-the-DarkSide
***Names List: Tyrani, @J_ofArc
*Tyrani hugs J.
<J_ofArc> Alright, let's not get sappy.
<Tyrani> Bah, I say. Humbug.
<J_ofArc> I am NOT scrooge. I just... I dunno.
<Tyrani> Have serious issues we're trying to work you through and can't bring yourself to actually share your emotions?
<J_ofArc> Gee, thanks, Dr. Spock.
<Tyrani> He's either a baby doctor or a stuck up first officer, not a psychologist. You mean Freud.
<J_ofArc> Hey, if you're just gonna correct me all night, I can go watch TV or somethin.
<Tyrani> OK, ok, I'll be nice.
<J_ofArc> That'll be a first.
<Tyrani> HEY!
*J_ofArc grins.

Outside Buffy's window, Johnathan grinned. She was totally absorved in the chatroom. He'd had alot of trouble sneaking this scroll out without Warren noticing, so now was the time. It was after midnight so there wasn't alot of traffic, and he had cover from the big oak that was surrounded with mostly-decomposed cigarette butts. Johnathan idly wondered who the hell was stalking Buffy last year. He shrugged and unrolled the scroll.

"Markat, teverat, sakul. Toram ka dormth et korol."

The scroll flashed, and the text erased. He quickly snatched up his binoculars in time to see Buffy's head snap up. She glanced to the side of the laptop and saw her eyes glow then fade out. Buffy shook her head and blinked. Johnathan grinned... then ran.

<Tyrani> Whoah.
<J_ofArc> Whoah?
<Tyrani> I just got dizzy all of a sudden. Maybe I should go to bed like I keep telling my little sister to.
<J_ofArc> Shit, that sucks. Then again, I don't want you passing out, either.
<Tyrani> AHA! An actual emotion!
<J_ofArc> Oh, tell me you just lied to me so I'd show emotion.
<Tyrani> No, I wasn't lying, but I do feel better. It was weird, like this massive head rush.
<J_ofArc> Good. Cuz I'd beat you senseless if you'd lied, and now that you're feeling better, I've got free reign.
<Tyrani> Oh no! A bouncer! I've been trained pretty well too, you know. "I know Kung Fu".
<J_ofArc> Oh, man I wish I was there, I'd Morpheus your cute ass all the way into the wall.
<Tyrani> How do you know my ass is cute?
<J_ofArc> Just a guess. Anybody who talks as adorable as you has gotta be a cute lil' thing.
<Tyrani> Oh I talk adorable, do I?
<J_ofArc> The queen of Adorability.
<J_ofArc> ... or somethin.
<Tyrani> Yeah well, the way you talk about beating people up, I've got this image in my head of a massive, 6-foot amazon warrior.
<J_ofArc> Good.
<J_ofArc> Am I a *hot* Amazon warrior?
<Tyrani> *grins* You're definitely ... cute.
*J_ofArc ATTACK TICKLES T.
<Tyrani> HHAHA!
<J_ofArc> Man, T, you can't imagine how much I like this.
<J_ofArc> And not just because I'm on top of you, tickling ;)
<Tyrani> 1) not a man, 2) I think I can, 3) So you like to be on top, huh?
<J_ofArc> Generally, yeah. And you know, T, when you first came in here, you'd never've asked 3. I'm clearly a bad influence on you.
<Tyrani> HAHAHA... sorry you just reminded me of someone.
<J_ofArc> Dad?
<Tyrani> Sortof, yes.
<Tyrani> Someone I miss very much.
<J_ofArc> He the one who died?
*J_ofArc climbs off you and lays near you.
<Tyrani> ... no, that was my mom, and someone else close. My "dad"... just left.
<J_ofArc> In the middle of all that? Sounds like a jackass.
<Tyrani> It's hard to explain. I've forgiven him, I guess.
<J_ofArc> Anybody'd have to be a jackass to leave you.
*Tyrani blinks.
<J_ofArc> Oh, don't. Forget it.
<Tyrani> No! No... Please, don't brush it off.
<J_ofArc> I shouldn't have said anything, just forget about it.
<Tyrani> J... Joan... listen. You're not the only one who's felt that way. I don't know what this is, but for the past 6 days you've been ... the center of my universe.
<Tyrani> And god, yes, I know how ridiculous that sounds. But you're a stable, sane point of life in my life which is just spiralling out of control.
<J_ofArc> Me? *I* am your point of sanity? You need help, girl.
<Tyrani> You are my help. And ... I want to be yours.
<J_ofArc> What're you saying, T?
<Tyrani> I... I'm saying... we have to meet. You said you're in SoCal, and so am I.
<J_ofArc> You're nuts. You read all the time about these psychos who meet on the internet and kidnap people - I could be one, you know. Hell, you could be one!
<Tyrani> I think we both know we aren't. This place may not be the best place for instincts and intuition, but both of us feel that, despite it all.
<J_ofArc> Planters, T.
<Tyrani> Tell me you don't feel it. Binding us. I don't know what it is, but tell me, honestly, you don't feel it.
<J_ofArc> I don't! I'm gonna go.
<Tyrani> No, wait, please. If it's too soon, we can wait.
<J_ofArc> No, I think we should not at all. You've clearly got this big thing for me that I didn't know about.
<Tyrani> AND YOU HAVE IT TOO! Look, you may be the queen of denial, but I've been there too, and I know it when I see it. What are you afraid of?
<J_ofArc> OF ME! Okay? I wasn't lying about that psycho thing. I could be one, because I *was* one. It took me a long, hard tooth-and-nail FIGHT to pull myself back from it. Every day I'm scared SHITLESS that the old me is comin' back for a gay old romp.
<J_ofArc> So maybe you shouldn't feel all warm-n-fuzzy that I have feelings for you, T.
<Tyrani> And maybe I should! I meant what I said. With all the stuff I've seen, I judge people based on who they are, not the mistakes they made in the past. You have changed. Everything you've said here, even if it was very controlled, was very honest, and that is what matters.
<Tyrani> And I think if you were honest with *yourself* you'd see that whoever that person was is not you now.
<J_ofArc> Oh my god, tell me you actually believe all that afterschool special crap you just spouted...
<Tyrani> YES. I do. You want to know why? Because facing as much death as I've faced, I've realized that the only things that really matter in this world are our feelings and our bonds. This "job" we work, money, things, they don't matter. My ... "fucktoy", as you put it, made me feel lust, and it was enough for awhile. But you have made me feel human again for the first time in months. If you were really the psycho-loser bitch your parents and ex's thought you were, you wouldn't - COULDN'T have done that for me.
<Tyrani> So you can deny, put up walls, and "afterschool special" all my feelings away, but I'm so happy to be feeling anything at all after what I've been through, you can't hurt me, and you can't shove me away, "J". I love you too much to let you go.
***Tyrani PING -> J_ofArc
***J_ofArc PING REPLY: 1 secs
<J_ofArc> i'm here.
<Tyrani> I'm sorry... I didn't mean to come on too strong, I hope it hasn't scared you.
<J_ofArc> you didn't.
<Tyrani> What, then?
<J_ofArc> God. I'm CRYING, alright? I never do this, but you and your emotional plea bargaining and your constant faith in me... You annoy the fuck out of me because you can ... get through to me like nobody else ever has, or could. Well, there was one person, but she hates me now because of my past.
<Tyrani> If it helps, you get to me like only one person ever did. I think that fact kindof made me sabotage my other relationships... One guy left me because I wouldn't open up to him. I was too afraid after the first. But you bring it out in me again...
<J_ofArc> Great so we annoy the fuck out of each other.
<Tyrani> What are friends for?
<J_ofArc> Heh, yeah. Still, dunno about this meeting.
<Tyrani> We need it. I really think so. I think so because I think there might be more going on here than meets the eye, but we'll only know for sure if we get to KNOW one another, and not just here. We've shared most of our little secrets but we have to get a feel for one another in reality.
<J_ofArc> Cop a feel?
<Tyrani> You're funny.
<J_ofArc> Looking, maybe. You really think this is smart?
<Tyrani> More sure of it than ever, now. I think we've gotten as tight as we can be on this thing.
<J_ofArc> Trust. Gotta remember trust... I'm scared shitless.
<Tyrani> Honestly, so am I. But we owe it to ourselves to do this. We need this kind of connection in our lives.
<J_ofArc> So where do we meet? Someplace neutral, I hope.
<Tyrani> I don't think we're at the invite-over phase yet, no. A coffee shop somewhere? How about near the outskirts of L.A.? It's not too far for me.
<J_ofArc> Yeah, that'll work. I know just the place, actually.

