A Taste of Childhood
by Vincent
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: The characters aren't mine but belong to Joss.
Author's Notes: This happen right after season 6 so, possibilities of spoilers..
Feedback: Yes, please.
10 AM thought Buffy. It was 10 AM and for the first time in a long while, she had remained in bed. No Dawn taking care of, no Double Meat Palace crazy schedule to follow, nothing…just her, silence and free time.
The previous months had been catastrophic. Coming back from the death had driven her into a morbid lethargy that she so wanted to erase from History. She had neglected her sister, hadn’t seen her best friend’s problems, hadn’t been there to prevent her from becoming the dark and vengeful witch she had become for a short while…
Buffy slowly stood up and moved towards the stairs to prepare her breakfast. While doing this, she thought about the good old days, when everything was fine amongst the Scoobies. Xander and his hormonal issues, shy Willow, Giles as the responsible parent and Dawn who was just her annoying little sister. Now, Xander had responsibilities and a good job, he was currently staying in LA for a month, supervising the construction of a swimming pool or something like that. Willow was on therapy somewhere in England with Giles and Dawn was on a three weeks trips with Janice and her parents. So, Buffy was home alone and it was the perfect opportunity to think about what she was gonna do with her life now.
The last weeks, she had felt better. Xander had been there to help…a lot and she had trained Dawn in the slayer’s ways which had been very entertaining. She was slowly recovering for the “OOH, I was dead” thing and it made her happy. Now, what would she do in life, to pay the bills and continue her slaying activities?
She finally reached the kitchen’s entry and stopped walking. Something was odd…someone was in the kitchen…cooking? She slowly made her way to the room and quickly spotted a blond woman in front of the oven.
“What the hell are you doing here?”
The unknown woman jumped, surprised by Buffy’s arrival, then she smiled to the petite slayer and replied:
“Pancakes!”
“That I can see! Who are you? How have you entered my house? What do you want?”
“My god, Buffy, You’re still very inquisitive you know. I almost forgot it!”
Buffy had carefully walked towards the girl, her body fully ready to strike should the girl make a bad move. The blond noticed it and raise her hand above her head in a surrender gesture.
“Easy there. I’m not here to fight! I’m here to help you!”
“Help me! And you’re expecting me to believe you? Why would someone I don’t know anything about would help me?”
“Because I promised it to you and long while ago!”
Slowly, the blond girl moved her right hand in front of her. She tuck up two of her fingers, extending only her thumb, her middle finger and the smallest one and showed it to Buffy who looked at her, incredulous. That was the West Indian way of saying ‘I love you’, something she had discovered when she were a kid, a sign that had become a way of saying hello and goodbyes with…
“A…Alaïs?”
The woman nodded, smiling. She put her hands in her hair and showed Buffy her ears that were hidden behind it. They were pointy…and Buffy couldn’t prevent herself to remember her first encounter with the woman.
The four years old Buffy Summers was playing in the garden of her parents house, alone. She hadn’t had lots friends to play with except her cousin but she wasn’t there at the moment. She was thus playing with her dolls while her mother was doing some gardening stuff. It was a sunny day but the temperature wasn’t hot.
Buffy got finally bored of playing with her dolls and was wondering what she would do next when she noticed that her mother and her weren’t alone in the garden anymore. Indeed, a girl who had to be the same age as Buffy was looking at her, smiling. Buffy smiled back and the girl approached.
“Hey, I’m Buffy!”
“Alaïs!”
“You have funny ears!”
“Nah, yours are funny, mine are normal!”
“Do you want to play with me?”
The pointy ears girl nodded and began playing with Buffy.
“I…I thought you didn’t exist. In fact, I’m wondering if I’m not dreaming right now!”
“You’re not. Want me to pinch you?”
“I’d rather not, thanks.”
“Ok, pancakes are ready now. Why don’t we continue this talk in eating?”
“OK!”
Buffy knew that it wasn’t the more clever thing to do. After all, she hadn’t seen Alaïs for 15 years now but she had spend so many day with her while she was a kid…letting nostalgia guide her, she followed the girl and sat down on the table, ready for breakfast. They began to eat and Buffy couldn’t wait longer to discover what Alaïs was really doing here.
“So, you’re real!”
“Again, yes. You humans have the tendency to rationalise things. As a pointy ears girl isn’t “realistic”, you just assumed I was a product of your imagination when you grew up. Plus the fact that your parents couldn’t see me and said I was an imaginary friend didn’t help.”
“What are you then?”
“An elf!”
“As in The Lord of the Ring Elf?”
“Kinda! We live in a dimension really close to yours and sometimes, pure and innocent kids of our worlds can communicate.”
“Like we did!”
“Yes! But when human reason replace innocence in a child’s mind…well, this ability vanished. And that’s the reason I left you then…I didn’t want you to see me disappear, I wanted to say goodbye to you!”
“I remember! I cried a lot that day!”
“So did I! But I promised you something that day too. Do you remember it?”
“That if one day, I needed you, you’d come to help me!”
“And here I am!”
“It’s a bit late now!” Buffy regretted saying it as soon as the words had escaped her lips. She saw Alaïs flinch but the blond girl kept talking.
“I came but you couldn’t see me!”
“Huh?”
“The elfs keep the connection they have with their “imaginary friends” so, they can see us if we want…Usually. But if hope isn’t in their hearts, there is no way of communicating. 8 months ago, there was no hope in your heart and when it came back, I just thought that it wasn’t the right moment to come and make a cameo appearance in your life.”
“Yeah! It was kinda messy, wasn’t it.”
