Even Angels Fall
by tainted_blood_chylde
Rating: PG
Principal Wood stalked quietly through the abandoned school. Not that he had to worry about there being any vampires around in broad daylight, still. That didn't neglect the possibility that they might be hiding in the building for shelter from the blistering heat of the sun outside. He walked into the main assembly hall, so far no sign of Caleb. He sighed a breath of relief.
He'd meticulousy searched every room in the building before he gave the go ahead for Buffy to bring the Potentials to the site of the Seal so they could evaluate the surrounding area and form a battle plan should this turn out to be the battle ground. Buffy didn't doubt it. For some reason the main battles that determined the future of the world were fought in the grounds of every school she'd ever attended. She guessed it was a kind of irony.
The Potentials busied themselves by looking around the school and chatting to Xander about the layout of the building. Being the designer of the building came in handy, they still had all the plans for the building. No one knew the place better than Xander did.
Giles took pictures of the main entrance and exits. It was better to know the place very intimately. She shifted from foot to foot. She hated this place, hated what it represented, hated that she had to know what it represented. Hated being here with these girls when most of them would die here.
Anya sat down on the steps and looked around.
"I hate this place" she said, echoing Buffy's earlier thoughts.
Faith came back to the house in the early hours of this morning, she walked into the kitchen and grabbed an ice-pack.
"You're up late don't you think?" Principal Wood said sarcastically.
"Yeah well. Life of a Slayer is pretty much a nocturnal thing" she muttered before walking down the hallway. Everyone else was asleep and Buffy still wasn't back yet.
"So is that of a Mother" he said. Faith stopped dead in her tracks and turned towards him.
"What do you mean?" she demanded. Shit! He knows.. he can't know... how?? Faith's mind raced. She looked upstairs, if everyone was asleep she could snap his neck and keep him quiet. How many others knew? How long did she have until Buffy got back? Faith stared at him as he approached her. She felt like a cornered animal.
"I mean, my mother was a Slayer" he said before taking the ice pack from her and looking at her wounded arm. "It was kind of tough. Before she explained to me what she was, I used to see her sneaking out of the house at night. It must get pretty lonely out there" he said softly as he placed it back. Faith sighed a breath of relief. She looked at him cautiously.
"You don't really think about it" Faith said as she drew her arm away from him.
"But I'm sure you must at least feel it" he said as he approached, his breath warm against her neck. "All those lonely nights never knowing if you're living or dying, the uncertainty, the fear" he said as he breathed her in. "I can make you feel something quite different, let me surprise you Faith, let me make you feel like you belong" he said as he kissed her neck.
She reveled in his affections, it had been so long, so very long since she'd had anyone talk to her this way. She kissed him back, hard and fast, they moved back towards the couch and started pulling each others clothes off.
"You have people who love you Faith" he whispered.
"No talk just feeling" Faith said harshly.
"Oh yeah," he said swiftly as he pulled her onto his lap. "I always wanted to know what it felt like to be inside a pregnant slayer" he said desperately. Faith froze, her cool brown eyes pierced his.
"H-how did you know that?" Faith demanded.
"With the sickness and the change in style.. I just guessed.. Was it a secret? Cos I thought everyone already knew.." he said quietly.
"Who else knows?" Faith demanded pinning him down, not letting him move until he answered her. "Who else have you told?!" she demanded.
"No One! I swear!" he assured her.
"Nobody but you knows? And you're sure of this?" She said quickly. She cast a glance out the door.
"No, Nobody" he repeated.
"Good, that's real good" Faith said before she reached down and snapped his neck clean. She glanced at the clock, breathing hard.
Buffy would be home in two hours.
She prepared the body and went to bed and waited silently in the dark for Buffy to come home. A scream pierced the blackness and Faith rolled over, tears streaming down her face.
Buffy picked up the note pinned to the corpse that was hanging from her banister. She was shaking, Wood was dead. One of her strongest Allies was dead.