Warren's eyes nearly popped out of their sockets.

Johnathan, meanwhile, couldn't stop laughing, until Andrew clocked him on the back of the head. "Don't laugh at the leader."

"Ow. Now, I believe someone owes me a rare Star Wars #1..." Johnathan wiggled his eyebrows, grinning. "Pay up."

"No! No. Clearly you did something. What, a spell? What'd you do? Fess up, shorty."

Johnathan stood up, glowering up at Warren. "You accusing me of cheating?"

"Oh yeah. That wasn't going there, and you know it. You did a spell, didn't you?"

"You know, I should take you down, right here."

"How, Sparky? You probably can't even reach my face to hit it."

Andrew stepped between them. "Guys, guys, we're working together for a worse tomorrow, can we just calm down?"

Johnathan glared. "HECK No! He owes me a comic book and I want it!"

Warren shoved Johnathan backward, then Johnathan leapt on him, punching him firmly across the face. Andrew growled, then pried Johnathan back. "GET OFF HIM! He's our LEADER!"

Johnathan reluctantly stood back. "Our backstabbing comic-book thief leader."

"Hey, you don't like it, you can always leave."

"It's MY HOUSE!"

"Which you gave to the group to prepare us for domination!"

"God, I'm ... ARGH. Jackasses." Johnathan stormed up the stairs and out.

Andrew approached Warren. "We don't need him. We can do the spells he's got in the trunk. Let's just get rid of him."

Warren nodded idly, glancing at Andrew, thinking. "Yeah. Yeah, you may be right."

*****

Marita Corichitova leaned back in her chair, staring out of the wholly legitimate office she'd used stolen corporate funds to buy. It was amazing how well money could be laundered if you only knew what you were doing. She'd now established her own business, under a different name of course, had put in contact lenses and had minor plastic surgery to alter her nose and lips slightly, and had dyed and re-cut her hair. Even her own men had trouble recognizing her when she'd first returned. Suddenly, the buzzer on her desk went off.