“Yes! But now, hope is back in your heart and there is no apocalypse on its way. So…”
“So?”
“You and I, we will both find back the Buffy Summers we all like and love.”
They both smile and even if Buffy knew that trusting Alaïs so quickly was pure crazyness…she also felt it was the right thing to do.
“Faith, listen to me…”
“No! You are going to listen to me, Tie Boy!”
James Fairland was speechless. He had been in charge of prisoners on parole since 10 years now but he had never crossed the path with someone like Faith, someone who dared to contradict him…
“Correct me if I’m wrong. The deal is: I come to see you once a week, I am not allowed to quit the state, have to avoid trouble and find a job in the following month…so, I’m not obliged to take the fucking silly jobs you’re offering me. So, don’t ever dare to propose me to work in a fish shop. Don’t like the smell, don’t like the place and don’t like the idea at all. Understood?”
“And do you think you’d find a job so easily? Ex-con have lots of trouble to find it.”
“I can open my own shop you know. After all, I’m Wilkins’ heir! So, cut the crap and let me live as I intend to.”
“Faith, I’m on your side as long as you keep your promises but…”
“Then, let me take care of it! Have we finished?”
James looked at the young girl and nodded. She wasn’t particularly brilliant in psychology but he knew when a talk is needless. He noticed the grin that appeared on the girl’s features and swore internally. God, this one would be very difficult to handle.
“See you next week then? Same hour, same place?”
James sighed again and replied: “Yes!”
“Good!” and with these words, she was gone.
Leaving the building of her parole officer, Faith walked towards her new apartment. Three days, she had been free for three days and was only beginning to savour it. This time, she wouldn’t screw everything up, she would behave like a good girl, would become a model slayer and would help the others too. She had money now and would use it. She hadn’t talked to Fairland about her idea to open a shelter for abandoned children, a place where they would be taken care of, a place different from the ones where they were let alone in their own room, in their own worlds…different from the places she had known. Being a model in both human and slayer level, that was the only way she could see for her redemption…It would be hard but she sure wasn’t going to work in a fish shop. Still walking, she suddenly heard someone speaking to her.
“That wasn’t the wisest thing to do!”
Faith stopped walking but didn’t look at the guy who had just spoken. She knew who it was, this annoying little pointy ears guy with his black hair, black eyes and leather jacket that was probably his only good point. This annoying pointy ears guy who had come into her life the day before and continued to harass her every time he could.
“Thought I told you to get the hell away from me, Darek!”
“Ow, Sugar, you know me better than that! I’m quite stubborn!”
“’A pain in the ass’ would suit you better! A pain in my ass!”
“I mean it, Faith. Antagonizing your parole officer would only lead you to trouble. And if you get into trouble…”
Darek didn’t have the time to end his sentence. Faith grabbed him by the collar and pinned him on the nearest wall.
“OK, pal! It’s not because we have seen each other in diapers that you own the right to judge me. So, here is a tip, Spock wanna be, let me live in peace.” Then, seeing him smirked, she added: “What’s so funny? Want me to knock you down again?”
“No, it’s just that people are looking at you as if you were a damn freak. Should I remind you that you’re the only one that can see me? Touch me or even hear me?”
“Go to hell, Darek!” she let him go and began to walk towards the building where her apartment was that wasn’t far anymore. She knew that Darek was following her but didn’t look behind. She entered the place, took the lift, left it at the 5th floor and entered her room, closing the door even if it wouldn’t stop the elf as he was able to enter the place through his own dimension. And he did it.
“Thought you could get rid of me that easily, sugar?”
“Nope, but just remember that there is no witness here. So, I still can beat the crap out of you if I want to. And don’t call me sugar!”
“Why? You liked it when…”
“Liked…As with ed at the end! I’m not a kid anymore, Darek! I’ve changed since the last time we met!”
“Not really, …sugar. You can’t fool lots of people and yes, you have known a dark spiral but inside of you, you haven’t changed. All you have to do is open up, break the walls you’ve built and hope.
“Hope! You want me to hope! How can I hope after all I have done? Tell me! Come on, Lollypop…I mean…” Faith saw the elf grin. She had just given him the nickname she used to call him with when they were kids. She swore internally. There was no way for her to let him in again, not after…
“You have hope, Faith. Otherwise you wouldn’t be able to see me.”
“Go away, Darek! You’re wasting your time. It’s too tiny to really matter.”
“Even a tiny spark of hope is worth fighting for, Sugar.”
“I’m not worth it; Darek!”
“Rot, Sugar! You’re worth it!”
“I killed people, Darek!”
“And it’s killing you, I know, Sugar. The past is the past, you have to move forward.”
Faith wasn’t replying, lost in her thoughts. So, Darek moved and put his hands on the girl’s shoulders. At that moment, as she had been touched by an electrical wave, Faith jumped away from the elf, ready to fight if she needed to.
“Don’t ever do that again!”
“Why are you so into the defensive, Sugar? I’m just trying to help.”
“Help, I don’t need help; Darek. I’m a loner!”
“And where did this loner attitude lead you? Faith, we have a link that can’t be severed. When you’re hurt, I feel it. I just want…”
“Don’t ever say it or I’ll kick your ass.”
“Say what? None of what you’re gonna say or do would stop me, Sugar! You’re stuck with me.”
“Then, I’ll have to kick you out of here over and over again!”
Darek made a step towards Faith.
“What are you afraid of, Sugar?”
“I said don’t call me sugar.” Faith growled between her teeth.
“Letting someone in, trusting people?”
Darek made another step.
