One More Time: E Tu?
by Sulks
Rating: PG-13

Author's Notes: Number eight in the "One More Time." Okay, so this one isn't happy, because I suck, and this is Sunnydale and no one can ever be happy here for long. I'm just following the rules of Joss.

Faith and Buffy had been "together" for slightly over three months, and while things were good between them with the occasional quickly-resolved spat, Buffy still thought there could be room for improvement, which was true of any relationship. Faith still took off for days at a time, without any word, and she evaded Buffy's questions about where exactly she went. It bugged Buffy, and nagging little doubts at the back of her mind began to take over.

Faith had come back after being gone for three days, seemingly rejuvenated and happy. But the moment she walked in the house, she was greeted by a very irate blonde Slayer in a very dark mood and the screaming fight that ensued made neighbours four houses down shut their windows. It culminated in Faith stomping out, and slamming the door hard enough to shake the house. And she didn't come home for five days.

When she came home, it was three AM on a Wednesday and she was sorry for yelling at Buffy, realising it was reasonable for the blonde girl to demand an explanation for her random disappearances, and she was ready to tell her. She simply wasn't used to having to answer to other people. She entered into Buffy's room, not wanting to wake the sleeping blonde, but missing her as well. She wanted to catch a glimpse of her girlfriend.

Buffy wasn't alone. There was someone else in bed with her.

"Shit," Faith whispered, backing away from the bed.

The clomp of boots roused Buffy who stared at Faith's face, bathed in the light of the full moon streaming in through the window. Perversely, Buffy thought of how Faith would often whinge about the moonlight and sunlight that would peek in.

"Faith! Wait--"

"Shit," Faith repeated again, continuing to back away.

Buffy ran out of bed, "wait, please--" She reached out to grab Faith's arm who yanked it back, violently. The blonde became very aware of her nakedness.

"Don't." Faith muttered.

Five minutes later, Dave Simpson found himself half naked, on his ass on the lawn of a two-story house on Revello Drive.

"Faith--" Buffy was inside Faith's room, after she had thrown the guy out of the house. She had been surprised to find the door unlocked.

"Bathroom." Faith walked in from the bathroom, toweling off her face and then began undressing.

"You...I...we..."

"Yes, you're very good at teaching me the first person and the second person and the first person plural, B. I'm wicked appreciative for the grammar lesson, but I'm tired. So, can you just leave?"

"We need to talk."

"No, we don't."

"Yes, we do!" Buffy insisted, chilled by the cold eyes and the calm demeanour of her usually loving and somewhat (surprisingly) doting girlfriend.

"Huh, I don't think so. You were in bed with someone else, the bed we often share when we're not sharing mine, and you clearly had sex with him, so there's nothing more to say."

"You don't understand..."

"You drunk?" Faith demanded belligerently.

"No, but--"

"Then I do understand."

"It's just...that...that...I...I mean...you...I mean, you..." Buffy stammered.

"Me Tarzan, you Jane," Faith said, her tone bored, but her eyes growing increasingly vicious.

"It's just that you were *gone*, Faith, and you do this all the time...and I just thought...I thought you were...I mean, that you had someone else...and....I just...I mean...you...I...I thought maybe you were cheating on *me* and then I thought that maybe you were thinking about it...so...then I thought...well, I sort of...I sort of cheated on you before you could cheat on me-- he didn't mean *anything* I don't even know his name..." Buffy finished her voice small and ashamed. It seemed like an okay idea at the time, she had been so sure that either Faith was already cheating on her, or that she would at some point...and it'd just been such a colossal mistake, she wasn't sure what the fuck had possessed her in the first place. She never knew she could be capable of such petty emotions, and she wasn't sure what the fuck she'd been thinking in the first place.