She pressed the little button, grinning to herself. She'd always wanted one of these. "Go ahead, Franz."

"Tobias to see you, ma'am."

"Send him in."

A rather muscular blonde man with germanic features and green eyes walked in, dressed in BDU's and a camo vest. "Sir."

"At ease, Tobias. What have you found?"

"One of the feelers we put out came back positive. The girl you seek is working... as a bouncer in L.A."

"I thought I told you to concentrate on out-of-state."

"You did, Sir, however, it was my opinion that we should activate some of our local contacts as well just incase she decided to hide in plain sight."

Marita glared, then glanced away, out the window again, looking over the cityscape from her high rise office. Tobias was smart, she had to give him credit. But it was too easy to lose control of people when they believed they were smarter than the leader.

"I had already done that on my end, which is why I told you not to focus there. However, since your contacts clearly have something mine do not, prepare surveillance. Tonight, follow her home. Find her address. We will prepare a trap while she's at work the following night."

"Yes, Sir. Apologies, Sir." Tobias snapped off a salute and turned, walking out.

Marita crossed her long, muscular legs, smiling out the window. When the last obstacle was wiped out, she'd finally be able to move into Phase III. She smiled, her ruby lips looking both menacing and seductive in her reflection in the window.

CHAPTER 8

Author's Notes: Again, apologies for ripping things directly from the series, but I needed a good set of flashbacks to truly catalyze what's coming... so forgive me for quoting, there won't be much more of it... stay tuned for the next part, kiddies ;) )

It would have to be raining. It's always raining when something important happens. Faith was certain that rain was the PTB's way of telling her something big was coming. Faith pulled on her reinforced leather motorcycle jacket, covering up the lycra tank top and leather pants she wore. She noticed her hands were shaking and she calmed them down.

Nobody had ever expressed this much interest in *her*. It was always a get-in-her-pants thing. But Tyrani had sat there, listened to her sob stories, and really felt genuinely bad about it. This girl was being patient and kind, something Faith had only experienced once.

And look how that had turned out. Attempted murder, a knife in the gut, betrayal, and a whole bunch of other bad mojo. It was no wonder her damn hands were shaking.

She'd gone to see Angel very briefly. He had a KID. It was unbelievable. Something about Darla being resurrected and some prophecy. But it was clear Angel was too wrapped up in his own issues to help Faith. She promised him she'd be ok. He was a little more than surprised she'd lived during the prison break, and happy about it too. She met with a warm embrace - a bit too warm for Angel, but the kid had clearly had a very... fatherly affect on him. Faith found herself wanting to retch half the time he was with his kid - not because she didn't like kids or baby talk, but because it was *ANGEL*, for crying out loud. Angst-ridden vampires shouldn't talk in baby talk. In retrospect, he admitted he shouldn't have been surprised she survived, she was very good at it.

She told him about her new life. Said she was making new friends, working as a bouncer, and finally had her temper under control. Admitted she wanted to really brutalize some people but never did, not anymore. It was a constant struggle but she was learning how to exist without the violence, the hate, and the pain.

Angel was proud. She could see it in his eyes. Admittedly, mostly proud of his kid, but proud of her too. He said if she ever needed anything to call him, but she knew people well enough that he'd be wrapped up in his own life for a few weeks. Cordelia was off with some guy she met in another dimension, they had two new recruits named "Winifred" and "Gunn", and they had a new green guy staying with them.

She hated to admit it, but this guy was as charming as he was flaming. Faith didn't normally like those types of guys but he was very kind and he showed her more support and caring than anyone since Angel. Said his name was Lorne, asked her to sing for some reason. She resisted at first but the jerk was just so charming he knew what to say and when. When she finally, very quietly, belted out her rendition of 3 Doors Down's "Life of My Own", Lorne smiled. He said if she handled herself properly that she had good things coming her way, and would be able to heal old wounds. She'd smiled - even given him a hug. She promised Angel she'd come back for another visit at some point, and he earnestly told her to take care of herself.

THAT was the Angel she remembered. Angel and Lorne had really been supportive on going out to meet this person. They told her to stop thinking of herself as a lesser person and start trying to make a new name for herself, to really reach out for a new, clean slate, or some crap like that. She was trying to focus on their words and cleanse herself of the doubt, the mind-numbing terror of it, but it wasn't working. On some levels those guys lived in a world that she felt wasn't real. They were heroes, champions, fighting the good fight. The real world was a sea of gray, and she existed in a place they'd never understand.

Well, maybe Lorne understood, but he was weird.

And so, as she picked up her keys, her hands continued to shake. Meeting someone new, trying very hard to not screw up a true friendship. No names, no pictures. They both figured it'd be easier that way. And it wasn't like it could be some psycho trying to kill her because she'd just take him down, so at least that wasn't a worry. All they had to identify one another was Tyrani would be carrying a daisy and Faith would be carrying a black rose - not all that hard to find in L.A., but distinctive enough to identify one another in a crowd. That and Faith just always had a fondness for black roses. Tyrani called her weird - she had no idea.