“If you come any closer…I…I” Faith wanted to stop him but she couldn’t…inside of her, she knew that she couldn’t make it alone…but, on the other hand, it shouldn’t be him.
“Feeling something?” Darek was now in front of Faith, waiting, noticing Faith’s hesitations. Then, suddenly, the dark slayer dropped her guard, her hands standing on either sides of her body.
“I can’t let you in..; not you…”
“Why Faith? Why can’t you letting me in?” Darek slowly put his hand around Faith and hugged her. The brunette didn’t reply to the embrace but Darek could feel her sobbing. Then, in a very low voice she asked:
“Where were you? Where were you when he did this to me?”
Darek was about to reply when he felt Faith returning the embrace, her head hidden in Darek’s right shoulder, crying.
“I so needed you then, lollypop, where were you. I didn’t find you…I needed you…Needed my friend.”
Then, calmly, the elf answered the question.
“I was there, sugar. I tried to reach you…but you couldn’t see me. You shut me out.”
Buffy rolled once again to the other side of her bed then, closed her eyes to open them again. It was the middle of the night and she had to give it in. There were few chances for her to sleep this night. She had too many things inside her head to really find the peace necessary for her trip to dreamland. Sighing, she sat on her bed, back against the wall and thought once more about the events of the previous days.
The last two days had been great. Finding Alaïs back was one of the greatest thing that could have happened to her. The elf had this ability to make yourself comfortable enough to enjoy like but also to share things, to express someone’s issues more easily.
They had spoken about nothing and everything, about the shiny memories and the darker ones. Buffy had discovered than Alaïs was married now and had two children. She was happy in life, happy in love and the blond slayer had felt a point of jealousy when she had heard that. That was the life she wanted to have but her destiny and her own history weren’t leading her to this ideal existence.
They had talked about Buffy’s life, her slayer duties and the sacrifices she had to accept. They had talked about Buffy’s death and the events that had followed them and the light slayer had even admitted that she now knew that part of her was darkness and that it worried her. Then, Alaïs had asked the only question she didn’t want to answer, was afraid to answer, was afraid of the answer.
“And what about the other slayer? You told me that she must be out of jail now, that her behaviour has been exemplary. Don’t you think that she could help you with this specific issue?”
Faith! The dark slayer! Her nemesis or was she really it? The more the time passed, the more Buffy realised that there weren’t so much differences between them.
Faith! She had tried to forget about her but it hadn’t passed a week without something to remind her of her dark counterpart. The only one that could really understand her.
She had thought of visiting her lots of times. When Dracula had showed up and revealed her links with the darkness, when Glory had appeared too strong for her, when she had been on the verge of self destruction after her resurrection…but she hadn’t for various reasons.
She didn’t want to be hurt by Faith again, couldn’t risk to trust her again.
What if all her good behaviour had been faked and she was still psycho? She so didn’t want to fight her again.
What if she had really changed? Could they find their connection back?
What if she didn’t want to see her?
It had been more than two years now and the same reasons came back again and again. And every time she asked herself those questions, she couldn’t sleep! They were too stressful to let her rest.
Why did Faith have still so much impact on her?
A ray of moonlight entered Buffy’s room, lighting her face and the look of intense concentration she had. Nope, this night wouldn’t be a sleepy one.
Faith’s entire mind was focused on the chess board in front of her. Things were getting hard there. Darek was a very good chess player but Faith wasn’t an amateur either. She had learned chess in jail and had soon become a very good player herself. Still, Darek had already beaten her twice and she wasn’t gonna let him win this game. She suddenly heard something he was saying and froze.
“…B…”
“What? What did you just say?”
“Wow! Keep calm, Sugar. I was just wondering where the hell did you find this chess game, the pawns look like bees.”
“Oh!”
“What did you heard? Have I said something wrong?”
Faith looked at him, wondering if she could talk about Buffy and all the past that was still a heavy weight on her shoulder. Then, she shook her head and said:
“Never mind! Wasn’t important.”
Then, she looked back at the chess game as if nothing had happened. But she couldn’t play Darek and the elf wondered how he would succeed in making Faith opening herself enough to speak about her real issues…issues involving a town called Sunnydale and a blond slayer.
Darek entered his house. The night had fallen on the elf’s country and he was happy to find the lights of his household back. He took his jacket off and went to the western side of the house to check on his children. They were both asleep. Satisfied, he closed the door and went to the kitchen when he knew he would find his wife. She was indeed there, washing the plates. His wife, his other half, his Alaïs.
“Morning sweet butterfly!”
“Morning honey!”
He went towards the blond elf, hug her then gave her a long and sensuous kiss. They finally broke the kiss but stayed in each other’s arms.
“Have you eaten yet?”
“Yep. A burger Faith ordered.”
“Yuck! How could these humans eat that things. All not natural and synthetic. Ew.”
He smiled before kissing her on the top of her nose.
“Forget the plates. I want to cuddle you on the sofa.”
“Who am I to refuse you something my prince?”
He smiled again and they both went to the living room to sit on the sofa, never leaving the warmth of the other. They remained silent for a few minutes, enjoying the contact. Then Alaïs asked her husband:
“So, how was today?”
“Usual! We spoke, joked, laughed but she still doesn’t want to talk about what happened between them. She is thinking about it though. Since I let the B letter slip, I often see that look in her eyes, the look she has when she’s thinking about something important but doesn’t want to speak about it.”
“Well, knowing you. You haven’t found a way to introduce the subject.”
