One More Time: Secret Life
by Sulks
Rating: PG-13

"I've been standing still for eight months, B. How hard ya look?"

Faith's voice haunted her as she snapped into wakefulness. It'd been months since the last time she'd seen Faith. The manager of Faith's apartment had informed Buffy that she needed to take Faith's things out of her apartment, so now her belongings were resting in boxes in Faith's room, just waiting for Faith to do what she will. Faith hadn't unpacked much anyway, so it was an easy task. But it depressed Buffy to see the boxes sitting in the room, the room that her mother had once occupied. Her mother was dead now. Willow and Tara were both gone, and now Faith was missing.

The house was lonely again, with just Buffy and Dawn, and the Summers sisters walked around as if in a state of suspended animation, going about their days at school and work, patrolling together and then coming home waiting for the doorbell or the phone to ring. It often did, it just never was who they wanted it to be. Buffy still remembered the time the phone had rang at 7:30PM, and Dawn had answered it absolutely *sure* it was going to be Faith because she had a dream the night before that Faith returned. When it turned out to be someone from the Sunnydale News Edition, Dawn had *screamed* at the man on the other end of the phone and slammed down the receiver. On the plus side, no one from the Sunnydale News Edition ever called them again.

Buffy had Faith-related dreams every night, but the one that was featured most often was Faith's taunting question, "how hard ya look?" posed the day when Buffy had run into the girl at the UC Sunnydale campus, after she'd emerged from her coma. It was funny how such an off-handed phrase would serve to haunt her dreams. 'I've been looking so hard,' Buffy thought. 'I really have this time.'

She still wasn't sure exactly what had happened, although she kept in mind that it was possible that Faith had actually taken off and didn't want to be found. Buffy didn't think Faith would actually *do* that, at least not to Dawn and Cordelia. She knew Faith had still been angry with her when she'd just seemed to...vanish.

Eventually though, things settled into a life without Faith, and life went on, and her absence wasn't as obvious as it had been at one time. Buffy continued to look for Faith and had various people looking for her as well. The Watcher's Council was also looking for her, but for the most part, she wanted to try and return some semblance of normalcy to her life, if only for Dawn's sake.

Their cousin, Therese, was getting married to some guy she'd met at Penn several years before, and Dawn and Buffy flew out to Pennsylvania to attend the wedding. It was December again, and Buffy thought briefly that it would be Faith's birthday in a few weeks. Ever since she'd found out when Faith's birthday was, she'd had such big plans to throw Faith a proper birthday party. She wondered if she'd ever get that chance.

Winter was her cousin's favourite season which explained the slightly insane choice to have her wedding during a winter in Pennsylvania. Buffy remembered how Faith's favourite season had been winter as well.

Dawn was hanging out with Therese, and Buffy was sent out to the drug store to pick up a few things. She wasn't quite sure how she got wrangled into it, but she did. The weather was frigid, especially for a blonde California girl, and Buffy wistfully thought of how Faith had once told her she missed snow. She was waiting to cross the street, wearing one of Faith's black leather jackets. It was an awfully long wait. She stared impatiently at the streetlight, not really aware of her surroundings. When it finally turned green, she stepped onto the sidewalk and stopped dead in her tracks.

"Faith!" she yelled, glancing at the girl on the other side of the street, who was now walking towards her. People behind her walked impatiently past her.

The girl passed by Buffy without even really looking at her. Buffy reached out and grabbed her by the shoulder. "Faith!"

The girl pulled away, stepping onto the sidewalk. "Lady! Are you fucking crazy?"

Buffy jumped onto the sidewalk as well, just in time to avoid oncoming traffic.

"Faith," Buffy muttered, her eyes filling with tears. She reached out to take Faith's hand.

Faith stared at her like she was crazy. "Lady, look. I don't know who the hell you are, but I am not this Faith person."

Buffy stared into her eyes and saw no recognition there, and for a moment she thought she might have the wrong person, but the face was just too...it was too *Faith.* The girl moved to walk away.

"*Wait*" Buffy pleaded urgently. "You...you have a scar on your stomach," Buffy said, putting her hands on the other girl's stomach. "Right here. You do, right?"

The brunette pulled back, her eyes wide. "You...how did you know that?"

Oh, God. It was Faith, and things were worse than Buffy had ever expected. All these months, she'd known that Faith was out there somewhere. She knew the other Slayer wasn't dead because a new Slayer would have been called, but Buffy had never imagined a possibility where Faith didn't remember her old life.

"Come with me, it's not safe to talk about this in the open" Buffy said. The brunette followed after the blonde, feeling paranoid, but curious.

"DAWN!" Buffy called as she entered her cousin's apartment.

Dawn bounded out, but stopped dead in her tracks when she saw whom her sister was with.

"Faith!" she said, throwing herself at the brunette.

The dark-haired girl pulled away. "It's Sarah, actually," she said softly.

