I for You
by Storm
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: None of these characters are mine. I'm
just borrowing them for some fun. I'll return them
back after I'm done, reluctantly. The song 'I for
you' by Luna Sea.
Spoilers: BtVS season 3&4, and Angel season 1 in
general.
Author's Notes: Attempt at sappy angst. Not betaed.
Excuse grammar and spelling error. Song by Luna Sea,
translated freely from its original Japanese
version. I found the translation somewhere in the
internet, but alas my poor memory does not remember
where. My thanks to the original translator. Arigatou
gozaimasu.
Feedback: Yes please, would be very much
appreciated.
~You told me That you couldn't love anybody I finally realized what you meant When I saw that you were afraid of everybody~
‘Get some, get gone.’ Why haven’t I seen it all before? It was all an effort to keep everyone at arms length, an effort to keep yourself from further pain. If you don’t give your heart to someone else, they will never rip it apart and stomp on it. You’ve been hurt all your life, and you’re exhausted. You never wanted to be treated as a charity case, as a victim. You’re a survivor. But no one knew that, not even you.
~How ironic is it Us two met only to get hurt?~
I was hurt because you pushed me away. You threw the friendship that I offered to you right back at my face. Never did I realize back then that simple friendship was not enough for you, for us. There was too much passion between us, passion that easily consumed us and turned into hate.
Never did I realize that the jealousy you felt was directed at Angel, not really at me. Jealousy because a vampire, with a soul but a vampire no less, seemed to win my affections easily while you had to go to great lengths just to make me notice that you exist.
You were bitter that I chose a being that usually would be my prey, instead of a fellow slayer.
Unrequited love became your poison. I was too blind to see that you were my other half, the other part of me that’s been missing, the one I need to fill in the void.
~With all my heart I have to tell you this All I want to see is the real YOU~
You played the part of the tough girl so well, hiding the insecurities that lie beneath. Funny how we never really tried to see past the badass image you portray. Your lifetime practice has perfected your skills. Even Giles and Mom had been deceived.
I also believed it. Or rather, tried so hard to believe it. That way, I could always make you the black sheep for everything. It was easier to hate you, rather than to understand the complexity that was you. The complexity that was us.
~You still don't smile very well Because even now, you still wear sadness around you~
Deep pool of brown connected with my own hazel eyes.
There behind them used to be a wild child who pretended to have no care in the world, but now I could see a tired soul. Prison life must have broken you. The playfulness that I love so much from you has faded somewhere in the background. I hated the fact that I did that to you.
What right did I have to demand that you go to prison after a few killings, one accidental, while I’ve killed more human lives than you have. I’ve even tried to kill you. Of course at the time, I justified my action as a means to save my undead so-called boyfriend and the fact that I didn’t actually manage to kill you still kept me at the ‘holier than thou’ pedestal. And everyone else conveniently let me get away with it, while deep down I know that it’s the thought that counts. I wanted you dead. I’m guilty of that. I’m thankful I wasn’t successful of the act back then. Or else you wouldn’t be standing in front of me right now.
"B… Buffy, I know that you said you’d beat me to death if I apologized to you, but I gotta try anyway. I’m sorry. I’m sorry for hurting you. There was no excuse for what I’ve done, I know that, and if there was anything that I could do to take away the pain-"
I put a finger on your lips, to stop you from making further lies. You had an excuse, a reason, you know it, I know it. You probably think that I’m still that same clueless and ignorant girl, but experiencing emptiness first hand gave me a new perspective. I understand where you’re coming from. I’ve been there as well. Maybe the source of our pain differed, but the intensity was the same. Though you were so young at the time, while my excuse was immaturity.
~If the only reason I was born was so I could meet you, do you think I'll be able to change everything?~
Right now, all I want to do is pull you in my arms and make everything alright. I wanted to tell you that I forgive you. I wanted to ask for your forgiveness as well. If I wasn’t so self absorbed the time you moved into town, maybe I could’ve eased some of your pain. I wished that someone had the courage to hit me on the head back then, to make me see that the world doesn’t revolve around me. I also wanted to explain my actions to you, my hundreds of well-rehearsed excuses and lame justifications.
Instead, I say something else.
~With all my heart I have to tell you this We're hurt, but we've still got time~
“Faith, I love you.”
There, I’ve said it. After years of denial, I’ve finally said it. If only I said it a few years earlier, maybe all of the bad blood between us would have never happened. I used to blame you for everything, but I admit it now that I’m also responsible. I just hope it isn’t too late for me to patch up everything.
~With all my love I love you I want to wipe away All the pain that falls on you I for You~
“What?” Your voice, barely a whisper, I wouldn’t have heard if not for my slayer hearing.
“I said I love you,” I repeated again, slowly, to let the meaning of those three letter words sink in.
You blink a few times and looked straight into my eyes. Those golden flecks in the midst of dark brown glimmered. I could see your tears making its presence known, no matter how hard you try to stop them.
“Buffy, if this is some kind of bad joke…don’t… I…”
What other way could I have silenced those doubting thoughts in your head, than silencing your words with my own lips? And tongue. And eventually our hands came to play as well, pulling our bodies closer. The kiss continued to go deeper and deeper until oxygen became an issue. We broke apart, but not that far.
Your forehead was on mine, and we stood still, just drowning in each other’s eyes.
~With all my heart I have to tell you this If only you could smile at me like that forever...~
You smiled. Not your usual smirk or thingyy grin. But a genuine smile, which hopefully would grace me with its presence every morning when I wake up, every night when I close my eyes to sleep and everywhere in between. A smile indicating that finally you have found yourself a place in this harsh world and I also have a place in it by your side.
“I love you too. Always have. Always will.”
“I know. I’m sorry I didn’t realize it sooner. If I did, maybe…”
“Shh, it’s okay. If this is the way it’s meant to be, I’m not going to argue. If I get to have you in the end…”
“I’m yours. Always have been. I was just too blind to see everything clearly.”
~With all my love I love you I want to gather every piece of light and give it all to you I for You~
I lean into the embrace and rested my head on your shoulder. This is how we’re supposed to be, in each other’s arms, not lashing out at each other. Sure, everything won’t just magically be okay. We have many things to work out, a past to rehash.
“You were right, you know,” I whispered your ear.
“About what?” You also kept your voice down, as if afraid to break this moment.
“We’re the Chosen Two, Girlfriend. We could do whatever we want. And right now, all I want to do is to be with you. And I’m planning on making it happen, if that’s the last thing I do.”
“I could live with that. If you'll have me, I’m planning to stay for the long run. Hey, look at me committing, and I’m not even thinking of bolting. I’m not freaking. In fact I’m five by five.”
I look up at your face and smile. Your patent thingyy grin finally announced its presence, I see. I caress the side of your face with one hand, while my other hand makes its way to the back of your neck.
“Yeah, I think I’m five by five also.” With that, I pull you down for one long kiss. A prelude for many things to come.