“Hey! I’m probably not the best diplomat on Earth but…”
“Oh! Look at these chess pawns, Faith. Don’t they look like bees…Come on, hun, how could you expect something to come out of such a lame excuse to launch a talk?”
“Well, it seemed logical at that time…Besides, have you had any luck with Buffy since your talk?”
Darek’s temper was beginning to rise and Alaïs didn’t want to make him furious. Slowly, she answered his question.
“No! She is thinking about it too. She has the same look in her eyes, the look you talked about earlier. God, they are so damn stubborn!”
“Well, as they are a lot like us, it shouldn’t surprise you.”
“Yes. See, I thought about it a lot and I think that that might be the problem!”
“What?”
“I’m too much like Buffy! You’re far too close to Faith’s temper…”
“So, do you want us to switch?”
“That’s the idea! I think Buffy might need some rough treatment, the straight to the point remarks you’re so good at. And Faith, well, let’s just say that she might need some diplomatic skills!”
“Well, good luck with that! I don’t know how you’d succeed in convincing her to move her ass.”
“Dar! You should know me better than that, after all, I have managed to convince you lots of times. I just have to use the same techniques with Faith.”
Seeing the look of complete disbelief in her husband’s eyes. She blushed and added:
“Stop the dirty thoughts, Darek! The other kind of technique.”
“Oh, that kind…yes, it might definitely work.”
“Good! So, it’s a deal.” She kissed him and said: “Now, I think you can come back to these dirty thoughts of yours.”
Faith had just woken up but didn’t want to move. She could distinguish the rays of the sun behind her curtains but didn’t want to move. She wasn’t in the mood and for now, staying in bed seemed the best thing to do.
The day before, she had had a long phone conversation with her parole officer. She had explained to him what she wanted to do with her money, build a shelter for the kids. He had said that it was a good idea but that he doubted that it could succeed ever…People don’t want to trust an ex-con for such a job. It had hurt, still did. She knew that Darek would probably come soon. She liked him to be around…and didn’t. Sometimes, he had the gift to make her think about things she’d rather not think about.
Suddenly, she felt something…or someone. The bed had bowed to her left…yes, there was definitely something or someone crawling in her bed and as it couldn’t be Darek…She focused on all her sense, ready to strike then, to her complete stupefaction she heard a child’s voice singing:
“A touch of blue, a sun in the sky, all the things to make your day bright…A touch of green, a tree in the ground, …er…and I don’t remember the rest of the song.”
A kid! What was a kid doing in her apartment? She slowly opened an eye and saw the cutest little girl she had ever seen. She was blond and Faith couldn’t miss her pointy ears…rears that helped her figure out who that girl was. The child look at her and smiled, noticing that the brunette was awake.
“Morning!”
“Morning! May I know what’s the name of the angel I have in my bed?”
The little girl smiled and blushed while Faith cursed herself. But she knew deep down in her heart that she couldn’t make anything about it. Kids had always been and would probably always be her weakness.
“I’m Kena! And you are my father’s friend!”
“Yes, I’m Faith. Nice to meet you, Kena.”
Suddenly, all the bad thoughts that had come with the waking up thing were gone. Yes, Faith was soft when children were around but, hell, it felt good. She then heard a soft cough and turned her head to see a blond woman standing near the door of her room. She was about to ask who it was when Kena said:
“Mommy! This is Faith! She’s daddy’s friend.”
“I know sweetheart! Hi, I’m Alaïs. I’m Darek’s wife. He couldn’t come today and asked me to keep you company. As I had no one to take care of Kena, I brought her with me. Did she bother you?”
Without thinking about her answer, Faith heard herself say: “No, not at all!”
“Good! I’m making breakfast. I should be ready in ten minutes.” And then, she vanished in the other room.
Alone with Kena, Faith looked at the kid, smiled at her then, seeing the paper she had on her knees asked:
“What are you doing, K?”
“K?”
“Yeah. I like to give cool names to the persons I like. Like it?”
The little girl grinned then said: “Yeah!”
“So, what are you doing?”
“Drawing!”
“And what are you drawing?”
Kena moved and went of Faith’s lap. Surprised by the move, the brunette found herself stuck in her bed with the little elf both feeling awkward and happy about it. With her finger, Kena showed her what she had already drawn on the paper.
“This is my house, with Mommy, Daddy and my brother. I wanted to draw a horse but they are difficult to draw. Can you draw horses, Faith?”
“Hem, well. I’m not really good at this drawing stuff, you know.” Faith then pointed to the other persons Kena had drawn. “And these people, who are they?”
“My friends! Mona, Jelly and Laty. They are my best friends. Have you friends, Faith?”
Faith cursed internally again. That was what was not so good with kids. They have this ability to find questions you so don’t want to think about. Still, she saw the green eyes of the girl, green eyes that reminded her of others and couldn’t prevent herself for answering:
“NO!”
“You don’t have friends? How come?”
“Well, let’s just say that I had friends, particularly a girl I liked hanging a lot with.”
“And?”
“I scr…made mistakes. Hurt them very badly…hurt her very badly and I know that they hate my g…don’t like me anymore so, I…I won’t see them again. That’s the reason why I have no one, K.”
“You can’t be sure of that!”
“What?”
“If they are real friends, they will forgive you.”
Faith smiled at Kena. Children were so naïve sometimes.
“It’s not that easy, K. I hurt them real bad.”
The girl looked at her, then shook her head and replied:
“You want to hear a story, Faith?”
Faith nodded, glad that the kid had decided to change the subject.
“My best friend is Mona. We were born the same day and she’s my friend since we were born. One day, we were playing with nuts that had just fallen from the trees. We throw them to each other as if they were snowballs…but they was no snow that day.”
