One More Time: Like Never Before
by Sulks
Rating: PG-13

Author's Notes: This title is inspired by the song, "Songbird," sung by both the wonderful Eva Cassidy and Christine McVie, download either version for your hearing pleasure. There's a part in here that is in here because Piper reminded me to address the issue, so much thanks to her, and this one's for her.

Faith never returned to Therese's apartment after she had left. Buffy knew Faith probably just wanted to be alone, but she couldn't help feeling worry and panic, and so she went to Faith's apartment, just to make sure Faith was there. Faith answered the door, and her red-rimmed eyes took Buffy aback. She knew the situation wasn't a good one, but she'd thought that things would get better since Faith was restored to who she had once been.

"Buffy," Faith sniffed, swiping at her nose. "What're you doing here?"

"I just wanted to make sure you were okay," Buffy said softly, unhappy because Faith was unhappy.

"Five by five," Faith said, flashing Buffy a weak grin.

Buffy let the familiar words sweep over her. It was amazing what things you missed hearing, even if she knew that Faith usually said that when she wasn't fine at all. She reached out to caress Faith's face, but the dark-haired girl flinched and backed away. Buffy withdrew her hand, stung, but tried to maintain her composure. Faith looked ashamed by her reaction, and each of them knew that things between them weren't fine at all.

"I'll go if you want me to," Buffy said, already anticipating the answer, she turned to leave. She was five seconds away from bawling, but she hoped she could make it to her cousin's car without sobbing in public.

Faith reached for her shoulder. "I'd like you to stay," she murmured, not exactly desiring Buffy's presence. In the first place, she felt that she had just lost a child, even though Carrie had never really been hers in the first place. When they'd gone to collect Carrie from the baby-sitter, the child had instantly reached for Faith, addressing her as "Mama." When Lynne and Daniel took her away, she'd screamed and cried, reaching her tiny arms out toward Faith and screaming "mommy." She was hurting, and when she was hurting, she wanted to be alone, and a part of her was still too proud to let anyone know that she could even be hurt like that. Secondly, she was still a little angry with Buffy for cheating on her, and the fact that their relationship had been left in limbo for so long made her uneasy around the blonde. But she knew that she wanted to get back together with her fellow Slayer, and she truly believed that if she allowed Buffy to leave at that point, something in their relationship would be irreparably damaged. And it was already damaged enough.

"Really?" Buffy asked, her eyes lighting with hope.

"Yes," Faith said, taking Buffy by the hand and guiding her inside. They walked hand in hand into the bedroom, where Faith laid down, her head buried into the crook of Buffy's neck. Buffy wrapped her arms around the younger girl, and each of them knew how much it took for Faith to allow it to happen. They stayed like that for a few hours, and Buffy ended up staying with Faith for several days, the atmosphere was filled with amicable tension.

One day, Buffy woke up from a nap, and found that Faith wasn't sleeping next to her. She padded into the living room and saw Faith sitting on the couch, in the dark, staring blankly at the television which wasn't even on. Buffy was worried about her.

"I think we need to talk," Buffy said, placing a hand on Faith's shoulder, as she sat next to Faith.

"I guess we do," Faith agreed, not looking at the blonde.

"You look okay, but I know you, Faith, and I know you're not doing so well--"

"I don't want to talk about this."

"But--"

"I've missed you, Buffy," Faith interrupted.

"I've missed you too, Faith. But I think you might need help to deal with this and I--"

"I don't want to talk about it."

Buffy's eyes filled with tears, believing that the situation was entirely her fault. "I'm so sorry about what happened before you...before everything that happened. I know nothing can ever make up for what I did to you, but you have to believe how sorry I am. I know everything that happened to you, everything that's going on now is my fault because I did what I did. I'm so sorry, baby..."

Faith regarded her silently.

"You trusted me," Buffy muttered, "and I cheated on you, and then all this stuff happened..."

"And you gave me a pretty shitty excuse for it too," Faith said lightly, squeezing Buffy's hand gently. Buffy winced. "I don't want to make you feel guilty," Faith said amiably. "I'm just saying that if you were going to cheat on me, you could have at least just lied to me and said you were drunk and that it was just a mistake--"

"It *was* a mistake," Buffy said fervently.

"But you said you did it before I could cheat on you, you *meant* to do it--" Faith said.

"I know," Buffy whispered, remembering the utterly devastated expression on Faith's face, when the dark-haired Slayer had discovered her infidelity. "I was insecure," Buffy mumbled, ashamed. "I was happy with you, happier than I'd ever been, really. I never felt that way about anyone, not even Angel, and not Riley either. And then I got insecure, because something always happened anytime I was happy," Buffy explained. "Angel lost his soul, and Riley...he..." Buffy shook her head, as she remembered discovering his habit of getting purposely bitten by vampires. "Something always ruined it, and I guess I was just waiting for it to happen with you. So I convinced myself you'd already cheated on me, or that you were going to--"

"Right, because I'm just a big whore?" Faith questioned, without heat.