Faith's hands started shaking again at that thought. What if she was too damn weird, what if this girl thought she was a total freak? Faith had already deliberately not applied the heavy shadow she usually did, so she didn't look quite as much the 'goth' as her old days - but she was still all about black leather. She looked at herself in the mirror. No matter what she did, the black leather, dark eyes and hair still made her look goth.

Hands, HANDS. She calmed herself down. Just because this was the only person to offer her trust and - no pun intended - faith didn't mean that she'd be the last. 'Least that's what Angel had said. Faith tried very hard to put it into perspective and calm the fuck down.

Faith took two deep breaths and opened the front door, walking out to the motorcycle she'd managed to swindle her co-worker out of for a cool $300. Guy was a sucker for a pair of breasts; a low cut shirt and some smooth-talkin' was all it had taken. The engine roared to life and sped off towards a small town a few miles past Sunnydale called "Raker". It was actually in the mountains, whereas Sunnydale was on the foothills. Faith couldn't bring herself to go there, and Tyrani said she lived near there. Raker had a Starbucks - barely - and that was where Tyrani and Faith would meet for the first time.

Far outside L.A., a motorcycle lanced through a dirt road towards the town. "You'd think the heat of the desert sun would stop my hands from shakin'," Faith thought to herself as the motorcycle flew down the dirt road towards the future.

*****

Buffy smiled, kissed Xander on the cheek and hugged him. She began to climb out of the passenger door. They'd parked infront of the Starbucks which managed to have a paved parking lot - as opposed to the dirt road leading up to it. It looked so out of place, a fairly old gold-rush town with wood buildings and then a brick Starbucks. Xander suspected demonic activity.

"Buffy, are you sure about this?"

"Trusting our fate to a boy we hardly know?"

Xander smirked at the reference. "I'm all about the geek jokes too, Buffy, but this is serious. You're going to a strange place to meet up with someone you don't know, AND you want me to keep it a secret from everyone."

"Xander... Willow has her own problems right now. I don't want to burden her with this until she can get the whole magick thing down right. Tara's gone, Anya's not... uh..."

"Mature enough?" Xander said, sighing.

"I didn't want to say it..."

"Yeah, I know. And Dawn shouldn't know either... I just worry about you, Buffy."

"Xander!" She said, sounding surprised. "I'm a slayer! I think I can handle it if this girl - or guy, worst case - turns out to be some kind of freak axe murderer."

"I'd just feel safer if I could stay."

"Xander." Buffy gave him her stern glare.

"Or, I can go. Call me on my new cell if you run into any problems and I'll be out here faster than you can say vergence in the force." Xander handed her a piece of paper with his new number on it. Buffy smiled and slipped it into her pocket.

"Thanks. I love you, Xand."

Xander looked at her strangely. "I love you too, Buffy. You're not coming out here to kill yourself, are you?"

Buffy hit his arm playfully - but not playfully enough. Xander grunted in pain.

"No, silly. I just... You guys are my best friends, and I don't think I tell you how much I love you guys enough. You need to know."

Xander stared at her.

"Call it an enlightenment from being in heaven."

Xander slowly smiled. He nodded to her knowingly. "Good luck, Buffy."

"Thanks. See you soon."

Xander drove off, dirt kicking up behind his rear tires as he started heading down out of the mountains.

Buffy was beyond amazed this town still functioned. It looked like a ghost town that had been recently revitalized and nothing had been updated - except, of course, the Starbucks. Dirt was sticking to her red leather trench like glue, and the air could not have been good for her hair. They'd left rain behind in Sunnydale, though she imagined it'd be headed this way when it could. She pulled the daisy out of her inner coat pocket and sighed softly, looking at it. She took a breath and went inside.

*****

Xander gunned it around the bend, putting his sedan to the test on the winding roads. He always liked a challenge. When he rounded the next curve, he saw a motorcycle gunning down the middle of the road. He swerved to avoid it, glaring at the driver.

The bike swerved around to avoid him and Xander had to slam on the brakes to regain control of the vehicle. He stared up the mountain as the black-clad figure raced up the road. Something... familiar about that shape. Those curves...

Xander thought about it then dismissed it, unable to bring the familiarity to mind. After all, the driver didn't seem to notice him, so maybe he was imagining it. He slowly started the car down the hill again.

*****

Faith grunted, almost hitting that damn car on the way up. She was running late and she knew it, the traffic on the way out of L.A. had slowed her up, but the dirt road allowed her to play catch-up. She glanced up the tall mountain as she ascended it. It was one of the bigger mountains out here, and it was very dirt-and-sand until about midway up where things actually started to grow. Trees, possibly even grass. She imagined there was a natural spring somewhere around here that fed all those trees.

She'd always been an urban girl, never cared much for forests until jail. Then she suddenly realized how much she missed places like this. There was a solitude and a peace that came from being in a forest, something she'd only experienced once or twice with her mom back in the good days. She wondered about seeing the rest of this mountain later. Heck, they could probably see most of the valley if they climbed this tonight...

Faith shook herself into the present. "Daydreamin' about lollipops and nature hikes ain't gonna seal this deal, kid. She's probably gonna freak out and leave when she gets the first look at you." She could barely hear herself mutter over the roar of the motorcycle engine.

