The Journey
by Taz
Rating: R
Disclaimer: I don’t own any of these characters, but I will look after them and put them right back where I found them as soon as I’ve finished playing with them.
Timeline/Scene: This is set a few years after the end of series 7. Faith is with Robin Wood and Buffy has been back together with Riley Finn for some time, following the break-up of his marriage. Buffy is based at the Watchers’ Council’s new American HQ in Boston (where Giles is also based), Faith heads up the Slayers’ Training Academy in Cleveland. Xander and Willow head up the Council’s UK base.
POV: Faith
Feedback: Appreciated, as always.
I can’t do this shit any more. Things have been pretty screwed between B and me in the past, but this? This is totally fucked up.
There’s always been this buzz, this weird-ass connection between us – kinda like electricity – but I guess we both always blamed the ‘Slayer Connection’ before now. Dunno why… I mean, far as I know, neither one of us got the tingles ‘round any of the other slayers. Guess it was convenient to go on believing that – to not face up to the real issue. Even now, B’s still in avoidance mode. Me? I’m thinkin’ it was all too real to not believe this past life stuff Giles is spoutin’.
It all started a few weeks ago. Giles has this thing – he likes to get B and me together every six months; make sure we’re still oiled and stuff. We do the usual training drills, demonology, check we’re still singin’ from the same hymn sheet, that kind of bullshit. But this last time, G-man surpassed himself. There we are, in Canada, of all places – nothin’ to see but mountains and the occasional bear. Tell you the truth, it’s a beautiful place – not too many vamps, few too many cowboys for my liking, but some awesome steak and rib houses, so that kinda makes up for Lonestar and Gretchen Wilson playing in every bar. Anyway, Giles has this lodge, up in the mountains - spacious, quiet, nobody to annoy but the local moose population – perfect for a couple of adrenaline-pumped slayers. Our first day passes with nothing to write home about, just catch-ups and a few drills, but the second day… well, that’s when it all kicks off.
Giles wants us to try this ancient ritual – somethin’ he learned from a shaman. The idea is for me and B to go into some kinda trance, facing each other and holding hands. G-man plays a drum beat that’s supposed to trigger some kinda brainwave pattern, and then we just find each other in some other dimension and see what happens. Giles calls it lucid dreaming – he reckons you can do it in your sleep with practice, but I’m not convinced just yet. Anyway, me and B are a bit Scully over the whole thing, but we go along with it. We sit on the floor, giggle a bit and feel awkward when he tells us to hold hands, then we do some breathing exercises and a meditation to make sure our energy centres are all in line and we’re protected. We close our eyes, follow Giles’ instructions about where to go and how to get there, and bingo! Gotta hand it to us… we’re fast learners.
First thing I know, I’m in a clearing in the middle of a forest. I call out for a guide, just like Giles told me, and, honest to God, this wolf turns up. He does this weird dance thing, like he’s trying to show me all sides of his body, and tells me he’s my power animal. Fuckin’ ace! Always did like wolves – how cool is this?
So anyway, wolfie and I do some explorin’ in this dream wilderness, then I tell him I’m here to find B – to find our connection. Wolf nods, then everything goes kinda blurry. I’m in a white room and Wolf’s nowhere to be seen. There’s white walls, a white bed, white sheets and then… fuck! B’s in front o’ me.
She’s naked.
Wait… I’m naked.
We’re both completely and utterly devoid of clothes.
She smiles at me, and I just stand there, all stoic, like I’m the alpha in the pack and she’s there to please me. She holds eye contact, then stoops a little and clamps her mouth around my nipple – and you know what? It feels absolutely normal – I mean, horny as hell, yeah, but like this happens regularly. I can physically feel everything she does, but still, I just stand there and take it, like it’s her job and I’m her wages. I put my hand on her shoulder and she kneels, looks up and me, then snakes out her tongue and starts to taste my pussy. Goddamn!
Too soon, the scene changes and she’s in a labrynth; Riley’s waiting for her at the other side, but there’s this feeling that B has to find her own way and make some big decisions when she gets to the middle of the maze – there’s no telling whether Riley will get his girl. So I’m waiting to find out what will happen, half hoping she turns right around and comes back to me, when I hear something that jars my consciousness. Wolf appears and tells me it’s time to go back; I thank him and concentrate on the sound – Giles’ drumbeat has changed, and he’s calling us back to our bodies.