Faith smiled. Kids, they had always the sense of details.
“And I…I thrown a nut in her eye and it bled. I was scared and ran to Mommy and we went to the healer that said that it was pretty bad as her eye could have an in…inf…”
“Infection!”
“Infection. Thanks. But she finally got better. When I went to see her, she didn’t look at me. See, I hurt her real bad and she didn’t want to see me anymore. I cried a lot and went to Mum asking for her advice. She told me to continue to go and see her cause we were best friends, we had something no one had and that one day, she would forgive me. I did what Mum told me to do. During a week, she refused to see me but one day what Mum told me happened. She forgave me, said that she couldn’t be angry about me longer.”
Kena looked at Faith who seemed lost in her thoughts.
“Faith?”
“Huh?”
“See! She can’t be mad at you very long.”
“I wish you were right, K. But B is pretty stubborn you know.”
“The day I spoke to Mum, she said something else to me.”
“And that was?”
“What do you have to lose?”
Faith was taken aback by what the girl had just told her. She didn’t hear Alaïs calling for them for dinner, didn’t hear the ecstatic reaction it brought to Kena. The only thing she was hearing again and again in her head was those six words:
What do you have to lose? What do you have to lose? What do you have to lose?
The night had been calm. Only two newbies to stake. Usually, Buffy liked that kind of night, she would go back home and take a well deserved rest. Not today. She didn’t know why but since Alaïs had said Faith’s name, she could stop thinking about her dark counterpart…and as today, she hadn’t seen Alaïs at all, she had had plenty of time to think about her, about their past,…etc…She suddenly felt a presence, not far from her. Checking her surroundings, she quickly spotted a man with a leather jacket, hands in his pockets, coming in her direction.
“You’re not that easy to find you know! And what’s this town? There is more graveyards than pubs.”
“Who are you?” Buffy asked, ready to fight.
“Easy, Buffy! I’m a friend. See (he pointed to his left ear), pointy ears. Pointy ears equals good!”
“Sure! As was the pointy ears demon I killed last week!”
“OK so what about this one: Pointy ears equals elf, elf equals Alaïs, Alaïs equals my wife.”
“Oh! So, you’re Darek?”
“Good guess! So, how’s the night?”
Buffy relaxed a little. The man looked like the one Alaïs had described as her “man”. Still, she kept her attention on him, ready to strike if she needed.
"Calm! Evil things have taken the day off. Sometimes I hope I could do that too. Do you know if there is a slayer syndicate?"
Darek smiled. He could see why Alaïs liked Buffy. She was cute and full of humor.
“Sorry! I don’t know much about slayers. Look, Buffy. Alaïs is sorry not to have come today but her mother slipped and broke something so, she spent the day with her.”
“Is it serious?”
“No, just a broken leg or something like that! In fact, I think that she’s more worried about you than her mom.”
“Worried about me?”
“Yes, she says something about another slayer and your relationship with her. She says that you’re lost in your thought since she mentioned her name.”
Buffy remained silent but her anxiety was betrayed by her behaviour.
“Buffy? You wanna talk about it?”
Buffy looked at Darek, anger was perceptible in her thought. She didn’t want to speak about it.
“Listen, Darek. I appreciate the offer but it’s not your business and…”
“The hell it is! My wife is worried because of your issues and I want to solve that. Fuck! Even my children have noticed it.”
“You want to know? Good, Faith hurt me, betrayed me. There is nothing to add.”
Darek’s anger rose too. God, this girl was so stubborn.
“Oh! And I bet you had nothing to blame yourself for at that time.”
“What?”
“If it was that simple, you wouldn’t be thinking about it all day long! You would have forgotten her. So, I’m sure that you have done something to hurt her too, even unknowingly.”
“Shut up! I thought she was my friend and she betrayed me, hurt me, threatened my family, my friends. I can’t forgive her. She deserve to rot in hell.”
“What’s that for an answer? Looks like a text found in a cheap novel. Listen, Angel face. I repeat what I’ve said: You wouldn’t be in the inner thoughts trip if you had nothing to blame yourself for. What? What are you looking at me like this. Truth hurts? Wanna hi…”
Darek didn’t finish his sentence that he felt Buffy’s fist on his jaw. The hit sent him a few feet away. In one week, he had been punched by the two slayers and hell, they knew how to do it. Slowly, he stood up, looking at Buffy who had her hand on her mouth, shocked by her deed.
“OH, Darek? I’m sorry, I…”
“Don’t be sorry, Buffy! I was looking for it. Sometimes, you have to shake someone up to make him/her realise he or she is too stubborn for his or her own good. I’ve just something to add and then, I’ll leave. Think about what I’m gonna tell you, Buffy. The things you said to me, about Faith and the fact that she can’t be forgiven…Is it really what you think or is it what you think you should think?”
Buffy was taken aback by the question and she didn’t even noticed Darek leaving the graveyard, leaving her alone with her thoughts and this sentence that kept coming in her mind: Is it really what you think or is it what you think you should think?
The two slayers didn’t sleep that night. Both of them were haunted by what the elfs told her today and two sentences were coming over and over in their heads:
- What do you have to lose?
- Is it really what you think or is it what you think you should think?
In the meantime, Darek and Alaïs were lying on their bed, explaining to the other how things went with the two humans.
“So, you didn’t miss her!”
“Well, you know. Stubbornness and I don’t mix well. (seeing the look in his wife’s eyes, he added). I mean, when I’m not the stubborn one. And you, with Faith?”