Faith had listened to Buffy's spiel with a degree of confusion, she really wasn't sure what the blonde had been trying to say, but one part in particular caught her attention, "you cheated on me before I could cheat on you?" Faith repeated incredulously. "You had so little faith in me, that you thought I couldn't fucking control myself, that I'd just go out and..." Faith's words trailed off. "Fuck," she muttered angrily. "Fuck that, fuck this, and fuck *you,* B." Faith turned and stomped out of the house, with Buffy running after her.

"Faith," Buffy pleaded. "I know I was wrong, I'm sorry, okay? I can't even begin to tell you how sorry I am," Buffy whispered, tears pooling in her eyes. "I just got the wiggins about all this...about us, and I..." Buffy stopped Faith by putting her hands on the taller girl's shoulders.

"Thanks for believing in me," Faith said ironically, "it's nice to know even the girl who claims she loves me still thinks I'm just a whore." She shrugged off Buffy's hands.

"Faith, you have to believe me, I'm *so* sorry."

"I *do* believe ya, B," Faith said flippantly, "I just don't give a shit." Faith started to walk away.

"Faith, it can't end like this--"

"Who said anything about anything ending?" Faith asked. "I'll call you later, babe." She turned around and pulled Buffy into her arms, giving the blonde a hard kiss, almost bruising the blonde's lips. Punishing her. "It's not your fault, B," Faith whispered, "it's my own fault for being such a ho, right?" Faith asked, her tone mocking and cruel. "Thanks for reminding me of that fact, *lover*."

'This is bad,' Buffy thought, watching Faith's back as the girl strutted away. 'Really bad.' And she knew she brought it on herself with her damn pride. She stood outside the house watching the direction Faith had gone for thirty minutes before she finally realised she'd better get inside as she had only thrown on a t-shirt, and she was still living on the Hellmouth, so it was the smart thing to get inside.

She'd been so angry with Faith for the times she'd go away and not call or tell her what was going on. She'd even call in sick to work, and she was suspicious about why Faith was so evasive about the whole thing and she was hurt thinking that Faith didn't trust her with certain information and was cheating on her and she made a horrendous miscalculation, and now, she was sure it cost her her girlfriend. The one that it had taken so many years to finally get. Because Faith was gone, and maybe for good this time. All her things were still there, but Faith didn't have much attachment to her possessions. And Buffy knew Faith was the type to run.

Buffy left messages at various places and with various people, went to various motels around Sunnydale, asked around at Willy's and no one seemed to know anything about Faith. Angel and Cordelia both said she hadn't come to either of them. Buffy had taken to sleeping in Faith's bed, hoping to catch the brunette sneaking in, but mainly because she needed to be in that room, surrounded by all things Faith. Then one night when she had begun to despair even more, thinking the brunette had actually left, and she was awakened by Faith crawling in through the window. She looked surprised when Buffy sat up and looked at her.

"Hey," Faith said casually. "How you doin'?"

"Faith--"

"I'm going to get washed up, I'm wicked grungy right now." Faith just walked into the adjacent bathroom without waiting for any sort of response. Twenty minutes later Faith walked back into the bedroom smelling of Country Apple body wash and Herbal Essence shampoo and conditioner. The Country Apple had been part of a gift set that Buffy had given her.

She dried her hair vigorously and hung up the towel, ever the meticulous one. She crawled into bed, her back turned to Buffy. "Aren't you going to lie down and sleep?" Faith asked in a normal tone of voice.

"Yeah, but-- I mean, I think we should talk...where...I mean..."

"I'm too tired to talk right now," Faith said, her voice a little more remote and cold than before.

"But--"

"I don't want to talk to *you*. You couldn't possibly tell me anything that I haven't heard before, although the 'I screwed you over before you could screw me over' was a bit of a surprise from you, B." Faith chuckled. "I always knew you had it in you, just wasn't sure you'd tap into it. Got my answer though." She sat up and looked briefly into Buffy's wounded eyes. "Aw, that's my girl." She pecked the blonde on the cheek and laid back down, her back to Buffy once more.