I can't keep doing this, the whole thing is fucked up and we're all going to die in the end. I prefered to go out my own way. I'll see you soon.
Robert.
Faith's Journal
Oh God.. This can't be happening, make me wake up from this please!!! I just KILLED a man.. not only that.. I killed a friend... an Ally.. God I feel sick, I feel dirty... Watching Buffy burying the body earlier and the looks on the girls' faces.. I feel sick.. so terribly terribly sick.. It has nothing to do with the pregnancy. But I couldn't let him tell... I couldn't let him let it slip to Buffy what was happening to me.. the questions.. the answers I wouldn't be able to give. If the First is right.. if I die and this thing jumps... then there's only one thing I can be sure of.. only a slayer can carry this child. Only a slayer could survive the birth. This was MY mistake. I have to keep it to myself. Oh God please stop this from happening.. MAKE THIS STOP!!!
Buffy walked silently into the house. She couldn't believe this was happening. Wood of all people. Staring coldly at the potentials she stormed past the crowd that had gathered in the kitchen and stormed upstairs to her room. Faith lowered her head and look away from them, everyone seemed so down. Even Giles looked a little unhappy. She couldn't stomach this.
She swallowed hard and headed towards the bedroom. She had to confess. She had to share this, to talk to somebody. Buffy was the only one she trusted to make her feel safe. She past a few faces in the hall and frowned furiously as Spike blocked her path.
"Out of my way" she snapped. Trying to side step her, he blocked her route again.
"No, we need to have a little talk you and I" he smirked.
"There's nothing I want to talk to you about, now get out my way I need to go and see Buffy" she spat and tried to get around him.
"Oh no you don't" he said grabbing her arm and dragging her into the empty dining room. "We are going to have a little chat" he smiled.
"Get off me! Who the hell let you out of your cage anyway?" Faith snapped. Struggling in vain against his grip. He tightened his hold on her.
"Buffy, she seems to think we could use the extra muscle around here" he said smiling knowingly at her.
"Fine whatever I need to talk to her" she said trying to free herself.
"You don't get to talk to her" he said sharply. "You don't get to go near her."
"Oh yeah? Why's that?" Faith said sarcastically.
"Because I know what you are, and I'm telling you now to back off before you dig your hole any bigger" he said.
"I don't know what you're talking about" she said, freeing her arm from his grip.
"Oh no? I think you know full well what I am talking about, and I'm telling you know, BUffy is mine. And I'll be damned if I let you take her from me" he snapped.
"Fine I'll back off" she said. Finally realising that this was just a jealous rant, her heart finally stopped pounding in her ears. She breathed a deep worried breath and he paused for a second before giving her a once over and left.
Faith sighed a breath of relief. Maybe confessing wasn't such a good idea, she'd have to find another way.
Buffy's Journal
I can't believe this, Wood, Wood of all people. I thought I could count on him at least if not entirely trust him. I mean after all that talk about his mother and the mission. I thought he would have stayed with me, now I guess I only have Spike to count on, and with Faith acting like she is. I just feel so alone.
God please help me, I can't do this on my own anymore.
Giles walked upstairs and sat on the edge of Buffy's bed.
"Are you alright?" He said quietly.
"I don't know, I mean I didn't even know him that well. Part of me didn't even like him, but I never thought he had that in him" she replied quietly before standing up quickly and slamming her hand into the wall of her wardrobe. "For Christ's sake Giles, he was the son of a slayer. If that doesn't imprint a will to live in somebody.. what will?" she said angrily.
"I understand you're upset, this was a terrible blow to all of us. But I came to ask you if you thought releasing Spike was a good idea" Giles said as he looked at her, eyes boring deep into her and she knew exactly what he was thinking. Years of fighting along side him had taught her the meaning of that look.
"I know you think I'm putting everyone in danger, but we need him Giles. We've already lost more bodies than we can afford. I need him around" she said finally before sitting down at her desk and opening the book on slayer training methods she had found in the box that Giles had brought with him. She needed to study the hand book.