Slowly, I open my eyes. B’s still sitting opposite me. I look at her, my eyes full of questions, but she just blushes a little and pulls her hands away. And that’s it. Giles wants to know what happened, if we met up. B tells him about the labrynth, I tell him about the wolf, but that’s it. B comes up with some bullshit story about feeling wiped out from the trip over here and goes off to bed, making it very clear she doesn’t want to be disturbed. So, that leaves me, Giles and the elephant in the room.
G-man knows something’s up and asks if I wanna do the talkin’ thing. For once, I’m speechless, but he’s like a dog with a bone; he keeps telling me he knows something happened, tells me it might feel better if I talk about it.
I don’t know how to answer him, so I figure honesty might be the best policy and just tell him straight: “B and me were fucking.”
G splutters into his tea, puts his mug down and wipes his glasses on his pullover.
Me? I went to bed.
It took me a long time to get to sleep that night. I spent some time deliberating over whether to call Wood, then decided against it; we’ve been together for the past five years now – last thing I need is him pickin’ up on my current head fuck. He’s pretty perceptive – and he’s always erred on the side of paranoia when it comes to me and B. What can I say? Maybe he was right. I mean, I can’t deny ever having had to let my fingers do the talkin’ after a training session with Blondie, and if I craved low fat yoghurts the way she does, I’d have a fridge full of the stuff waiting for me every time we’ve been out slaying together.
Sure, slaying’s always made me hungry and horny – but slaying with B? That takes things to a whole new level.
Anyway, I guess I finally got to sleep at about midnight, but, by 4.17am, I’m sitting bolt upright, scribbling down every detail of the dream I just had, and I’m hugely freaked out.
I’ve ended up in that same forest clearing again and Wolf appears outa nowhere. He tells me we need to explore our connection, that he’s gonna show me some former lives. Everything goes blurry again, and suddenly, I look down and realise I’m different. Way different. As in no tits, but very nice pecs, different. Can’t say I checked under the loincloth, but I’m guessing I’m hung like a mule. Well, I would be, wouldn’t I? C’mon… me, as a guy? There’s gonna be some swing on me.
Anyway, I’m getting’ off track. My skin’s darker and my hair’s straight and I’m carrying a dead rabbit and a shit load of fish – guess I’ve been hunting. I stroll into some kinda settlement and see a tipi in front of me – feels like home. I get closer and the doorflap opens as my doting wife steps outside to greet me. It’s B. It doesn’t look like B – darker skin, jet black hair – but it’s definitely B. B’s eyes, B’s smile, B’s energy. I drop my kills at her feet for her to prepare and we embrace. Damn! That kiss!
Anyhow, the scene goes all fuzzy again and I’m swimming under water. All of a sudden, I feel a shitload of pain as something pierces my shoulder. The water turns red and I feel another jolt of pain as someone on the riverbank grabs the shaft of the spear and starts jerking it around while it’s stuck in my back. Somehow, I manage to yank away and reach over to pull out the weapon. I leap out of the water and see some warrior manhandling B. I’m still that same guy from the last dream, I think. The guy’s got his arms around B, holding her in front of him, and she’s struggling to get free. He’s grinning at me, wearing some sort of black war paint across his eyes and a black fur war bonnet. Feels like he’s been trying to get B for years and we’ve been at war. And then that connection kicks in again; I look B in the eyes and, instinctively, she understands – suddenly, she lets her body go limp and slips through his arms, falling low enough for me to take aim and let the spear fly. The same spear he wounded me with is now imbedded in the bastard’s throat. He clutches it, blood bubbling from his mouth as he makes these gurgling sounds. B’s safe and he’s on his way out. I rush over to my woman, but then the landscape around me fades again.
This time, I can’t see shit. It’s pitch black and I’m only vaguely aware of the outline of some spirit being in front of me – it feels like he doesn’t want to show himself, but he’s talking and I can hear every word.
He tells me the connection between me and B spans lifetimes, that our spirits our joined, but then he says the weirdest thing: “Beware. Connections like this burn and consume… they can destroy.”
And that’s it. He’s gone. I wake up in a cold sweat, and that’s when I reach for my notebook.
I decide B and me need to have a chat, so I call through to her room and convince her to come out to a bar with me – just for lunch. Giles has worked a few chill-out breaks into our schedule, so there’s time, and she can’t really argue.
