A Losing Battle
by Streak
Rating: NC-17
Feedback: Yes, Please. I will definitely be more inclined to finish this if I actually get a response.
PROLOGUE:
Faith's POV
Cancer.
Six letters, separately meaning nothing, add them together and what do you get? A slow painful death. Sure, people survive sometimes, you see the stories on Lifetime TV and read them in 'chicken soup for the soul', but many don't. I won't.
My life started out pretty decently, or at least I thought it was decent. I mean, my mom was a drunk but at least I had a roof over my head and the occasional morsel of food in my belly, that should count for something right? Wasn't till I met Ms. Priss that I knew any better, that I realized there were actually people out there who lived the perfect "leave it to beaver" life. Yeah, B had her share of problems, divorced parents, getting kicked out of school, losing her vamp lover, nothing compared to mine though.
Most people never know what it's like to be hungry; they skip lunch and say they're starving. Being hungry hurts, as I've known for a while. Yesterday I would have given anything to feel hungry again, to feel anything but extreme nausea and pain. Today, I exist in mind, in memories, I have no stomach to feed, no thirst to quench, no body to satiate. The journey is over for me, but let me start from the beginning.
Faith POV:
Seven months ago:
B keeps asking me what's up, it's kind of odd that she cares so much, then again, it's probably just an act. Whatever, I don't need her pity or her fake friendship. I haven't felt sick in days; it was probably just a bug or something, who knows. Takes more than the flu to keep this slayer down. Not B though, I heard she got the flu last year and had to be hospitalized, guess that makes me the tougher slayer.
I'm on my way to meet Miss Priss now for patrol, gonna head over to Willy's to try and get some info on this new demon in town. I'm only a block away from the school now, I'm late, but then again, I'm always late. Maybe I should buy myself a watch, but you gotta have money for that sort of thing. Whatever, I like being late anyways; I usually get to miss most of Giles' speeches on responsibility and shit. Right, like I need to hear that.
I don't see B anywhere outside, she must have figured I'd be late, girl knows me too well. Walking into the high school I swing my shoulders back, adding a little swagger to my step, have to make with the bravado. I make my way over to the library trying to look nonchalant, like this is all such a big inconvenience for me. What? I know big words, just because I never went to school doesn't mean I don't read. I walk in, strut in actually opening the doors with a bang. Everyone looks up at me as I make my way over to the table. Sitting down, I put my feet up on the table ignoring Giles' look of annoyance. Yeah, I don't care. Everyone seems to be staring at me and I'm starting to get uncomfortable. Finally I just blurt out "what the fuck are you all looking at?" they all shift in their seats looking at each other like they know something I don't. B and Giles both start at the same time, the first word out of their mouths is my name. Oh, now I know what's going on. "OK" I say, "one at a time please, tell me what's going on," demanding it now.
Finally, Giles clears his throat and says, "we're worried about you Faith, Buffy's told us what's been going on with you lately, how sick you've been getting and that you've been missing patrols" everyone turns to look at me like I'm Jesus Christ himself just hanging out on a crucifix about to impart some great wisdom.
"Um…" Great Faith, very intelligent. "Look guys, I'm fine, really, nothing to hold a whole big meeting over." Jeez, these guys would hold a meeting over spilled milk. They all cry and hug and say how the milk lived a long happy life and shit, before they cleaned it up and moved on.
They all sort of turn and look at each other and I know they're going to say something soon. Just as I'm about to cut them off I feel a large pain in my skull. My eyes start to get blurry and I feel like I'm going to vomit. I try to clutch onto the table for support and the next thing I know I'm on the floor staring up at a bunch of faces. I feel like I'm suffocating. I try to get up only to feel an even worse pain in my head and a bunch of people telling me to lie back down. I try to tell then I'm fine, being as pigheaded as usual, when another wave of nausea goes through me and I fall bak down to the ground. Hard. I think I broke my ass, and I know that's possible because I read about it in a magazine once. I wonder if you have to wear a cast for that. My ass cast musings are interrupted with another wave of pain in my head. You would think I'd be used to these headaches, I've been getting them on and off for the last few weeks. B's the only one that knows about and she's been begging me to tell Giles. I finally give in to everyone telling me stay still and lay still and close my eyes. Finally, within a few seconds, I get another sharp pain and black out.
Buffy's POV:
God I hope she's ok.
We're in the hospital now waiting for the doctors to examine her. I should have brought her in sooner but I let her charm take over. I let her convince me that she was fine. Why do I always let her convince me of that? Whether it's her eating habits or her late nights, all she has to do is give me that look and I crumble. You know the look I'm talking about, the why the hell would you even care look, mixed in with the I'm not a little kid look and I don't need you to baby-sit for me look. Sad to say but it works every time. Not this time though.