"Well, I suppose we should get back to work" he said, replacing his glasses and pulling himself closer to the desk so they could go over the new training methods.
Xander passed the icecream over to Rona who picked her spoon off the coffee table before passing him the popcorn.
"I can't believe we are watching this. Xander, how many times have we seen this movie?" Anya complained as she picked up the box to Apocalyse Now.
"Shush, we're trying to watch" he said as he indicated the group of potentials all crowded around the living room. Every single one of them apart from Kennedy was sitting there staring at the interruption, she stared back at them and they lost interest.
"I mean is it really appropriate?" Anya said in a hushed tone. Xander rolled his eyes and ushered her out of the room.
"What is the problem?" Xander said hastily.
"I just don't think it's very fitting to have that kind of film shown to a bunch of girls whose deaths are going to make that look like a bloody nose" she said harshly.
"Yeah? Well I think it's exactly what they need. I'm not showing them it for the Deaths Anya, I'm showing them it for the friendships and the teamwork that it represents. It's a lesson in sticking together, I know you may not understand, but humans find messages in the strangest places" he said passionately before walking back into the living room. She stared after him for a few moments and watched as he shooed a few girls out of the way.
They giggled and Anya looked around the room a little closer. All their faces so innocent and scared, but all completely at ease with this film. She noticed a few of them braiding each others hair. Friendship. He was right, this film wasn't about the war techniques. It was to bring them closer together. Xander looked out into the hallway and smiled weakly as his gaze caught Anya's, the understanding forming between them. She walked back inside and took a spot beside his feet.
Willow curled up in bed beside Kennedy. It wasn't often that they got to be alone, she loved these quiet little moments. Kennedy trailed her fingers through her hair, tilting her head back she kissed her passionately.
"I love you" she whispered.
"I know you do" Kennedy said as she smiled back.
"I'm trying to think of what could have gone on inside Wood's head. I mean, I wasn't fond of him or anything. But he wasn't the type" Willow said as she layed her head down on Kennedy's lap.
"People are never what they seem, no matter how much you want to believe the good in somebody. There are just some people who, no matter what the offer, are beyond help" Kennedy said. Willow kissed her again and pulled her on top of her. She locked her arms around her and started to slip her hands down her trousers. She saw Kennedy's eyes roll back as she moaned, biting her lip to keep herself from losing all control.
"You have the most amazing fingers.." she whispered.
"And you.. have the most amazing taste.." Willow reeplied before plunging her fingers deeper inside the younger girl. Kennedy held onto Willow helplessly as the older girl worked her harder and harder until she reached a shattering climax.
"You are a Goddess" Kennedy whispered.
"And you're mine" Willow said as she kissed her and rolled over so Kennedy was below her. She slowly took off her top and giggled as she started the real work.
From outside Faith heard the noises. She was so jealous. They were all so together, everyone had their little groups. Their little friends, Faith was totally alone. Sighing she backed away from the door. Maybe she could talk to Buffy...
Giles paced up and down in the basement, there was no way this could be happening. It wasn't possible, it defied reason and logic... it also made absolute perfect sense. He stared back at The First/Wood and took off his glasses, frowning and walking towards it in a menacing fashion.
"I will not accept this" he said finally. "You will not come as flesh as long as I still have some say in what goes on in this house" he snapped before heading for the door.
"Yeah because Heavens knows you had such a great presence when I was still around" First/Wood said sarcastically. "You came down here for a book and instead you found me. Now I finally decide to be fair and let you know that you have a killer walking among you.. you tell me I'm lying" it snapped, walking closer to Giles.
"What possible reason would I have to lie to you about this? I'm angry with her, she's crossed the line and made that decision without my permission" it continued. It watched the panic spread across Giles' face and laughed.