Buffy shook her head. "It was about me," Buffy told her. "I was so happy with you, and I was just waiting for it to get ruined, so I guess I just sabotaged it myself, because I knew eventually it would have to end. And I guess I tried to hurt you, before you could hurt me."

Faith's forehead furrowed, and she regarded Buffy for a few moments silently before she finally sighed. "I can understand that," she said.

"Really?" Buffy asked.

Faith nodded. "That's what happened with me and you the first time around," Faith said. "I was too happy with you, and I knew it couldn't last, so instead of waiting for it to explode in my face--"

"You messed it up first," Buffy finished for her.

Faith nodded again, realising for the first time how alike the Chosen Two really were.

"It never lasts with me," Faith whispered, "I knew it would all fade away eventually, and I wanted to just make it stop."

"Exactly," Buffy whispered back, her hand twining into Faith's hair.

"I really missed you," Faith said, reaching over to hug Buffy. "Before everything that happened, I wanted to see you so bad. I was so excited that day, even though I was still wicked pissed off at you. And I know that...I screwed you over pretty badly, and I know that it couldn't be easy to trust me. I understand why you did it--"'

"No, that wasn't it," Buffy protested. "I forgive you for all that--"

"Forgiven but not forgotten, baby," Faith said with a smile. "It's okay, we both gotta work on that." Faith knew she hadn't exactly trusted Buffy fully either, not only because she had once felt abandoned by the blonde but also because it simply wasn't in her nature to place her trust so completely in another person. She had trusted Buffy more than she had trusted anyone in her entire life, and it was an especially difficult thing to do, considering the blonde had once gutted her. When she walked in on Buffy cheating on her, she felt like she had been gutted all over again. Faith forced the anger and bile that rose from the memory to go away, and she forced a smile, "we have a shitload to deal with, but we'll deal with it together, okay? I have a shitload to deal with here too, I'm gonna need to stay here for a while, but you need to get back to Sunnydale, X-Man and Demon Girl can't hold it down for too long..."

Buffy pressed Faith closer to her body. "I'll stay with you...if you want," she said tentatively, seeing how forced the smile was, and how choked the words were.

Faith shook her head. "No, go back to Sunnydale. I have a lot to deal with here. I'll go back later."

"Let me help you," Buffy whispered, feeling pushed away.

Faith sighed, and pulled away. "I just need to deal with this stuff on my own, B. No offence or anything, just...I need to be alone for a while to deal with it myself. You've already been here for me, and I wicked appreciate it, but now I gotta be on my own for a while, sort my stuff out."

"Okay," Buffy acquiesced. "I'll arrange for a flight for me and Dawn tomorrow."

Faith smiled weakly at her, "good. I'll see you soon."

Buffy stood up. "I guess I should go," she said, wiping at her eyes as she walked towards the door. She had her hand on the doorknob when Faith touched her shoulder.

"When I said I slept with someone else...after...after that night...I lied," Faith muttered. "I thought about it, but I didn't. It's always been just you, B. Even with Chris, something was just missing, and I knew it in my bones. You feel *right*, B. Don't cry, okay? I'll see you soon."

"Okay," Buffy sniffed, hugging Faith once more. "I'll see you soon. We still need to talk stuff out--"

"I know," Faith interrupted, somewhat grumpy at the prospect of doing something she hated. "But I think we're gonna be okay, B." She was lying, she wasn't sure what was going to happen between the two of them, but she *hoped* they would end up being okay.

"I had to move your stuff out of your apartment and back into your room," Buffy said suddenly remembering that detail.

Faith nodded, "okay."

"So I'll see you at...home?" Buffy asked tentatively.

"Yeah, I'll swing by your place," Faith said with a reassuring smile.

Buffy's face fell, but she reached over and hugged Faith, hoping to mask her disappointment. Faith didn't consider their house...theirs anymore. "I'll see you at home," Buffy repeated.

"Okay."

Buffy turned to leave, and had just walked down the stairs when Faith shouted her name and came charging down the stairs, taking them three at a time, before she finally leaped over five of them, landing on the ground on her feet. "I love you," Faith said breathlessly, "I just wanted to make sure you were aware."

"I love you too, Faith," Buffy said, crying for what seemed like the quadrillionth time in the last few days. God, her nose was raw.

"Thanks for being here for me, B," Faith murmured.

Buffy held onto Faith a little tighter, "of course I'd be here for you," she said, stroking Faith's hair, "I'm so proud of you for handling this so well, you're so *strong*, Faith," Buffy uttered quietly, "you always have to remember that, how strong you are..." Buffy marveled over how Faith had been handling the situation. Faith had cried a little bit, but for the most part, she was handling it incredibly well, which was simultaneously impressive and worrisome to Buffy. The blonde hoped that Faith's ability to handle such devastating situations wasn't really just some deadened response, but she couldn't help but be impressed by how well Faith was handling things, even if she didn't always look particularly well. Buffy was infused with love for Faith, like she'd never been before.

"I'll see you soon, B." Faith said, before squeezing Buffy's shoulder and then turning to run up the stairs.

...continued in Normal Again...