Suddenly, she was there. She must have been daydreaming, it didn't seem like she'd been driving that long. She mentally chided herself again and pulled into the lot, slamming down the kickstand and shutting off the engine. She nimbly swung her other leg around the back of the bike, the creak of the leather pants audible over the music playing inside that could be heard outside. She tried to glance in the windows but clearly Starbucks wasn't maintaining its high standards of window-cleaning here, she couldn't see spit through the dirt on them.

She slid the helmet off her head, shaking her hair loose, and slid the helmet onto the rack. She could just imagine what she looked like, covered in California dirt, all leather outfit of boots, pants, and reinforced jacket. She unzipped it partially to air it out, and to pull out the wrapped black rose between her breast and the coat. She looked at it - it had weathered the journey well, considering it was on a motorcycle. She smirked - it appeared having big boobs had another benefit beyond getting things from guys - cushioning!

She looked up at the door and the smile faded. She took two deep, long breaths, and strode towards the doors, unconsciously slapping her "attitude" back on to survive the initial encounter.

The door slid shut behind her as she walked in. The layout of the place was in a simple "L" shape, Most of the L being taken up by the ordering counter on the far side, and booths on the near side. The booths continued around the "L" shape towards what Faith presumed were the restrooms. She looked left and right, and saw lots of people, but no daisy.

Maybe this would be easy after all. Maybe "Tyrani" wasn't coming. Lord knows Faith had thought about it. It would have been easier to just ignore it all. But Faith needed a friend, needed someone to count on, too much to just ignore it.

But Tyrani seemed to need it just as bad. Someome who wouldn't judge. Faith sighed, and walked towards the side of the "L", hidden by the counters. She walked slowly forward, the creak of her leather barely audible compared to the noise. For a seeming ghost town, this place sure had alot of customers, and fairly loud music.

Faith turned the corner and there, on the corner of a table, a daisy was facing her from twenty feet away. In the far corner of the building, hidden away, was her meet.

She smiled slightly, her lip quivering just a little, and her eyes focussed on the rose, then slowly panned up the red-leather trench, up the blonde tresses, to the face staring down at the coffee cup she had infront of her.

To the face... of Buffy Summers.

Faith froze in place, gasping slightly and dropping the flower, feeling like a deer in headlights who couldn't move.

*****

Buffy stared at her coffee. She'd been waiting about five minutes and was afraid that "Joan" would not show up, out of fear, and out of pain. She wanted nothing more than to comfort Joan whenever she talked about her pain, her childhood. But there was no comfort to be had if Joan couldn't bring herself to face her fear.

Suddenly, she heard a slight gasp on her end of the store, and glanced up. Her mind registered something was hitting the floor at about the same time her eyes registered that she was looking at a black leather clad Faith, big as life and out of jail, and looking mortally shocked and horrified.

Buffy froze in place, her eyes widening slightly. Faith was looking like a deer in headlights and Buffy imagined right now she did, too. Her lips parted to form the word "Faith?" but no sound came out. Faith was starting to shake, and Buffy could see this going very, very badly if something didn't happen. But her thoughts were coming too hard, too fast. Angel, Riley, betrayal, murder, chaos, confusion, control, victimization... the roof.

The roof. That was where it had all come out. Lost in a quagmire of emotion, Buffy remembered the roof of Angel's building, Watcher's Council hunting them, this was it. Buffy had been so filled with hatred for her...

"You're not gonna run, Faith."

"Whaddya wanna do? Throw me off the roof? Again? ... Angel said there was no way you were gonna give me a chance."

"I gave you every chance. I tried so hard to help you. And you spat on me. My life was just something for you to play with. Angel. Riley. Anything that you could take from me, you took. I've lost battles before. But nobody else has *ever* made me a victim."

"And you can't stand that. You're all about control. You have no idea what it's like on the other side. Nothing's in control. Nothing makes sense. There's just pain and hate and nothing you do means anyt--"

"SHUT UP!"

"B, tell me what I can do to make it better... Please! Just tell me and I'll do it."

Buffy closed her eyes, remembering how harsh and hurtful she'd been to Faith. Even earlier in Angel's basement...

"B, I'm --"

"If you apologize to me, I will beat you to DEATH."

"... go ahead." Faith seemed so hurt, so pained.

Buffy cringed internally. Had that really been her? Since returning to life from heaven she'd not felt anything, much less that kind of rage. Buffy cast herself back, trying to remember what it was like then. Then it came back. How could Buffy have forgiven Faith then? She didn't know what it was like. She'd always had a family, a home, a purpose. Now, Joyce was gone, she'd been dead, and Buffy had no purpose. Only now did she understand why her darker impulses led her to Spike. Only now could she possibly understand Faith, and forgive Faith for what had happened - but that part of herself, the ordered, know-it-all part of herself screamed to beat her down for daring to escape from jail. She opened her eyes. The shame and vindictiveness battling in her mind must have made for a very interesting show.

But Faith wasn't there. And, instead, on the floor, in her wake, was a single black rose.

CHAPTER 9

It all clicked in Buffy's mind as she knelt down to pick the black rose up gingerly between her slender fingers. Her eyes widened even more fully as she realized what this was and what it meant.

This was the girl from the internet.