"That's right old man, did you really think that she was beyond my reach? You have no idea the things I've accomplished with the help of that slayer" it said. "It was really too easy, but now unfortunately shes out-lived her usefulness, I trust you'll take care of this problem" the creature said as it transformed into Jenny Calender. "I know you'll do the right thing, I'm countin on you" it said before leaning in and kissing him on the cheek before disappearing.
Giles took two steps back, he felt completely rattled. That was a move he was not expecting. He forgot all about the book and charged up the basement stairs.
Giles opened the basement doors with such force that he didn't give Spike a chance to get out of the way. "Hey!" Spike snapped in protest. "Bloody Hell, don't you ever look behind the door before you open it?" Spike said as he rubbed his sore temple.
Giles gave him a puzzled look. "Behind the door before I open it.. What? No, it doesn't matter. Where's Faith?" Giles demanded.
"Upstairs last I smelt. I think she's talking to Buffy" Spike said.
"We have to get her down from there" Giles said sharply heading for the weapons chest in the living room.
"What for?" Spike asked quietly as he walked to his side. Giles was crouched on his knees searching frantically through the weapons chest.
This attracted attention of several of the Potentials who were watching television. "I just had a visit from the First, I'm not so sure" he said as he picked out a crossbow and looked up as Xander drew to their side and looked down questioningly. "But it claimed Faith was the one who killed Robert" he said as he tried to find an arrow.
Spike looked down angrily and before anyone could stop him he was already at the top of the stairs. Show time he thought furiously.
Xander's Journal
I must admit I've accused a lot of people of some pretty evil things in my time. I can't say I've been wrong about a lot of them. And I know I've seen some pretty messed up cruel senseless stuff. But never anything like this. Well yeah there was that one time that Angel killed Ms Calender, but that was different. He was Evil and I totally get that now. But for Faith to kill an ally when everything indicated she was on Our side. It doesn't make sense. I know Faith was no saint before, and I know she's done some pretty awful things. But I thought she'd gotten past all that. I thought she'd moved on. I can't believe we were all so stupid..
Anya's Journal
Okay, so I know mortals are pretty dumb. I know a lot of them make bad choices. I know most of them don't know why they still make bad choices even though they know they make bad choices. This whole thing makes no sense. Why would Faith do such a thing? I thought she was our friend.. Friends don't do that, and no one will explain this to me. Now Spike's ran off all angry to find Faith. I don't know why but for some reason I just feel really scared. I don't know what's happening.
Willow's Journal
It's just so typical of this world to give you a few happy moments and then steal them all away. Today I woke up and I was feeling fine. Then we found Wood, and it was like this beautiful clear sky was just suddenly filled with black ink and muddied so it was unrecognisable. I always knew he couldn't have killed himself. He just didn't have it in him. I thought Faith had changed.. what the hell happened??
Faith paced the room, she couldn't bring herself to say it.
"Faith, you're gonna have to say it sooner or later" Buffy prodded. The younger girl had been pacing back and forth for quite some time Faith looked at her and nodded.
"I'm getting to that part. Look Buffy, I know we haven't really gotten along all the time. I know that there are things in my past.. that will always form a wall between us" Faith began. Buffy propped up on the bed eagerly. "I didn't plan for this to happen, it was an accident more than anything else.. and I panicked" Faith said as she began to cry. "It's this thing, this thing inside me.. it twists my head up and I can't think straight. I didn't mean for this to happen" Faith said as Buffy walked across the room and held onto her.
"It's alright Faith, I'm here, I'll take care of you" Buffy whispered.
"No, it's not that, you don't get it.. it's Spike.. he's.." Faith began as Buffy put a finger to her lips. "He's gonna try to.." she said but was silenced by the look Buffy's piercing eyes.
"Shussh, don't worry about it" she said as she told her as she raised her mouth towards Faith's and was about to kiss her. Then the door swung open.