"Faith," Buffy began again, putting her hand on Faith's shoulder. She was surprised that Faith didn't stiffen or pull away, and took that to be a good sign. "Faith, I'm so sorry, I don't know what..."

"Just stop." Faith interrupted. "I told you I don't want to hear it, I don't want to talk about it. Let's just forget it."

"We *can't* just forget it, you're so angry..."

Faith snorted. "That's the difference between me and you, B. I don't have to talk about every fucking thing or do the hug and cry, learn and grow thing to feel better. I went out, drank a lot, had sex with someone else and everything's all out of my system."

"You had sex with someone else?" Buffy whispered. "How could you--"

"How could I? How could I? I don't know, Buffy. How could you? Do *you* want things to end now?"

"You...how could you sleep with someone, just so you can hurt me?"

"Didn't sleep with them, B. Just fucked them. Sort of like you did me."

Buffy sat up and turned on the light. "I didn't--"

"Mean to? But you said you did it so you could screw me over before I did it to you. Sounds pretty much like you meant it to me, B."

"I don't know why I--"

"Save it, B. I've been up for about 80 hours now, and I *need* sleep, if you want to sleep too, then by all means, stay. But if you're going to keep talking, you should go back to your own room."

Buffy bit her lip, and leaned over to turn out the light. She lied down again and tentatively reached over to put her arm around Faith's waist. She was angry at Faith for having sex with someone else, but there was no way she could be angry without coming off as a massive hypocrite. Faith didn't acknowledge Buffy at all, it was like it didn't matter to her.

When Buffy woke up the next morning, she was alone and judging by how cold the sheets were, she'd been alone for a while. She walked downstairs and saw Faith cooking Dawn breakfast. "Drink some more milk," Faith insisted, "you're still young enough to need it, and have another strip of bacon, you need to gain a few pounds." Dawn rolled her eyes in response, she would always think Faith was the dictionary definition of "cool," but she thought Faith's coolness factor had definitely gone down a few notches since the dark-haired Slayer started dating her sister.

"Hi," Buffy said cautiously.

"Hey Buffy." Dawn said brightly. "Faith made pancakes, bacon and hash browns. It's great having you back, Faith," she said, "Buffy's idea of cooking breakfast for me is to toss me a cereal bar. Did you take care of that demon?"

Faith glanced at Buffy, and thought 'so that's what you told her,' and then turned her attention back to Dawn. "Sure did. It was a real bitch of a demon, got the upper hand for a while, almost thought it'd win, but I finally came to my senses and realised hey, I'm me. No one gets the upper hand on me for very long."

"Was it really ugly?" Dawn asked, enthralled.

Faith shrugged. "It was all right for a demon, it had yellow hair. It was wicked vicious, but like some damn demon could *ever* hurt me." She gave Buffy a hard stare. "You should get to school now. Take out the garbage by the way, okay? You shouldn't stick your sis with it every week."

"Sure. Bye, Faith," she stood up and hugged Faith. "It's good to have you back." Dawn grabbed her things, and the trash and breezed out the door. "See ya, Buffy," she called out.

The moment the door closed, Buffy turned to Faith. "Faith, we really do have to talk about this."

"How many pancakes do you want?" Faith asked, piling a hashbrown and a few strips of bacon on a plate.

"Forget about the pancakes for a minute, please? Faith, I don't want us to break up."

"Me neither," Faith said, finally turning to give Buffy a bright smile.

"You don't?" Buffy asked, her voice relieved.

"Nope. But I think there need to be some changes to our relationship. Like, first of all, I'm moving out."

"Wait, what!?"

"Need my own place, I figured that out these past few days. Don't get me wrong, B. I'm wicked grateful for the hospitality and all, but I already found a place. Moving out this afternoon, got the day off from work to do it."

"Faith, wait, this isn't the way to fix things!"

"And I think we should see other people."

Buffy's face crumpled, "so you're breaking up with me..."