Buffy looked up from where she knelt on the floor of the coffee shop, and suddenly her legs propelled her into a full jump and run, her feet carrying her after Faith as fast as they could. She didn't know why, she just knew that she had to do it, before it was too late.

Buffy burst through the doors of the coffee shop, screeching to a halt on the pavement as she looked to the left to see Faith quickly putting on her helmet and prepping the bike to go. "FAITH!"

The dark woman froze, her helmet not quite on yet. She stared at the ignition as if willing it to turn on with her mind. Buffy cautiously strode toward her, walking softly as if any loud noise could scare Faith off - and she was probably right. Buffy wanted to ask so many questions but the one that came out, as always, sounded the worst. "How did you escape?"

Faith's tense, straight-backed pose of fear turned to a slightly more loose, much more angry stance. "God, B, is that all you care about? I was in there for two and a half YEARS, B. I was going out of my mind." Buffy continued to stare at her, and Faith couldn't read her expression. "Look, a bunch of terrorists killed everybody in the prison. Lucky for me, I'm really nimble. Happy now?" Faith prepped the bike to go.

"Oh my god. That attack. That was your prison?"

"Yeah. Not that you'd know since you never lowered yourself to visiting me. Too busy with your righteous anger riff."

It all came back. God she'd been such a fool. She looked down at the dirt, feeling ashamed of everything she'd done.

"So, now we know just how full of shit we were on IRC. See ya round, B." Faith put on her helmet.

"Faith, wait."

"What for?" came from behind the helmet. "Nothing's gonna change what I did. I can't do *anything* to help it. You're not gonna forgive me, so everything we said is --"

"Faith!!" Buffy yelled, trying to stop her. "I was in heaven. For I don't know how long, but long enough. Heaven." Her voice seemed to be pleading for Faith to understand.

Silence from the black helmet. Then, "So you made your way up the big staircase. Big surprise, everybody knew you deserved it, just like they all know where I'll go."

Buffy winced again. The things she'd said to Faith seemed a lot stupider now that she'd seen her own dark side. Then again, she'd never killed anyone, either.

"So, was there a point to all this or did you just wanna rub it in that you really were always right?"

"Faith, I *wasn't* right." Buffy said quietly, her voice trembling.

The helmet turned to look at her. "You made it to the penthouse in the sky, pretty sure that's God stamping yer ticket, there."

"Faith, that's not the point. I hated my life and I found a way out of it. A heroic, glorified, save-your-sister-and-the-world way, but still a way. Those things I wanted so bad, the 'normal life'. It's all crap. I suddenly understood that in heaven. There is no normal. But back then, you were another piece of my out of control life that I hated because you *were* a part of it."

Again, silence from the helmet.

"I. Faith, I need a friend."

The helmet came off for this, and the rage and hate and pain in those eyes made Buffy want to weep. "YOU need? YOU NEED?" She dismounted the bike. "Ever since I arrived in Sunnydale, everything was always about BUFFY FUCKING SUMMERS. Buffy fucking Summers, the world's best slayer. Buffy fucking Summers the LEGEND." A low mechanized growl could be heard in the distance as Faith kept yelling. "You say I took your life away from you? I say that's what I had to do to survive in that town because, baby, Sunnydale is ALL about Buffy God-Damn Summers!!!"

As she uttered that word, two HumVees bounced over the hill. Buffy grabbed Faith's jacket and threw her to the ground as bullets began spraying the Starbucks. The humvees turned in a tight arch to block off the parking lot, dirt flying up everywhere. Buffy and Faith heard car doors slam but couldn't see spit through the dirt.

Buffy and Faith both mounted the motorcycle, Buffy holding tight onto Faith and hoping she knew how to drive this thing like a maniac. The engine started up as black figures began moving out of the cloud of dust towards them. An even spray of bullets began coating the area as Faith gunned the engine, driving the bike towards the shop during a hard turn to the right. Buffy and Faith hunkered down as far as they could as Faith gunned the engine, heading back up the dirt road, trying to get to freedom.

Soon, the humvees were on their tail. Buffy hollered in Faith's ear over the Yamaha's engine, "I HOPE YOU HAVE A PLAN!"

"I THINK WE GO REALLY FAST. THOSE THINGS SHOULDN'T BE ABLE TO CATCH US."

Faith knew more about cars than Buffy, so Buffy just hoped she was right. She did not, however, anticipate that a ring of five more of them were waiting a mile back down the road. Faith kicked on the brakes and skidded the Yamaha to a side halt. They both looked at the blockade. They heard guns being cocked and knew they didn't have much time.

"Screw the road," Faith said, grinning and gunning the Yamaha through the trees.

"AIGH! FAITH! THIS IS NOT RETURN OF THE JEDI! GO SLOWER!"

Faith grinned evilly in response, trying to negotiate a path between the trees, their only hope for salvation. The HumVees would never catch them in here.

"I HOPE YOU DON'T NEED TO EAT ANYTIME SOON, B."

"WHY?"

"CUZ I ACCIDENTALLY HEADED EAST, AND IT'S TOO LATE TO TURN BACK NOW. WE'LL BE IN THE MOUNTAINS FOR A BIT BEFORE WE GET BACK TO DESERT."

"DO YOU KNOW WHERE THE NEXT TOWN IS?"

"UH, NO."

"GREAT."