"You, Outside" Spike shouted as he stormed into the room. Faith and Buffy separated and Buffy put her hands up and started trying to keep Spike away. "You stay out of this Buffy. I'm after her" he snapped before punching Faith and sending her flying out Buffy's bedroom window, she groaned a little and struggled to her feet on the slippery tiles. He climbed out the window after her.
"I knew you were no good when you first came back" he snapped as he backhanded her off the roof. He jumped down after her. Buffy hurried out the window and down the tree after them.
"Spike stop this! What's going on?" she demanded.
He didn't answer, instead he threw Faith against the nearest tree and started punching her. She blocked on the third time and ducked. Faith pushed him away from her and they started into a series of combos and techniques. Each one calculated for efficency as well as for effect. He punched her and caught her off guard.
"Spike!" Buffy demanded as he grabbed Faith by the throat, her eyes widened as she say he was in full vamp-face.. "Spike No!!" Buffy screamed as she watched in horror as he sank his teeth into Faith's delicate neck and he renched her into an inescapable hold and began to drink her.
"Buffy, it was Faith!" Dawn shouted as she yelled at the older girl who had just sprang onto Spike. She whirled around and looked at Dawn. "It was her who killed Wood" she declared. Buffy turned and gave Faith a hurt betrayed look as if to as what she was thinking. How could you? Faith stared back, her mouth open in mute reply.
She stared back from the floor and looked up at Buffy then winced in pain as a bringer lifted her head back and poured a satchel of blood down her throat. Buffy lunged forward and attacked him. Spike finished off the other two. Then she ran to Faith's side, vampire blood. Faith choked and wheesed.
"Bu--uffy.. I'm.. so sorrr-ee I never.. meant.. I didn't.. mean....I.." she choked as Buffy looked down in horror as the younger girl choked and coughed up blood. "I didn't want this... to pass.. to any--one... It was.. my.. burden......... now *cough* it's ..." she said before she exhaled her last breath. Buffy looked down at the body in her arms and a single tear was passing down her cheek. What had they done?? Her mind flashed back to Faith's little speech in the bedroom. To the kiss they'd nearly shared. With tears falling furiously down her face, she snapped the neck and stood up storming furiously into the house. Staking Spike as she passed by.
"But Buffy I.." he said as he fell to dust.
Buffy's Journal
I've never been really had anybody who truely understood me before. Who knew what being the slayer was like. Then came Faith, and I was able to take a little bit of Joy from it. Didn't last though. I always knew it wouldn't. Then this all happened and I was completely alone. No one could have fully understood how hard it was to have the potentials here. How soul-crushing, then Faith came back. And I didn't feel so alone anymore. She'd been trying to tell me something, I hadn't listened. Now she's gone. This whole time she'd been struggling with something we now don't even understand and.. Now she's gone. After all my whining and footering about, I was ignoring something really important. What was she trying to tell me..?? Oh God please Make this be a sick joke, please make her be back here with me.
The First's Thoughts
I know it probably wasn't the smartest of ideas, I mean, Buffy will never be the easiest person to control. Not like Faith. Pity, I had fun tormenting her.
Still, she was too much of a liability. She was ready to crack. I had to get rid of her, find a new host. I'd been thinking about it for a while now. There's still going to be two damn slayers.. Wonder who the lucky potential is that gets to be the slayer? Oh well, I'll find out soon enough. In the mean time, I just have worry about keeping the baby secret from Buffy. She's got a very important part to play now..
Buffy walked silently back into the house. Numb, everything in her felt completely numb. What the hell was happening? She'd just killed Spike, why? She shook her head, she didn't know. He'd killed Faith so she killed him. Giles instructed Xander and Andrew to carry the body downstairs into the basement. They had no idea whether or not the demon that would infect her would be able to take over a broken corpse. Still, if there was any chance, he wanted Willow to try and re-soul her. He rubbed his temple, this was completely unexpected. Everyone else was starting to panic. He looked to Buffy, she simply pushed aside everyone's worries and questions and fled to her room.
