The Only One
by Surugan
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: I'm not Tracy Chapman.... or Joss Whedon. So I own as much as I
know - nothing. In fact, I don't even want to own these characters - except
for Faith, of course.
Author's Notes: Buffy didn't die. Dawn did. Buahahahah. (I've never seen Dawn.) Why o
why o why can't I have nine lives?
Faith could feel her blood, their blood flowing through their hands. Warm, she felt really warm. Bathing in their own blood, they could feel the magic all around them. So many things went through her mind - doubts and dreams, hopes and regrets. Five years, it had been five years since she had last seen Buffy. Six years since she had been happy, at least momentarily. About six years since -.
Ann tightened her hold of Faith's hand. Faith smiled at Ann. They kept their eyes open, just looking at each other. Faith could see Ann's pupils fading away. The half-demon smiled at her.
"You're so good." Ann whispered, smiling even more widely.
"No. But I will be. Not necessarily here or now. Hell, that's impossible now. But I will be. I will do good. I will be good." She replied.
She could feel the light enter her body, hear the voices calling, smell the herbs and taste her blood. And she was no longer afraid. Another Slayer would come, and she would do good, and remember her. Remember Faith.
Never before had Cole Williams seen anything alike. When the prison guards had reported "apparent suicide", he had thought that two prisoners had hanged themselves. Or something like that. But no. There was no sign of violence of any kind having been done. The floor of the room had been covered with red roses' petals. The petals had only left "open" a white pathway to the bodies, where the two prisoners had been lying, dressed in white robes, under the petals, holding hands and smiling to each other. One could have thought that they were some kind of divine creatures, angels... Before the bodies, on the pathway, was a note. It said:
(To those who have interest in what has happened:) All my life I have strived All my life I have searched All my life have I escaped All my life have I dreamed All my life I've been afraid Never have I truely loved Never have I been beloved Never have I done anything but Hurt Ohers and myself No longer shall I strive I have won myself I have found what I was looking for I have found an answer I have found my shelter I have found my home No longer shall I fear No longer shall I hurt No longer shall I feel This is the end No longer will I need to pretend one word for those who know Love Faith & Ann
Firstly, the guards reported, they had wondered where had all the petals come from. Secondly, they had found out that the two prisoners weren't breathing, their hearts weren't beating and their eyes had no pupils.
Cole couldn't explain their deaths. They had no blood nor water inside their bodies. They were dead. Dead of bloodloss. Cole didn't know how had the two lost all the blood they had had. He couldn't find any fresh scars from their bodies. In fact, before the autopsy, there were absolutely no scars on their bodies. And the day after the autopsy, the cuts he had made had already disappeared. Cole didn't understand this - scars don't just disappear.
He had gone through the medical files of the girls. Six years before, Faith Huxley had spent eight months in a coma. Because of a huge gutwound, which had left a big scar on her skin. How it had come to disappear, Cole didn't know. Its disappearance had been reported a year ago by the prison doctor.
Faith Huxley and Ann Smith had died. Died like angels, and no one could explain how they had ended up like that. The two murderers, two young women who had seen a lot and experienced even more. Cole couldn't help but sigh. Their files said that they had both behaved exceptionally well for three years already, and the prison councellor said that they had both felt regrets for the things they had done. Ann's parole board would have met in two years, Faith's in three. So why had these beautiful creatures killed themselves?
Angel was dumbfounded. He knew what that note meant, he had felt the magical energy that had concentrated on the LA county jail last night. He didn't understand why? Or HOW? Where did the two get the ingredients... and the skill, the power such a spell required. They couldn't have done it without help.
The note was very clear. He knew what they meant. He didn't know how to cope. He didn't know how to react. He had no idea what to say.
When the sun came up, he cried himself to sleep. Sometimes slumber is the only place where to escape.
Buffy could feel Faith go. She could feel the magic, feel the relief, feel everything that Faith went through during the last hour of her life. She knew the note by heart. She went through hundreds of emotions, memories and experiences, through a whole lifetime of pain - in an hour.
She couldn't sleep. She couldn't cry. She couldn't feel anything but sad emptiness. She knew she should feel happy for Faith now, she knew she should not mourn. But all those things -. For once, she didn't know what to do.
It was in the news, for five minutes, their deaths were significant. After that, nobody remembered their names. Except those who had known them or met them. And only a few mourned. Those who didn't had never understood. And never could. They didn't even know what was there to understand - so far as, for example, Willow could see, there was nothing to be understood.
For a few days, Buffy didn't speak. She had lost Dawn, she had lost her mother, she had staked Spike. But Faith - it was different. She had wanted to make things right between them. No. They had wanted to make things right. She was sure about it, although she had never let Faith try. She had wanted to. She had wanted to let Faith send letters to her, to call her by phone... but she hadn't. Why? She was afraid. She had been afraid of letting Faith "in" again, afraid to trust and love her again. She had been afraid of not having her safe feeling of "justified" hate to back her up. She had been afraid of letting old things change. She had been afraid of losing that one bit of life that reminded her of good times. When Dawn had been alive, when she had known Faith, when everything was different. When she had loved Faith. Funny, she thought, funny that I needed hate to remind me of love.