A very hard, bumpy ride through the woods led to nightfall, then dawn. The bike still had some gas, but not much. Faith parked the bike at the edge of a clearing, trying to cover it as best she could.

"We should sleep now. Sleeping at night is too dangerous."

"You think they can follow us this far in HumVees?"

"They might go after us on foot. They're pretty stubborn."

"Who are they, Faith?"

"Those terrorists. I recognize the humvees. They must've found out I was alive and want me dead for sending the FBI their laptop. Can't believe they found me. Damnit!"

"Calm down. Look, maybe the FBI could witness protect you?"

"Oh yeah, a convicted murderer. I can just see that going well. I'll have to get out of the country."

Buffy didn't like that idea at all. "Maybe I can talk to Giles, he might know a way."

"Oh I'm sure he'll be real supportive of a renegade slayer who switched bodies with his little girl. I don't think so."

"Faith." Buffy suddenly yawned. Every bone and muscle in her body hurting from that insane ride. "Can we just focus on sleeping for now?"

Faith looked around warily, paranoia sinking in. "Sleep light. I don't like this but we got no choice."

Buffy nodded and settled into the grass, almost instantly falling asleep with dreams of past mistakes coming back to haunt her.

*****

It was almost dark, and both of them were awake. They could sense it. Buffy stared at the bluish-red sky, wondering if Faith would say anything. When the silence stretched on, she began, very quietly.

"I'm sorry, Faith."

Faith snorted. "For what? Snoring? Or further back? The verbal abuse? Death threats, or just stabbing me?"

Buffy rolled onto her side, a mere ten feet from Faith. "At the risk of repeating myself, I really never knew you had this much anger in you."

"I've got my reasons."

"Yeah, I remember from the computer."

Faith rolled her eyes and clenched her fists. "God, I can't STAND that you know all that about me now."

"Why?" Buffy's question remained unanswered. "What are you so afraid of?"

Faith shot up into a sitting position. "I'm not afraid of anything. You want me to prove it, we can dance one last time."

"Faith! I don't want to fight you! Can we talk, please?"

"You know what? Screw this. You wanna talk, talk to the trees. We need to get gone before the goon squad arrives."

Faith stood up rapidly, and Buffy stood up with her. "Faith, wait," she said as she grabbed Faith's arm.

Suddenly a fist flew into Buffy's face, knocking her back. As soon as Buffy recovered, she stared at Faith. Faith looked beyond mortified. "Buffy," she said in a quiet, tiny voice. Buffy had never seen her look so small, so defenseless.

"No, it's ok. I deserve that." Buffy hesistated. She had to start admitting her mistakes or this would never go anywhere, and this was too important to screw up.

"I was a complete bitch to you at Angel's. And," Buffy began. This was the hardest part. She took a breath. "I think I wanted to hurt you because if you were sorry that just meant that I was wrong. And I had to be right. If I was wrong, people died. I couldn't deal with it. I'm starting to get that people make their own choices, and we all do the best we can."

Faith nodded, looking like she was about to sob. In a quiet voice, her upper lip quivering, she spoke. "I *am* so sorry, B. Buffy. I can't. I was so angry. Everything I did, I'm sorry."

Buffy's eyebrows pulled together in pain and sympathy. She took hold of Faith's shoulders, gently. "Faith, listen to me. I forgive you."

A dam burst. Faith began to sob. To honestly weep. She hated it. Inside it felt like this was wrong, that showing this kind of weakness would be the end. But all she'd ever wanted was Buffy to just forgive her. Every night in jail, every moment since Angel's place, she'd been plagued with nightmares and daydreams of Buffy admonishing her, stabbing her again, throwing her off the roof. Buffy's face *haunted* her, and what was worse was that Faith knew Buffy had been right about so much of it. And her 'redemption', as Angel put it, could never be complete unless Buffy could forgive her.

And here, after years of torture and pain, Buffy had finally done it.

The two slayers both fell to their knees, both of them releasing emotion that had pent up for years. Faith buried her forehead in Buffy's chest, clinging to her trench with her hands, weeping. Buffy, through the tears, leaned down and kissed Faith's hair, whispering. "That man, Finch, was just an accident, and I couldn't let it go then. I understand what it's like for you now. What you told me about the confusion, the pain, the chaos. I've lived in that place since I came back here. I need you more than ever, Faith. What I said earlier, I didn't mean that I just need you. As much as you hate admitting it, as much as you hide it, you need someone, too. What you said online proved it if I didn't know it already."

Faith's head was screaming for her to back off, to shut out Buffy. How arrogant was this bitch that she could claim to understand her life? Faith had been abused, all her life, friend and family alike. Buffy's life had been a cake walk. Prom queen and all that. But there was a deeper part of her, a part of her she had not heard from in YEARS, a part she didn't even remember having, that told her to stay, to listen. To find solace. That this was *right*. And for the first time since she was 10, Faith listened to that voice.

She nodded her head, still staring at the ground with her head against Buffy's lycra top. Admitting another weakness to this woman who had stabbed her and beaten her. Bonding with the woman who she both hated and loved.

Buffy smiled through her own tears, stroking Faith's hair softly. "No wonder we bonded on IRC. In all my time in Sunnydale, nobody's understood me quite like you, Faith. Spike came close, but he's always trying to make me like him, and I can't be like him."