"We can still see each other," Faith said, "you know, especially after patrol." Her eyes were focused behind Buffy. "I just mean, we should be able to fuck other people, since you know, we were doing that anyway. It was news to me, but since you wanted it *that* way, I figure I should be a fabulous girlfriend and accommodate you."

"I don't want to lose you--"

Faith looked at her sympathetically. "I know, I wouldn't want to lose someone great in bed and with Slayer strength to match either. That's why we'll still be 'girlfriends'" Faith said, making air quotes around 'girlfriends.'

"Stop this," Buffy demanded, "Whatever you're trying to do, stop it right now."

Faith smiled innocently at her. "Stop what? I'm just trying to be a good girlfriend. I'm just trying to give you what you want, and since you clearly think I'm so deficient, but you just want to keep me around for the sex, I'm just giving you what you want. Go and fuck whoever you want. Hey, I bet if you knew that guy's name, he'd do you in a--"

Buffy slapped her face. Hard.

Faith smirked, and traced her bleeding lips with her index and middle fingers. "That's my girl."

"You don't know what the fuck you're talking about," Buffy said, her voice harsh. "You should just shut the fuck up about things you don't know about."

"Babes, I'm an expert in this. I know when someone just wants me for a fuck. I'll admit it took me a while with you, but hey, it's all five by five."

"That's *not* true, Faith. I *love* you."

"See, the thing with love, B, is that there's this unwritten thing about trust and shit like that. I understand though. Never gave you a reason to trust or believe in me, so why should you take that chance? And you're probably right, eventually I would have cheated on you." The thought had never even crossed her mind before that night to cheat.

"Can't we talk about this? Do you have to leave?"

"It's not like I'm leaving Sunnydale, B. I'll still be around when you and your buds call me to haul my ass out for some slayage."

"Faith, please don't be like this," Buffy begged, putting her arms on Faith's shoulders. Once again, Faith didn't pull away or stiffen. She just stared at Buffy impassively. 'She doesn't care,' Buffy realised, 'it doesn't mean anything to her.' There was a time when Faith would pull away from random touches, because she didn't like the invasion of her personal space, it would remind her of her childhood that was consistently filled with moments when she was touched against her will. But eventually, she and Buffy became a very affectionate couple, the kind that made other people sick in public because Faith was so comfortable with her girlfriend. Now...it was like...a complete lack of emotion, an entire lack of a response.

"Faith, I'm sorry," Buffy whispered futilely.

"I'll be out by three," Faith said, her voice distant. "I don't have a phone installed yet, and I don't have the address memorised, but I'll leave it here when I drop off the key. If I remember."

"You don't need to drop it off..." Buffy started to say.

"I don't think I'll be needing it anymore, B. But I'll see you later, girlfriend." She gave Buffy a quick peck on the lips. "I'll be in touch. Eat your breakfast and get to work. You're gonna be late if you don't leave soon."

And with that, she was just gone.

Buffy stared at the door long after Faith had gone, before she finally stood up with a sigh to go to work. She couldn't afford to lose her job and her girlfriend all in the same day. Hours later, she and Dawn returned home around the same time. Something shiny glistened on the kitchen counter.

"What's this?" Dawn asked, picking up the key that Faith had obviously left.

"It's a key, don't you learn anything in school?" Buffy asked maliciously.

"I *know* that, but why is it here?"

"Faith moved out."

"WHAT!? Why?!"

"It's none of your business, Dawn."

"You did something to her," Dawn accused.

"Dawn! Shut up. Go to your room!"

"How could you let her *leave*?" Dawn demanded, horrified by the tears that came to her eyes. But she was tired of losing people.

"What was I supposed to do? Keep her here against her will?"

"You *did* something to her, I know it, she wouldn't just move out for no reason!"

"Shut up!"

"Fuck you." Dawn muttered viciously, stomping out the kitchen door, intent on looking for Faith.

"Dawn! You get back here!" Buffy yelled, but Dawn paid no heed and Buffy couldn't help but cry again.