“I told Kela to draw our family and her friends and then, to show it to daddy’s friend. I was right, she can’t refuse a single thing to a kid. Anyway, you know Kela, when Faith told her she had no friend, she went in babble mode, explained the Mona incident…etc…I think Faith got the message.”
“Good. So, what now?”
"I think they’re ripe for the last stage."
“Already?”
“They don’t know what to do now. Let’s take advantage of it. The more we wait, the more chances their stubbornness come back.”
“Good point. But, originally that wasn’t what I meant with my ‘What now’ comment.”
“OH!” Alaïs smiled then switched the light off.
Buffy sighed in entering the kitchen, she hadn’t slept at all this night, constantly thinking about her, about Faith. Mixed feelings accompanied these thoughts…hope, fear, resentment, need. Buffy sighed again, passing her hand through her hair. She needed a coffee. A strong coffee.
Once the coffee was ready, she sat on a chair, her mug in her hand, still thinking. What was she supposed to do now? She wanted to go to LA, find Faith but another part was also afraid and scared to do it. There was one thing she had to give in. Darek had been right. She was hiding herself behind what she had thought she should think. Faith had done really bad things but it was the past…she had paid for it…Still, Buffy was still afraid to face the dark slayer.
She heard the front door open and steps coming to the kitchen. Two different kinds of steps. She couldn’t recognize one of them but the second one was definitely Alaïs. The blond elf could perhaps help her take a decision.
She took a sip of her coffee and waited then saw a kid on his five’s enter the kitchen quickly followed by Alaïs. The kid and her stared at each other for a few seconds then, he raised his arms towards her, showing her that he wanted to go in her arms. For the first time since she entered the kitchen, a small smile crossed Buffy’s face. She took the boy and put him on her lap. She kissed his forehead and smiled at Alaïs.
“Brought your family with you?”
“Yep. Buffy, this is Dallen. Dallen meet Buffy.”
“Hey!”
“Hey, boy! Do you know you look like a shorter copy of your father?”
The boy smiled proudly and just nodded. Buffy kissed his forehead a second time then, noticed the embarrassed look Alaïs was given her.
“Er…about Darek, I want to…”
Buffy stopped her in raising her hand.
“No sorry! He was right! I wouldn’t say he deserved the award of the most sweet diplomat but…anyway. So, what are we going to do today?”
“Er…Buffy…I kinda need you to do me a favour…”
“What? You kidding right?”
Darek had pain hiding his smile. The look on Faith’s face was priceless.
“Unfortunatelly…no. The mother of Alaïs had broken her leg and there are some…complications. The healer will make some surgery on her and Alaïs wants to be there and I want to…you know, for the supporting thing. I have someone to take care of Dallen…but…well, I kinda have no one for Kela.”
“But…I…I’m not a babysitter! I hardly can take care of myself.”
“Alaïs told me you did a great job yesterday. I…We trust you. Isn’t it what you want to do…Taking care of kids?”
“Yeah but…Rhaaa…I wish there were a fucking pause button.”
Darek grinned. “What for?”
“Freeze you so I could think about my next answer cause right now, I can’t see a way to say no.”
“Don’t try then. Besides, Kela wants you for babysitter and no one else.”
“…”
Faith didn’t answer but a small smile had appeared on her face to quickly vanish once she had noticed it. Then, Darek called his daughter who quickly joined them. She had been in Faith’s room, drawing.
“You called me, daddy?”
“Honey, who do you want to be your babysitter today?”
She looked at Faith smiling and showed her with her tiny finger…erasing all the brunette’s doubts.
“So, you have the food, the toys and all the things you could need in this bag. Questions?”
Buffy took the bag and shook her head negatively. She was glad to have to babysit the boy. At least, she would have something to do, other things to think about.
“Good! OK…Oh, you know what would be great?”
“I think, I’m about to know it.”
Alaïs smiled at her friend.
“There is a park two or three hours from here. Dallen likes it a lot. There are plenty of games and stuff and in our world it’s near the healer’s office so…if you want to, you can bring my son there, we’ll meet inside the park and I can invite you for dinner. Doesn’t it sound great?”
Buffy thought about it. Yeah, it could be great. Visiting her friend’s house…Wait a minute…
“But I thought you were the only one who could cross the line between our dimensions, thanks to our bond.”
“Hey, you know sugar. Sometimes, I even think there is a brain hidden up there.” Darek was showing Faith’s head with his finger.
“Very funny!” Faith had wanted to reply to the joke with one of her own but stopped. There was a kid on her lap. Then, she noticed something in Darek’s hand.
“Once you arrived at the park…You’re really sure the plan I made is clear enough for you?”
“For the hundredth time, Yes.”
“OK, once you arrived there, you’ll see a big stone with a big hole in it. Drop this coin in it and you’ll be able to cross the line you talked about.”
“I didn’t know it was that easy.” Faith said looking at the golden coin Darek had just given her. It looked like a standard coin with a pointy ears face on the one side and a tree on the other.
“These coins are quite hard to get and elfs only give them to people they trust. You’ll see, the results are amazing. The only thing you woudn’t see is the faces.”
“Huh?”
You would see me and my family pretty well, but the other elfs…well, let’s just say that it would be as if they would have a veil in front of their faces.”
“Great! So, I’m going to get your girl to a Halloween park.”
“Sortof! Don’t worry. You’d get used to it. Believe me; I know what I’m talking about.”
“You mean that except for me…you don’t see the others faces?”
Darek smiled and replied: “Yep! There is definitely a brain up there.”