Dawn thought of following but decided against it. This was a slayer thing, right now she needed to get on with the strength tests. Giles had discovered a device that measured general strength, Watchers used it to test if the potentials had increased strengh at all. Sort of a general check up to see if they'd been elevated to slayer. She swallowed hard. Faith was dead downstairs. Spike was dust all over the lawn. How the hell were they going to jump back from this one?
Buffy numbly sat down on the end of her bed and stared at the napsack that Faith had brought with her. The only thing that had ever stayed with Faith for any length of time. Her life was in that bag, all the big bad secrets. All the histories. All of it scribbled down in her journal. Buffy had seen her writing it several times. Her mind was reeling.. How could this have happened?? What had she missed??
There was going to be a new slayer soon, she knew that. She could feel it, that slow tickle that flowed around her body, she could sense the others too, each and every potential was connected to her at that point. Soon, she'd only be bound to one of them. She didn't want another one. She wanted Faith back.
She sat there patiently, waiting for the tears to spill down her face. Waiting for the panic of killing Spike and the implications to the mission that would have. Waiting for the anger of Faith betrayal to sink into her veins. Waiting for the demon to take over her beloved's body, waiting for the knock on the calling her back downstairs into the leader's role. Back into that Faithless world that she could only watch through glass right now. She waited. Twenty minutes later she gave up and reached for the napsack.
Pulling out the few tops left laying there, she pulled out a small tattered hard-back book with a type of flower pattern on the cover. Faith's Journal. She opened up the first page and began to read.
February 2nd 1997
I'm so tired, I swear, I'm going to have to buy a pair of those ridiculous glasses with the fake open eyes so I can nap everywhere I go. Sure, I got eight hours sleep. THIS WEEK!! I don't know what's keeping me awake at night but is driving me crazy. I've had to find nocturnal hobbies. At first I was sucked into the internet (when we actually have electric) like every other insomniac but that got old pretty fast. Then I sorted my closet so it was in colour order. But who are we kidding, most of my clothes are black so the project was practically done before I started. I might try meditation next. But somehow I just can't see sitting still for long enough. Basically, i think this journal is gonna fill up real fast. There's nothing else to do.
February 5th 1997
Okay so this Journal stuff is a little hard to stick to, I haven't done much the last few days 'cept hang around school with Rex and Bebo. Those two are kinda distracting. I guess I didn't really find anything interesting enough to write about until now. Bebo's sister Laurena invited me to go clubbing with her and a few friends. Sounds like fun.
February 7th 1997
God last night was so much fun. I must admit I was a bit shy at first but as soon as I got on that dance floor, nothing could stop me. The atmosphere, everything.. it was such an adrenaline rush. Mom's out again. I don't think I've actually seen her in the last two days. I'm guessing things with this Hank guy are going well. She's spent ALL her wages already.
Buffy swallowed hard. She was reading the thoughts of a pre-slayer Faith. She flicked trough the next few pages and found a later entry.
April 26th 1997
Laurena is soooo perfect. That kiss... God I mean I've never even thought of kissing a girl before but.. GOD! It was incredible. I can't describe how happy I am right now. I finally have someone, granted I always thought that someone would have a cock but still. She's mine, and I am so completely in love with her.
Buffy re-read the passage. She couldn't believe it. Faith had had a girlfriend before.. but she'd never mentioned her to Buffy. She read on.
May 1st 1997
I finally got around to handing in that book report. The new woman in the library was very helpful. Haversham or something I think her name was. Anyway, big date tonight. Meeting Laurena's parents. Don't know what to wear. I'd wear my black skirt if Mom hadn't gave it to Trish. Neil better get his ass off the couch soon. I hate him. Why on earth did she bring him here? Is he moving in or what?? God I hope not.