My mom should be here soon. I called her as soon as we got here. The ambulance took so long to come that I could have gotten here faster if I had just picked her up and ran with her. Ok, so maybe not that slow, but it felt pretty slow. She hasn't woken up yet, or at least I don't think she has. They won't let me go in and see her. Something about visiting hours and family only. But Faith doesn't have a family. Don't they understand that? I'm not really sure why she doesn't; it's just something I've always assumed. It's not like Faith's going to give me details about her life, or her past, or pretty much anything. I'm afraid to ask her. God I'm such a wimp. I just know that if I ask her now, it may destroy the fragile friendship we have. If I could even call it that.
I should ask the nurse again what happening. I think she's getting pretty pissed off at me. I approach the desk, for the fourth time, only for her to hold up her hand and tell me the doctor in with Faith now, and it should only be a few more minutes. I pick up a ten-year- old magazine in the waiting room and read about all the new gadgets coming out to pass the time.
Ok, so waking up in a hospital with bright lights bearing down on me was not exactly the plan for the day. I can't believe she brought me here; I have to find a way out. There is no way I'm letting a Doctor anywhere near me. It's not that I hate Doctors; I just know what's going to happen. Two words. Social Services.
I've been running from them for years and I'll be damned if they're gonna get me now. I know what's gonna happen, because I've been through this all before. A social worker assigned to my case comes to talk to me, pretends to be my friend till they find out who I am.
From then, it's on to foster care and there's no way in hell I'm going back to a foster home. Why would B bring me to a hospital anyways? It's not like I have any money to pay for medical bills, and it's completely unnecessary. I have the flu, that's it, nothing more.
Shit, the Doctor is coming in followed by B and her mom; I guess Buffy must have called her.
"And how are we feeling Faith?"
"Well, I don't know about you but I'm feeling just fine Doc. When can I get out of here?"
He looks at Buffy and her mom, makes me think they know something I don't. I don't like it one bit.
"I'm afraid I have some bad news Faith."
Crap, why do I have a feeling this is going to suck?
"We ran some tests while you were unconscious and they produced some rather interesting results. Can you tell me how long you've been having headaches?"
Two months.
"Only about a week or so." Yeah right.
"Hmm, that's very interesting." He jots something down in my chart while muttering something about fast progression.
"Yeah, real interesting, so what did you find?"
"Well, as I was saying, your test results were rather interesting. We performed a CAT scan of your brain as well and unfortunately we found a mass."
A mass? A MASS? What the fuck is a mass? A mass of brain?
"What kind of Mass?"
"It's called a glioblastoma, a tumor in your brain."
"Tumor, like cancer?"
"After doing a quick biopsy, which you were asleep for, we've determined the tumor to be malignant, cancerous. There are several treatment options we can discuss but…"
Cancer, holy fuck.
"Back up a second there Doc. There is no way I have cancer, you must have gotten your tests screwed up."
Slayers don't get cancer, that's why we got out special healing powers and shit. I look at Buffy and she looks as shocked as I do. Her mom's crying though, shit, she doesn't realize it's a mistake.
"I'm afraid there's no mistake Faith. Now, as I was saying before, with this type of cancer…"
I tune out the rest of what he says. Cancer, Jesus.
"Am I gonna die?"
Straight to the point.
"I'm afraid it's hard to say Faith. The survival rate is very low with this type of cancer, and it's already metastasized."
Fuck.
"Why don't you take a few minutes to let this soak in, I'll come back soon to discuss your treatment options."
B's mom follows the Doctor out, leaving me alone with B. I guess she had more questions for him. I lie back in bed and close my eyes, hoping that this is all a bad dream.
Faith POV
Cancer, Jesus, Slayers can't get cancer, what the hell? How could this happen? I need to talk to Giles, see what's up. I mean, people beat cancer everyday, no problem for a slayer, right? Geez, B looks freaked out. Her mom's talking to the doctor, seeing what's what I guess. B's just chilling in the corner, staring out the window, probably thinking that she's gonna have to slay more if I'm not around, that's probably why she looks so sad, cuts into bronzing time. Well, fuck her, not like I never cover for her when she's off with her boy toy. The doc was saying some shit about treatment options; notice how he didn't say cure. I don't think there's a cure for cancer. Not like I'm up-to-date on medicine or the science times, but I'll be fine. This shit can't get a slayer down.