Faith waited as the attraction she was into was slowing down. It was a high speed turning thingy and she just couldn’t understand how Kela could go in such a thing without throwing out her dinner. Still waiting for the little girl, she let her eyes wander around the park.
This place was amazing! A huge amusement park totally undetectable for humans. A huge and natural amusement park in which all the attractions were made of woods and placed in trees and, Faith could have sworn it, she was sure that some of them were alive. All had gone according to what Darek had told her the same morning. The coin in the stone, the veils in the other elf’s faces (something she had extremely quickly adapted to to her own surprise), and the spark in Kela’s eyes when they had come in. Speaking of the young elf, she was now walking towards Faith with the puppy dog eyes Faith began to be accustomed with.
“Faith! One more time. It will be the last, I promise!”
Faith refrained a smile and answered: “As you’ve promised the last three times. Sorry, K. But seeing you turning up there one more time won’t be good for my stomach. And, I’m thrusty so, let’s go.”
The girl maintained her eyes on Faith's, trying to convince them thanks to it. After all, it had worked the last two times…but this time, she could see that Faith wouldn’t change her opinion. Then, lost in the crowd, she noticed something and began running towards this direction.
Faith was a bit relieved to see the kid break the eye contact. A few seconds more and she would have give up, letting the girl have another turn…God, she was so soft with kids. Then, her relief quickly vanished when she saw Kela running away to lose herself in the crowd.
“K, no! Come back here. Fuck, girl, if you don’t come back now, would be spanking time.”
The spanking bit was just for the image…she wouldn’t be able to hit a kid and she knew it…as Kela had to as her threat seemed to have no effect on her. Cursing once again, Faith ran after the young elf.
Holding Dallen in her arms, Buffy had just left the attractions to go towards the centre of the park. She was thirsty and so was the kid. The park was so perfect, divided in zone, each one dedicated to an age category. And the centre of the park was a kind of meeting place with bars and restaurant…and everything was so linked to the nature. It was incredible. Even the veils weren’t such a discomfort after all. And everything was gratis which was a very good point too.
Suddenly, she felt someone pulling her jacket’s sleeve down. Looking at it, she saw one of the cutest girl she had ever seen. She was the one pulling her sleeve down. Smiling at the girl, she was about to ask her what she wanted when she heard someone coming behind her and froze. The voice…she could recognize it anywhere. It was Faith's.
“Ha, there you are and don’t tell me your father didn’t warn you about running away like this. Do I have to cuff you for…”
Slowly, Buffy turned her head towards the newcomer. She knew why she had just stopped speaking mid-sentence…she should have recognized her too. When their eyes met, there was a long moment of silence before the girls could say:
“Buffy!”
“Faith!”
Faith was completely surprised by the other slayer’s presence here. What was she supposed to do now. Running away? No, she couldn’t do it. A few years back, she would have but not now. She had to speak to Buffy, the last days had convinced her that it was unavoidable. She had to, even if it’d hurt…Besides, she couldn’t abandon Kela alone in the park.
Thinking about Kela made Faith look at the little elf boy Buffy had in her arms. Black hair, brown eyes, he was the living copy of…No, it couldn’t be! But it was the only solution. She was capable of seeing the boy’s face…that could only mean that he is related to…She quickly looked back at Buffy who was staring at the girl too, probably noticing the same things as her. Then, in a perfect synchronicity, the slayers said:
“Alaïs!”
“Darek!”
After a few seconds of silence, they heard a small and embarrassed coming from their left:
“Yes, we’re here.”
Alaïs had rarely been this embarrassed and even if she didn’t regret what her and her husband had done, she was a bit worry about what would happen in the upcoming minutes. Then, she saw the slayers moving to face Darek and her. They were next to each other. Buffy had put Dallen down, taking her pissed off position with her arms crossed on her chest while Faith had taken the exact same position. If she had been in another situation, she would have smiled at that but smiling wasn’t particularly a good idea right now.
Buffy was the first to speak: “So?”
Alaïs sighed a bit, then replied:
“Okay! We trapped you as you have already guessed. But, yeah, it’s your fault.”
“What? Our fault?” Alaïs barely prevented a grin. She had rarely seen two girls that synchronised in the telling question department.
“Yes, your fault. The two of you want to speak to the other but don’t have the guts to. Darek and I, we…it’s just that as your “invisible childhood friends”, we care about you, a lot and…well, as you didn’t seem to move…Well, we decided to force a meeting.”
The slayers didn’t reply. If it had been a cartoon, Alaïs could have sworn that she could see smoke coming from the girls’ ears because of the thinking. She and Darek (who had remained calm, diplomacy was definitely not his cup of tea) were looking at them and to everyone’s surprised, it was Faith who broke the silence.
“Hell! Why not!” then, she looked at Buffy and added “If you agree, I’m in!”
Taken aback by Faith’s answer, Buffy looked at her a few seconds before giving her fellow slayer a tiny smile and nodding. She was sure now that Faith wanted this meeting as much as her.
The elfs were gone, probably having fun in the park. They had promised to come back later with the kids and the slayers were sure they would. They were now sitting inside one of the bar, beer in front of them. Neither of them wanted to begin and the silence was becoming really heavy…knowing that the longer it would last, the fewer were the chances she would open up to Buffy, Faith was about to speak when Buffy began to say.
“Faith, I…”
To her own surprise, Faith saw her finger move on Buffy’s lips. The blond slayer looked at the brunette with her surprised look in her eyes.
“Don’t! I…I want to speak to you first. I suck at this kind of opening up thing and…Well, I want to do it right. Okay?”