Faith suddenly sat up, inches away from Buffy's face, her mascara running, a big, goofy grin on her face. "You played bondage with William the Bloody? Oh god that's hysterical. I bet he wanted you cuz of, uh..."

Buffy blinked, shocked. "You did Spike in my body TOO?"

Faith looked taken aback slightly. "NO! I just, teased him, I *swear*. God, B, can I express how sorry I am, again?"

"No, it's OK. I'm just making sure. Faith, I'm so sorry. For all of it. You were right, on the docks. I didn't want to accept it but I needed you to toe the line because I was too terrified to admit I have a dark side. And since I came back, I've lived in my dark side just so I could feel. Then when we met on IRC, something clicked. You made me feel, Faith, and feel something GOOD, for once."

"B, All you've *ever* done with me is make me feel. Anger, hate, caring, love. Hell, I think half the reason I hated you so much for the Finch thing was because."

"What, Faith?"

Faith turned away. "It's stupid."

Buffy tipped Faith's chin towards her. "Faith, if this is going to work, we have to be honest with each other."

"You really want this? Your little groupies'll never accept me."

"I don't care. I need you, Faith. You have no idea how good it was to have you with me on patrols, or just in the club. Everything always worked. You understood me, even if I didn't understand you. We need that, both of us, especially now. And your clever ploy to change the subject has failed. What's so 'stupid'?"

Faith sighed, but couldn't help a tiny smile. She closed her eyes. Somehow making Buffy disappear made it easier to admit this. "I hated you because you were my only friend, ever. You were always there for me, you gave me everything I could want. Then, suddenly, you weren't, and it's like you don't know what you've got till it's gone, isn't that what they all say? Well I sure as hell felt it."

"I should've seen it. I should've gone easier on you."

"I'm not sure you were ready. I'm not sure *I* was ready, B. They also say with age comes wisdom, right?"

"I had to die to get wise. Think you can put up with me?"

"I had to switch bodies with the first person who ever gave a damn about me to do it, think you can put up with *me*?"

Buffy looked into Faith's eyes, the pain, the sorrow, the anger. All the years of abuse. She winced slightly, her eyes looking pained as she stroked Faith's cheek. "Yes. I do." She paused, still stroking Faith's skin. "I'm so sorry for shutting you out."

"You said that." Faith said quietly. She looked somewhat unnerved - and somewhat not - by Buffy's touch.

"Can you forgive me?"

"I forgive you, B. Having been you for a while, I kinda get where you came from."

Buffy smiled slightly, taking in Faith's beautiful face for the first time, really. "And I finally get where you are, now. And you know what?"

Faith whispered her question, her entire body quivering at the way Buffy stared at her. "What?"

"It's not such a bad place to be."

Buffy leaned in slowly, noting Faith drifting towards her as well, and began kissing Faith's lips very softly, her fingertips still caressing and holding Faith's jaw as she did so.

Faith could not believe it. It was almost impossible, and yet it felt right. Buffy Summers, kissing her lips. Softly, lovingly, like kissing an angel. Buffy's fingers stroked her face, her soft, small tongue probing gently along Faith's lips, and then sliding deep inside Faith's mouth. She gently wove her tongue around Buffy's, her own fingers moving to Buffy's neck, trying to pull her closer. Her head tilted slightly to the right, hungrily kissing Buffy more.

Suddenly, another part of Faith kicked her in the ass, a part of her she normally ignored, but was insisting it was important this time. She very gently pulled away from Buffy's kiss. "B, what are you doing?"

Buffy herself looked somewhat surprised, but pleasantly so. She blinked. "Kissing you, I think."

"You're not."

"I think I am. I've been having dreams since I came back. Some are weird, some are dark, and a whole lot of them are about really *wild*, passionate sex with women *and* men. Uh, not at the same time." Faith gave her a look. "OK, mostly. But there's some part of my brain telling me that it was always this way. I think I was too afraid to admit it to myself until, until I died."

Faith's heart did a complete backflip with a twist. All the dreams she'd had about Buffy, all the times she'd thought about her, she'd known there was something else there, something between them that neither of them had been prepared to admit, but she'd never quite dreamt it went *this* far. This opened up new doors, and new possibilities, and a whole LOT of new problems.

"Buffy. I can't believe I'm going to say this." Buffy looked at her quizically. "I think we should wait. Until we really get to know each other again. It's really been a long time. And also maybe until the psychotic bitch with her trained attack dogs gets off my back."

Buffy smirked slightly, and nodded. "I guess you're right. If we rush too fast we could really ruin things for our friendship, if something goes wrong."

"Yeah. Kinda what I meant. And we're in the middle of nowhere, and I'm getting hungry. I'd like to eat before anybody works up my appetite." She winked.

Buffy smiled to her, touching her cheek. "I really do love you, Faith. I think. I think on some levels I always did."

Faith could not turn away from those beautiful eyes, those feelings pouring forth. She hated it, her body and mind screamed against it. She almost managed to turn away, but that inner part of her that she normally ignored was even louder now that she'd listened to it once. She softened slightly and admitted her greatest weakness very, very quietly. "I love you too, Buffy."

They prepared for the trip out of the mountains.

...to be continued...