Buffy's POV
Cancer, Jesus, how could she have cancer? She's a slayer for god's sake. Does this mean she's gonna die? She can't die; we were just starting to hang out more, starting to get close. It's not fair. She's kind of just staring into space, I want to go over to her, comfort her, but I don't know what to say, and even if I did, I don't want to crown her, she might need space now, I never know what to do around Faith. It's not easy trying to guess what she's thinking, how she's feeling, I wish I could hear her thoughts, know how she's processing this, if she's freaking out. I'm freaking out now and it's not even me who's gonna die. No, not gonna die, think positive, she's a slayer, she can beat this. A slayer with cancer, could I get cancer one day? Probably not, I'm not gonna live long enough to get it. Though I thought the same of Faith. And brain cancer too, can they remove the tumor, doesn't she need all the little bits of her brain? I've seen it on TV though, I know it's been done. Doctor said something about treatment options, is keeping her brain an option? I'm all for keeping the brain, it's kind of an important part, then again, how many times have I thought that Faith didn't have a brain, or didn't use it, when I wished she would just go away. God, maybe I did this to her, I know I couldn't have, but still I can't help feeling guilty.
Joyce's POV
Cancer, my god. That poor girl. Maybe he's wrong; maybe we should get a second opinion. He does seem a bit young. The poor girl. I've always had a soft spot for Faith; she's just so young and so alone. I did the math, I talked to Mr. Giles, I know that she's maybe sixteen at the oldest. It frightens me to think about why she's alone in this world, where her parents are or how she has enough money to survive.
I invite her over for dinner as much as I can and I've spoken to Buffy about it. The thing is, Faith is stubborn, must be a slayer trait, Buffy is the same way. But Faith needs someone in this world, she needs stability, a solid home life and she is just too stubborn to accept what's being offered to her. As many times as I've asked her if she would like to sleep over she's declined, making excuses every time. Buffy says that she likes to be on her own, that if we push her she'll run away and we'll never see her again. It hurts me to see such a young girl so scared in this world and I wish I could understand why. I've asked Buffy and Mr. Giles many times if they knew anything about her past, if she ever spoke of it. They know nothing of her life before Sunnydale, not her age, not whether her parents are still alive, not even how she got here. It's frustrating to think of sometimes, all I want to do is ask, but I know I won't get an answer and Faith won't be coming over for dinner anymore. She resents us, Buffy and I, thinks we're rich, that our lives are easy, which couldn't be further from the truth. But Faith just sees black and white, herself struggling and us, not so much.
The doctor started explaining things to me, before he got beeped away, promising to be back as soon as he could. He wants to do surgery, brain surgery and then chemotherapy. He said the more aggressive the treatment the better her chances are. Chances, of death, of life. I don't think it hit me until he said that. She could die from this. Now I know, she's a slayer, she could die any day, but to know it before, to see it, it's completely different. It makes my heart ache for her, for the pain that she's going to be going through in the next few months. When he spoke of her chances, he didn't seem positive. He told me this type of tumor was very rare and moved very quickly. I asked questions, about side effects, about money, he ignored them. Told me if she didn't have the surgery she wouldn't survive. She has to survive this.
Faith's POV
I want some more jello. I don't know what's in the stuff but it sure as hell kicks ass. Plus it jiggles. They won't give me anymore though; I'm not allowed to eat anything tonight, which really sucks, because I'm hungry as hell. I'm having surgery tomorrow, getting cut open. Nothing new, I've been cut before, just never by a licensed professional. Hope he doesn't screw up and take out my liver or something. I doubt they'll mess that up though, my brain probably looks nothing like my liver. I wonder if they could take a picture of it for me, that would be cool, it'd make a great Christmas card, if I sent Christmas cards or had people to send them to. Still would be cool to have though.
B and her Mom went home for the night; they'll be back tomorrow though. They've been here every day for the last few days, filling out forms, asking questions, making sure I know what's going on. The forms were tricky, but I got me some state aid. Can you believe that shit? You get cancer and all of a sudden the government's your best friend, paying for treatment, for living expenses while I recover. I feel like I hit a gold mine, should have gotten cancer a long time ago. I'm not worried about dying, I'm a slayer. Slayers don't die from cancer; it's such a pansy way to go out. And even if it does kill me, it's not like I never knew I was going to die young. Even before I became a slayer, I never knew if I was going to be alive the next day, shitty childhood and all. Sometimes "daddy" got carried away with the beatings, hit just a little too hard, couldn't stop himself. But I survived that and I'll survive this. I should really get some sleep, the drugs they have me on are making me tired. Got to remember to ask for the picture though, and more jello when I wake up.
...to be continued...