May 16th 1997
How much can one person honestly take? I mean, sure, I was late for our date but Laurena knows how my Mom is. Could I help it if she drank too much? I really got to find better places to hide the alcohol. Neil still isn't gone yet. I don't even think he's left once. She missed work today again. Rents due in three days, looks like I'm going have to ask Rex to talk to Mick about letting me do a few shifts in the Fish Tank. I'm underage, but people never usually notice that kinda thing when all they want is the alcohol.
May 29th 1997
Big fight with Laurena today. God that girl just won't let it go. For some reason she seems to think I'm cheating on her with the library woman, Gale. Can't I be blamed if she keeps showing up?? God I wish I could just make her stop, I love her but I swear she pushes me sometimes.
June 12th 1997
This can't be happening. There is NO WAY this is real!!! Vampires? Demons? Slayers? What the fuck happened today?? I was just walking home late after work as usual when I spotted Gale and wanted to take a detour. Then I get jumped. Only this isn't your average crazy, his face was all screwed up, like he'd been repeatedly beaten and burnt or something.. Then Gale shows up and beats the shit out of him. Then he's .. poof gone. and I mean POOF gone, as in ashes and holy water... What the hell is this? I'm a chosen one? Well to be anyway. I think I need to stop working there. Someone obviously spiked my drink tonight. I need to sleep.
June 14th 1997
Gale still won't go away. Christ, won't she take a hint?? I'm not a potential.. I'm not destined to be some super hero, this isn't my problem. I just wish she'd go away... I'm not dealing with this.. it isn't real.
Buffy stopped reading and controlled her breathing. This was too strange.
June 17th 1997
You know what the most amazing this is about fire? it destroys everything. I'm not fighting this anymore. I'm going with Gale. Laurena is gone.. I feel so numb I can barely breathe. I brought her home and there was Gale in the house with my mom. Only... it wasn't my mom. It was one of them... those things. A vampire. Neil, killed her and turned her. I know that now. But this feels so weird. I'm not inside my own body anymore. Gale killed them both by setting the house on fire. But not before Neil grabbed Laurena and dragged her back. I tried to go after her but Gale pulled me back. I don't know how she knew or if she planned it.. but she's all I have left now. My world is crumbling... I can't believe Laurena is gone.. I'm dying inside...
A tear falling down her cheek. Buffy turned through the next few pages, each describing the funerals and the moving and the training. Then the entries stopped. She flicked through..
February 28th 1998
I can't believe I actually found this old thing again. I haven't written in it for so long. I guess I finally decided to write in it because I really need to get this out. I am so scared. I've just been called. Gale can't be sure but it seems like one of the other slayers are gone. Just kealed over. I wonder who she was? I wonder if it was painful. Is part of her in me? I don't know how to explain this feeling. It's like someone took everything that was ever wrong inside me and fixed it. I'm not weak anymore.
Buffy recalled her own moment of calling. It was right, that was how it felt.
August 19th 1999
God do I have a head ache. Though I suppose eight months in a Coma can do that to a girl. Buffy's going to pay for that. Little Miss Perfect will pay for that. I hate her.
August 22nd 1999
It's amazing the kind of things that can happen in a few short days. I've been so wrong about everything. I've done so many horrible things. Now I'm behind bars, but this isn't really a punishment. This isn't really going to hold me, all it does is force me to be somewhere with my own thoughts and my nightmares. Still, knocked out the biggest bitch in the place on the first day. I just want to be left alone.
Buffy scanned through the book looking for the next few entries.. the recent ones.. all she found was torn out pages. she screamed in frustration and flicked through. A note fell from the pages and onto the floor. An envelope addressed to her.
Caleb stormed angrily around the room. Smashing the occasional wine barrel as he went. "You do realise that that was a momentuously stupid thing to do.." he said angrily.
"Relax, it's not as if those deadbeats have any real chance of figuring it out before it's too late" First/Faith said as it stood watching him wandering around the room needlessly.
"Still, they will eventually find a way to figure it out" he warned.
"And by then I'll be too deeply imbedded in her for her to do anything about it, they'll realise what Faith was trying to protect them from and Buffy won't risk endangering any of the Potentials to the same fate" the First/Faith said rolling its eyes and walking around the room a little while.