Love. That's what she knew she had felt. She didn't want to dwell on it - Childish woman, she told herself, I still haven't gotten over her. Now how stupid is that?
She had gotten a christmas present from Faith - the package had felt like a CD. She hadn't even opened it. She had kept it in her drawer, right under her diary. Every night, before she went to sleep, she looked at the package and told herself: "Tomorrow, tomorrow I will open it." It was almost as if it had been a box full of delicious chocolates that she wanted to save for a rainy day. But she had never dared to open it. Who knows what there was?
She ran upstairs and ripped open the package. "Telling Stories" said the album cover's photo's neon lights. "Tracy Chapman" had been taped on the cover.
A few months passed and she started speaking and smiling again. She would spend her days working at her gallery - she had bought herself one when she had graduated from college. In the evening, she would either go home and think, trying to get over her depression, listen to Faith's CD and, occasionally, get drunk - or go to Willow's and Tara's place and they would talk, go bowling or just sit watching telly. Sometimes she went clubbing. She always came home alone. She slayed every night.
Life was boring - which was no good, of course. Not one day passed when she didn't think about Faith. She kept wondering what did she do wrong - did she do something wrong? Yes. She always said yes. She never knew why.
One song on "Telling Stories" was especially significant to her. "The only one". She listened to it everyday - when she was working, she had it in her headphones, unless there was someone else around. When lying in her bed, she listened to the recording, and when that song came, she sometimes started crying. She was glad she could at least do that. She felt more human.
Her grief was different from what she had felt before. She could feel herself changing. She didn't want to, but she did. Sometimes it hit her like a lighting. When she was driving her car, buying something to the gallery, watching television or talking with Will - she'd just feel empty, feel like she was pretending. Feel like an outsider - someone who should be doing something else. She felt like she didn't belong. She knew that the others wouldn't understand. Willow could try but she wouldn't. Tara didn't know her well enough - she hadn't known Faith. And she wasn't a slayer.
The new slayer arrived to Sunnydale three months after Faith's suicide. Her name was Janis and she had been trained to be a slayer. After finding out that Buffy didn't work for the council, she resigned too. Willow and Tara liked her and helped her. Buffy's job got easier.
But Janis wasn't the same as Faith. The whole thing was different. She was eight or nine years younger than Buffy - she was new to these things. She couldn't replace the beautiful brown-haired woman who had always known how to make Buffy laugh. Who had not cared what others thought. Who had done what she liked.
Buffy sold the gallery - it was worth quite a bit, as she had had many valuable artifacts. She sold the house and bought herself Faith's old apartment. The one where they had fought. She didn't want to forget her. She didn't want to live without her.
Faith had given all her money and possessions to Buffy. She had received two leather pants, a tank top, a few million dollars and a journal. The journal had been retrieved from under the petals. She had also seen the pictures taken from Ann's and Faith's cell - without knowing it, she echoed the prison guards' and Cole Williams's thoughts : "Died like angels".
She hadn't even opened Faith's journal. She didn't want to know "her private things" - what good would that do for her? In a way, she was still waiting for Faith to come back.
Four months after Faith's suicide, Buffy went to the Magic Box. She left Anya a letter to Xander, Willow and Tara. After that, she headed east.
"Hold on hold on... are you saying that she left?" Willow said to the phone.
"Yes and now drag your wiccan asses here, time is money." Anya replied and pressed the "no" button on her cell. Willow put her cell phone down and looked at Tara.
"We need to go to the Magic Box. Buffy's left, only Janis is here now... And she had left a message to the Magic Box. Can you think of any reason why she would have left?"
"Faith."
"Tell me that you're joking."
"I'm not. She's been changing... after Faith's death."
"Yea well that doesn't necessarily have anything to do with this."
"Lets just go now."
"OK listen, I have work to do, in case someone wants to come and buy something... so lets just get this over with and then I can open the shop again. understood?" Anya said.
Everyone nodded.
"Good. OK. Here goes: Dear Will, Xander, Anya, Tara, Janis blaa blaa... er...she was the only one of my flesh and blood... blaa blaa... I can do no worldly good... .blaa blaa.... so I will go now.... blaa stop loving her blaa... I might come back, blaa blaa. Take care." Anya read quickly.
"HUH?"
"Did you expect me to read the whole letter? I've lost enough money already today. You can stay here if you want to, but excuse me now, I have a shop I need to keep running."
And then she left the room, leaving the letter on the desk. Willow grabbed it and started reading it aloud.