At Sheila's Bookstore, Faith was in the backroom, arranging some books that needed to be shelved later on, although in reality, she was actually hiding and talking on the phone at the same time.

"So I was thinking I could come see you this weekend," Faith said, "I get the whole weekend off." Faith had explained to Sheila that there were some difficulties going on and she'd need some time off to fix it. Sheila was a more-than-understanding boss and granted her the weekend free.

Cordelia hesitated. "You know it's always great to see you," she murmured. "But maybe you shouldn't run away from this thing with B...uffy. God, now you even have me doing it." Faith had told Cordelia what had happened earlier in the week.

Faith chuckled. "I'm not running away. It's fixed with me and B. I just want to see you."

"*How* is it fixed?"

"Oh you know, open relationship, and I moved out."

"Okay, that's not quite what I meant by fixing it."

"Best I can do. So, you gonna let me stay with you or am I gonna have to sleep in a gutter? Don't really want to stay with Deadboy."

"Fine," Cordelia sighed. "You can stay with me this weekend."

"Cool. Thanks, C."

Cordelia cursed and then debated with herself for a few minutes before calling Buffy's number.

"Hello?" Buffy's voice sounded angry, hopeful and like she'd been crying. Cordelia paused for a few seconds. "Faith? Faith?" Buffy said quickly.

"No, it's Cordelia."

"Oh," Buffy's voice deflated.

"I just wanted to tell you what a fabulous job you did on fucking Faith over."

"I didn't mean to," Buffy's voice was instantly sobered. "I don't know why I did what I did..."

"She's going to be staying with me this weekend," Cordelia informed her. "I don't want you to worry too much about her, she'll be fine with me, and I'll even put in a good word for you. But if something like this happens again, Slayer or not, not even God putting in a good word for you is going to save you from me."

"I didn't mean to," Buffy said lamely.

A cold note entered Cordelia's voice as she remembered the time she'd been cheated on as well. She'd long forgiven Xander for it, but it was still painful for her to think about. Every time she did, she felt like she'd been kicked in the stomach and she felt hurt all over again. "Faith told me what happened, it sounds like you meant it to me," she said with a sneer.

"I don't know why I did it," Buffy said soberly, "I was happy. I was *so* happy, but I just...there were these times when I thought--"

"Yeah, yeah, Insecure Girl. I know, I heard it. You thought she was cheating on you or she was about to, so you thought you'd cheat on her before she cheated on you. Clearly you were confused. The fucked up part is, the more time passed by, the more she saw it *your* way and now she thinks it's her fault just because she *used* to be all skanky. So once again, good job on screwing my friend and your girlfriend over."

"I didn't want to hurt her--"

"Yeah, you did, and you fucking know it. You wanted to hurt her because you couldn't spank your innermoppet and get over your childhood trauma. She *wouldn't* have cheated on you, and now you made her all insecure! How could you do that to her? I thought Little Miss Likes to Fight just liked the bone breaking parts of life, but I guess you like the spirit crushing parts as well. Good fucking job, Buffy."

"I'm hanging up."

"Yeah? Well, *good*. What is it with you Scoobies and your cheating ways anyway?"

Buffy slammed down the phone, angry with Cordelia for her words, but even angrier with herself because she knew Cordelia's words were true.

She glanced at the valentine on her wall that Faith had given her only the month before and wondered why she fucked up something that was so good all because she was insecure and couldn't talk to Faith because she was afraid of pissing the girl of. 'Yeah, good job, Buffy,' she thought to herself ironically, 'you didn't want to push her because you thought she'd leave so you got all suspicious instead and then you fucked someone else. Way to go and be an adult.' She knew she'd made a colossal mistake and she was determined to fix it. She may never get her girlfriend back, and she wouldn't blame Faith. But there was no way she could go through life with Faith hating her *again*, not when she had a glimpse of what it'd been like when Faith was on her side.

...continued in Gone...