Buffy nodded, pleased by Faith’s reaction. She had met her just a few minutes before and she could already tell that the Faith she had in front of her was different from the one she had known a few years back. The woman in front of her was more mature and, even if the tough girl attitude was still there, she didn’t seem so afraid as before to let feelings come.
“I…I won’t apologize…”
Buffy felt her heartbeat increase. Had she just said what she thought she had said…
“…Cause words aren’t enough to describe how bad I feel about what I’ve done. It’s like a storm blowing away everything on the inside…”
Buffy felt herself releasing a long breath she wasn’t even aware of holding off.
“…I…I don’t really know why I did that. I…I wanted to be good, I promise, B but…”
Buffy put her hand on Faith's.
“Shh, it’s okay. Just relax.”
“No, it’s not okay, Buffy. I…I wanted to be as perfect as you are…Still Faith but with the same devotion you have…but you wouldn’t let me be part of it then and I grew jealous. Then, we began to get along quite well till I…till Finch..I…I didn’t know what to do, B. I was lost so, I did the same damn shitty thing I always do…trying to act as if it didn’t matter…But it did matter, B…I mattered a lot. But I couldn’t let myself deal with it and every time I saw you, saw the look in your eyes when you glared at me…I…I felt bad so…and in my twisted fucking head…I thought that if I had to be the evil, it’s because I was…and…well, everything became out of control, I ended up in coma, had lots of dreams of you stabbing me…came back with a revenge….”
Faith was crying now and Buffy hadn’t removed her hand. From all the scenarios she had thought about, this was one of the good ones but Faith wasn’t the only one that had gone wrong back then. She too had things to apologize for. Once Faith had calmed down a little, Buffy said:
“You weren’t the only one to fuck things up then, Faith. I did too.”
She waited for Faith to look at her then, she continued:
“I was jealous too. Jealous of you.”
“What? Jealous of me?”
“Yeah! You were free and all. I know that you had issues too but I didn’t see them then. I was a girl in a cocoon made of a happy family and a mission but you seemed to handle the mission part so well, so freely that, yeah, I was jealous of you. Then, we got along well as you said. I was having so much fun that night…then…Well, Finch came in the line of fire and I handled it badly.”
Faith watched Buffy take a sip of her beer, waiting for the blond slayer to continue.
“You said you reacted as you always did…Well, me too. I became the “Justice League” member, champion of the good guys and all. It was my way to deal with it and, when I noticed that you didn’t seem to care, well, let’s just say that I screw things up too. It became even more simple when you went to the Mayor. Me, Justice League, You, Evil League. God, I was so naïve.”
“Been rehearsing the speech.”
“Almost for a week!”
“So, you really wanted to see me?”
“Oh yeah! See, I’ve discovered things about me and realised that we aren’t that different you know?”
“Us, not different? You kidding, right.”
“Nope! We both are good person on the inside but we also have a darkness on us that we should control…Otherwise, we screw up.”
“What…what happened to you, B…I mean…” Faith was worry, Buffy could feel it in her voice.
“I…died!”
“You what?” the concern had reached an even upper level in Faith’s voice and Buffy quickly squeezed the brunette’s hand.
“A little more than a year ago. The Scoobs brought me back.”
“Please, don’t tell me you were in a fucking demon dimension.” If it had been the case, who knew what had happened to Buffy, what kind of things she had had to undergo.
“No, I was in a safe place, Faith and, being back on earth, which was like hell in comparison to where I came from…Well…I…I didn’t deal with it well.”
“What do you mean?”
“I was so focused on what I have lost, on the absence of feeling I had for this world that I didn’t pay attention to Dawn, let Willow being corrupted by Dark Magic…and…and…”
Faith could see Buffy fighting back the tears. She wanted to say to the older slayer that she shouldn’t have to continue but part of her also knew that somehow, Buffy needed to say it.
“I had sex … with Spike, just because I was feeling something when he was around.”
Faith could see how ashamed Buffy was now. So, she had boinked the undead, again but this time, it wasn’t with a souled vampire but, with a true vampire without soul. God, she really had to be in a numb phase to do that.
“When…when you live such an awful year, you see your life with another perspective. I thought a lot about the past, lately. Especially about how I could have handled things with you.”
During the talk, Faith’s hand had turned, returning Buffy’s grasp, squeezing it for comfort, naturally, without even paying attention to it.
“Thanks, Faith!”
“What for?”
“Listening to me!”
“You needed it. I could feel it. So, what now?”
“Let’s just start over! Do you have some place to live?”
“An apartment. The Mayor designed me as his only heir so, I have money. Don’t have a job though. I wanted to open a shelter for the kids but my parole officer said there was no chance for me because of me being an ex-con and all.”
“Do you plan to stay in LA?”
“I don’t have the choice, B. I can’t leave California. Why are you asking me this?”
“Well, I kinda hoped you’d come with me…in Sunnydale. I could use another slayer.”
“I…I don’t know if it’s a good idea, B. Besides, I’m sure that there are not many job opportunities for an ex-con in Sunnyhell. I’d have more luck if I were a demon.”
“I want you to. I want to start things over and I mean it. There are plenty of space at my house for you to come. Let’s give it a try.”
It was really tempting. Going where she had screwed everything up and find a way to redemption. And having Buffy as friend again…
“And for the job. I’ve just had an idea. Did you know that Giles has a shop now; a magic shop?”
Redemption, living with her only human friend and working on a magic shop? Hell, it was better than a fish shop, wasn’t it?
...continued in Maturity...