"Dear Willow, Tara, Xander, Anya, Janis and, in case someone will be so kind to read this to him, Angel. I don't really know how to put this... but I need to get away. Lately I've been going through certain emotions... and haven't been able to rid myself of them. So I'm heading to Los Angeles, and then east... Don't try to find me, don't follow me. I've left my cellphone to Anya. As to reasons, I hope you'll understand me when I quote this song: She was the only one / of my flesh and blood / now I have no calling / I can do no worldly good..... I've gone hard / I've gone cold / I can't make the pieces of this cracked life fit / Please forgive me for wanting to know / Does heaven have enough angels yet?.... Together oh together / no there'll be no more of that.... So I will go now. I want to find a way to stop loving her. I need to stop longing for death - it's not a good habit when you're a slayer.... I might come back, I don't really know.... She was my Hiroshima... I'm ever after affected by the blast... Oh I'm not making any sense. Take care. B."
They all went silent, and Willow had tears in her eyes. Xander was the first one to break the silence.
"She can't mean Faith, can she?"
Faith had been buried to one of the many graveyards in Los Angeles. Buffy rented herself an apartment close to the graveyard. She spent hours everyday, just sitting there. At night, she patrolled there. She knew LA was pretty safe already, with Angel and his employees taking care of the citizens... but she didn't want Faith's gravesite to be bothered by any supernatural force.
She stayed in LA for a week, but when she started getting less and less sleep and crying more and more, she took her things and drove her car far east.
Faith opened her eyes and closed them again as she felt almost blinded by the sunlight. As soon as she realised that this was real life, she opened her eyes wide again. She looked around her, and was astounded. Tara was sleeping, sitting by her bed, with Willow in her arms, asleep as well. She was in the witches' apartment.
Faith felt weak. She knew it must have been months since she had died, but it had felt like years. She remembered the deal she and Ann had made with the Powers That Be. She remember walking on earth, as an angel-like creature, helping homeless children, comforting lonely people. And now she was alive again. She had known of this before the spell had been done. She knew that when she would die again, she would continue her service.
She sat up on the bed and looked at herself. She looked like she had looked on the day she had died - no scars anywhere, wearing white, her hair with dreadlocks. The only difference to her state of death being that she seemed to have pupils in her eyes, blood in her veins and a beating heart.
"Hey..." Tara said from her side. Faith, still shocked, turned to look at the witch.
"A-a... W-why?" Was all that the slayer said.
"Not now. Wait here.... er... do you want tea or coffee or cocoa?"
"No thanks. You wouldn't be able to move anyway."
Tara looked at her with a blank look on her eyes just for a short moment, and then realised what the slayer meant.
"O. Yea." She nudged Willow awake. "Hey... she's awake..."
"No I'm not..." The redhead said sleepily, and then realised what her lover meant "o, yea.. cool.. er... yea..I see."
Willow was up quickly. She left the room, and then came back.
"I'm gonna get myself and Tara... and you something to eat. ok?"
Faith nodded and Tara smiled to the redhead.
"Is she always like this?" Faith asked.
"No. She's just not used to the thought of... you... in here. Alive. But it was her idea."
"You mean the resurrection spell?"
"Yea. How did you know.."
"I was told before you decided to do it. There was a small chance that you'd really do it... but apparently you did. I'm glad. Well, not really, but thanks anyway. I know you didn't do it for me. I need to go find her... but I think she'll be here in a few minutes. O I'm not making any sense, am I? Lets just say that the PeeTeeBe told me that I need to make B feel five by five again."
"Ok."
"Now... where are my leather pants?"
Buffy could feel her. There was a third slayer in the world. Which meant that Faith was alive again. She could feel the distance between them, and knew that Faith was in Sunnydale. She sold her car and flew to Sunnydale. She went to her (Faith's old) apartment and got Faith's clothes and leather pants. She could feel Faith really close, and she knew that the other slayer knew it as well. She ran to the witches' flat, and didn't even remember to knock. She had always had a spare key there.
She rushed past Willow who was carrying something which looked like five plates of chicken-flavoured noodles, and forgot to take off her shoes.
Faith got up before Buffy entered the room. She could hear her opening the door to the four-room flat, and hurried to meet the only reason why she had been resurrected.
Buffy stood by the door to the room where Faith was. "Calm down, girl, running around won't do no good" she told herself. Slowly she opened the door... and saw Faith standing there, looking kinda shy. "Oh fuck me, she probably knows why she's here" she thought, and threw away the leather pants she had carried in her arms. She went to hug Faith, holding onto her hard, almost not believing that she was alive.
"It's OK, it's ok... everything's gonna be alright.. I know..." Faith said, hugging the blonde, who was sobbing loudly.
"Are... you.... real? Tell me that you're gonna stay."
"I am gonna stay right here B. You're not getting rid of me anytime soon now.... if that's ok with you, of course."
Faith could feel Buffy smiling. It was good to be home.