"What?" Dawn glanced at Buffy.

"It's *her*." Buffy insisted.

"What the fuck are you two talking about?" the angry brunette demanded.

"Faith--" Buffy started to say.

"*Sarah*."

"Faith?" Dawn asked.

The girl threw her a dirty look. "Will someone please tell me what the hell is going on here?"

"You're Faith Lohane," Buffy told her softly, "my girlfriend. You've been missing for nine months."

A very Faith-like glare was thrown in Buffy's direction. "You're lying," she said flatly, although there was something in the back of her mind nagging at her.

"The scar on your stomach was from..."

"Shut *up*."

"What's going on here?" Therese asked, coming into the living room.

"Nothing!" Buffy and Dawn said simultaneously. Dawn grabbed Therese's hand and dragged her into the bedroom, leaving the two girls to talk.

"I'm getting out of here," the brunette said, heading towards the door.

"Wait," Buffy stopped her, her eyes filled with tears. She knew this was Faith, but it was clearly a Faith that didn't remember who she was. "You're stronger than everyone else, right?" Buffy asked softly, "stronger, and faster and you heal quick?"

Brown eyes darkened, as she grabbed Buffy by the shoulders, "who sent you? Was it that fucking Watcher's Council?"

Buffy's eyes widened. "You know you're a Slayer?"

"How did *you* know I'm a Slayer?" Faith demanded.

"I'm a Slayer too," Buffy said, her eyes filling with tears. "We both are, and you're my girlfriend--"

"No." Faith said, "no. No. No." she paced around the room. "There's only *one* Slayer--" her tone taking on a desperate edge that Buffy had no idea where it came from. "He...he told me there's only *one*."

A feeling of dread came over Buffy. "Faith--"

"I...I need to go. Look, what's your name?" Buffy could identify the rising panic on Faith's face.

"Buffy," she said quickly. "Buffy Summers."

"I'll come back some other time," Faith said, her eyes wild and panicked. "I...I can't be here right now."

"Wait," Buffy said. "I don't actually live here. I live in California...let me write down my...*our* address and phone number."

"Okay," Faith muttered.

"I'm going to be here for only another three days though. *Please* we have to get together before then. Can I have a way to reach you?" Buffy asked, handing Faith the scrap of paper.

Faith bit her lip. "Call my cell phone," she said, writing down the number. She walked out of the apartment, slamming it a little harder than was necessary. She was so utterly confused. She wrapped her coat a little tighter around herself and patted her tummy. "It's okay," she muttered to the life growing inside her. "I'll figure out what's going on." She only lived a few blocks away from Therese Barrington's apartment.

Her husband was awaiting her return.

"Sarah," he called out, rushing over to her. "What's wrong?" he asked.

"Nothing," she said, smiling weakly at him. "Just feeling a little crappy. I think I'll go lie down."

"Shall I ring the doctor?" he asked.

"No," she muttered. "I just need to lie down."

Nine months before, she'd awakened in a hospital in San Diego with no memory of who she was, but there'd been a man who'd been sitting by her bedside, claiming to be her husband. He had all the right evidence, photographs, a wedding certificate and two-year-old girl that he claimed was her daughter. According to him, they were visiting friends in San Diego from Pennsylvania when she'd gotten into a really bad car accident, which accounted for all the bruising and cuts on her body. She believed him, and they flew back to Pennsylvania together.

Over the next nine months, he'd told her about the details of her life. She was born Frances Julian in Brooklyn, New York, and a Slayer since age 15. She went by Sarah Kramer because they were hiding from the Watcher's Council. He'd been her second Watcher after her first Watcher had died and they'd fallen in love. They were on the outs with the Watcher's Council and he warned her to always be wary of them. She'd believed him. Trusted him.

Her daughter, Carrie, hopped onto the bed and wrapped her arms around her. "Daddy says you're feeling sick."

Faith closed her eyes, but turned around to hug her daughter. "It's okay, baby. Just go to sleep, okay?"

Carrie snuggled more deeply into her, falling asleep, but Faith continued to be plagued by doubts. For nine months she simply accepted that she'd once had a life and then she'd gotten into an accident and couldn't remember it. She'd tried so hard to regain her memories, but it just wasn't happening. And then some random woman on the street had told her everything she thought was true couldn't possibly be true. And it made sense to her...nothing in her life *felt* quite right. She wasn't sure what was going on, but she was determined to find out, and she instinctively knew that Buffy had the answers. She knew it was foolish to believe in a woman she'd only just met, but if Buffy were telling the truth that meant that she hadn't just met Buffy. And even if Buffy weren't telling the truth her suspicions about her current life were already raised enough to want to see the blonde again to get some answers.

She had a bad feeling about the situation, and when her husband crawled into bed beside her that night, she turned away from him, unable to tolerate his touching her.

...continued in Lies...