We manage to avoid answering a few pokey questions from Giles during that morning’s book sessions, but seeing B in stealth mode just convinces me she’s been sharing the dream experience. Why else would she be Little Miss Avoidance whenever G pushes us to talk about the night before? We gotta sort this out. My phone call with Wood first thing had been anything but pleasant – largely because my head was so fucked-up and I was so freaked out.
I still am.
Anyway, lunchtime arrives and I drag B to a corner booth in Wild Bill’s on the high street. She orders a salad and a diet coke; I order an elk burger and a double Jack. Some things never change.
For a while, it’s strained between us. Finally, I tell her she needs to fess up. She looks me in the eye, blushes a little, then says: “Faith, we kissed.”
We KISSED? That’s it? “I know,” I answer, “Only it went further than that in my version.”
She nods. “Mine too.”
At least we’re on the same page.
I tell her about the dreams from the night; she had ‘em too. I can’t work out if she’s getting the wiggins more about the romantic aspects of the dreams or because I had to rescue her. She’s like that – got a stick up her ass about being THE Slayer, about being able to kick my ass. Me? I reckon we’re probably at evens, but it’s sometimes easier to let her keep her ego intact.
We talk some more over our food. She insists the dreams don’t change anything; I’m with Wood, she’s with Captain Cardboard. Sorry, Riley – Spike’s old nickname for him seems more appropriate though – he’s a real, home-grown, corn-fed Iowa soldier boy. And he’s not good enough for B. Never has been, never will be. Asshole.
We talk some more. Turns out she and CC, sorry, Riley, are havin’ problems. She doesn’t know what’s gonna happen, but that still doesn’t mean anything’s changed between us. Funny, she keeps on saying that. Funnier still, I haven’t suggested anything should change. What’s that about protesting too much?
She asks about Wood. I tell her he’s cool. Truth be told though, just between us, the one thing those dreams have made wicked clear for me is that he’s second choice. Hell, B ain’t the only one with an avoidance button, and I’ve been pushing mine ever since we met.
B chews on a strip of lettuce, then swallows: “Faith, do you think we should tell Giles?”
Tell Giles? Poor bastard’d probably have a heart attack. I shrug my shoulders. “Should we? You sure that wouldn’t kill him?”
She laughs a little. My heart skips a beat. I did that – I made her laugh. *Oh God!*
That evening, we make sure Giles is sitting down with a mug of cocoa, and then we tell him.
Little by little, piece by piece.
I leave out the part about B’s skills in the muff-diving department.
He nods, then smiles, then tells us he suspected as much.
Bastard.
He says he knew our “special bond” ran much deeper than a slayer link and then, I swear, he warns us to be careful, because “This kind of connection burns and consumes, and it can destroy.”
Had he invaded my dream? Is that why the spirit guy didn’t show himself. I ask the question, but he just smiles and cleans his glasses.
Like I said at the start, this all happened a few weeks ago, and the dreams are still coming. Me and B have talked a couple of times since, but she won’t really talk about it. She and CC – fuck it, it suits him – are still together, but they’re working through some “stuff”. No shit.
Me and Wood? Well, you’ll have noticed we were still linked with the compulsory ‘and’ so I guess we’re still an item. We’re pretty tight, and I pressed that avoidance button again as soon as I got back home – it’s been pushed down and sealed with cement ever since, but he knows somethin’s goin’ on.
The dreams keep coming – for me, at least; I’m not so sure about B – she seems to be plodding on regardless, but I can’t do that.
This whole thing’s really fucking with my head. I’ve done nothing, but still I feel like I’m betraying Wood. The old Faith wouldn’t have broken a sweat over that, but now? I feel so fuckin’ guilty all the fuckin’ time. So that’s why, like I said at the beginning, I can’t do this shit any more.
I called Giles this morning and told him I wasn’t doing his Canadian Rockies catch-ups any more. I told him to pass the message to B. I’m cutting contact with her, too.
I told Wood I’d lost my cellphone and got a new one. That was the only number B had for me. Nobody has the house phone except for Giles, and he knows I’d skewer his balls if he gave it to B.
So, this is it. If B decides she wants me, she’ll be able to find me, and then it’ll be all or nothin’. Till then, I’m cutting ties. Sometimes, you just gotta shit or get off the pot.