"I still don't understand, why make the girl kill Wood? I thought you were only letting it go this far for your entertainment? Now you're cutting down the competition?" Caleb complained.
"I'll admit, I had my fun with him, but you're the one that deserves the credit. That mind blend you did with Faith to make her hear things, to increase panic and distort her reasoning.. that was skillfull" the First/Faith said as it encircled him.
"I only did what you asked of me" he said, breathing in deeply. He could feel the beginings of a merge, it felt so good, so orgasmic. Top it off with the fact it was in the body of the only female he'd ever shared flesh and you had the ultimate turn on.
"I know, and you'll continue to do as I ask you" it said as it slipped its hand through him. Caleb gasped.
"What about the girl? What about the real Faith?? Won't she turn?" he said.
"What of her?" it said, playing with his insides, he smiled and shook with pleasure.
"They want to re-ensoul her. What should we do?" he said.
"No need to worry, You're still bound to her, we can still use her" the First said quietly. "In the mean time" it said as it transformed into Wood and withdrew its hand. "Let's try to keep things at a much more professional level. Buffy will be having the dreams soon, I suggest you make ready to start breaking her morale" it said before turning and walking away.
"How do I do that?" he called.
"The child of the Hagondu will come forth from the loins of a broken soul and will be made on with the Alpha and together it will open the walls of hell" it said. "Use human weakness" it said turning, "It never goes away."
Faith's Note
Buffy held the envelope in her hand, her fingers slightly trembling, the whole point of that search was to find answers. Now she'd found it, sitting there in her hand, spelling out her name, she wasn't sure she wanted to know anymore. Slowly she opened the letter and swallowed hard as she uncreased the pages. She felt slightly sick, she'd already seen inside the head of a younger Faith.. now she was about to see inside the head of the one she knew.. possibly even loved. People didn't write letters to Buffy, least of all Faith, she wasn't even sure Faith knew how to write a letter! She edged herself onto the bed and began to read.
I watched you sleep until dawn. I didn't have much of a choice really. I sure as hell couldn't sleep myself. Maybe I dozed for twenty minutes here and there. Funny what can happen in the world huh? One minute, I'm taking a walk with my wonderful Girlfriend, I'm doing great at school and I'm wonderin what movies I'm going to rent for the next five nights - and then the next minute, my life has changed. Completely. Forever.
Does that make any sense? I might be babbling. But I am certain of this: everything important in life boils down to that one minute. That night with Caleb in the church I really don't want to explain, you really don't need to know everything beyond that he caught up with me there. Now if your ever reading this you are in some deep shit. And I mean deep, deep shit. Life threatening shit. I've seen it before. I've nearly gotten killed a few times myself. The A slayers life is cursed. I know it and you know it. I don't understand how it happened or why it happened. I tried to hide, to protect you, protect everyone, but if I'm honest I was only protecting myself, and that's where the guilt kicks in. Because you are now living in this nightmare, and my dreams are coming true. It's sick. I must be sick.
Caleb, put the First in me. Now, it's in you. I'd never have let you find this letter otherwise.. which means I'm probably not around any more. I am so sorry this has happened to you. Yes I killed Wood, I don't know how I... I wasn't thinking.. Caleb was merging with me again and I.. panicked.. I am so sorry. Please don't forgive me, I didn't mean for any of this to happen, but please don't forgive me. I don't know why I never told you. I wanted to.. I soooo wanted to. But now I won't get a chance. I guess you'll find out soon enough.
This is the hard part, this is the part where I finally get to the point. You're pregnant Buffy, I don't know how this part happens, but you are. It jumps, like a ghost or something. The First calls it the host.. I am really sorry... Please believe that. Find a way to succeed where I couldn't. Find a way to make this right. You're always cleaning up my mess.. guess I haven't changed that much after all.
I love you.
...continued in part 31...